Dear Valentine

by Romeo Alexander

  Parts of Southie can be dangerous at night, but if you look as shady as some of the seedier areas, you can blend in and no one will harass you. I make it all the way to the train station unmolested and purchase my ticket back to the city. When I get on the train and go to pull my headphones on to drown out the noise, I look across the aisle, and do a double take when I see Gregor sitting in the seat opposite me, staring at me with rapture. I had no idea he came from Boston, and judging by the look on his face, neither did he regarding me. We both start laughing nervously as he moves across the aisle and sits next to me for the trip. It’s uncanny how fate brought us to the point that we both decided an emergency trip home was just what was necessary for our souls.

  Chapter Six

  “I didn’t know you are from Boston,” I blurt out, stating the obvious.

  “Yeah, my Mom moved there from Philly when I was six. It’s just me, my siblings, and her,” he tells me. I don’t ask about his Dad. There’s no need to. He has that tone when he says his Mom that suggests she has been Mom, Dad, and any variation of guidance or friend he has needed through the years.

  “How many siblings do you have?” I ask casually.

  “There’s me, Joey, Tanya, and then Shea.”

  “You have a big family too,” I state. He looks at me and then nods in agreement.

  “I wasn’t sure if you came from a big Irish family, I didn’t want to assume.”

  I appreciate his candor. “So, home to visit on a school night, huh?” I ask.

  He quirks an eyebrow at me as if to suggest, “Yeah? You too, I see.”

  I bite my lip and look out the train window. It’s dark outside and I can’t see the city scape as we pass through and head north to New York. I can see his reflection in the pane of glass. The lights had been dimmed on the train to allow for overnight travelers since it is the late train. Classes are going to be rough again tomorrow, but home was just where I needed to be tonight.

  Gregor is leaning back in his seat, his legs slightly parted and arm thrown over the back of the seat. I am acutely aware of his hand near the side of my head and I want nothing more than to turn to him and lean against his chest like the couple in the seat in front of us is doing.

  I fish around in my brain, wondering what else other than the performance I should talk to him about. When I look back at him, his eyes are hooded, as the light is shining from behind him, but he is definitely watching me.

  “Ahh…” I start but he cuts me off.

  “I’m sorry for the position I put you in last night,” he whispers so as not to disturb anyone around us.

  “It’s ok. Eric has the uncanny ability to be the center of attention for anything. So I’m sure being the one to walk in on something like that was just the kind of attention that he needed when he spread it all over school,” I gripe.

  Gregor chuckles and his white teeth flash in the darkness. I watch his lips as his laughter fades and his brow is then drawn into a frown.

  “You want me to say something to him?” he asks. There’s a hint of malice in his tone, like he has suddenly become fiercely protective of me. I shy away from him and start to shut down immediately.

  “No, it’s fine. I mean, it was just a kiss, right? Nothing that won’t blow over in a couple of days. I mean, I’m sure you have other stuff to focus on, like the audition and everything. At least, that’s what I am working on this week. So, it’s best not to let, ah, other stuff get in the way.”

  He raises an eyebrow and suddenly I feel like I might have offended him.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just, I hope you realize that’s my focus at school.” I chew my lip nervously as the intensity of his gaze bores into mine.

  “I think,” he starts slowly, “it would be a mistake to say that was just a simple kiss. There was nothing simple about it. Don’t you agree?”

  I open my mouth to argue, but there really is no point. To deny it would be a lie, and we both know it. Instead, I try to change the subject, thereby switching my aversion tactics.

  “How did you get into Julliard? What made you want to be an actor?” I ask.

  A long pause ensues before he answers. He plays along with my avoidance game.

  “I always wanted to be an actor. I was in the drama club when I was in high school. I had a great mentor and teacher who knows Mr. Schlewp. He came to see Dreamgirls. I played Curtis Taylor Jr., the shady business dealer of the singer trio.”

  I nod, impressed that his high school had taken on such a well-known piece.

  “Mr. Schlewp loved the performance and came to the high school to talk to me and Mr. Friedman about my future after school. Julliard offered me a scholarship, and I also do the work study program, working with Julliard to screen high schools around the city to look for new talent.”

  “Wow, that’s impressive!” I tell him. He must be pretty impressive to get taken on by Julliard after just having graduated.

  “Thanks. I love it at the school. Of course, Mom is always telling people I’m going to be a big movie star.”

  “Don’t all Moms want what’s best for their kids?” I ask.

  “Yeah, something like that. What about your Mom?” he inquires.

  “My Mum is really supportive. She always has been, about…everything.” He taps his chin thoughtfully.

  “Sounds like you have it all figured out then,” he says. I shrug.

  “I guess so.”

  “So tell me then, where and when does that leave time for you?”

  I look at him, confused.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just that, you have dance, and you have your family, and Katrina is cool if not a bit confused about what she wants, I just wonder when you have time to for you. You know, other friends, socializing, dating…” With the last word he trails off and waits for a response, successfully bringing my previous topic of conversation back around full circle.

  “I, ah, don’t really date.” I inform him.

  “Yeah, I get that, but why not?”

  “Well, like you said, there’s school and dancing. That is what is important to me.”

  “I think you are hiding from the socializing and dating, because it’s easier for you to not deal.”

  I blink at him. His blunt honesty hits home. “I don’t know that it’s really your concern,” I tell him politely. I can feel my heart beat faster as he smiles at me.

  “It wasn’t meant to offend you. Just that I have a vested interest in you.”

  “Really?” I snicker. “How so?”

  “Well, I’m interested, and when I go after someone who captures my interest, I tend to invest a lot of time and energy into them.” He jokes with me.

  “Yeah, I got that the other night,” I murmur, looking at his lips again. I think about everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours and how much it has thrown me off kilter. “Gregor, it’s just, I am really dedicated to my dancing. I don’t know if I have enough time to get into a serious relationship,” I tell him honestly.

  “How are you going to know if you don’t give me a chance?” He sits up, leaning toward me. The intensity of his gaze leaves me feeling trapped in the corner seat. I have no way out of this. There is no way I can avoid not answering his question. “Katarina told me you don’t date. How you avoid having a boyfriend.”

  “Well, she shouldn’t have. It’s none of her business really.”

  “Maybe. But she did. And I think you avoid having relationships because you’re afraid of getting hurt. But I think if you give me a chance you’ll find I can prove you wrong. I won’t be a distraction from your dancing. I’ll be supportive. I think that will shine through in the spirit of your dancing,” he argues his point further.

  I bite my lip, not really sure if I’m ready to make this jump yet. But with him here, right now, it is impossible not to lean into him and inhale his intoxicating scent. He answers my gesture by letting his arm that was on the back of the seat fall down and wrap aro
und me, pulling me closer and pressing me to him. He initiates the kiss, even though I moved toward him, and in the soft light of the train, I get lost in his arms as we sit there kissing and whispering to each other all the way back to Grand Central Station.

  When the train pulls to a stop, I see in his face that he is reluctantly letting go of me as he stands and begins filing out of the car. I follow him and when he hops down onto the platform, he waits for me and links his hand with mine as we begin the walk back to the school.

  It’s late and I yawn as we walk through the city, taking in the night life and viewing all of the lights that surround us.

  “Are you headed to bed when we get back?” he asks me suddenly.

  “Yeah probably. I have a five am class in the morning.” I say through another yawn.

  “Well, it’s almost two in the morning now. When was the last time you pulled an all nighter?” He looks down at me with a mischievous grin on his face.

  “Umm, a long time from never.” I admit laughing at him. “I’m not staying up all night. I’d never make it through classes,” I tell him.

  “Sure, you will. That’s one thing I admire about you,” he confesses.

  “Really? How do you know?”

  He shrugs. “Just from what Katarina has told me. And I’ve watched you dance before,” he admits.

  “I’m not sure which part of that statement I should start with.” I chuckle. “Katarina has a big mouth and I’m going to tape it shut, to start.” He laughs at this. “And, you watch me dance?”

  He shrugs again but nods, sitting on a bench a few blocks from school and pulling me down next to him. “Sure, I do. You first caught my attention last year. When you and Katarina were in the solarium at the atrium of the school. You were horsing around and dancing with each other. It’s one of the rare times I’ve seen you smile.”

  I crack a grin at this, remembering the day he was talking about. We were new to the school and drunk on the euphoria of having been admitted to such a prestigious school. It was only a few weeks after we had met and become fast friends, before I had been given a hard time by Madame so much and decided fun was out of the question at Julliard. My smile fades with that thought. I had spent the rest of the year busting my butt trying to get in shape to be good enough, and days like that had come fewer and farther in between.

  “Yeah I remember that day. I knew people were probably watching us and thinking we were crazy, showing off or just young and naïve.” I admit.

  “Nah, not to me. You were being true.” He pulls me closer to him, a gesture that feels so strange to me. We sit another few moments and watch the city pass us by. “You ever seen those dancing movies, you know, ‘Save the Last Dance’ or ‘Center Stage’? What about ‘Dirty Dancing’?” He asks excitedly.

  “Yeah of course. Why?” He jumps up with a mixed look of joy and mischief again.

  “Because, you remind me of those movies when you dance just to have fun,” he tells me.

  “Alright, but what’s your point?” I wonder.

  “That’s what you need for your audition!” His idea suddenly begins to dawn on me. In all of those movies, the dancers were the underdogs who rose up and let their passion shine through their dancing. In “Save the Last Dance” the characters faced adversity for being a bi-racial couple, just like in Rent. The characters face adversity for being HIV positive and for having alternative lifestyles.

  “I could do that!” I suddenly jump up with him, my excitement renewed. “I could choreograph something like that!”

  He nods in agreement. “Come on, I have an idea.”

  We rush back to the school and up the stairs. I think we are going to stop and watch movies for the rest of the evening or something. Just as some way to get us pumped up for his idea, but we keep traveling upward in the building. We climb the stairs to the very last landing, and Gregor takes a chain out from under his shirt and unlocks a gray, nondescript door at the end of a bare hallway.

  When we step out of the door, the predawn breeze hits my body and cools me from the exertion of running up the steps, and I see that we are now out on the gravel top roof.

  “How did you get roof access?” I ask him.

  “Mr. Schlewp gave me a key last year to come up and practice lines and stuff,” he tells me.

  “This is incredible. It’s like being able to reach out and touch the whole city.” I look around in wonder. The city scape is eye level with us now, and the millions of lights shine brightly in the darkness like twinkling stars. I walk over to the ledge of the roof and look down. Hundreds of feet below us, the hustle and bustle of the city continues. Even in the early morning hours, traffic is almost as heavy as a normal, busy working day.

  All thoughts of fatigue, stress, and worry leave me as I marvel at the different viewpoints of the city. I look back at Gregor and see him in a new light too. I had seriously misjudged him. He was trying to show me that we come from similar places and have similar goals all along. I feel a twinge of emotion in my chest I’ve been afraid to allow myself to feel. He had recognized whatever this is, in me, last year when he saw me dancing. I guess he has just been biding his time until it was right to approach me.

  “Did you get close to Katarina to be able to introduce yourself to me?” I ask. I startle even myself with the bluntness of the question.

  “Fifty-fifty,” he confesses. “She really is a cool chick and I think I almost have her convinced to switch to the dark side.” He laughs.

  “Drama is the dark side now?” I raise an eyebrow. I never pegged him for the Star Wars geek-out type, but then again, he is showing me layers tonight.

  “Yeah, comedy and tragedy.” He laughs. “It’s a tragedy we didn’t get her when she first started at Julliard.”

  I laugh along with him then look at the wide expanse of the rooftop.

  “This is incredible. I can’t believe your good fortune for having access to such a place.”

  I give the surface a twirl and laugh when gravel sprays up from under my heel. Gregor watches me as he leans back against the rooftop concrete railing. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and hits speaker. He queues up a remix of the song, “I See Your True Colors” from the movie, “Save The Last Dance” and I let the music take me as I dance around the rooftop. I’ve never been the best at hip hop, but as I pass by him one more time, he sweeps in and begins dancing with me. We move like I have envisioned Angela and Eric move, mostly in large sweeping motions and circles around the roof. He twirls me as I pirouette, and he even does a dip as the music switches to “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” from “Dirty Dancing.”

  We move through all the songs on what I have dubbed, “Dance List” on my own phone. And I let myself get lost in the music and in him as we move.

  We break around dawn and watch the sun come up, and when he sees me shivering in fatigue and emotion, he draws me into his chest again as he holds me.

  It all feels a bit surreal, or maybe that’s how tired I am, but I allow myself to be captured and pulled back into his arms as we watch the sun surface over the city skyline.

  “We better get you to class,” he murmurs after a while. His body radiates heat and I had almost fallen asleep as I leaned against him and the rail.

  I tilt my head back, wondering how much I am going to let myself fall before reality and the need to continue being motivated in school, force me to pull away from him. As I lean up for another kiss before we go, all that stress flies off the rooftop on the early morning breeze.

  Chapter Seven

  I don’t really feel the effects of pulling the all nighter until lunch time. Madame Roussou hadn’t found a single thing to comment on my form all through the morning class. Even Eric and Angela’s snickers went by unnoticed as I danced to find the feeling I had on the rooftop.

  Katarina catches up with me after class as we head to the dining hall, and starts harassing me with questions.

  “What has gotten into you?” she asks.

  �
�What do you mean?” I whistle the tune from the “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights” movie.

  “You look like shit and yet you’re on cloud nine today!” she exclaims.

  “Oh yeah, I guess I am!” I tell her happily, grabbing a water from the cooler by the registers. I check out and head to our usual table. When I get halfway there I stop. “Hey, do you want to see if maybe the drama kids will let us sit with them?” I ask her.

  “Are you on drugs?” she blurts out.

  “What?” I look at her, confused.

  “You show up to class with black circles under your eyes that make a junkie look refreshed. Then you go on to outshine Eric and Angela, to the point Madame couldn’t find one single thing to say badly about your form. You must be on some sort of high,” she finishes.

  I look around. No one has heard her blurt that out, because if they had, I would be taking a steroid test so quickly it would make my head spin. Julliard has a strict policy on drugs or steroids of any kind.

  “Katarina, are you nuts? Don’t say something like that out loud for the wolves to hear. No, I’m not. To answer your question, I’m just in a really good mood. I went home and saw my Mum last night, which by the way, she wants you to come for Christmas this year. And then I had an amazing evening hanging out with…” I realize what I am about to confess to her.

  “Who? With who?” She jumps up and down excitedly.

  “With Gregor,” I finish. She squeals as she hops in a motion that resembles an assemble.

  “You and Gregor?” she breaths.