Naked Hustle

by Trey Parker

  “Hey is everything ok? Did you call me last night?”

  “Yea everything is ok.”

  “Why did you call then?”

  “I was returning someone’s call.”

  “Returning who’s call?”

  “Look Latoya. I don’t want to get between you and Martha.”

  “Get between us?! What are you talking about Scooter?! Did she call you?!”

  “Yes, she called me.”

  “What the hell is going on?! Are you fucking my mama or something?!”

  “No girl! She need to be served so I brought her some Snow White, that’s all.”

  She immediately hung up the phone. She ran to the living room where Martha was sitting on the couch.

  “Martha! What the hell are you doing calling my boyfriend at 3:30 a.m. in the fucking morning?!”

  “Who are you yelling at?! Have you lost your damn mind?! I pay the bills around here. This is my house and I can call whoever the hell I want in my house, and on my phone,” Martha didn’t look her in the eye.

  “Your broke ass can barely pay the bills because you’re too busy calling my nigga to buy drugs!”

  “You know what? Get the fuck out of my house, and don’t come back either!” She finally made eye contact and pointed at the door.

  Leah crept around the corner.

  “I’m gone. I don’t want to stay in this shithole anyway. And Leah is coming with me. Come on,” Latoya said motioning her way.

  “You’re out of your damn mind if you think you’re going to take my damn daughter with you. Go!”

  Latoya left and called Sandy to pick her up and take her straight to Scooter’s house so that she could get to the bottom of everything. He apologized for serving her mama. Although she was mad at Scooter, she forgave him. Then she moved in with him.

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  5. Bonnie and Clyde

  When Latoya moved in with Scooter, she barely went to school. If living with Scooter taught her anything, he taught her how to be a crook. He told her that she had to use her good looks to get what she wanted. When times were hard, Scooter would have Latoya and Sandy go on missions to find money. They would go find other drug dealers, flirt with them. Go home with them have sex with them and rob them. They would talk them into having threesomes, and while one of them would fuck the guy, the other would change out his cocaine for baking soda. They were making thousands of dollars at age 14 and 17.

  Although she had moved out of Martha’s place, she would eventually stop by to see Leah. For one, she really missed her and she would always give her money, toys, and clothes. But two, she wanted Martha to see her looking good in her name brand outfits. She wanted to show her that she didn’t need her and that she was actually doing better than ever without her. She noticed it too. One night, Leah was asleep so Latoya came and slipped $50 under her pillow. Martha had something to say.

  “So, you’re living with Scooter now?”

  “Yes. Why do you care?”

  “Ok. Well I don’t appreciate you coming in here trying to show off and give Leah money.”

  “You don’t give her shit. Why shouldn’t I? If I don’t who will?”

  “She doesn’t need any of your drug money. Please stop it! And the principal of your school called and said that if you have one more unexcused absence you’re getting kicked out. Whatever you’re doing with Scooter is going to fuck your life up!”

  “Don’t worry about my life. And what Scooter and I have going on is none of your business.”

  She walked out not wanting to hear anything else from Martha.

  The next night, around 11:00 p.m., Scooter was bagging up some of his drug shipments in the bedroom while Latoya was laying in the bed and watching old episodes of Martin. She got a call from Martha. She answered.

  “Latoya, I just wanted to let you know that I love you, and that this is for your own good. I’m saving your life.”

  “What are you talking about, Martha?”

  The next thing she knew, she saw red and blue lights circulating around Scooter’s apartment. Scooter ran to the bathroom flushing drugs down the toilet as fast as he could. Latoya ran to the closet and just hid. Latoya told herself that she would never date a drug dealer ever again. And she was ok if she never spoke to her mother again either.

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  6. Candy Man

  The cops raided the place and they both were arrested and taken into custody. Scooter already had a serious record. He was a felon, with a lengthy rap sheet. He already had a warrant out for his arrest. He had pounds of cocaine in his apartment. He was sentenced to life in prison. Latoya was convicted with three felonies. She was sentenced to be in the juvenile center for a minimum of three years at the age of 14.

  She was back to square one at the juvenile center. All the girls hated her just because she was pretty. They all wore the same clothes so she couldn’t stand out like high school. No more fancy clothes. But this time she refused to be bullied. She had to fight multiple times to earn respect. And eventually she did.

  Juvenile detention was super boring, and she felt like she was wasting her life away. But she did have plenty of time to reflect on her life. She wrote down her goals and what she wanted to accomplish with her life when she got out. Although it seemed so far away, she still wanted to graduate high school. And maybe even enroll in college. Her goal was to just become successful. She didn’t talk to her mother while she was locked up. Didn’t want to. Her little sister Leah would call her and tell her how good she was doing in elementary school. She spoke to her Grandma Betsy from South Carolina as well. Grandma Betsy told her that it would be better if she just moved down to stay with her and left Pittsburgh all together. She said that she would take care of her and look out for her. She agreed. The first step was to earn her freedom again.

  The only interesting part of being locked up was when she used to flirt with this guard named CJ. She knew he liked her by the way that he would look at her. He was mean to all the other girls, but he was nice to her. She would use him to get what she wanted every time. Food, blankets, and sometimes he would smuggle her in some liquor. One day, CJ and Latoya were alone in the hallway. CJ had some Reese’s Pieces in his hands. Latoya jokingly said, “CJ, I know you’re going to share.”

  “Share? Maybe. What are you willing to do for it?”

  “Anything for some Reese’s Pieces,” Latoya said.

  “Ok. Come here then.”

  She followed him to a closet. Secluded from the main hallway. He locked the door behind her.

  “Hurry up. Pull your pants down,” said CJ.

  “Pull them down? Why? We’re not having sex for Reese’s. Plus, aren’t you married?”

  “That’s none of your business. And I never said we were having sex, just pull them down,” He grabbed her pants and began to pull them down. She grabbed his hands. “I just want to play with it. Relax,” he said.

  Latoya thought about the situation and realized that it may be her way out of the juvenile center. If she played her cards right, she would be free in no time. She let his hand go and he began to caress her vagina. He stuck two fingers in it gently then pulled them out. He did this a couple of times. His hands were cold and dry.

  “That’s all I wanted to do. Here’s your Reese’s,” he said as he handed the candy to her.

  “Whatever, CJ,” she said.

  They left the room and one of the girls saw them. Latoya was sent back to her cell. The next day she approached the girl that saw them leave the closet. Latoya told the girl everything that happened. She told the girl to tell everyone, because she was afraid to tell everyone herself. The girl did just that.

  The rumors spread quickly. It was a huge scandal that gained the attention of many news outlets. Based on the sexual scandal between CJ and Latoya, instead of facing three years in the juvenile detention center, she did just one and she was set free.
CJ was charged with sexual assault and molestation.

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  7. Laser Focused

  After getting out of juvenile detention, she was determined to make a better life for herself. She decided to move to South Carolina to live with her Grandma Betsy. She waited patiently outside of the 20-foot tall barbwire fence for Grandma Betsy to pick her up. Her grandma arrived in an old-school Cadillac and gave her the biggest hug. Latoya told her to take her to her Martha’s house one last time so that she could pack her clothes and so that she could say one last goodbye to Leah before she moved to South Carolina.

  “Big sister! I missed you! I’m so glad you’re home!” Leah rushed Latoya and gave her a big hug as she walked into the house.

  Grandma Betsy stayed in the car and waited. Martha was in her room with the door closed.

  “I missed you too! You’re getting so big, girl! How’s your report card looking?”

  “Straight As, and one B!” said Leah proudly.

  “Good job, girl! Keep it up! Hey I wanted to let you know that I’m moving to South Carolina with Grandma Betsy!”

  “Why?”

  “So that your big sister can get a fresh start somewhere else and so that I can get good grades like you!”

  “Can I go?”

  “No. Mother is going to keep taking care of you. Now, when you graduate high school, maybe you can move down there with me!”

  “I’m going to go to Spelman College in Atlanta.” said Leah with her hand on her hip.

  “You can go anywhere you want, girl. Just keep getting good grades and stay out of trouble.”

  “I will!” yelled Leah.

  Latoya gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek.

  After all of her bags were packed. She was walking out of the house when Martha came out of her room. They looked at each other.

  “Good to see you,” Martha said.

  “Good to see you as well,” said Latoya clutching her bags.

  “Look Latoya, I’m sorry for turning you in—”

  “Ma, you don’t have to apologize. Save your breath. I’m over it. I’m sure Grandma Betsy told you that I’m moving to South Carolina to stay with her.”

  “Yes, she told me. I think it would be good for you. You need some new scenery. And you damn sure need to be around new people.”

  Latoya glanced at Leah. “I agree. But I was thinking, maybe Leah can come live with Grandma Betsy too. We can find her a good school in South Carolina or something where she can really do well.”

  “No! Hell no! Leah is staying here. She ain’t going nowhere. She’s doing just fine.”

  “But Ma, let’s keep it real. You’re not going to look after her like Grandma Betsy and I can. Especially, if you’re always high all the time.”

  “Latoya, you don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s in the past. You’ve been locked up for a year. I’m 100% sober. I haven’t touched no damn drugs in so damn long. Plus, I got a job working at Walmart. A lot has changed. Leah needs me and I need her.”

  “Ok. Just promise to look after her please.”

  “That’s my baby. Of course, I will. I promise,” she said.

  Latoya nodded. They hugged each other and Latoya left.

  Columbia, South Carolina

  Grandma Betsy was working her butt off to get Latoya back into school. She went from county to county, school to school trying to get Latoya enrolled. High schools would not accept her at first with her poor grades and her criminal record. But thankfully, after so many “nos,” someone finally gave her a yes. She enrolled at Richland High School.

  Latoya remembered the promise to herself while she was locked up that she would succeed and graduate high school. So, she was more focused than ever. She went to school every day and gave it her best. She went straight home after school. No after school extracurricular activities. She was 100% sober and she did not mess with any boys. She would just get home and talk to Leah on the phone and keep giving her words of encouragement. She didn’t want to let Leah or Grandma Betsy down. Latoya wanted to be successful.

  After three full years of hard work, discipline, and sacrifice Latoya graduated from Richland High School with a 2.9 GPA. Walking across that stage was the best day of her life.

  “Latoya Ashley Robertson!” The announcer said as she walked across the big stage with 6-inch heels tapping the stage like a true boss chick. It was the best feeling ever. Neither her Grandma Betsy nor Martha graduated high school. She was the first from her family. Latoya grabbed her diploma with pride as she strutted across the stage. Her smile was a big as the state of Texas.

  After exiting the auditorium, she was greeted with a big hug by Leah. Leah and Martha had flown down for the graduation. Martha gave her a hug and said congrats, then Grandma Betsy did too.

  “So, what are you going to do next?” asked Leah.

  “I don’t know lil sis. Hopefully go to college.”

  “What college are you going to?” Leah asked.

  “I don’t know. I applied to some schools: Spelman, Georgia State, Georgia… but they didn’t accept me. I’m waiting to hear back from FAMU. We’ll see.”

  Grandma Betsy rubbed her back. “It’s ok, baby. Keep your head. By the way, I got you a graduation present.” She handed Latoya an envelope.

  “Thank you, Grandma! Should I open it now?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  Latoya started opening the envelope. She pulled out a letter. It was an acceptance letter to FAMU. She screamed. They all grabbed each other and began to jump up and down in joy. It was the happiest day of Latoya’s life.

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  8. Set it Off

  Tallahassee, Florida

  Latoya was a proud member of the new freshman class at Florida A&M. She didn’t know anyone at all. She was pretty anti-social. She had her “resting bitch face” on at all times so that boys would leave her alone. And it seemed like all the girls had already cliqued up and found groups of friends so she really just stayed to herself. The first person that she met and connected with was Tina Prescott.

  Tina was a junior at the time. They literally met on the set at FAMU. The set is where all the students would hang out on campus and on Fridays, there was usually a DJ there playing music. People danced and had fun, and the fraternities and sororities strolled. It’s a festive, cultural experience that Latoya thought was super dope.

  She was sitting there watching the sororities stroll on the set. She loved the Deltas. They were these chicks that had on all red. They just looked like confident, smart, bad bitches, and she liked that. This girl, Tina, who was a pretty-ass Delta, saw Latoya staring. Tina came up to Latoya and asked her name and where she was from. Latoya wasn’t used to that. Latoya thought Tina was gay and trying to hit on her at first. She wasn’t used to people being so friendly. But later she realized that Tina genuinely wanted to get to know her. Tina became Latoya’s mentor. She always respected Tina because she was always on top of her shit. She had good grades, she was gorgeous, and she was just the most confident and put together person that Latoya had ever met. Tina saw potential in Latoya, so she took her under her wing.

  Tina was Latoya’s only real friend in college. Wherever she went, Latoya went. She was her protege. Latoya met all the cute fraternity boys while she was with Tina because they partied a lot. She had sex with a couple of the cute ones too, she would admit. One was a handsome dark skin Alpha named Terrance, but she would eventually regret having sex with him. Tina made college fun for Latoya. Latoya loved everything about Tina and her Delta organization. Tina knew that Latoya wanted to eventually become a Delta and that’s why Tina would stay on top of her even though they had a good time together. She saw potential in her, and Latoya appreciated that. Because of Tina, Latoya believed that she had lived her college life to the fullest. The parties, the liquor, the fine g
uys. All of it was the best experience, ever.

  The spring semester of Latoya’s sophomore year, the Deltas came out with a new line full of girls. Latoya wasn’t one of them. Latoya stood shoulder to shoulder in the crowd full of people watching the new Deltas do their line show. Everyone screamed the girls’ names and their line numbers in excitement. Crimson and white balloons were floating everywhere. Latoya’s stomach was all knotted up as she watched their probate coming out show. She believed she looked better than all of those girls. Most of the girls were in her freshman class.

  During their coming out show, Tina came over and gave Latoya a big hug. “Don’t worry, we’ll be coming out with another line really soon. If you apply yourself, you’ll be on it for sure. I’ll make sure of that. And either way, you’re still my girl no matter what,” said Tina.

  That didn’t make Latoya feel any better. Latoya’s grades weren’t good enough to become a Delta. She had a 2.5 GPA and the grade requirement was a 3.3. She felt like she had let Tina down. That semester, Tina graduated and moved to Atlanta, Ga.

  After missing the Delta line, she had no more real motivation for school. Becoming a Delta became way more difficult because Latoya didn’t respect the new Deltas and they didn’t think much of her either. Plus, Latoya’s grades still weren’t up to par, and with Tina leaving her in Tallahassee, Latoya became lonely. She didn’t know many people in school. Didn’t want to know many either. She became depressed. She started smoking a lot of weed and she would be drunk almost every other night. She enrolled in classes every semester, just to get the financial aid money and then drop the classes. She started taking trips up to Atlanta to visit Tina. She would stay at her apartment for the weekend and they would hit the city hard together. She would get so inspired by being around Tina and her young successful girlfriends. They all had good jobs, made good money, and they were all confident black women. Latoya was inspired but she also was a bit envious of them too because she felt like she couldn’t relate to their success at the time. She was a broke college student that was flunking out of school.