Kiss Like a Fist: A Paranormal Harem Pulp Novel (Hell's Belles Book 1)

by Jake Richter

  “That’s horrible to hear, sir.”

  Grimwood nodded. “As you can imagine, I was pissed off to the highest level of pisseditude.”

  “What did you do?”

  Grimwood turned his fiery gaze to Dante. “You mean before or after I disemboweled her with a paperclip?”

  A few seconds of awkward silence stretched between the pair. When Dante didn’t say anything, Grimwood reached down with a wand-like finger and tapped him on the nose. “Do you know what the moral of that disturbing little story is?”

  “You need more nuts?”

  Grimwood sucked on his teeth. “You’re not very smart are you, Dante?”

  “No, sir.”

  “I get disappointed easily. That’s the moral. And when I get disappointed with people or creatures, things become unpleasant.”

  “I understand completely, sir.”

  “Then can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything, sir.”

  Grimwood rose in a blur, knocking the egg out of Dante’s hand. His mouth opened and tendrils of red fire appeared, scything through the air over Dante’s head. “WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MOTHERFUCKING SICKLE?”

  Dante threw up his hands defensively as Grimwood screamed so loudly that the stone dome rattled. “YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB TO DO, DANTE! JUST ONE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW ASH AND FIND THE SICKLE!”

  “I’m sorry, sir! She’s incredibly resourceful and she had that gun of hers and the one she was with, the mortal—”

  “The fucking human bartender?”

  “The totally fuckable human bartender.”

  “Why didn’t you torture him until you got what I asked you to get?”

  Dante considered this. “I thought I could easily handle him, but he was a challenge. Stronger than I thought and he had this machine, this yellow car that was faster than I had anticipated.”

  Grimwood held out his hands horizontally, and fire licked his fingertips. The fire morphed into tendrils of black energy that curled up into the air, snapping back and forth like snakes.

  Dante gasped as the tendrils ratcheted around his waist.

  Grimwood snapped his wrist and the tendrils hoisted Dante up into the air. “I should kill you, Dante.”

  “But I-I’ve already died, sir. Remember, once upon a time I was a numbers man in New York City, and I got caught up in the middle of those draft riots and was shot in the chest several times and—”

  “Your backstory bores me. What matters now is the fact that everyone dies twice. The first time is when they physically cease to be. The second is when they’re forgotten. I could very easily make you die that second death.”

  “I pray that you will see fit to spare me, Grimwood.”

  Grimwood nodded. “Without that sickle, I’m unable to rule this world and the next.”

  Grimwood snapped his hand again and the tendrils lifted Dante up higher until his back was pinned against the stone dome. Grimwood moved in a circle below Dante, stalking around his abode like a preacher on Sunday morning. Forms emerged from behind the curtain, a small harem of achingly beautiful women of all sizes and ethnicities. The women, garbed in white tunics, shared one thing in common: they were scantily attired and eager to please, their bodies moving sinuously as they took up positions at Grimwood’s feet.

  Grimwood looked up at Dante. “We need to locate the sickle and get it back. Without it, I won’t be able to stop the Unwinding and purge this hellhole. And I certainly don’t want it in the hands of Ash and the human bartender, fuckable or not. No, a ruler other than myself would have this place running like some Underworld Burger King. Have it your way! No. I want complete top-down control. The Grand Reaper was getting soft. Giving people more choices on how they were placed. He even mentioned the word forgiveness! No, if we don’t retrieve it, all of us are doomed.”

  “What do you propose to do, sir?”

  Grimwood smiled. “I propose to get laid, and then I shall personally accompany you back to the land of the living, Dante, to track down Ash and that man-whore of hers.”

  “Do we have time?”

  “There’s always time to fuck.”

  Grimwood brought his hand down, and the tendrils vanished.

  Dante plummeted to the ground and smacked into the hard stone which stole the breath from his putrid lungs. He rolled over and watched Grimwood snap his fingers.

  The delegation of beautiful women followed Grimwood toward the curtains which he threw open to reveal an enormous circular bed. A soft orange light illuminated it. Dante watched as the women disrobed.

  Grimwood’s gaze swung to Dante, who was standing and staring in wonderment.

  “Do you like what you see?”

  Dante nodded.

  Grimwood smiled. “I never tire of their attention and eternal devotion to the art of pleasure, but you, Dante…”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “You’ve disappointed me. You’re little better than a jackass.”

  Grimwood’s eyes flashed and he angled a finger in Dante’s direction as—

  BOOM!

  Dante transformed into a donkey.

  He was on all fours and braying like a barnyard animal, his stomach bowing in the middle, a tail jutting out of his ass, long ears dangling from his equine-like head. Dante brayed to Grimwood, no longer able to effectively communicate as he scuttled about.

  Grimwood collapsed onto the bed and the women fell atop him. They gently shared long wet kisses as Grimwood whispered their names. They giggled and reached for him, but Grimwood delighted in leaving their arms outstretched, still begging for his cock.

  Grimwood was a master of seduction who’d always enjoyed the pleasures of a large harem: a stable of exotic and delectable females of all ages, sizes, and human ethnicities. He wrapped his arms around two of the women, a pair of nymphs with ample breasts who sucked on his nipples and stroked his shaft. He responded by commanding the two women to kneel in front of him and then, after listening to them beg for all that he could give them, he took turns entering them from behind. The slow motion with each extended hip thrust made the nymphs sweat and scream with delight. They bucked and moaned as Grimwood leaned into them, teasing them with slow warm fingers, taking turns as he fucked one and tasted the sweet bliss of the other. He was such a skillful lover that soon the trio was sweat-slicked, moving rhythmically while the other members of the harem looked on or pleasured themselves. Grimwood paused for only an instant to look back and down to where Dante was visible, watching the action with his enlarged equine eyes.

  An hour later, Grimwood was sated. He rose from the bed and moved across his retreat, the jackass Dante nipping at his heels. Grimwood exited the abode and stood on a balcony in the blue of the dawn. In the distance, there was a short line of mountains that surrounded the city nestled in the valley.

  Grimwood looked out over everything. “The Grand Reaper was revered, but he was flawed in that he never understood the power of the sickle.”

  Grimwood brought his hands together, which cast off a shower of friction sparks. “I’ll use the sickle to weaponize souls! I’ll use it to build an empire to rival Abaddon’s domain!”

  Dante brayed. “Abaddon, your idol and inspiration. To be like her would truly be amazing.”

  Grimwood nodded. “I know, and guess what?”

  Spinning like a dervish, Grimwood dropped to his haunches and appraised Dante. “That’s where you come in, old friend.”

  Grimwood flung a bolt of dark energy at him—

  BOOM!

  The visage of the jackass vanished.

  Dante returned to his semi-normal form, lying on the ground at Grimwood’s feet in a fetal ball.

  “Rise, Dante.”

  Dante did, and Grimwood suddenly flinched as time and sound seemed to slow. The air roiled and Grimwood had a vision. In the air, which rippled like water, he saw an image of Ash and Alex. They were in a yellow car, speeding down through a city.

  “What is it, sir?”

  “I
can see them.” Grimwood’s eyes rolled back. “They’re in that machine you mentioned, struggling to find a place to hide in the concrete jungle.”

  “We should go there now.”

  “Teleportation is, for the moment, out of the question. You know how it drains me. I still can’t afford to be weak at all…” Grimwood shook his head. “No, I won’t use that unless I absolutely have to. Besides, if we drive them to the sickle without tipping our hand, they may lead us to where we wanted to be all along.”

  “The grocery store with your favorite nuts?”

  “The sickle, you fuckstick. All that matters is the sickle and getting it in my hot little hands in less than a week. It’s time to get moving, to get our supernatural stroll on.”

  The images vanished, and Grimwood motioned for Dante to follow him back inside and down a short corridor to a metal door. He heaved the doors open to reveal an armaments vault.

  There were all manner of weapons and cutting devices pinned to the gunmetal gray interior. Grimwood grabbed a cylinder of metal the size of an ax and depressed a button on its side.

  Twin blades emerged from the ends along with an oversized gun barrel that telescoped from its end.

  Grimwood tossed the ax-like weapon to Dante then grabbed his choice, a cylindrical device that resembled a grenade launcher on steroids. He opened the large cylinder on the gun and began loading translucent shells that contained an amber liquid inside. Snapping the cylinder back into place, Grimwood grabbed a bandolier of ammo.

  “We’re going back now, sir?” Dante asked.

  “We are indeed. We’re going to meet them, Dante, but first, I’ve sent a few emissaries there ahead of us.”

  “What will we use to track them down?”

  Grimwood smiled then motioned for Dante to follow him down through a stone stairwell that ended at an underground space that resembled a large garage. There was an object hidden under a tarp. Grimwood flicked his wrist and the tarp flew back to reveal a pristine, 1969 Mach 1 Mustang.

  Dante took in the car. “A thing of beauty. The Underworld is never gonna be the same once we get through with them is it, sir?”

  “We’re going to bring it back old-school, Dante.”

  Dante smiled. “A regular hell on Earth.”

  10

  Alex clenched the Challenger’s steering wheel, still having a hard time believing what Ash was telling him about Grimwood. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you wanted your former boyfriend to give up his job in the Underworld?”

  Ash shook her head. “I wanted people to have a choice after they died. Let them decide where they would be placed. It is their afterlife, after all.”

  Alex registered this. “I don’t know, Ash. I mean, if my girl asked me to give up everything I’d worked for, I might have some reservations.”

  She sighed. “You’re missing the point.”

  “Help me with the point, Ash. I mean, twenty-four hours ago I was a bartender slinging drinks and now I’m mixed up in this and talking about how you broke up with your boyfriend who ruled the friggin’ underworld.”

  “Technically, he’s my ex and he never officially ruled it, so…”

  “You know what I mean,” Alex replied. “This is a lot to take in. I don’t even understand what you do.”

  “Like I said, I’m an Asphyx.”

  “Yeah well, my ass is in a fix because this is way above my pay grade.”

  Ash reached over and swatted Alex’s shoulder. “Humor is not your sword. Your wit couldn’t cut class. And the word is As-phyx, Alex, which is where the term asphyxiation comes from. Hello. I’m the last thing a living soul sees before they die.”

  “What? Like the Grim Reaper?”

  Ash waved her hand. “Not really. Once I appear and take a soul, my Belles transport them to our world. It’s usually a pretty smooth trip but sometimes we get to put in some real wet-work. I’m talking nasty little fuckers who want to snatch our catch for their little plans. So we gotta put ‘em down because if we don’t and the souls we took are stolen or escape, they become in-betweens.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means it ain’t good. Ever had a hand job with a rusty razor blade? It’s like that but more painful.”

  “Great,” Alex replied.

  “Where is your place, anyway?”

  Alex gestured. “We just passed it.”

  Ash shook her head, annoyed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Alex shrugged. “I was listening to your crazy stories.” Ash reached over and jerked the steering wheel hard, the Challenger nearly flipping as it swerved into an exaggerated turn. The wheels spun to a stop for a split second and then revved forward again.

  “Stop!” Alex shouted.

  Ash placed her hand on Alex’s leg, pressing his foot down on the brakes as the car slid expertly into a parking spot on a side street.

  Her hand lingered on Alex’s lap. A warm current emanated from her fingers as she playfully squeezed his inner thigh and he felt his sex beginning to bulge. Alex breathed her scent in. Warm vanilla with an attitude which Alex found intoxicating.

  “You gonna get the door, big boy?” she asked.

  Alex nodded, jumping out of the car as Ash stowed her Bitch Killer gun under her seat and joined him.

  The two walked down the street and moved up the stairs outside of Alex’s place. He slotted his key in the front door.

  “Wait. I almost forgot,” Ash said.

  Alex looked over and she opened up her hand to reveal a large, pink pearl. Ash placed it in Alex’s hand. It was heavier than it looked and warm to the touch. He felt an instant surge of adrenalin.

  “It’s a POP. Some people call them Pearls of Power or Pearls of Possibility. Each Asphyx is allowed to carry one to assist in the formation of their teams. It’s how I got my posse of Belles together, and now it’s yours.”

  Alex stared at the pearl. “What does it do?”

  “It gives you certain powers and amplifies your natural abilities. If you’re a decent shot with a gun, with the pearl you become a great shot. Or if you’re a pretty good fuck…well, then you could probably rock my world. If you wanted.”

  I would love to rock your world, Alex thought to himself.

  Alex continued to absorb the power of the pearl and felt the waves move through his frame, before pocketing it and turning the doorknob.

  The door wouldn’t open.

  The deadbolt was engaged.

  He pounded a hand on the door. “Giselle. It’s Alex! C’mon, we gotta get in.”

  Alex stared at the door, then removed the pearl from his pocket. “Maybe I should use it to open the door.”

  Ash shook her head. “With great power, comes responsibility. Use it only when it’s absolutely necessary. Besides, it’s not continuous power. It needs to power up and once used, takes time to power back up.”

  Footfalls echoed on the other side of the door and then the deadbolt slid back as the door opened to reveal Alex’s roommate, Giselle. She was tall and lean, dressed in full dominatrix attire, all red leather from her spiked blonde hair to candy red-painted toes. A long whip was in her expertly manicured hand.

  Giselle looked from Alex to Ash. “Who’s your friend?”

  Alex pointed to Ash. “Ash.”

  “Delicious to meet you, Ash,” Giselle said, taking Ash’s hand and kissing it.

  Ash smiled and the pair entered the space.

  Alex immediately noticed that the living room had been transformed into a temporary sex dungeon and the worst part was that Giselle wasn’t alone.

  There was a submissive man with a ball gag in his mouth on all fours, along with another man in a black singlet, and a short, muscular woman with enormous breasts dressed in a school-girl costume.

  Giselle smiled. “That’s Frank, by the way. Oh, and Lance and Libby. They like to get a little exotic every now and again.” Giselle cracked the whip like Indiana Jones. “Alex and Ash, you want to join?”

  Alex shook his head.
“No thanks. I like being STD-free.”

  Giselle stuck out her tongue at him then glanced at Ash. “How ‘bout you, sweet cakes?”

  “I don’t think you could handle me,” Ash replied with a wink.

  Giselle laughed as Alex took Ash’s hand, leading her toward a staircase when there was a loud THWACK!

  Giselle cracked her whip, smacking the submissive man on the ass.

  “Does that excite you?” Ash asked.

  Alex shook his head.

  “I can read minds, Alex. It’s a hobby of mine.”

  “Shit!” Alex froze.

  Ash laughed. “I’m fuckin’ with you, but let me tell you, this little sex show is totally G-rated in comparison to what I can do.”

  Ash pushed her body up against Alex. She felt so good, warm with her lips so close to Alex’s ear…her breath tantalizing. Alex immediately felt his cock snap to attention.

  “Are you excited?” Ash whispered.

  “Maybe a little,” Alex replied.

  She giggled and stepped back, as Alex whistled softly. He refocused and led her away from the living room and up the stairs.

  They stopped midway up the stairs and watched Giselle, Lance, Libby, and Frank go at it. Giselle had always been a freak, Alex knew that, but he’d never witnessed her in action like this before. Ash leaned against him and the pair stared down at Giselle and the others. Neither spoke a word, but Alex could feel his pulse quicken, could feel the heat cast from Ash’s body.

  “You still feel excited?” Ash asked.

  “You’re not playing fair.”

  “Who says I’m playing?”

  Alex and Ash watched as Giselle and Libby began grinding against Frank. Giselle was busy showing Libby how to tease and torture at the same time as Alex smiled nervously and guided Ash upstairs.

  He entered his room and flipped on some jams which blocked out most of the moans and echoes of flesh being slapped that were coming from the living room. Ash turned her attention to the quarters which were messy but unique. An eclectic collection of crap including some old coins, Indian arrowheads, some sporting trophies, and several stacks of dog-eared comic books lay on the ground, a circular table, and some shelving. There were only a few photographs in sight, including an action shot of Spence mud-wrestling at a local dive bar, and a single photo in a wooden frame of Alex’s grandfather and grandmother. Alex grandfather had given him that photo several months before he disappeared.