Uniform Desires (Make Mine Military Romance)

by Sharon Hamilton

  She had known they were back because Mal had called to tell her both of them had been injured. Mal had played it off, as usual, but she had sensed something had gone wrong. They had lost one member of the team. It had hit them all hard, she was sure. What she didn’t understand was why Kade had not called. It wasn’t like him at all. Even if it had just been a one-night stand, it wasn’t like them to stay away this long. She had worked through the pain and anger, and now…she just wanted an answer. But she apparently wasn’t going to get it. Her texts and calls were still being ignored. Whatever she thought they had shared had been an illusion, or possibly just one-sided.

  Before she could get too depressed, she heard her brother’s voice booming out from the bar area.

  “Where is my gorgeous sister?”

  Excitement had her jumping up from the chair and running out to see him. He was drenched, but he had a big smile on his face and his arms open wide. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t think to. The entire family was close, and these last few months had been hard on all of them. She ran to him and jumped into his arms. Tears stung the back of her eyes as he hugged her tight.

  “It’s so good to see you,” she said just loud enough for him to hear. Her voice wavered a bit, and she was afraid she just might start crying.

  He gave her one last squeeze and then pulled back. Up close, she could see a new scar on his lip.

  “Bad assignment?” she asked and was embarrassed that her voice caught.

  He nodded. “But I came out of it with flying colors. Not like the losers I brought with me.”

  He motioned with his head behind him, and she followed the direction. There, on the steps leading down into her bar, stood Kade. A rush of relief came first, her heart now happier to know that he really was okay. She knew Mal wouldn’t have lied about something major, but he might have hidden the injuries Kade had suffered.

  In the next instant, irritation replaced it. There he stood in her bar, larger than life, if a little more ragged around the edge. Dammit, he should look apologetic. Still, she couldn’t say anything. Not with an audience.

  “You know Kade, of course,” Mal said, his voice dipping a bit in a threatening way. She glanced at him, wondering if he had guessed what had gone on, but if he did, he hid it well. “I don’t believe you’ve met Chief.”

  She realized that there was another man there beside Kade. She guessed he was older than both Mal and Kade by just a few years. Tall, blond, he was assessing the room like most of the Seals she’d met. His gaze roamed over her customers. He had his arm in a sling, telling her more than just Mal and Kade had been injured. When he focused his attention on her, she felt it to her toes. His gray eyes were as intense as the man. Damn, these men were dangerous.

  “Chief,” she said.

  “Deke, ma’am.”

  She smiled. “Then you must call me Shannon.”

  He looked at her for a second, then a slow, sexy smile curled his lips. Dangerous was too simple of a word for the Viking god standing in front of her.

  “Certainly.”

  Mal made a disgusted sound. “That’s enough of that.”

  She hadn’t truly looked at Kade until now. He hadn’t said a word. Now, though, she turned her attention to him. If it had not been melodramatic, she would have gasped. He’d lost weight. He had a fresh scar above his right eye, and his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, were cold. The sparkle was gone. He offered her no smile. As she allowed her gaze to drop, she noticed he was favoring his right leg.

  “Hey, Kade.”

  He hesitated. “Hey.”

  She could barely hear him above the noise in the bar. His voice was low and gravelly and very un-Kade-like.

  “I was hoping that you had room to spare for us,” Mal said.

  Shannon tore her attention away from Kade and looked at her brother. He was smiling at her with the same puppy dog eyes that made most women melt. Not his sister. She was ready to say no and send them to her mother. She didn’t need to deal with three injured surly men, especially one who had just about broken her heart. But there was something else in Mal’s expression, something a little desperate. Their mama could fit them, and she would definitely fatten Kade up and baby the three of them. For some reason, though, Mal wanted to be with her.

  She nodded. “Sure. You know my house is big enough for y’all.”

  Mal kissed her cheek. “Do you have to close up?”

  “No, she doesn’t,” Simon, her bartender said. He was watching her like a hawk, and she knew that he sensed her hesitation. “Go on, boss. I can handle this.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. I’ll just get my things.”

  Mal nodded.

  “You know the way and you have a key. I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” she said.

  He ushered the other two out. She felt Kade give her a look, but she couldn’t return it. Her emotions were too raw, too…unbalanced. She didn’t know what she would do. If she did, she would surely yell or cry. Or both.

  She walked back to her office with Simon on her heels.

  “So that’s the guy.”

  She glanced back at one of her best friends and sighed. She should have known that he would figure it out.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’ve been moping around since you returned from the wedding.”

  “I have not,” she said, lying through her teeth as she pretended to shut down the computer.

  “Yeah, sure. This is Simon, child.”

  She sighed and looked at him. He was a year older than her and ten times prettier. Long brown hair, blue eyes, and a dimple in his chin made him irresistible to both men and women. Being the tramp that he was, Simon had no problem with either of them.

  “Simon, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re white? Really white. When you talk like that, you sound stupid.”

  He rolled his eyes. “And you’re stalling because you don’t want to answer me.”

  “Yes, he’s the reason I have been out of sorts.”

  Simon snorted. “Yeah, sure. ‘Out of sorts.’”

  “Anyway, we had a little fun in Hawaii. Apparently it meant more to me than to him.” She shrugged, trying not to lose her composure. “No big deal.”

  “Oh, hun, of course it is. I can tell by looking at you. And I really think you’re wrong. I know Kade. He’s been in here for years mooning over you. A guy that is that infatuated just doesn’t have a one-night stand with his brother’s best friend. Especially someone like Kade.”

  She had thought so, but apparently she had been wrong. Very wrong. “Well, I haven’t heard from him in months. So I am assuming that the infatuation is over.”

  He opened his mouth to argue, but she held up her hand. “No more. I don’t have time. Could you get Chef to prepare some of that jambalaya to go for me? Enough for the three of them—which will be a lot. Those Seals are going to eat me out of house and home. Oh, and can you handle tomorrow night? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I thought maybe I should stick around the house. I feel like Mal has something to tell me.”

  He wanted to say more. She could tell by the look in his eye, but apparently thought better of it. He left her alone, and she finished shutting down the computer. It would take a few moments to prepare herself to face off with Kade. And they would…have a face off.

  But first, she wanted to know what made him look that way, and just why the hell he looked so sickly.

  · · · · ·

  “Your sister’s a looker,” Chief said from the backseat.

  Kade barely held back the growl that rumbled in his chest. He couldn’t help it. Seeing her had brought about so many emotions that he still didn’t have under control. The possessiveness hit him out of left field. And what right did he have to feel that way? Four months had passed. Even if he had reasons for staying away—good reasons—they didn’t mean anything right now. She wasn’t his, never would be.

  Mal laughed. “Hey, watch yourself, Chief. There’s a good chance
she’d beat you with your injured arm.”

  “You’re not going to warn me off her?” Chief asked.

  “Naw, if she doesn’t want you, she’ll let you know. Right, Kade?”

  He glanced at his best friend, trying to figure out if there was another meaning. He had been tossing out strange comments for over a month now. But every time he looked at Mal, he appeared relaxed and gave Kade no hint of any other meaning.

  “Sure. After running a bar for a few years, Shannon can handle herself.”

  Chief sighed. "Not that I can do anything about it tonight. I’m so damned tired from the trip. Damn bones are creaking.”

  “That’s because you’re old, Chief,” Mal said.

  “You got that right,” Chief replied. “Although something did smell good in the bar.”

  “If I know Shannon, she’ll be bringing us something home to eat, and I am sure it will be jambalaya.”

  Kade would normally welcome a bowl, but he hadn’t had much of an appetite since returning from their mission. He knew the commander, along with his doctors, were worried about it. Mal pulled up to Shannon’s house and parallel parked in front of it. She had one of the historical homes in the Garden District with the iron work fence, the famous balconies, and a garden Kade’s mother would definitely kill in two weeks. He had always loved the house, probably almost as much as Shannon did. It always felt like he was coming home when they visited.

  “Wow, this is your sister’s?”

  Mal nodded. "Yeah. It was our grandmother’s years ago. She sold it and moved north. Shannon bought it a few years ago after Katrina. She had to repair a little bit here and there, but it is looking pretty good.”

  They grabbed their gear, and Kade felt the familiar twinge of pain in his knee. After pulling in a few breaths, he followed Mal and Chief up the walkway and into the house. It was dark and panic settled in his chest. He thought after three months, he would be over this stupid fear. Now, though, he felt his heart hammering against his ribs and his throat was closing up.

  Mal turned on the lights in the foyer and tossed him a glance. Checking on him again. Like he was some kind of damned invalid. He had never told Mal about his new problem—problems—but he knew his friend sensed it.

  “Why don’t you take the guest room down here? The stairs are going to be a bitch on your knee.”

  He nodded and headed off to the room. He needed a shower and a shot of whiskey. Or maybe two whiskeys. He pulled off his clothes with just a few twinges. When he was finally naked, Kade stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. He was a fucking mess. The injuries were healing, but there were still times he was amazed he got through the day without losing it.

  He glanced down at his knee and cringed. It was swollen again, but nothing that a little ice wouldn’t fix. He didn’t need to look at the marks on his back. Even though they had healed, he could still feel them as if he had just been injured. He probably always would.

  He heard the front door open just as he stepped into the shower. The house was old, and the wood flooring made it easy to hear movements. He heard her approach the guest room, hesitate, then after a moment or two, she walked away. With a sigh that was half regret and half relief, he picked up the soap and the rag. The hot water pounded on his back, releasing some of the tension that had been keeping him on edge.

  He could admit that he’d been worried about facing Shannon. He had avoided it for months, broke off any contact after the total fucked up mess their assignment became. He knew she deserved an explanation, but he’d taken the cowards way out and not called. Hell, he didn’t even email her. And there was one thing that he hated being and that was a coward. He would have never thought it would happen to him. He’d taken life in the Seals as one of the greatest adventures. Now, though, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to put his gear on again.

  He closed his eyes, trying to stamp out the feelings that thought brought about, but it didn’t help. Every time he did, images from the firefight, of watching one of his best friends get shot, feeling the bullet piercing his skin...

  Fuck. People who thought that you didn’t remember things like that were fucked in the head. They didn’t seem to understand that people would live with the memories the rest of their lives. And fuck, he didn’t need to go back there, didn’t want to remember how screwed up everything had become and how all of them had come back with more than just a little baggage, including the coffin of one of their own.

  He pushed aside the irritation and the damn fucking vulnerability that seemed to choke him constantly and finished his shower.

  He might consider himself a coward in a lot of ways now, but it was definitely time to face Shannon.

  Chapter 6

  Shannon finished pouring the casserole into a pot to warm up when she heard footsteps behind her. She didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. She knew it was Kade. Something stirred on the back of her neck anytime he was near.

  “It should be warmed up in just a sec.”

  He hesitated for a second, then he stepped over the threshold. She didn’t want to turn around until she was composed. She didn’t want to cry, didn’t want pity from a man who would probably disdain female tears. The only men who didn’t complain about her tears were her gay friends.

  When she had herself under control, she turned to face him.

  “Do y’all know how long you’re going to be in town?”

  He studied her for a second. "We have a week off before we have to go back.”

  She nodded. "Why don’t you have a seat at the kitchen table? I’ll get some bread cut up.”

  Before she could do that, he said, "Shannon.”

  She knew that tone, knew that he was going to try and let her down easy. She wasn’t in the mood. Her feelings were too near the surface, a bubbling caldron of irritation, pain and shock.

  “Yes?”

  “I thought you would want to talk about us.”

  His normally easy voice sounded strained, as if he were barely holding onto his temper. Why was he mad at her?

  “I got the impression there was no ‘us.’”

  Kade stared at her then with those deep blue eyes of his, as if trying to find out if she were telling the truth. Did he think she would beg him back into her bed? Fat chance there, buddy.

  “I thought women liked to discuss these things.”

  “Maybe. Most of the time. But you made it pretty clear by not contacting me. I guess I could beg for a reason, but those are just made up most of the time, right? I mean, when you break up with someone, most of the time it’s because they just weren’t for you.” She forced herself to shrug as if it were nothing big. "It’s fine, Kade. You didn’t have to pretend it was something it wasn’t. I won’t bother you.”

  He muttered something under his breath, and she got a bit of satisfaction over that.

  Frustrated? Suck it up, Seal.

  “Now, I’m going to get the jambalaya ready for y’all, and then I’m taking a long, hot shower. It’s been a bitch of a day.”

  He stared at her as if she had grown another head.

  “It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was special. It was. Just...things are different now.”

  She cocked her head to one side and studied him. "How so?”

  She knew it was rude, but she didn’t give a damn. If he wanted to drag all this shit out, then she wasn’t going to make it easy on him.

  “Just...things happened. I…,” he swallowed, and his breathing increased. "I’m not fit for a relationship right now.”

  “Okay.”

  He frowned harder. "Okay?”

  “Listen, Kade, I’m not sure what kind of women you usually get involved with, but I’m a sister of a Seal. I know what your life is like. And I know that sometimes you come back a little less stable than before. Don’t forget, Mal stays with me most of the time after he comes back from a long mission. The fact you don’t want me hurts, of course. I am strong enough to say that.”

  “I didn�
�t say I didn’t want you.”

  The words seemed to be torn from some place deep inside of him.

  “But...”

  He swallowed again. "I just can’t.”

  She sighed, regret and pain filling her heart. She wanted to yell, but couldn’t. Not with him looking so damned sad, not to mention her other two houseguests.

  “Tell you what, Seal. You get your shit together, then you can let me know. But I’m not waiting around forever.”

  Just then, her brother walked up behind him. "Is that jambalaya I smell?”

  She smiled at the happiness in her brother’s voice. He always said the smell of jambalaya simmering in the kitchen was the one thing that reminded him of home.

  “Sure, and I have some bread too. But first, I have to get changed and de-stress.” She walked to the doorway and had to inch past Kade. Dammit, the man wasn’t making it easy on her. She could smell him, the soap he had used, and the wild untamed scent that was totally Kade. She inched past him, gave her brother a hug, and then walked to her bedroom.

  As soon as she shut the door, she leaned back against it. Her heart was beating a mile a minute, her body a strange mixture of hurt and arousal. How could he still do that to her? Of course, she hadn’t really accepted the end, not that there was actually a beginning. Still, there had been that kernel of hope she had held onto. She felt the sharp jab to the chest. Damn the man for getting her tangled up. She knew he still wanted her. Well, she was pretty sure. But something was holding him back. Mal? She figured if Mal knew about them, he wouldn’t have brought him here. He played the easygoing brother, but he would kill a man for looking sideways at his sisters.

  She closed her eyes and felt the tears slip free. She couldn’t do this. Would not do this. She had to hold herself together. The three men in her house where all holding on by a very tiny thread. Mal might not have talked to her about it, but she knew the last mission was worse than any of the ones they had been on.