“No, just have a seat,” David replied. “How was your trip?”
“It felt like it took forever, but I’m here so that’s all that matters,” Cameron said with a smile. He turned to say hello to his sister and did a double-take when he saw me.
“Charlotte,” he said.
“Hi, Cam.”
“Do I get a hello?” Bonnie said.
Cameron smiled and walked over to hug her. “Hello, Bonnie Lynette Harper,” he laughed.
“That’s better!” Bonnie said, smiling as she sat back down.
Cameron sat over next to his mother, but we kept glancing at one another across the room.
Before long, Alex returned with the coffee, and as we woke up, we started chatting. Cameron didn’t contribute much to the conversation. He just kept watching me with a smile on his face.
Mid-morning, Ellen and David went to get us all some food, and I decided to go for a walk to stretch my legs.
“Call me if the baby comes,” I told Bonnie.
“Will do,” she said without looking up from her magazine.
I left the waiting room and walked down the hallway, which was lined with posters of babies and breastfeeding mothers. If my marriage hadn’t fallen apart, would I have had a child by now?
“How are you?” Cameron’s voice came from behind me, and I turned to find him following me down the hall.
“I’m good. How are you? How’s San Diego?” I folded my arms over my chest without realizing it, but I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. The last time I saw Cameron had been extremely emotional, and I was a little embarrassed.
“San Diego is good — sunny,” he said with a smile.
“How cliché.” I laughed nervously. “Lucky you.”
“Bonnie told me about you and Owen.”
I shuffled my feet and started worrying a hangnail on my left thumb.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte. Are you okay?”
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Oh, of course. Maybe we should get back, I’m sure Mom and Dad will be here with the food soon,” he suggested.
“I was going to go for a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Oh, okay. Do you want some company?” he asked tentatively, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.
“Um…”
“I’m a daddy!” Ryan yelled from the other room.
Cameron and I practically ran back to the waiting room. When we got there, Ryan was wearing an ear-splitting grin and hugging Bonnie tightly. Cameron put his arms around both of them in a Harper group hug as Alex and I stood off to the side.
“Did we miss it?” Ellen asked as she walked back into the room with a large paper bag.
“Nope, it just happened,” I told her, taking the bag so she could hug her children.
All the Harpers disappeared into Sarah’s room to have a look at the newest member of their family. Alex followed them and looked back over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”
“In a minute.” As much as I wanted to see the baby, I didn’t feel right invading their family moment. I was happy to wait until they’d all had a chance to meet and hold the tiny new Harper. I’d just sat down and opened the paper bag to see what food Ellen had brought when David came back to the waiting room.
“Why aren’t you in there?” he asked, hooking his thumb over his shoulder.
“I thought I’d let you have a family moment first.”
“Charlotte, you are part of this family. Now come on.”
I smiled and followed him. Sarah sat in her hospital bed holding the baby, and everyone was cooing and gushing.
“Would you like to hold your niece?” Sarah asked as she held the baby out to me.
“Are you sure? Has everyone else held her?” I asked, looking around.
They all nodded, so I held my arms out.
“Charlotte, this is Jessica Penelope Harper. Jessie, this is your Aunty Charlotte. She’s going to take you shopping on Fifth Avenue when you get older,” Sarah said, handing me the baby.
She felt so small and delicate in my arms that I was terrified to look away from her for fear I’d drop her or squeeze her too hard. After a few moments, I managed to look up and saw Cameron watching me closely. Our eyes met, and I knew we were thinking the same thing — would this have been us?
“Speaking of Fifth Avenue, how are you liking New York?” David asked.
“It’s great. I love my apartment, and school is going well. I love my new life.”
“Me again!” Bonnie said eagerly, holding her arms out. With some relief I handed her Jessie.
Everyone sat around the room chatting and taking turns holding the baby until the evening. I had an early class the next day and a two-hour drive home, so I decided it was time to say goodbye. Cameron walked me out to my car.
“Drive safely,” he said, gently kissing my forehead.
The drive home went by in a blur as I thought about what my life would have been like if Cameron and I’d had a child together. Would our marriage still have fallen apart? Our issues were trust related, I knew. Not anything a baby would’ve fixed.
When I got home I went straight to bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
The following morning I walked through my door and dropped my school books on the table, brushing the snow off my clothes and out of my hair. After driving back from Fairfield last night and then the early class this morning, I was utterly exhausted. I rifled though my fridge for some leftovers and sat on the couch to eat and watch television.
Just as I lifted the fork to my mouth, the door buzzed. Groaning, I stood up and went to see who was at the door.
“Yes,” I asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
“It’s Cam. Can I come up?” His voice filtered through the speaker.
“Um, okay,” I said, pressing the button that opened the door downstairs.
I stood still, wondering what he could want. Was his flight home to San Diego delayed out of JFK?
A soft rap on the door jolted me out of my musing, and I pulled it open. He wore a shy smile, his hair damp and his shirt spotted with wet patches.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” I held tightly to the door. He looked so handsome I held back a groan as he walked past me into the apartment.
He pulled off his wet coat and hung it on my coat rack. He ran his hands through his hair nervously, water droplets falling to the floor.
“Oh — would you like a towel?”
“Thanks,” he said. I retrieved a clean towel from the linen closet, and he ran it quickly across his hair.
“Can we sit?” he asked.
I nodded and we walked over to the couch.
“What are you doing here? Is the baby okay? Wait — how did you know where I lived?”
“Bonnie.”
I nodded. Of course.
“The baby’s fine,” he said, taking my hand. His thumb rubbed over the base of my ring finger, and I looked down at my lap. “I’m sorry about Owen. Are you okay?”
“I’m dealing. Starting fresh. I still think about him a lot.”
Cameron nodded. “He was a good guy.”
“Yes, he was. But it wasn’t right. We both knew it, but we fought to stay together as long as we could.”
Cameron sighed and leaned back on the couch. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I came here.”
“It’s okay. When are you heading back to San Diego?”
Cameron gave me a weak smile. “I never moved to San Diego.”
“You were in Fairfield this whole time?”
“No, I did leave, but I didn’t go to San Diego. I moved here…to New York.”
“Why did you lie?” I demanded.
“I didn’t lie. I planned to move to San Diego, but when it came down to it, I realized I couldn’t be that far from my family. So I changed my plans and asked my family not to mention it to you. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I needed a clean break.”
I looked at him and slowly processed what he said. I wanted to feel deceived, but I was actually just happy to learn we lived in the same city.
“It’s okay. You did what you needed to do to look after yourself. I understand that.”
He smiled and cocked his head as if he’d just thought of something. “You know, we’re very different people than when we were a couple.”
“Yes, we are,” I agreed, unsure where he was going.
“But my feelings for you haven’t changed. I’m still in love with you.”
Me too, my heart said, but I just offered him a shy smile.
“As I’ve told you, I’m a different man now, and I want you to know that’s true. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking about my priorities, and I know I’m ready to be with you now. When we were married I was too caught up in myself to see you, the real you — I thought I knew you, but all I saw was what I wanted to see. I thought you were this perfect angel who loved me and was a great wife — and you were those things. But you were also fragile, insecure, and a little stubborn.”
I slapped his arm but didn’t interrupt.
“Back then, I thought loving you meant ignoring those things and only seeing the good in you, but I was wrong. I know now that loving you means accepting everything about you and loving every part of you…even your stubbornness. I want to nurture the fragile part of you and reassure your insecurities. There are things we both need to work on, but I want you to know that I have changed. I’m ready for this. I want this with you.”
Certainty burned in his eyes, and the passion in his voice was hard to fault. I could only remember one other time when he’d sounded so sure of something…
…I’d been lying on the bed, my hair splayed out all around me on the pillow as Cameron crawled toward me and knelt on all fours over my body, his hands on either side of my head.
I smiled up at him, his twinkling eyes full of love as they stared back at me.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I smiled wider and opened my mouth to reply, but he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, sucking on my bottom lip slightly.
He chuckled as I moaned into his mouth, but he abruptly tore his lips away and rolled off me. I watched in confusion as he opened the small drawer in the bedside table and started rummaging around for something. I wasn’t in the mood for him to be distracted. After his declaration of love and that steamy kiss, I was in the mood for some sexy time with my man.
“Come back here,” I growled seductively.
“In a minute,” he chuckled. “Come sit here by me?”
He patted the edge of the bed, and I sat up and slid over to him.
“Charlotte, you make me so happy. You’re my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night before I go to sleep. I love you, and I know I’ll love you forever,” he said, looking into my eyes.
I froze, staring at him, not wanting to jump to conclusions about what he was saying.
He slipped slowly off the bed and onto his knees in front of me, holding up a small velvet box. “Will you allow me to make you happy for the rest of your life? Will you marry me?”
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place, trying as hard as I could to make this perfect moment last forever. Slowly, I reached out and took the box from his hand. My fingers shook as I grasped it tightly and stared at the perfect diamond ring.
“Yes,” I breathed, holding back my tears of joy.
A huge smile erupted on Cameron’s face, and he pulling me to him to kiss me passionately. “I love you. I love you so much,” he whispered into my mouth.
He pulled back and looked at me excitedly as he took the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger…
All the emotions I’d felt for Cameron when we were first falling in love now came rushing back to me, and everything became clear. I wanted Cameron. It didn’t matter what our past had been — that was all over. We’d both moved beyond it and were different people now. I was much stronger and more independent than I’d been back then, and Cameron had matured and learned from his mistakes.
“I forgive you,” I blurted.
“Huh?” he asked, looking at me curiously.
I took a deep breath and felt electricity coursing through my body. “Sorry, that was a bit blunter than I meant it to be. Let me start again. We’ve both moved on from the past — it’s behind us — and you’re right, we are different people. We’ve both grown up a lot in the past few years, and I’m hoping we’re mature enough now to take on a serious relationship.”
Cameron looked at me with wide eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t deserve you. I wronged you, Charlotte.”
“You’re right. But I wronged you too. We’re both to blame for the problems in our relationship. I love you, Cam. I never stopped, and if you’re willing, I’m here, ready to try again.”
I took a deep breath and waited. I wasn’t sure where my boldness came from, but I liked it. I had a whole new life, and I wanted to find out if Cameron fit into it.
He smiled as he shifted and leaned toward me. I could practically see him vibrating in his seat.
“I think we should take it slow. Go back to the very beginning. We should date and get to know each other again,” he said sensibly, but I could hear the joy in his voice.
“I agree. As you said, we’re both very different people than we were when we first met, and I don’t think we really know each other that well now. I know you, but I need to get to know the thirty-year-old Cameron.”
“I don’t want to rush this, Charlotte. I don’t want to ruin it again,” he said, his voice shaking.
“I don’t want that either. I know we’re taking a chance, but don’t you think the potential of what we could be together is worth a little risk?” I grasped his hand.
Cameron and I stared into each other’s eyes, and I shifted toward him. My eyelids fluttered closed as I leaned in for a kiss.
“No!” Cameron said suddenly.
My eyes flew open, and I looked at him in confusion as he stood up and backed away.
“Sorry,” he said, sounding calmer. “I want to take this slow.”
I nodded. I was disappointed, but I knew Cameron was right. We needed time. It would take work and communication to create something new.
“I’m going to head home. I think we both need some time to think about this.”
“Okay,” I replied, helping him into his coat.
“I’ll see you soon.”
I watched in disbelief. Was he really just going to leave? I knew we’d agreed to take it slow, but I wanted him to change his mind and kiss me goodbye.
He turned back just before he was out the door and gave me a wink, and then he was gone. Excitement, joy, and a million other emotions all hit me at once and a huge smile broke over my face.
Just as I’d calmed myself down and was about to go back to watching television, there was a knock on the door. I ran to answer it and smiled when I saw Cameron standing there with a blank expression on his face.
“Hello, I’m Cameron Harper,” he said seriously, holding his hand out for me to shake.
I looked at his hand and then up at his face, and he gave me another wink before returning to his neutral expression.
I took his hand and shook it. “I’m Charlotte Barnes.”
“I’ve seen you around, and I’d like to get to know you better. I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight.”
“I don’t usually go out with men I don’t know.” I giggled when his brow knit in confusion.
His expression became more confident as he gave me a very intense look. “You can trust me, Charlotte.”
I knew he wasn’t just saying it as part of this little game. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I really could trust him — and if he could trust me. Owen had taught me how important communication was in a relationship, and I’d forever be grateful for that. Cameron knew what it was like to betray someone he loved, and I did
n’t think he’d take that risk again. Maybe everything I’d been through was to prepare me for this moment. Communication was still a work in progress for me, but I was getting better.
“Dinner would be nice,” I finally said with a smile.
Cameron took my hand, brought it to his mouth, and kissed it softly.
“I’ll be back to pick you up at seven,” he whispered.
I leaned against the door frame and watched as he walked down the hall to the elevator.
“Oh, and, Charlotte,” he called back over his shoulder, “you look beautiful in those sweatpants.” He gave me a huge grin and one last playful wink before getting into the elevator.
“Shut up!” I called after him, laughing as the elevator doors closed.
I went back inside and fell against the closed door, excitement building inside me. In my head I started cataloging my entire wardrobe — I had a first date to get ready for.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have so many people to thank. To my mother, for encouraging me and always believing in me. To Tiffany, Shantelle, Genevieve, Chelle, and Christine, for helping me in the early stages of writing and offering their sound advice. To all of my friends and family who have listened as I have bounced ideas around, given me their opinions on plot, characters, and the ending — I appreciate you so much. To Alex, for not being afraid to tell me when I suck and being honest about what needs to be changed. To fellow author Victoria Michaels who, without even knowing it, inspired me to start writing, and the whole team at Omnific Publishing, especially Elizabeth, Lisa, and Jenny. You have all been more supportive and helpful than I could have ever dreamed. To my hard-working editor, Jennifer. THANK YOU for being patient with me and facilitating my growth as an author. The hours of work you have put into this novel are greatly appreciated — we make a great team!
And finally, to everyone who knows why “ACO” is important to this story. You are a group of people so special to me, and I thank my lucky stars for being associated with you!
About the Author
Hannah Downing was born in the United States before she moved to Australia as a child. Her love of reading developed when she was very young. Her mother would sit and read with her at night, and she also passed down some of her own childhood books for Hannah to enjoy. Hannah has always loved writing, but she began to do it seriously two years ago when she became involved with an online writing community that inspired and delighted her.
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