"There is no need to act so high and mighty about this. What 'duty – buty' are you talking about? I have not committed any crime. I was actually doing you a favour by agreeing to look after such a case. If you are not happy with my work you can get someone else."
The maid walked out of the room, banging the door behind her.
"No, wait! Let me. . ." shouted Maya but the woman had left.
Oh great! First that fellow dropped a bombshell and now she! What's going to happen to Ammu now?
Amrita was eating without lifting her head from the plate. With a little burp she kept the plate down, smiled at Maya and began to lick her fingers.
"Oh, don't do that. Go and wash your hand. Must I tell you that too?" Maya was close to tears.
Amrita dried her hand on her dress and began to play with Maya's long plait intricately woven with little red roses.
It's my fault. I shouldn't have agreed to the wedding. What'll happen to Amrita when I'm not around? Ganesh had said we could take her with us after six months and now he says eight. When I asked him if I could join him at Mumbai, he thought I didn't want to marry him. Sundar has come back. Who'll save my sister from him? There's no Hansabehn either to look after her. What do I do now?
The more she thought, the more helpless she felt. She paced the room feeling that the walls were closing in on her.
I wouldn't mind that. At least then my worries will cease.
But the walls stood as firm as ever, giving her enough room to pace and worry. When her feet ached, she sat down. However, after only a few minutes she got up again, trailing rose petals as she walked. She did not notice Amrita stooping behind her and gathering them joyfully. Neither did she notice that it was getting dark outside.
A car entered the compound, its horn breaking into the storm in her mind. She looked out through the window. It stopped beyond her vision but she heard her father, loud and happy, calling to Sundar to bring the things inside. Maya wondered if anyone would come upstairs to check on her or her sister. No one even called from downstairs. More cars followed and more voices rose in the air. Soon she would have to go downstairs, leaving Amrita behind.
What if I don't go? If I tell them that I'll join them a few days later? That would give me some more time. What will Ganesh think of me? Is this n problem I can resolve quickly? Whnt can I do? Get another ayah? What's the guarantee that she'll be reliable and not turn into nnother Hansabehn? It would be best to send her to some institution. Why didn't I think of this before? But I thought I'd be able to take her away with me. I never thought n day would come when I would have to leave her. Whnt cnn I do now? Institution? But which one? There is no time to find out which one is good and which will tnke her. Can I talk to appa? Will he appreciate why I'm so desperate to send Ammu away from here? Whnt if he doesn't listen? If only I had been employed. If only I had made her capable of looking after herself. Did I fail or did she? I didn't have enough time with her. If only I had been her elder sister. . .
"Come and have your dinner. It's getting late," her mother called from outside.
Maya ran to open the door but Kamala was already halfway down the steps.
"Wait here, I'll be back in a moment."
She hurriedly switched on the light and ran down the steps but could catch up with her mother only in the kitchen. The cook and his assistant were getting ready to serve dinner.
"You should have got another person to help you," said Kamala. "How can the two of you serve so many? And you, Maya, how could you rush away like this immediately after the ceremony? It was so embarrassing!"
"I couldn't help it. I want to tell you something."
Maya did not give her any time to refuse but dragged her mother to the storeroom and closed the door.
"What's all this?" Kamala asked.
"I don't want Sundar to stay in this house. He must leave immediately. Otherwise I'm not going anywhere."
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't explain everything to you now. Get him to leave the house at once."
Someone knocked on the door.
"Coming," Kamala shouted and turned to her daughter. "Have you gone crazy? Everybody's waiting for us and you're babbling some nonsense."
She tried to push open the door but Maya held on to her hand.
"You don't understand. . ."
The knock was more insistent.
"Just a minute." Kamala shouted again. She was trying to control her anger. "Maya, you are hysterical. It happens with some girls. It's all right. There's no need to worry."
"Hansabehn's left. She got angry because I shouted at her. She had neglected Amrita since morning.
Kamala's face cleared. "Is that all? Don't worry. I'll take care of everything, including your sister. Whatever else is troubling you, this is not the time to talk about it. If your father doesn't see me, he's going to start yelling in front of all the guests. Believe me, everything will be all right. Don't worry about your sister," she opened the door. "Don't make everybody miss the train because of you. Wash your face and change your clothes. You look pathetic!"
She spoke the last words over her shoulder as she went out of the storeroom into the kitchen where the cooks were waiting for her instructions.
Maya freshened up and went downstairs. The guests were sitting on mats on the floor and eating from banana leaves. Ganesh and his sister Parvati were waiting for her. After an indifferent lunch, she should have been ravenous but Maya had no appetite.
"Are you such a poor eater?" asked Ganesh.
"I'm not hungry."
"It's the excitement. I remember how nervous I was on my wedding day," said Parvati.
"You nervous? I thought it was your poor husband who quaked at having to walk into the lioness' den!" he laughed.
Maya did not wait for Ganesh and Parvati to finish their meal.
"Will you excuse me, please. I have some work upstairs."
"Maya, we'll have to leave soon, in about half an hour. Shall I bring your bag down?" asked Ganesh, hurriedly getting up to wash his hands.
"My suitcase is already here. I only have a small bag left. I shall bring it down myself," she gave him a quick smile of gratitude.
He accompanied her to the foot of the steps and whispered, "You look troubled. Everything all right?"
Maya's eyes filled. She nodded her head and went up quickly. The anxiety on Amrita's face changed to relief as soon as she opened the door.
"Oh Ammukutti, if you can't stay for half an hour without me, how will you spend the next eight months alone? How can I leave without making some arrangement for you? I will die with worry, not knowing what's happening to you. . .Oh God, why are you doing this to me?"
The tears that had threatened to overflow at Ganesh's concern now broke their breach. She rested her head on the table and cried while Amrita plucked the flowers from her sister's bent head and added them to the little heap of petals on the floor.
"Maya, hurry up," Sundar called through the closed door. "Your father will blow a fuse if you don't come down soon."
He lowered his voice and continued, "I told you not to worry about her any more!"
His laughter grew fainter as he went down the stairs. Amrita was throwing the petals into the air and trying to catch them. She did not react to Sundar's call but it was enough to bring Maya back to the present.
"What do I do with you?" she asked, despair overwhelming her once again.
The loud laughter and medley of voices downstairs assailed her and she covered her ears to block the sound. Sitting on the bed, she swayed involuntarily without realising that she was imitating her sister. A gentle tap on the door made her conscious of the need to act without further delay. She did not want to know who had come to call her this time.
"Coming. Just a moment," she called and turned to Amrita.
"Ammu, get up," she said, helping her to her feet.
She took a deep breath and spoke softly, emphasising every word.
"Ammu, Ammukutti,
listen to me very carefully. I can't leave you alone in this house even for a day. I want you to do exactly as I tell you, understand?"
She was not satisfied with a nod from her sister.
"Tell me, you will obey me! Say 'yes'," she ordered.
"Yes," said Amrita, reaching for her sister's necklace that glinted under the white brightness of the tube light.
Maya caught her sister's face with both hands and forced her to look into her eyes. She tried to talk but the words wouldn't come out. She ran a hand down her throat to ease the block and spoke slowly, clearly, holding her sister's eyes with hers. She was sure of herself at last.
"You know the way to the ashram ground. Go there now. There won't be anyone around at this time. You know that, we have been there so often, even at night. Walk between the eucalyptus trees and you'll come to the railway line. Keep your head on the line and listen carefully. Close your eyes. You'll be able to hear well. Don't lift your head. Don't be afraid. Stay calm. Everything will be all right. Listen carefully. You will hear me come in the train, understand?"
Amrita nodded her head.
"You will do exactly as I have told you?" asked Maya.
Again Amrita nodded.
Maya knew she would. Her sister had never disobeyed her, not even once.
She wrapped a shawl around Amrita and guided her across the terrace. Maya led her down the steps to the backyard and opened the little gate. She gave Amrita a quick hug and sent her into the dark.
***
PART THREE
21
went home to my mother.
And Kittu.
***
Amrita Page 24