Amrita

by Usha Rajagopalan

  "What details have they given about the boy?" Kamala asked.

  If they are so liberal-minded they might not mind Amrita coming with me.

  Maya suppressed the deep sigh of relief that rose from the pit of her stomach.

  I must make it very clear that I'm not leaving without her.

  Raghu read out the details about the groom, interspersing them with his comments.

  "Ganesh is 28 years old. Engineer. Ah, excellent salary. . . Rs. 18,000 a month. Maya, you'll live like a Rani. Happy? I certainly am! So, where was I? Engineer . . . he's the youngest of five – one sister and three brothers. That's a large family. All are married. Good. One brother lives in the States, the other two and their families are living with the parents. They must have a really big house to accommodate so many people. You'll have to adjust with others in such a large family, my girl. It'll be good for you. You hardly come out of your room here. Mr. Seetharam says 'No horoscope, no dowry.' What a gentleman! Listen to what he says,

  "Having a child like your daughter is no crime. Why should the younger sibling suffer because of this? We certainly have no problem in Maya marrying Ganesh. The girl is our only consideration. We would like to meet her and, of course, her parents. Kindly let me know if the 29th of this month will be convenient for you. . . ."

  "Twenty-ninth. . . that's a Friday. That should be fine, eh, Kamala? Good, I'll telephone him so that they can make their travel arrangements," Raghu rushed to the telephone.

  "Kamala, should we. . ." he called out as he went and Maya was left alone in the room.

  She did not get much time to brood about what would happen on the 29th since the intervening days got over so fast. Most of them were spent in listening to her father make plans with an enthusiasm that she did not expect from him. Kamala showed her happiness in spring cleaning the house and making sweets and savouries for the guests.

  "Do you get that lovely smell?" Maya asked her sister. "That's cardamom. Amma must be making some sweet. Should I offer to help her? After all, she's doing everything alone, even those tasks that Revabehn used to do. Will you stay without me?"

  Amrita immediately took a book from the table and gave it to her.

  "Why this sudden interest in studying? You were not so keen all these days. You don't want me to go, do you? Okay, sit down and write. I'll stay with you."

  Maya watched her sister as she sat writing, the tip of her tongue peeping out, her brow corrugated with the strain of trying to recall her lessons.

  "Am I doing the right thing? What if this boy doesn't agree to your coming with us?"

  Amrita looked up from the book and smiled at her.

  "Continue writing. I was only thinking loudly," she patted her sister's head. "That shouldn't be a problem really. I'll ask them point-blank: Do you agree to Amrita coming with me after the wedding? If you don't, then this alliance is off. I will not leave without my sister," she said, the sternness in her voice and expression making Amrita drop her pencil and look at her.

  Despite her resolution, Maya did not know how to broach the topic while her parents and Mr. and Mrs. Seetharam were planning so enthusiastically for the wedding. She was grappling with different options in her mind when Ganesh inadvertently came to her rescue.

  "I would like to talk to Maya privately. Do you mind?" he asked Raghu.

  "Sure, no problem. We have a lovely garden, Maya's creation, if you would like to go there or else you could sit in the verandah," Raghu offered.

  There was total silence as both sets of parents watched Maya and Ganesh walk out of the room. Her silk sari came in the way of her feet and she seemed to walk with heavy steps though hope was beginning to swell within her. They went to the verandah and the buzz of voices broke out once again behind them.

  "They have a lot to talk about, it seems," Ganesh remarked, pulling out a chair for her and sitting down on another.

  Maya gave a faint smile in reply.

  He looked at the plants growing in profusion.

  "Your father said you are a keen gardener?"

  "Hm. ."

  He bent towards her and spoke in a low voice.

  "Maya, I wanted us to have an opportunity to talk to each other at least once before our wedding. If nothing else, I want to know if you are happy about marrying me or have your parents pressurised you in any way. I don't want that to happen. If you have anything to say, you're most welcome to do so — now."

  She looked up at him, into his dark eyes that were inviting her to open up.

  "I did want to ask you something about my sister," she said, hesitantly at first and then with growing confidence.

  "You know about her. . . ," she continued, her insides shrivelling with tension. "We haven't hidden anything about her from you or your parents but there is something that I have to find out. . ."

  "Yes?" he asked.

  "She can't stay without me. Not even for a moment. Is it . . . will it be possible to take her along with us?"

  "Well. . . ," he paused.

  She did not take her eyes off him. Now that the question had left her, she had no more fear, no more hesitation. She was prepared for any answer he gave.

  "As far as I'm concerned why only your sister, even your parents are most welcome to stay with us. The problem is that ours is a large joint family. Moreover, my brother's wife is in the family way. She can't go to her parents for the confinement. My sister Parvati is also coming at about the same time for her delivery. This is why my parents are so keen on holding the wedding immediately, before the hospital rush begins."

  "And then," he continued while Maya's heart sank. "We always have some relation or friend visiting us and with two babies on the way, our house will be overflowing with people. I don't think it is right to impose Amrita on them. 'Impose' is probably not the right word but you know what I mean?"

  "But I'll look after her entirely on my own. I don't expect anyone else to help me," she protested.

  "That's fine but you must also remember that we, you and I, need a little time to get to know each other. . . ."

  "So," she interrupted. "Are you saying that I can't take her with me?"

  "Oh no! I think you should leave her with your parents for a while. In another six months or so I'll have to move to Mumbai to supervise a major project there. It'll take more than three years to complete. You can get her to stay with us then. By that time my people would have accepted her as a part of my family and not object if we take her back with us. So it's really a question of about six months. It may be less but certainly not much more than that."

  "What'll I do with her till then?"

  "Why, she can continue to stay here. Your mother will look after her. Maybe you can get a maid to help her out. That shouldn't be difficult."

  "Are you sure about this?" she asked.

  "About the six months? Yes. I can try to get it advanced but I'm not sure if it'll be possible. The paperwork is almost done, the necessary permits have been obtained but we'll still have to finalise a number of things before the project can begin."

  "Oh. . ." Maya's thoughts were swirling in confusion.

  "Anything else you would like to know?"

  She shook her head. Six months did not seem a very long time, but. . . .

  "If you can stay without her for just six months then she could be with us forever."

  That was tempting but she was not going to give in easily.

  "Will you find out if it is somehow possible for you to get this posting earlier?"

  "Not unless it's an emergency," he said.

  "You can tell them that it is very important for me."

  Ganesh smiled.

  "What if I join you in Mumbai?" she asked.

  "Tell me . . . are you keen on this wedding at all?" he asked quietly.

  "Oh no . . . I mean, yes, of course. . . That is. . . . I have no problem in getting married. It's just that I don't want her to be alone. . ."

  "She won't be alone. Your parents will be home, at least your m
other will be even if your father goes to work. What harm can fall on your sister? Get an ayah to look after her," he said. "And really, it's only a matter of a few months."

  If Maya hadn't got Hansabehn to look after Amrita, she would have called off the wedding. The woman was in her early thirties, a widow with no one else in her family to prevent her from looking after Amrita day and night. Maya was satisfied with the firmness with which she handled her sister.

  "Ammu, I was too lenient and you took advantage of that. Let me see how you manage this woman," Maya laughed.

  She laughed easily those days. Nights were not so pleasant when anxiety jolted her from sleep. The questions that she deliberately kept at bay during the day charged to the fore, assuming greater urgency in the dark.

  Will she be able to adjust to my absence? Will she remember all that I've taught her or will she lapse into that state in which I found her when I returned from paati? Will Hansabehn be able to keep her engaged all the time?

  Questions like these left her looking haggard in the morning and the circles round her eyes grew darker.

  "Maya, what's the matter with you? You look dreadful these days," said Raghu.

  "Nothing. Just the worry about what my sister will. . ."

  "Will you stop thinking about her? She will be perfectly all right. You take care of yourself. I don't want the Seetharams to wonder if they had made a mistake. You'd better apply some cream or lotion to look less strained."

  "Yes, appa," she replied obediently. No face cream could erase the tension that churned in her as the wedding day approached. She fired instructions to Amrita all the time.

  "Even if I am not here to tell you, you must bathe everyday and wear fresh clothes."

  "Keep the room clean."

  "Be especially careful on 'those' days and change your napkin."

  "Don't lock the bathroom door from within. It is enough if the outer door is closed. We don't want you to get stuck inside, unable to come out."

  "Ask amma if you want anything. I'm sure the new maid will be as good as Revabehn. You could also ask her for whatever you want. It'll take Hansabehn some time to understand you but she'll catch on soon enough. Try to speak as clearly as you can and as much as possible."

  "If you are upset about something or you want to see me, give this postcard to Hansabehn. You don't have to write anything. I'll come as soon I get it. I'll only be in Madras, a matter of two days' travel," Maya gave her a bunch of postcards on which she had written her name and address.

  "We have less than a month. I want to spend every single minute teaching you. I'm getting married on 18th January, in a few days. I'll have to leave you. I know you'll miss me but don't feel too bad. You'll soon learn to get along without me. You must. I don't know how I will manage without you. . ." the words strangled her throat and she gulped.

  "The most important training I should give is for you to stay without me for long periods but there are so few days left, I don't want to leave you alone. What can I do except talk to you and try to make you understand? Do you follow what I'm telling you? Do you understand?"

  Amrita nodded her head happily.

  'Understand.' Maya knew her sister had heard this word often enough to know what it meant.

  "I hope so," she said. "Anyway, tell me what you would like to do. Go to the ashram ground? Appa has given his permission, at last."

  She took Amrita across the terrace to the steps leading to the back yard. Her sister had not forgotten the wire fence and carefully bent her way through to the other side even though some trespasser like them had cut a couple of wires at the bottom and pulled them back to ensure easier passage. They stood up and looked around. Further down, a woman guided two children through the fence. They ran along the narrow raised path between the fields. One was waving a red balloon while the other had a paper kite fluttering behind him. The woman followed more slowly, balancing a mud pot on her head.

  The girls stood at the edge of a banana plantation. Row after row of new leaves curled into long green tubes stretched before them like soldiers waiting for a command. Amrita's eyes shone with excitement. Normally she wouldn't have waited for her sister's permission to run around but it had been a while since they had come there and she hesitated just that little bit.

  Suddenly Maya felt like returning home.

  "Let's go back," she said. "There are lots of interesting things happening at home."

  Amrita dragged her feet and took her time to walk back the way they had come. She inched down the ditch and up to the other side, slipping a couple of times while her sister held the gate open for her.

  Raghu had been awaiting Maya's return. He forgot his impatience and smiled indulgently as she stared at the assortment of jewellery boxes and silk saris.

  "But why did you get so many things?" she protested. "His parents specifically said they don't want you to spend a lot of money. They didn't ask for a dowry or for any of these!"

  "These are gifts for my daughter. Why should they object? I'm not giving it to their son but to my dear daughter. Don't deny me this pleasure, Maya. Yours is the only wedding we'll ever celebrate. I'm giving you the best I can afford without borrowing from anyone. I don't want anyone to think that we are dumping our daughter on the boy's family, empty-handed. You'll go with your head held high and everyone will realise that Raghu is no miser."

  She carried the boxes upstairs and Amrita came eagerly to see what was in them. Maya (lipped open each one and watched her sister run a finger on the smooth silk saris as gently as if they were flowers. The necklaces and studs rested in their cases, glinting against the dark blue velvet. Amrita looked at them closely but did not try to put them on.

  As the wedding day approached, the number of visitors to the house increased. Amrita knew something strange was happening. It made her fidgety and start at every new noise.

  "It's all right, Ammu. That's just a motorbike. You want to see it? Come here and look out through the window. Somebody has come to meet appa. Why don't you listen to what I have to tell you rather than be nervous about such small things?" she asked but for once Maya couldn't pacify her sister. " What'll you do when I leave? Who'll console you then?"

  The maid was her only hope.

  "Hansabehn, promise me you'll look after her like I do," she said over and over, till the maid's replies became mechanical.

  "Don't say 'yes' so casually. She needs special attention. You can't handle her like any other child. Do your best. I'll come and take her away as soon as I can."

  "Look behn, I told you not to worry about her. I'll be with her for as long as you want me to."

  "Good."

  "Now you can relax and look forward to the wedding."

  On the evening of the formal engagement Maya dressed her sister in one of the two salwar suits she had insisted her father get for Amrita. It was the second best, a dark blue suit with faint silver work.

  "There! You can wear the beautiful red dress for the wedding tomorrow, okay? Now sit here quietly while I get ready," she ordered.

  She sat in front of the dressing table Raghu had bought her a week ago. While combing her hair she looked into the mirror at Amrita sitting behind her. The girl was finding it difficult to sit on her chair. She swayed to and fro, ran her hand over the blue glass bangles and made them tinkle. She looked down at her new dress or lifted her salwar to see her silver anklets one more time. Maya was resplendent in her green silk sari with gold border and emerald jewellery. Raghu came up to see her and expressed his satisfaction.

  "I knew it would suit you. Come, it's time to leave for the choultry," he said.

  Maya took Amrita's hand and gave her a wide, happy smile of assurance.

  "Where is she going?" he asked, stopping at the door. "Leave her behind. We can't run any risk with her."

  "What do you mean? She's coming with me. She has to," Maya insisted.

  "Don't spoil everything with your obstinacy. What will we do if the guests turn their attention to her? She's no
t used to a crowd and you won't be able to control her. Be reasonable and leave her here. Hansabehn will take care of her. Hurry, we're getting late."

  Sheer habit of obeying her father made her listen to his diktat and she left for the marriage hall shouting instructions to the maid as she went down the steps. She was caught up at once in the excitement at the beautifully decorated and lit pandal, the women in silks and masses of jasmine on their hair, Ganesh and his horde of relatives and friends waiting to greet her. It was not easy to remember the girl she had left behind but in the monotony of the rituals she wondered how her sister was coping with her absence. Telling herself that the maid must be keeping Amrita engaged did not help her concentrate on the priests prayers and her thoughts kept straying back home to the room upstairs.

  If only appa hadn't rushed me like this, I'd have been able to talk to her, make her understand what was happening. I've told her several times but I'm sure she doesn't remember anything. I hope she's not moping for me. She must think I'm cruel. Tchah, I'd wanted to prepare her specifically for this!

  "Do a namaskar," said the priest and brought her into the present.

  Oh, but this ceremony is going on and on. Did Hansabehn give her something to eat? Can I really trust her with my sister? I don't like the way she smiles when she looks at Ammu. What's the priest saying now?

  He was reading out the invitation to the gathering: "Chiranjivi Ganesh, son of Shri and Shrimati Seetharam and grandson of . . . is to wed Sowbhagyavati Maya, daughter of Shri and Shrimati Raghavan and granddaughter of . . . on Monday 18th January at 12.30 p.m. All are requested to attend the function and bless the couple."

  The declaration marked the end of the evening's rites but Maya could not rush away to console her sister. She had to endure the curious eyes while Ganesh's mother introduced her to the sister, aunts, cousins, nieces and uncles who seemed to float in a haze before her. The dinner that followed the introductions was just as endless.