One Day You'll Thank Me

by Cameran Eubanks Wimberly

  One more thing my mom taught me that I hope to pass on to Palmer is the ability to be open-minded, something we need more than ever in this crazy world! I was christened in the Methodist church, and our family went there until I was in early grammar school, but we were never raised to be religious. Instead, we were exposed to multiple religions and spiritual belief systems and encouraged to make up our own minds as to what we felt to be true pertaining to God. This was not the norm in Anderson, but I am so grateful to have been raised this way. I have kept an open mind as a result and do not judge people based on what they believe as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

  I also have a lot of forgiveness for the times my mom became overwhelmed. Maybe she raised her voice at us more than she should have, but I think back to the fact that she was raising two children under two years old at one point and how stressful that must have been. Children can be wonderful… but they can also be incredibly stressful. I get it now. Boy, do I get it!

  My mom is the quintessential Southern grandma who lets the kid run the show. Palmer can do NO wrong in Nonnie’s eyes. If Palmer wants cookies for lunch, she gets them with Nonnie. If Palmer wants to go jump in the mud, Nonnie lets her. My mom is also convinced that Palmer is the most highly advanced child to ever walk the face of the Earth and determined when Palmer was just over two years old that she has the makings of a nuclear physicist. She dotes on Palmer, spoils Palmer, and loves Palmer to the MAX. Palmer lets out the highest-pitched happy squeal when she sees my mom. I am so blessed that my mom is constantly teaching her and showing her things. Whenever she comes over, she fills up her purse with “trinkets” for Palmer to pull out and learn about.

  Then there is my dad. When I found out I was pregnant, he was living more than 1,700 miles away in Denver, Colorado, with his girlfriend of over ten years. Because of the distance, we saw him only once, maybe twice a year. It definitely wasn’t ideal, especially with a grandchild on the way. Well, to my surprise, a few months into my pregnancy, I got a call from my dad.

  “Guess what?” he said. “I’ve made a decision: I’m moving back to South Carolina!”

  “WHAT?” I replied, ecstatic but also in total shock. I couldn’t believe that my dad was leaving someone he had been with for so long to move closer to me. I think my becoming pregnant was a real eye-opener for him. He knew living across the country would make it very difficult for him to forge a close relationship with a grandchild. Besides the chance to be near his granddaughter and watch her grow up, my dad’s family had had a beach house at Isle of Palms when he was a kid and I think he always longed to be in the low country. This was the perfect reason to do so. He moved back to South Carolina when Palmer was a little over a month old. Seeing him as a grandfather has been such a joy. He is so wonderful with her and very involved. He’s probably put together every contraption and toy I’ve bought for Palmer and even helps us with yard work due to Jason’s crazy schedule. I can always count on him to be there for me. Palmer thinks the world of her “PaPa” and loves him dearly. She is always asking to “go see PaPa.” My dad is such a great example of “it’s never too late to get it right.” I went from seeing him a couple of times a year to now multiple times a week. Palmer has brought us much closer together. Having my dad only ten minutes from my house has been such a blessing.

  Palmer also has a bonus grandpa in Mark, who is my mom’s partner of over ten years. He is a cowboy-boot-wearing, motorcycle-riding former district attorney from upstate New York. He and my mom are polar opposites in so many ways, but they have one of the best relationships of any couple I’ve ever seen. Palmer has turned Mark into a real softy. He’s awesome, and she is a lucky girl. Mark wrote Palmer the sweetest, most moving letter when she was born (see below). I read it aloud to her in the hospital and it got me so emotional, I started to cry happy tears.

  Then, of course, there are Jason’s parents, who already had a good bit of experience, having had six grandchildren prior to Palmer. (We call Palmer the caboose of the cousins.) Palmer calls them Doc and Mimi, and both have played an incredible role in her life so far. Jason’s dad, who was a family practitioner for forty-six years before retiring, is the grandpa who makes Palmer laugh constantly with funny faces, and Jason’s mom, Mimi, is the rock I can always count on. All my worries go away when Mimi is watching Palmer. I trust her 100 percent. She is a nurse by trade and we call her the baby whisperer. I actually ask her for medical advice on Palmer before I do Jason. She is one of the smartest women I know. I am also thankful to both of Jason’s parents for instilling such a wonderful moral compass in him that I hope will continue on in Palmer.

  All in all, I know that Palmer, Jason and I are VERY lucky that she has five amazing grandparents who love her dearly.

  Letter from Mark to Palmer:

  Happy Birthday, Palmer,

  Today you are at the beginning of a magical journey that we call Life. That journey has no limits other than those of your imagination. You will discover literature, some of which you will like a lot and some of which you might not. But at least try to explore it all because there might be some surprises. There is music, and again try to explore it all because some is amazing. Classical and jazz, rock and reggae, folk and gospel and more. And there are movies, which can offer hours of escape and enjoyment. Perhaps best of all is travel. When they say the world is your oyster, they are not exaggerating. There are wonders around the corner and halfway around the world. There are sights and places to go and people to meet that you will remember for many years.

  You do not have to partake of this journey entirely on your own. You have been blessed with a mother and father who are exceptional people. They are smart and funny and kind and gentle and they will always be there for you with their unconditional love. And you also have grandparents and aunts and uncles to teach and show you even more. There are friends you are going to make who will also enrich your life. Some of them you will have for a lifetime. And you will fall in love with your soulmate and have someone to share your magical journey with.

  As you grow, you may make mistakes. Everybody does. It is part of learning. Try not to make the same ones twice. And there may be stumbles, but be strong and pick yourself up and continue on. If you need to, get help from your family or friends. They will welcome the opportunity. Be willing to do the same. Others need help, too, and one of the best feelings in life is helping another.

  Many have offered words to live by. One group wanted its members to be “trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.” Probably not bad at all to strive for. But follow your own mind and heart.

  You will learn about a group called the Beatles. They are worth a listen. Especially a song called “All You Need Is Love.” Maybe it is not all you need, but it is a good start.

  —Mark

  Chapter Sixteen SOUTHERN CHARMING

  When my kids are happy, I am happy.

  —KRIS JENNER, MOTHER OF SIX AND GRANDMOTHER OF TEN

  Whitney Sudler-Smith originally pitched the idea for a show called Southern Gentlemen to Bravo. It featured an all-male ensemble cast and the concept was to show the escapades of their aristocratic lives living in Charleston. The show name was later changed to Southern Charm. Apparently, Bravo loved the concept but felt it needed some female input and perspective. That’s when Whitney approached me. I knew Whitney from the social scene in Charleston. (I honestly can’t remember the first time I met him. It might have been at a polo match.) He knew I had been on reality TV before and might be a good fit as a “voice of reason.” But I had a lot of trepidation about committing to another show. What would people think of me? Would I look like a professional reality TV star? That was not something I wanted. I had been on The Real World at nineteen years old; should I do another show at twenty-nine? Also, I had finally become anonymous again, except for once in a blue moon when a random person would interrupt my dinner and say, “Hey, are you that girl from The Real World?” Anoth
er reason I hesitated: I had been dating Jason for about two years at the time and I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize our relationship.

  I talked to my mom about it and she was very supportive. Even though she doesn’t have cable TV, so I don’t think she’d even heard of Bravo before, she loved the concept and thought it would be a huge success. Jason was also supportive. So after a lot of thought, weighing the pros and cons, I decided to go for it. My experience on The Real World was very positive, so I didn’t want my fear to get in the way. This could be a fun opportunity, I thought. And it probably won’t last more than one season anyway. (Of course, what I thought would be one season turned into six for me.)

  At the time, I was working at a local boutique department store called Gwynn’s of Mount Pleasant as a makeup artist, managing the cosmetics department. I’d been there for three years, working Tuesday through Saturday from 9:30 A.M. to either 6 or 7 P.M. With Jason’s crazy hospital hours, we hardly saw each other, so I was ready for a career change. Plus, I knew I could never film the show working those hours. It seemed like the perfect time to make the transition to selling real estate. It was something I’d always thought about doing, but I had never lived in one place long enough to begin as a career. I love architecture and the historical aspect of homes in Charleston, so real estate there was a natural fit for me. When season one began, I started real estate school, and by the time we filmed the last episode, I’d aced my real estate exam and gotten my license. My goal was to go from selling lipsticks to selling million-dollar homes, but I was nervous because I’d quit a job with a steady stream of income and a paycheck every two weeks. Some of the people in the cast grew up knowing that a certain amount of money would be in the bank for them by a specific age, but that’s not the hand of cards that I was dealt. Once I got my license, I then needed to find someone to sell a house to! When I told my mom I was nervous about this new career, her response was, “Things fall into place. They don’t happen if they’re not meant to be.” True, but my fear was that if they were not meant to be, I’d be broke. Trying to get my real estate career off the ground made it a little tricky to film a show where I had to go out and be social. In order to pass the state real estate exam, I had to do a lot of studying. That and selling homes were definitely my priorities over going out for drinks every night and being hung over—especially since I’m such a lightweight with alcohol. After all, I have always had the realistic attitude that 99.9 percent of the time reality television is NOT a career. It can be very fleeting, and I always felt it was important to have another means of income besides the show.

  Even after my real estate career was thriving, I was still long gone during any filming that was done past 10 P.M. through most of the seasons of Southern Charm. I always tried to be honest about what was going on in my actual life, and early on, I made it clear to the producers that I don’t stay out late partying. That just isn’t in my personality. I did enough of that in my early twenties, and by thirty years old I was just over it. My mom always said, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight,” and some of the craziest stuff on the show was proof that she was right.

  When I signed my contract for season one, the cast was me, Whitney, Thomas Ravenel, Jenna King, Shep Rose and Craig Conover. (Kathryn Dennis and Danni Baird also appeared in a few episodes.) I knew Thomas socially and had partied with Jenna a lot in my twenties. She was one of the few people who could get me to stay out late. I had met Shep out and about before, but I had never met Craig. One night Craig, Shep and I made plans to have dinner downtown to talk about what we were getting ourselves into. Gosh, I hope I like these people, I thought on my way to the restaurant. Within five minutes, I knew that the show would probably take off. Both Shep and Craig had that TV “it factor.” They were both good-looking and tall (a rarity in Charleston), with charismatic and gregarious personalities. Although Shep talked on the phone for half the meal, I liked them both instantly. They also split the check and didn’t make me pay, which I thought was super nice. We left the dinner with an attitude of Well, here goes nothing!

  When the show first aired, the local papers trashed us and we got some negative feedback from people in Charleston. I think some worried that we’d negatively portray a city that is supposed to be full of Southern gentility. During season one, it was actually very hard to get businesses and restaurants to allow us to film. It seemed like a lot of people wanted no association with “The Show.” Funny, because once Southern Charm started taking off, the same businesses and restaurants really wanted us to film there.

  When you film, it’s important that you never wear the same outfit twice or else it could be confusing to the timeline of events on the show. So for the first couple of seasons when I didn’t have a lot of money, I got the majority of my clothes from consignment stores around town. I would find expensive stuff for a quarter of the price. I’ve always been a bargain shopper when it comes to clothes because I prefer to spend my money on shoes and accessories that can be worn over and over again. The majority of the dresses that I wore to parties and balls were actually from Rent the Runway—though not the one I wore when we filmed the Carolina Day Ball. That was actually a vintage gown of my mother-in-law’s from the 1980s. Nobody knew it was old and I got tons of compliments.

  When I was on The Real World, I learned pretty quickly that too much alcohol and a camera taping your every move wasn’t necessarily a smart combo. I have a buzz after one beer and I’m feeling pretty good after two glasses of wine. Give me a shot of liquor and I’m not quite walking straight. I’m not a mean or obnoxious drunk, but I do lose some inhibition. When I started filming Southern Charm, I did not want to portray a bad version of myself. The easiest way to prevent this was to have a self-imposed two-drink maximum rule. I actually encouraged my costars to do the same, but it fell on deaf ears… about four times in the course of six years I got drunk on camera and I’m fairly certain I fell down in every scene. (I’m surprised they never did a montage of those clips.) One was a party at Patricia Altschul’s house where I lost my balance and fell backwards into her boxwood bush. Shep had to help lift me out, because I was literally stuck in the bush. Patricia hires people to keep her boxwoods impeccably manicured and I felt bad that I’d ruined a couple of them. Another time was my thirty-fifth birthday party. It was an oyster roast in my backyard that was filmed during season six. I was a new mom and hadn’t had a buzz in a LONG time. I just wanted to let loose, so I thought, Screw the two-drink rule. I got more than a buzz, though—you actually see me falling down onto the grass in that episode not once but twice. Yup. Not that pretty to watch.

  Reality TV is like a mirror. If you are an asshole, it will show you being an asshole. If you are kind, it will show you being kind. Being on Southern Charm showed me two negative things about my personality: First, I have a tendency to be sarcastic to a fault. Sometimes I take a joke too far and hurt others’ feelings in the process. This was something I noticed when watching the show, and now I try to be very cognizant of thinking before I say something that could upset someone. The other thing is that I hate my voice. I don’t know why, but I just can’t stand hearing myself talk on TV.

  Besides that, I got a lot out of the show—especially some amazing and special friendships. Thanks to filming the show, I got close and remained close with the original cast members—Shep, Craig, Whitney and also Patricia. We were there since the beginning and felt like it was something we’d created and started together. Plus, it’s a unique experience that you can only understand if you are a part of it. My role was to be kind of a sounding board/voice of reason for the guys. A Wendy amongst the Peter Pans if you will. I gave it to the guys like I saw it, but I tried to always do it in a lighthearted manner. I saw them as my brothers, and I still think of them that way. One of the people I’m closest to is Whitney. Although we grew up very differently—I’m just a girl from Anderson, South Carolina, who didn’t have butlers and nannies, while Whitney came from a much wealthier family with tie
s to society—we still really relate to each other. We both have a kind of twisted and unique sense of humor that many don’t understand. I have cried real tears laughing with Whitney because he is one of the funniest people I know. He is also incredibly smart and well-read and has had a very interesting life. I could listen to his stories for hours. And sometimes I actually do, since we talk almost every day. He will call and have conversations with me like I’m one of his guy friends. Sometimes I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whitney… I didn’t need to hear all that,” but we are just that comfortable with each other. We also share a tendency to be anxiety-prone control freaks. We were kind of partners in crime while filming Southern Charm. The good news is that Jason loves Whitney just as much as I do.

  Chelsea Meissner is the other person I’m closest to on the show. We were roommates when I was dating Jason and have known each other a long time. When the producers were looking for another female cast member, I thought she would be a great fit. She is a spitfire and like me had been on another reality show, Survivor. In fact, she was one of the last three remaining in season twenty-four and almost won. She actually caught a chicken by the neck on Survivor, so I knew she would be able to hold her own with the men on Southern Charm. I introduced her at a dinner party we filmed at my house and my intention was to set her up with Shep, but she ended up hitting it off with Austen. I was so happy when they added her as an official cast member. She is honestly one of the best people I know. She is selfless, kind, extremely hardworking, not to mention beautiful… but totally unaware of how gorgeous she actually is. There is not an air about her; she is just a good and solid person. What you see is what you get, and I love her for that. Jason gets his hair cut by her and I always joke with him that he just wants to go look at her. (I mean, I really wouldn’t blame him.) She is the type of friend who I can totally be my silly self around, and we laugh nonstop. I love her dearly. I also am still very close to Shep and Craig and talk to them at least once a week. Shep calls me for girl advice all the time. I feel honored that he actually listens to me, because Shep doesn’t listen to many people. Craig and I argue and fight nonstop, but we still consider each other close friends.