by Trey Parker
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that ever with me,” Latoya said.
"So that's really it. Three back rooms, Heaven room, the business room, and the dressing room. And then the main room, we call that the big screen. You have any questions?"
"No. Not right now."
"Well, that's pretty much it. Listen to me Toya. I want you to work here. Girls come to me all the time. I turn a lot of girls away because they just don't have that "It" factor. But when I first met you, I saw that you have it. You don't know it yet, but I see it. The sky is the limit here. You'll make more money than you’ve ever dreamed of, if you work hard enough. I have girls that have left here that own businesses, restaurants, properties, boutiques, all of that. All I need from you is to be believe."
"I understand Biscuit. But I'm scared. I mean, stripping was like the last thing that I thought I would do. Everybody frowns upon it."
"Forget everybody! People are going to talk shit about you regardless! Whether you're doing good or bad! You might as well start doing good. Making yourself some real money. You came to me because you wanted the opportunity, the opportunity to change your life. This is it. Is it the conventional way? No. But who the fuck cares. Get your money and live your life. Be free. It’s the naked hustle. Doing whatever it takes to make a better life yourself.”
"I know. I'm so shy though. And self-conscious. It’s going to be hard as hell for me to get naked in front of all those people.”
"You'll be fine. All the girls that come to me are afraid at first. Until you get a couple dances under your belt, you'll feel that way, but after that, you'll love it. The money is going to make you forget about all that shit."
She nodded. “Ok.”
"Alright, come watch some of the girls go to work."
They walked out into the big screen. More people where there. There were a couple of girls on the stage, and a couple of girls were on the floor. She saw one girl giving a lap dance, she was completely naked. She looked so comfortable. The girl was smiling and looked like she was having fun.
"That chick looks comfortable as hell," she said looking her way.
Biscuit looked that way. "Who Lilly? Oh, she's been here a couple of years. She does that to make her clients happy. The more fun you have, the more money you'll make. The easier it will be."
The song changed, and the DJ came on the mic. "Next to the stage, one of my favorite girls, Red Kisses!"
Farren came out. She had on just a bra and a thong. This was Latoya’s first time seeing her naked. She was amazed by how nice her body was.
"See, you know her as Farren, we know her as Red Kisses. She's probably one of our best dancers, if not the best. But if you do what you're supposed to, you'll definitely be number one. And she knows that. But she's not jealous though because if you come and bring more clients to the place, you'll bring her more money. We're all in this together."
Farren started dancing and people started easing up to the stage. One guy, with a plain black T-shirt that wasn't throwing money before pulled out a huge wad of money. He started throwing money in the air, it trickled down as Farren danced in front of him. She shook her thighs and started taking off her thong. She bounced in sync with the beat. The harder she went the more money the guy threw. The guy started touching on her legs. She let him. The more Latoya watched her, the more she realized that she too could dance. And considerably better than Farren.
"You said that Farren is the best dancer?"
"Yea. One of the best. Give or take."
Once Farren was done, she picked up all the money that she had made. One of the security guards came and helped her gather it into a huge pile.
Latoya looked at Biscuit. "All of that is for her?"
"Most of it. I get a small percentage. but that's it.”
Latoya followed Farren back into the dressing room.
"Hey, girl!" Farren said as Latoya came in.
"Hey! You were amazing!" said Latoya.
"Thank you. One of my main clients was there. So, I had to go a little harder," she said while wiping the sweat from her forehead.
"Yea, That guy. He pulled out a ton of money when you came on. It looked like he was waiting on you. I would’ve never known he had that much money. I would’ve walked right past him if I was dancer,” said Latoya.
"Oh nooo. Lesson number one. Never make assumptions. Never assume someone doesn’t have money by how they look or dress. There’s guys that come in looking dirty and dusty and they will be throwing 100 dollar bills. Then there’s guys that come in here with big chains, Rolexes and with all name brand shit that won’t throw a dime. You have to just go hard no matter what. You’ll eventually find out who’s willing to spend and who’s not. That client out there that made it rain like that. He's a drug dealer. His name is Watson. He spends a lot of money on me. After he leaves the trap, he just comes and balls out here. He cashes out on me."
“Ok. I’ll never make an assumption like that again. So, Biscuit said that you’re the best dancers here. What’s your secret?”
Red Kisses smirked. “Well, it’s pretty simple. In my eyes, there’s two types of dancers. There’s strippers, and then there’s entertainers. Strippers shake their ass naked for money. They do the bare minimum. But I consider myself an entertainer. Entertainers, we give you a show. We go all out. We create an experience that will wow the clients. We make clients want to come back for more and tell all their friends to come spend money. We want to change your life. It’s not easy, If you learn how to be an entertainer, the sky’s the limit.”
“I’m taking notes. How much money did you make just now?”
"Probably a grand."
"One thousand dollars, for five minutes of dancing?"
"Ahhhh. Yes."
"Shit. Well. I've made my decision. How do I sign up?" Latoya rubbed her hands together.
1
NAKED HUSTLE
19. Home Twerk Assignment
Latoya had three days until her first day at Dreamville. She probably watched every YouTube video ever created on exotic dancers. She loved dancing so the twerking and shaking her ass part was easy. It was just the pole that was the challenge. She bought a stripper pole for her room. She had been practicing for three days straight non-stop. While practicing a spin around on the pole, she loses her grip and falls on the floor. Thump! She lands on her back and almost on her neck. “Ouch!” She yelled. Then her phone rings. ”Ugh!” She said rubbing her neck while getting up and walking to her phone. It was Lisa calling. She answered.
“Hey, girl! What you doing?” said Lisa.
“Oh nothing, just watching this HBO series that’s all,” she said trying to hide the wincing in her voice.
“Oh. You ok? You sound like you’re in pain.”
“Nope. I’m just doing a little. Um… Doing a little stretching that’s all.”
“Ok. Well I just wanted to give you an update on the Sephora job. I spoke with Sarah and we were able to get you an interview!”
“That’s awesome!” she said with fake enthusiasm.
“Yep! It’s going to be for the product consultant position! You’ll be making a bout 48K a year. Which is great starting off!”
“Great! When is the interview?”
“It’s going to be 8:30 a.m. Thursday, January 26th, at Lenox Mall. Will that work for you?”
“Yep. I’ll be there.”
“Good! Make sure you do research on the position and the company before you go in there. I know you’re going to ace this interview. I believe in you!”
“I’m sure I will too.”
Wednesday, January 25th
Farren takes Latoya shopping for an outfit before her first day at work. Farren purchases a couple of outfits from Looks of Atlanta on Piedmont Rd. Then Latoya convinces Farren that she wants a blonde wig and some blue contacts to somewhat hide her identity. Farren buys it all for her.
Latoya sat in the dressing room with her changing bag. It was just her at the time. Nervous
wasn't the word. She was terrified. She stared at herself in the mirror. The wig and contacts had her looking like a totally different person. She felt like a different person too. What was she becoming? She began to second guess herself. Thinking about how she ended up there in the first place. Wondering if she was built for this life. Debating on if she even had the courage to dance naked for money.
"Boo!" a cold hand touched her shoulder. Latoya jumped in fear. She looked back and It was Farren. "Girl, you shaking like a stripper! You ok?! You scared?" asked Farren playfully.
"I'm trying not to be. I just can’t calm my nerves. It’s just so much on my mind right now," said Latoya.
"Relax. Today is Wednesday. It should be a slow day. Biscuit scheduled you on this day for a reason. Plus, I got something that can calm your nerves," Farren pulled out a bottle of Patron from her purse.
"I'm down with that. Where's the chaser?" said Latoya looking down into Farren’s bag.
"Chaser? Baby us dancers don't chase nothing but the paper. We bout to take this to the head. Just me and you," she pulled out two shot glasses and started pouring.
“Wait! I can’t go too hard. I have a job interview tomorrow morning at Sephora. I can’t get too fucked up.”
“Oh. Girl, that’s what’s up. You bout to have two jobs. Day shift and night shift huh? Good for you. Well we won’t go that hard,” said Farren as she finished pouring the shots.
They both put there shot glasses in the air.
"This toast is for Latoya to help all of her dreams come true, and for her to have a successful first day as a dancer!"
They tapped glasses and put them in the air then took them to the head.
"Wooo, that's nasty!" Latoya said with a sour face.
"Alright. Now you need to take just two more, you're going to need them."
"Two more?! Did you not hear me just say that I have an interview tomorrow morning? I can't. I'm a light-weight when it comes to drinking. Maybe just one more should be enough."
"Toya, you're about to be dancing asshole naked in front of some total strangers. Fat, ugly, broke, wealthy, it doesn't matter. They’re going to be strangers. You can't be sober. Take two more shots to get you right. You will be fine tomorrow morning, I promise," she said as she poured more shots.
"Just one more Farren. I will be fine,” said Latoya looking at Farren with a serious face.
"Ok. If you say so. Just one it is. I go on next, and you're after me so we need to hurry up either way,” she said handing Latoya her second shot.
Latoya cringed. Then they both tapped their glasses and threw the liquor to the back of their throats. "Uggghhh."
"Good! Aight girl, I'm about to go up, I'll see you later on tonight. Remember, be an entertainer. Have personality. Have fun. You got this." She left and went to the big screen.
Latoya was dressed and ready. The liquor hadn’t hit her yet. But she was ready to make some money.
The door to the stage slammed open. It scared the hell out of Latoya. It was Biscuit.
"Toya! What's your stage name? The DJ needs to know.”
"Ummm. Stage name?”
“Yes! Stage name! What you want the DJ to call you. You’re dancing name.”
“I don’t know. I didn't think of it yet."
"Well you need to! Give me something now. Quick! Make something up. Just like Farren. Her stage name is Red Kisses. She’s light-skinned and she likes to wear red lipstick and she leaves red kiss on a lot of her clients.”
"I don't know. My favorite color is black. I'm sweet. Should I be sugar. Black Sugar?"
“Hell No. That’s stupid. But we’re on the right track. What’s some other personality traits of yours?”
“I love looking at myself in the mirror. My friends used to say I was vain.”
"That’s it! Black Vanity is your stage name. You’re welcome,” Biscuit leaves and slams the door.
Latoya’s heart started beating. She ran back to the liquor bottle and took three more shots.
"We got a new addition to the team! A future star. Introducing for the first time, Black Vanity!" said the DJ.
Latoya walk out on the stage. She couldn't see anything. She felt like a deer face-to-face with an 18-wheeler with its brightest headlights on. At first, she just stood there, posing until the music came on. She was seconds away from running right back into the dressing room and putting on her clothes. But she thought about Tina and Wanda finding her sleeping on a gym floor. She thought about everything that Tina, Wanda, and Grandma Betsy had said about her. Then she closed her eyes. She pictured herself back home dancing in the mirror. When no one was watching. Then she felt the liquor kick in. That's all she needed. The music started. She bent over. And started dancing. Bouncing her body up and down. Twisting. Shaking. Feeling sexy. Moving her body in sync with the beat. Combining the tricks that she knew before with what she had learned from the YouTube videos.
The song went off. She stopped dancing. It happened so fast. Her time was up. She opened her eyes and looked down and saw dollar bills everywhere. The bouncer came with a trash bag and gave it to her. She picked up what was hers.
"I knew she was a star, I knew it. She’s going to be special. Black Vanity everyone!" said the DJ.
Latoya went back to the room. Farren ran up to her.
“Girl! Look at you! I’m so proud of you! How do you feel?”
“I feel ok. I can’t believe I just did that.”
“You did great for your first time! You did way better than I did on my first dance. You just can’t be afraid to dance on the poll. I can teach you that though, we can practice together,” said Farren.
“Thank you. Because yes, I need it.”
“And you danced the whole time with your top and bottoms still on. You never took them off,” she said with a chuckle.
“Oh shit. Was I supposed to? I was so caught up in the moment that I forgot to.”
“I mean. If the customers are throwing money, which they were, they are expecting you to show them a little something. Ass, titties, something. That’s the whole point.”
Latoya saw Biscuit from the corner of her eyes approaching her. She became nervous.
“You ok?” Biscuit said.
“Yea, I’m fine. My heart was beating so fast, but I’m fine now. I’m sorry for not getting nake...”
“Good! Well I have a big spender out there waiting for your presence, I need you back out soon. You did a good job,” he winked.
“Ok. I’m coming.”
“Girl, let’s take a couple of more shots, it’s time to get this money!” said Farren.
They took more shots. Then Latoya walked out into the showroom and Biscuit directed her to this guy in the back corner in a VIP section. He was dark-skinned with a fresh all white jumpsuit, a mouth full of gold and a hand full of cash.
“Ms. Black Vanity, I’ve been waiting for you all my life,” the guy says.
“Stop lying, you just been waiting for me since 5 minutes ago,” she says.
She felt someone slap her butt.
Latoya immediately covered her butt with her hands and looked at the guy. “Are you serious?! What’s wrong with you?! Don’t put your hands on me! Who do you think I…” Latoya looked up and she saw Biscuit staring right at her with piercing eyes.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m just tryna have some fun. Is that a problem?” the guy said waving around the wad of cash, smiling with his mouth full of gold teeth.
Latoya sighed. “Nah. Just don’t be disrespectful with it,” she said.
“I got the utmost respect for you, Black Vanity. As a matter of fact, I respect you so much that you’re the only chick in this bitch that’s going to get all of my money tonight,” the guy said holding his cash up to Latoya.
Latoya smiled. “That’s what I like to hear,” she reached for the wad.
The guy pulled it out of her reach. “Not so fast. First, you’re going to have to earn it. So, I’m going to need you to, respectfully, get butt naked and
put on a show,” said the guy smiling showing off his shiny gold teeth again.
She looked over at Biscuit. He was still staring directly at her with his arms crossed. She took a deep breath. She closed her eyes. She reached back and unclipped her bra strap. She pulled off the bottom half until she was fully unclothed. Her nipples and pussy felt a sudden breeze but she ignored it. She didn’t want to look him in the eye so she started dancing shaking her butt directly in front of him while she looked away. She felt another slap on her butt, but this time, it felt like some dollar bills accompanied the slap. She still cringed a little. “Turn around baby I want to see your pretty face too,” Latoya, rolled her eyes but turned around pretty fast. She looked at him and everything was double. “Why you looking at me like that baby. You got something you have to get off your chest,” Latoya stumbled to keep her balance and the room started spinning. She felt an immediate rumble in her stomach then orange throw up comes gushing out of mouth like water from a faucet.
The guy jumped up.
“What the fuck!” he screamed. “Ahh hell nah! Not on my all white fit!” the guy looked down at the huge orange wet stain smack dab in the middle of his shirt.
Latoya covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry! I'm so so so sorry! I'll clean it up!"
The guy looked at her with anger and disgust. His fists were balled up.
"Toya, go in the back! I'll take care of it!" said Biscuit walking up and pointing towards the dressing room.
"Biscuit I'm sorry, I didn't know I was that drun..."
"Go in the back!" he pointed to the dressing room with the most serious look on his face.
She went into the back room and sat down. She started weeping with her hands over her face. Farren walked up.
"Girl. What's the problem? Why are you crying?!"
"I'm just a complete failure. I just threw up all over this guy’s shirt. I'm a total disaster!"
Farren chuckled. Then rubbed her on the back. "Sometimes you just have to laugh at shit. When you mess up or embarrass yourself, just say to yourself this too shall pass. Girl, it’s just a part of the game. You'll get over it. It has happened to the best of us. You had a great first night."