Jump Starting the Universe Book Bundle

by John David Buchanan

  “What?” asked Blackie.

  “You three are irresistibly funny when you’re going on about gigs and music and concerts,” replied Joules. “Have a seat and let’s eat dinner.”

  So, they did, and during dinner once again they discussed all their options for leaving Lindone resulting in a unanimous decision to meet with Anonoi the next day at the same roundabout.

  When dinner was finished they returned to their rooms and went to bed; the excitement of the day had completely worn them out. The girls reached their door first where they said good night and disappeared into their suite.

  Amelia quickly poked her head back outside and through a series of big yawns told Wayne she was sorry about getting angry and was glad he wasn’t stranded on some desolate planet suffering a miserably slow death from cold and starvation. “Well, good night,” she said and promptly closed the door.

  Mark and Blackie were itching to rib Wayne but in the end decided against it. Each of them remembered that Wayne wasn’t above midnight reprisals, but more importantly they each thought they might need the same courtesy someday. Once in their suite, Wayne and Blackie went to bed immediately.

  Mark stayed up long enough to jot down several ideas for songs, including one about how awful it would be to die all alone on some forbidden planet from cold and starvation. “That’s got the blues written all over it,” he thought as he leaned back and yawned and immediately fell sound asleep on the sofa in the common area.

  The next morning, they woke up to a heavy mist hanging in the air. “What’s up with the weather?” Mark asked the front desk clerk as they walked toward the restaurant for breakfast. The clerk just shrugged and said everyone has an occasional bad day.

  “Old Chinese proverb say sun won’t shine every day,” said Wayne in a horrible Asian accent.

  “No, I think it say not every day rainy,” said Mark with an even worse attempt.

  “You’re not going to join in this are you?” Joules asked Blackie.

  “Absolutely not.”

  “I know we’re not on any time schedule,” said Mark, “but I’d like to get this meeting with Anonoi over as soon as possible. That would give us the rest of the day to hang out. Maybe we should let Goshwam know we’re leaving.

  “I told him already,” said Blackie.

  “You think you might be telepathic?” asked Wayne.

  “No, but for some reason Goshwam and I can exchange thoughts. It’s kind of weird.”

  “That’s beyond weird,” replied Wayne, “at least by earthling standards. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s cool, but it’s spot on weird.”

  After breakfast they walked to the roundabout to meet Anonoi but he wasn’t there. They waited for a while until Nita reminded them of what Joules had pointed out before – standing around in the roundabout might draw unnecessary attention to themselves.

  “Maybe we could hang out in that restaurant again,” suggested Mark, “or go for a walk and come back later?”

  The heavy mist hanging in the air started to clear and it looked like it would be a beautiful day. In the end they decided to walk to the local park about two kilometers away from their hotel. By the time they were halfway to the park, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and sunshine cut through the crisp morning air with just the right amount of warmth. It was a perfect time for a walk.

  The park was full of perfectly manicured beds with flowers of seemingly endless variety and color. Trees were grouped to provide shade in warmer weather and in the middle of the park was a huge open area bathed in sunlight where people threw flying discs to each other, or played a game very similar to one registered by Isaac Sprat on Terra Bulga in 1856.

  “That looks exactly like croquet,” remarked Amelia as they walked by a group of people playing on the green. “I’m beginning to think enforcement of the intergalactic treaty restricting travel to Earth is a bit dodgy, or Einstein decided to export some of our recreational games while he was popping about the universe.”

  “Yeah, and I wonder how Wham-O would feel about those discs – they look exactly like Frisbees,” said Wayne as one sailed over its target’s head and fell near their feet. “Look, it even has a similar logo on the top,” he said, showing them the disc, “that’s got to violate some sort of universal patent treaty wouldn’t you think?” He flung the disc back toward the green in the general direction of its owner.

  “True, but where would you file the grievance?” asked Mark. “Who knows, maybe the guys at Wham-O are actually aliens who patterned their Frisbee after their spaceship design, then they set up shop on earth and made a bloody fortune?”

  “Seems a bit of a stretch,” replied Wayne.

  “No more so than Sly having a music shop that sells guitars made from wood impregnated with an alien fungus,” said Blackie.

  “That’s a good point,” said Amelia, “and no weirder than finding tartar sauce in the Phoenix Hotel’s restaurant. Remember, what the waiter said to you, when you said you thought you had had it somewhere before, 'Oh, that’s very unlikely sir, we are the only restaurant with a license to serve it'. I was tickled by that. He would be shocked to know about Hellman’s.”

  “This is a beautiful park,” said Joules. “Oh, look over there, bicycles for rent.”

  “Bicycles?” asked Blackie, looking up the pathway.

  “Yes, over there. See, the things with two wheels. You sit on them and push the pedals with your feet to make them go.”

  “We should do that,” declared Mark, “it will make a great topic for a song on our new album.”

  They all agreed they should go bicycling and approached the vendor to inquire about renting his equipment. “What if we rented three of these?” said Amelia who was standing by a bicycle with two sets of pedals before noticing they only had one seat.

  “Sorry, those are only for Quadpedians,” said the owner.

  “Quadpedians?” asked Wayne, thinking he hadn’t heard correctly.

  “Quadpedians,” stated the vendor. “Four legged beings from Cetiriori. Come here on holiday, don’t they? Best racers in the galaxy, but then they should be shouldn’t they, they got four legs! Some are always complainin' about their unfair advantage. Codswallop! They’ve even started complaining about Jurians running marathons.”

  “They take exception to them having two hearts,” quipped Blackie kiddingly to Nita.

  “You’re familiar with the Jurians then?” replied the vendor to Blackie and proceeded to give a detailed description of a recent marathon where two Jurians obliterated the rest of the field, both breaking the previous record by a wide margin.

  “Race officials are considering having a one heart, and a two-heart division for next year’s race to appease the one-hearters. Maybe the Cyclin' Congress should consider having a two leg and four leg division and put a stop to all the complainin'.”

  Before the vendor could launch into another story Wayne rented six, two leg bicycles and agreed they would be back by sundown. Off they went around the park where they found a biking trail that went up into the low-lying hills east of town. The bicycles had automatic gear changers so when they started up an incline the sprockets automatically changed to the correct combination based on the rate of rise of the slope.

  After thirty minutes of riding Joules suggested they stop at one of the rider stops and get lunch provisions to eat somewhere up in the hills. Fifteen minutes later they were provisioned and ready to start riding again.

  “Joules, what was the lady at the counter talking to you about?” asked Nita.

  “She asked where we were going. I told her up into the hills to find a nice place to eat lunch. She said there are some great places along the creek and we can’t miss it if we just continue straight up the road. She also said to mind the caves. I wonder what she meant by that?”

  “She said mind the caves?” asked Nita quickly.

  “Yes, she said the creek is gorgeous and there are lots of foot trails to hike, but mind the caves.”

&
nbsp; Nita turned to Blackie, “You don’t suppose there are Lactropodectopoi in those caves, do you?”

  “Lactropo…what?” asked Joules.

  On their ride up the hill the group told Joules the whole story of their Lactropodectopoi encounter in a cave on Alphus Nebulum. “The owner of the shop where I met Mark told us to mind the caves when we told her we were going up in the hills,” said Nita. “By the time we got there Blackie, Wayne and Amelia were already in the cave. Mark and I looked all over but couldn’t find them. We finally climbed up the hill and as a last resort went in the cave looking for them.”

  “After we got over the shock, we had a nice long chat. Then they teleported us back to the Nomad,” said Wayne casually.

  “It was the Lactropodectopoi that told me to push the Jump Starter button,” said Amelia. “The Nomad was surrounded by soldiers yelling at us to get out of the car and I heard it, a faint voice inside my head telling me to push the button.”

  “It was awesome,” said Mark, “the front of the Nomad was immediately surrounded by a golden ring that went flying by and then a whole series of rings flew by making a whooshing noise. Just like when we Jumped from Volcanon.”

  “Mark started yelling at the soldiers, 'Get back, get back, it’s gonna blow,'” chuckled Blackie. “It was great. I’m not sure who was more startled, us or them.”

  “After lunch we should look for the caves,” suggested Mark. “I it would be a hoot to talk to them again.”

  “But, you wouldn’t have talked to them,” said Joules questioningly, “you talked to the ones on Alphus Nebulum.”

  “Funny thing about that Joules,” interjected Blackie, “Lactropodectopoi have a collective body of knowledge. They stay in contact with each other and share everything new they learn, including beings they meet and new languages. Apparently, they learned English, the language we speak on Earth, from one of Earth’s noted authors, Ernest Hemingway. Einstein must have taken him on a walkabout.”

  “The point is, if we find a cave with Lactropodectopoi, they will already know who we are,” said Mark. “It’ll be like visiting the family of friends that gossiped about us.”

  “Mark, don’t put it like that,” replied Nita.

  “Yeah, don’t be such a toad,” added Wayne.

  At the very top of the hill they found a trail that left the road and descended down toward the creek bottom. When they got near the creek the trail split to the right and left. Mark went left; he’s left handed. Naturally, Blackie would have gone right and as he made the turn to follow Mark and the rest he glanced over his shoulder and thought he saw a cave halfway up the slope on the other side of the creek. They pulled off the trail at a small clearing that reached all the way to the water.

  “This is perfect, we could even go for a swim if we had suits,” said Mark, who had dismounted and was already unpacking the picnic supplies. After having a light lunch everyone took turns throwing flat stones in the creek, trying to see who could get the most skips. Amelia was the big winner with nine. Wayne had seven to tie Joules for second place, and groused about losing. Nita was pretty sure Mark and Blackie abandoned the skipping contest early on and were having their own separate contest – how big of a splash can you make.

  “We should look for the caves,” suggested Joules, “I think I’d like to meet the Lactropodectopoi.”

  “Good idea, my arm is getting sore,” said Blackie who had just heaved a huge stone into the creek. “Not one skip,” he said grinning at Mark, who immediately tossed another huge round stone in the creek.

  “Me either,” said Mark after the giant splash. “I just don’t have the hang of it.”

  “You cowards,” said Wayne, “I can’t believe you bailed on me.”

  “We could tell it was a lost cause,” replied Mark. “After Amelia’s first throw you were certain to go down in flames, and there was no reason to add ourselves to the casualty list.”

  “Cowards,” repeated Wayne.

  “Yes, but smart ones,” replied Blackie.

  “Yeah, you gotta know when to fold 'em,” added Mark.

  “Cowards,” repeated Wayne.

  “He gets moody like this sometimes,” said Mark to Amelia, “he’s a bass player; it’s part of the mystique.”

  “I do find myself infatuated,” said Amelia with a fake airy quality in her voice, like she was a southern bell from Georgia about to faint.

  Everyone laughed, including Wayne. They packed up the picnic supplies while Mark nicked a few more snacks.

  “Where do you suppose the caves are?” asked Wayne to no one in particular.

  “I think I saw one on the other side of the creek, back towards the way we came,” said Blackie. “I suspect there is a bridge around here somewhere so visitors can get over the creek.”

  They retraced their route and Blackie pointed out the place on the opposite slope he thought was a cave. They didn’t find a bridge for over a kilometer, so they turned around to a shallow spot in the creek and waded across with their bicycles and supplies.

  “That water was frigid,” remarked Amelia. “Even if I had brought a bathing suit I wouldn’t swim in there.”

  They made their way along the bank and parked the bicycles behind a stand of trees before hiking up the slope; it was longer and steeper than it looked from the other side of the creek. When they reached a large flat spot, they took a break to catch their breath.

  “I thought I was in better shape than this,” said Mark as he sat down on a rock. Wayne looked completely relaxed like he had been on a leisurely stroll instead of climbing a steep hill. Both Blackie and Nita were completely comfortable, probably because they each had a rigorous exercise routine. Amelia and Joules felt more like Mark, their faces were flush and tiny drops of perspiration clung to their foreheads.

  “Where did you say that cave was?” asked Mark. He had finally recovered from the climb and was standing at the base of the next rise, scanning for any sign of a cave.

  “Right there,” said Wayne.

  “That’s not a cave,” replied Blackie, “that’s just shade from the tree above it.”

  “It looks like a cave to me,” said Mark. “I’ll bet you two dollars it’s a cave.”

  “I’ll bet it’s not a cave, and I’ll bet you won’t pay me when we find out it’s just a shadow.”

  “This heavy wagering has peaked my interest,” said Nita, “and the intrigue is killing me. Let’s go have a look,” and she launched up the steep slope in a determined stride.

  Everyone followed, but they didn’t reach the disputed location because Mark spotted a real cave on the way up the second slope – not to insinuate that what he thought was a cave before wasn’t, but it wasn’t. They worked themselves sideways along a small outcrop of red rock that formed an almost level pathway that meandered very close to the cave’s mouth.

  Before entering Blackie took a moment to explain to Joules what would happen if they found Lactropodectopoi inside, then they entered the cave. It wasn’t very wide, maybe ten feet, but the ceiling was at least thirty feet tall and it was deep – the far wall was barely visible. They proceeded to the back of the cave and stood there waiting for something to happen.

  “They’re not here,” said Mark.

  “Oh, they are here,” said Blackie who was inspecting the light emitting algae on the wall. “In spite of their monstrous reputation they don’t eat people Joules. In fact, they don’t eat meat at all; they cultivate and eat these algae. The Lactropodectopoi foster the people-eater rumor to help keep the riffraff away.”

  “But it didn’t work on us,” interjected Mark, “we didn’t get the hint,” he laughed.

  Behind them there was a soft sound like cheese cloth being pulled quickly through a smooth hole. Blackie turned and smiled. Amelia and Wayne turned sideways just in time to see several large shapes descending from the ceiling on smooth silvery strands. Joules glanced sideways and noticed Blackie had a strange, pleased look on his face, and a tentacle stuck to the side
of his head.

  Wayne thought to himself, “I really don’t like caves, but Lactropodectopoi are pretty cool,” and he went rigid.

  “Is this everyone?” asked the Lactropodectopoi.?

  “Yes, this is everyone,” Blackie communicated without moving his lips, batting an eyelash or having any other movement, “and we brought a friend from Gafcon-49, her name is Joules.”

  “Nice to meet you, Joules, we are the Lactropodectopoi.”

  “My pleasure,” she communicated without gesturing.

  “This frozen thing is so hard to get used to,” remarked Wayne, “I still want to shift or sit or move or something.”

  “You are the bass player?” communicated the Lactropodectopoi.

  “Yes,” said Wayne, “how did you know?”

  “We were warned,” came the reply.

  The group’s laughter belied the stoic looks on their faces. It was like seeing Eeyore tell a joke. All of them heard laughter but their faces looked like they were attending the funeral of a very close friend.

  “The last time you visited one of our caves you spoke the language of Alphus Nebulum. How is it that all of you now speak the local language?” asked the Lactropodectopoi.

  Wayne immediately jumped in to explain Blackie’s Jump Starter language immersion theory. “That’s about right, isn’t it Blackie?” asked Wayne.

  “Yeah, well done, Wayne.”

  They visited with the Lactropodectopoi for about an hour and forty-five minutes, telling them all about their harrowing experience on the mountain lake road on Gafcon-49 and how they got to Lindone by catching a mixing zone and then used the Jump Starter during their descent on Volcanon. Joules told them about Blackie getting sick and how Goshwam had helped them. Turns out they knew Goshwam – he frequented a nest of Lactropodectopoi in the desert caves northwest of the plains lake outside of Lindonika. He lives there and watches over a Merculoid collosus.