Dear Valentine

by Romeo Alexander

  “Cut it out, Colin,” she giggles. “You’re being dramatic.”

  “Well, yeah. That’s kind of the point of this place.”

  Katarina rolls her eyes and digs into her macaroni and cheese.

  “Well, you know me,” I say as I take a bite of my hard-boiled egg. “I’m on board with whatever you decide. But you better decide quickly because I’m pretty sure actresses need to be as thin as Prima Ballerinas. Have you seen those stick figures in Hollywood? Also, any more sticky buns and you’re going to be like one of those dancing hippos from that Disney movie, Fantasia.”

  “Two things. One, are you fat shaming me?” she looks serious.

  “Absolutely,” I tease. She knows I am only joking and she knows I don’t judge based on body size. But we are both realists in the world of dancing that it comes with the necessity of a certain body type.

  “Yeah, you better be.” She nudges my shoulder as I laugh.

  “And the second?” I ask through a mouthful of spinach.

  “There are dancing hippos in Fantasia?”

  I glare at her and push my tray away.

  “What?” she asks as I sit back and faux pout.

  “I can’t believe you have never seen Fantasia. That movie was the reason I decided I wanted to dance. Well, that and my inner desire to be cast in the Nutcracker so I can chase Angela around on stage as the evil Mouse King. Have you ever seen her shudder whenever someone mentions the mice extras? It’s amazing.”

  “You have a black soul, Colin.” Katarina is laughing so hard she’s wiping tears from her eyes.

  “You and me. Saturday night in my dorm. I’m sure Eric will be out with his fan club. We’ll have a movie night and you can watch it with me.”

  “Alright. I’ll give dancing hippos a chance. As long as there is popcorn.”

  “You are determined to see me have a heart attack. I just know it.”

  “Oh please, we need you to get some meat on those scrawny bones. How are you ever going to get a date with an ass that is streamlined with the rest of your body?” she taunts back.

  “You slay me.” I pull my tray back towards me and finish lunch. I don’t comment on her food or potential for crisis this afternoon. It’s her life and I just want to see my best friend happy.

  I watch the crowds come and go, and my gaze wanders back to the drama group. Gregor is still the center of attention for that crew, and I have been feeling him since last year. I have seen him a few times in the halls and around the dorms, but never had the courage to talk to him. He’s eating with his friends and laughing. His mocha skin is flawless and he tosses his dark head back and barks out a laugh at something one of his friends says.

  “You should say hi to him. He’s a pretty cool guy,” Katarina remarks. I look around at her and frown.

  “I don’t have time to get involved with someone. I have to focus.”

  “Yeah, and then when you’re old and gray and I’m the only one who visits you in the nursing home, remember that I encouraged you to live a little. Come on Colin, you’ve been crushing on him for over a year. Just go say hi, what is it going to hurt?”

  “Well aren’t you the pot calling the kettle black,” I retort avoiding her question.

  “Please, you so aren’t the cliché.”

  I chuckle and stand up. “I’ll catch you later. I’m going to hit the barre for some stretching before this afternoon.”

  “All work and no play…” Katarina smiles up at me. I tug her ponytail as I walk around the table and drop my tray off.

  As I leave the dining hall, I catch a glimpse of Gregor and I pause a moment, getting caught in a trance just watching him tease one of his friends by grabbing their Gatorade and playing keep away. It’s one of the things I have enjoyed most about observing Gregor, the way that he fools around with his friends. It’s like there isn’t a single care in the world when he is laughing and carrying on. I envy that carefree spirit. Sometimes when I fantasize about him, I imagine it’s me he is smiling at and teasing. Katarina isn’t wrong; I’d first noticed Gregor last year and had developed a silent and unseen crush. I’d imagined what it would be like to spend hours talking with him and just hanging out, laughing. The crush had developed into a small obsession so that whenever he walked into the dining hall, or I caught a glimpse of him at school, it was like a magnet is attached to my eyes and they immediately glance in his direction. The problem is, I can’t afford to have distractions right now, and Gregor is one big, sexy distraction.

  I sigh and push through the exit doors and make my way back to the studio to work on elongating my limbs with some barre exercises. I feel a small twinge of longing, but quickly shake it from my mind. I am determined and need to recenter my focus so that I can land this role at auditions.

  Chapter Two

  The next day it feels foreign to me when I wake up and don’t immediately put on my unitard and tights. I had grown accustomed to the attire in the year that I had been at school. I throw on a t-shirt and some sweatpants and head down to the auditorium to congregate with the other dancers. I walk in and sit in one of the back rows and wait for Katarina. I find it amusing that the dancers and the drama students are all sitting on opposite sides of the auditorium with their respective friends. For a group of students who are going to share talents and work with one another, the segregation is an obvious sign for future issues.

  Katarina slumps down in her seat beside me as Madame sits primly in a chair next to the podium. A wiry, balding, Mr. Schlewp shuffles through some notes at the podium.

  “How are you feeling?” I murmur. Yesterday had been brutal on her. Sure enough, the sugar crash had left her feeling ill and with little energy. With the continued lifts that we had been practicing, and the arabesques and the grande jetés, the class had her collapsing onto the sofa in my dorm as we worked on the academic schoolwork.

  “I feel like I put a dumpster in my stomach,” she whispers.

  “So, no need to mention all the garbage you ate?”

  “You just did.”

  Katarina groans as the microphone is turned on. The whole auditorium cringes as the loud squeal emits from the sound booth. As it is turned on, Mr. Schlewp clears his throat.

  “Greetings. I am excited to deliver the details regarding the Valentine’s Day Virtuoso this year. Madame Roussou and I are pleased to work together to bring an exciting new form of entertainment for our alumni.” He turns and indicates to Madame sitting beside the podium. The look she has on her face is anything but pleased. Her lips are pinched as if she has tasted something sour and that does not bode well for her temper. Madame looks around briefly, flashing a grimace that mimics a smile.

  I catch some of the drama students whispering to each other and laughing, and it bothers me. They think they have her all figured out, but they have no idea the dedication she has to the school and the dancers. I pretend, as I notice Gregor whispering with one of his friends, that he isn’t like the others. Sometimes living in my own head and fantasizing about a man can be maddening. My attention is drawn back to the stage when Katarina nudges me.

  “This year, in addition to the drama students performing a small play and the ballet company performing…eh…a piece that Madame Roussou will decide on at a later time, we have decided to do a joint musical, Rent. I’m sure some of you have heard of or seen the musical. It is a modern romance featuring alternative lifestyles and we think it will add an eclectic piece to the evenings dossier.”

  Madame snorts at his attempted pronunciation of a French word, and it’s the dance student’s turn to snicker. I get the feeling that this performance is going to see a few disputes of differences before it is through, but I’m still excited.

  “Auditions will be held to cast the roles. Anyone is eligible for any of the roles. It doesn’t matter if you are a dancer or actor, we will decide upon a mix of students from both groups and then a string of alternates to back study in case anything happens. This is normal and I’m sure you will all agr
ee, each and every one of us will contribute to helping our fellow students perform to the best of their abilities. We expect the drama group to assist the dancers with their acting abilities, and likewise we would appreciate the input from the dancers for the choreographed pieces within the musical.”

  Mr. Schlewp falls silent and looks around. No one says anything, so he turns to Madame.

  “Is there anything you would like to add?”

  I feel almost sorry for him because a gleam enters her eye as she stands up and takes over the microphone.

  “As my students are aware, I run a strict class schedule. Practice in the morning, afternoon, and an evening session. I expect, as we need to maintain the integrity of this school’s reputation, that any student who is cast into a role will willingly sacrifice their time and devote it to making this musical shine. That includes weekends as well. My evening classes will be left for the preparation of the classical piece. I have chosen Swan Lake, which has been performed at every Valentine’s Day Virtuoso, and flawlessly I might add.”

  There is a collective groan from the audience. It is no wonder the alumni decided on a new chain of events for the evening. I see Eric and Angela turn to each other, already whispering about their roles. They had performed it last year and would no doubt do so again this year. Katarina nudges me with her knee and I turn my attention back to Madame who is glowering at the whispering drama students. They quickly quiet under her withering stare, realizing she is serious when she indicates she is a stickler for rigid schedules. Everyone knows she is set in her way of doing things and commands respect. It’s going to be interesting watching the drama students bend to her will.

  “Now, what was I saying? Oh, yes. From what I understand, Rent is an unusual performance, and well outside my usual decision of a classical piece. That doesn’t mean I am not willing to give the same dedication to teaching the piece to its full effect. For auditions for the dance segment, I expect that you will prepare two pieces, one classical and the other a segment of your choice to demonstrate your capabilities and fluidity between dance styles. Auditions will be in one week, and then a week after that, the roles will be cast. I’m sure Mr. Schlewp has a reading for you of some kind as well.”

  Mr. Schlewp stands and leans in towards the microphone, causing Madame to lean away and look at him incredulously for invading her personal space.

  “Eh, yes. After performing your dance numbers, I will have you read for the part you are auditioning for, and then as a second piece, as Madame Roussou has indicated, please prepare a statement as to why you wish to be cast in this piece.”

  He sits back down, and Madame clears her throat.

  “I, of course, will be considering not just a first line of dancers, but a second string and possibly a third as well. There is a lot that can happen between now and February, and it’s best to be prepared. I do believe in drama they are called understudies.”

  She says the word understudy like whoever is cast as such is the absolute last resort, the dregs of the barrel so to speak. I look at Eric again who is nodding absentmindedly, like he is agreeing with every word she says, not because he thinks he would ever be second string, but because he feels it is necessary to discriminate from the absolute best, and he has no cause for concern. It irritates me to see him looking so unconcerned, like he is entitled to every Danseur primo part just because he has been cast in them before. Now he isn’t just competing against me and a few other male dancers, but he is competing against the drama club as well, and I’m hoping they can bring a challenge to the floor, just as much as I know I can.

  “On a final note, evening classes will be dismissed this week for you to have time to prepare your dances. That is, my classes will be dismissed. I believe Mr. Schlewp already permits his students free reign during that time, to participate in leisurely activities.”

  Mr. Schlewp tugs at the tie on his collar and nods at Madame as the dancers snicker and the drama students make mocking gestures of laziness and feigned interest.

  After she finishes her speech that some of us have heard thousands of times about perfection, integrity, dedication and hard work, Mr. Schlewp presses a button on the podium, bringing down the projector screen, and the auditorium crackles with the powering up of the speakers. The music blares through the room. Madame had tsk’d at having a screening of the movie, preferring to let the story shine through the performance, but Mr. Schlewp had insisted on it for the benefit of his drama students, and since they were going to show it to one group, it was only fair it be shown to all.

  I sit back and cross my legs, letting my gaze fall to the back of Gregor’s head. He’s whispering with a friend and I am content to watch him for the rest of the screening, except when he looks back and catches me staring at him. I quickly duck my head and let my eyes wander all over the theater with as much of a mask of stupor as I can muster, but I feel his dark eyes boring into the side of my face as I let my gaze wander back to the screen.

  After a few moments, I hear Katarina slump, her head on my arm as she lightly snores. The sound is drowned out by the volume from the movie’s sound, and with the lights dim, no one notices her. I pat her knee and grab my fleece jacket from the opposite chair and drape it over her shoulders. I sneak a peek back at Gregor, but he is watching the screen and a spike of jealousy runs through me as his friend leans over and whispers something in his ear. I try to clear my mind of thoughts of him. It will only serve as a distraction for the upcoming week. I have so many ideas for the unique piece that I begin to mull over. I need to do something that will really stand out. I’m not concerned with the ballet piece. I have choreographed and performed hundreds of them to perfection by now. I am thinking I should go back to my basics, what I started out being good at.

  Although a tap dance won’t be ideal for this piece, I think I should consider what piece got me accepted to Julliard. The Lord of the Dance is essentially a battle between the Lord of Light and the Prince of Darkness. The musical Rent is the battle and struggle of members of the LGBT community and the AIDS epidemic. I own a pair of street shoes, or rather, jazz shoes, as they are called. Their flexibility will enable me to move freely, as the vision I begin to form in my head becomes a choreographed piece of demonstrating an internal battle and interacting with outside forces. There are plenty of props available to work with on the stage. Only a few will be necessary to interact with for this. I can incorporate the heart-wrenching sweeping moves of classical ballet to demonstrate the internal struggle, and use the freeform dance to interact with my surroundings.

  I’m almost anxious for the film to be done so I can get to work on perfecting the piece, but it is nice to have a break from the constant grueling sessions from Madame.

  Katarina grunts in her sleep, and wipes drool on the back of her hand and lets it fall back into her lap. I’ll have to tease her later for being gross, but I give the top of her head a quick kiss and finish watching the movie with the rest of the classes.

  Once the movie is done, we are dismissed to lunch and I shake Katarina awake. She glares at me as she fixes her ponytail which had gone lopsided on her head.

  “Feeling better?” I ask as she rubs her eyes.

  “Yeah. What did I miss?” she asks.

  “The whole film,” I explain as she hands me back the fleece.

  “Alright then, hopefully you took notes, and I can look at yours later!” She grins at me. She smacks her lips together and frowns.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m super thirsty. Let’s go get lunch so I can get a water.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me,” I tease. “You drooled buckets onto your t-shirt.”

  I point to the wet spot on her shirt and she crinkles her nose at it.

  “Gross.”

  “I know you are, but I still love you. Come on luv.” I stand and sling my dance bag over my shoulder.

  Katarina collects her things and we head to the doors at the back of the auditorium. As we step out into the gla
ring overhead fluorescent lighting, I hear a sneering voice behind us.

  “She’s even worse looking under these lights than when she is open mouthed and drooling on your arm.”

  I turn and see Angela and Eric exiting the auditorium.

  “Angela, always a pleasure,” I murmur. Her cat-like eyes glare at me as she looks me up and down, and then does the same raking once over of Katarina.

  “Well, someone’s been divulging in too much pleasure. Any more sweets Katarina, and I don’t know how Colin is going to be able to lift you off the floor.”

  Katarina glowers at her, but says nothing. I quickly change the subject, before it gets too catty.

  “What part are you trying out for Angela?” I ask.

  “Well obviously one of the leads. Mimi of course. She’s the female lead. But, I can also identify with Joanne, I suppose.”

  “Why, because you have rich and powerful parents?”

  “And that character is Ivy league and a lawyer.”

  “Yep, and nothing screams shark like you do Angela.”

  I loop Katarina under the arm and turn back around to leave.

  “Who are you auditioning for?” Eric sneers. I don’t bother to turn around and answer him. Whatever snide thing he has to say will only infuriate me more.

  I hear it again, “Who are you auditioning for?” I turn on my heel, ready to snap at him, and see Gregor standing there. Eric and Angela push past us and keep walking, laughing at us from over their shoulder.

  “I’m going to just…” Katarina trails off.

  “Ah…” I start. “Sorry, I’m auditioning for the lead. Mark, is the character’s name. I’ll second for the professor character, Tom Collins.”

  “That’s cool. Any idea what you are going to do for your second dance?” Gregor asks. His eyes are so brown they look like pools of chocolate. His skin is mocha, and shines under the light, making him look positively edible to me. I get lost in staring at him, and when he gets that weirded out look on his face, I snap out of it.