The Senator's Secret (A Presidential Affair Book 1)

by Jennifer Rebecca

  Then I walked away, leaving it behind.

  I tucked my purchases in the trunk of the rental car and climbed in the driver seat, heading in the complete wrong direction from Jake, from the airport, from just about everything I knew. Instead, I headed south.

  Eventually, I stopped to fill up the gas tank and grab some coffee. The idea of food turned my stomach, so I didn’t even try. I reprogrammed the GPS for a small town in East Texas and headed for friends who loved me so much they might as well have been family.

  I stole away like a runaway.

  “I KNOW YOU’RE AWAKE,” Angie says from the doorway. “You wanna talk about it?”

  “No.” My voice is rough. It sounds harsh and unused.

  “Well, good,” Angie’s aunt, Mable, says from the doorway, pushing past her. “That means there’s a juicy story behind it.”

  “You wanna talk about the sexy senator who’s been calling the house every day?” Angie pushes.

  “Also no.” God, please just make it all go away. When my heart stops hurting so badly, I’ll go back to my life and I’ll never let another man make me weak again.

  “He’s real hot. Almost as good-looking as the congressman from here. You know the one?” Mable asks like we talk about how hot the man who broke my heart is every day. “The hottie with the one eye. I think he was a Navy SEAL too. Those Navy SEALs are crazy hot. I’d bag one.”

  “Dammit, Mable!” Angie yells.

  “What?” she asks like she’s not even bothered by her niece yelling at her. “Like you wouldn’t hit that.”

  “I’m still here, ladies,” Cody says.

  “Well, what in the hell for?” Mable gripes. “We have girl shit to talk about, and by the looks of her, it’s some heavy shit. Heeea-vy. Shit. I’d break out the tequila, but she’s had a box of tampons sitting unopened on the bathroom counter since she got here, so I’m thinking Aunt Flo went south for winter and she’s about as good and knocked up as you are.”

  I feel my eyes pop open. No. It can’t be. I can’t be. I can’t be having the baby of the man who betrayed me. Life can’t be that unfair, can it?

  “No,” I whisper. I count through the weeks in my head.

  “See?” Mable tells Cody. “Heavy. Shit.”

  “Maybe we should call the senator back,” he says. “I’m too pretty for prison.”

  “That you are,” both women agree, rolling their eyes.

  I burst into tears when I realize how far back I’ve counted.

  “See?” Mable chirps. “Pregnant.”

  “Maybe I’m just late, because I’ve been under so much stress,” I hedge. Periods are weird. They do that sometimes. I’m pretty sure I read an article in Cosmo about that. Everything will be fine.

  “Uhh… sure,” Angie says. “That’s totally how it works.”

  “So, is it really that bad?” Cody asks.

  “He lied to me,” I answer.

  “Well no one can tell the truth all the time,” Mable explains. “That would be boring.”

  Cody and Angie both shoot Mable a withering glare.

  “He blackmailed me into being in a relationship with him,” I tell them. “I didn’t know it was him at the time though. I thought he was helping me out of a bad spot. And then I fell in love with him.”

  “Was he mean to you?” Angie asks me.

  “No.”

  “Did he hit you? Beat you? Talk ugly to you?” Mable asks.

  “No, none of that.”

  “Well, then what’s the problem?”

  “Really?” I ask sharper than I meant to. “Were none of you listening?”

  “Honey,” Cody starts, and I flinch at the term of endearment Jake seems to favor. If he notices, he doesn’t let on that he does; he just presses forward. “Men do really stupid shit all the time.”

  “This is true,” Angie agrees.

  “Even the very best of us,” he says. “No one is perfect.”

  “Except me,” Mable inserts, making Angie roll her eyes. “And God.”

  “I’m really tired,” I tell them, hoping some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met can take a hint.

  “I’m going to fix you a sandwich,” Angie says before she waddles her very pregnant body out of the room.

  “I’ll go into town and pick up a bottle of tequila and a pregnancy test,” Mable says helpfully. “Oh, and some vitamins. Then you’ll know which you need more after you pee on the stick.”

  And then she’s gone too. Only Cody remains.

  “You going to be all right, kid?” he asks in his slow Texas drawl.

  “Eventually.”

  “You want me to kick his ass?” he adds, making me smile my first real smile in who knows how many days. It feels brittle and unused but I still enjoy it all the same. “I was a badass pro football player, you know.”

  “He was a Navy SEAL.”

  “Well fuck that, then,” he answers. “This face is too pretty to pulverize.”

  “It’s the thought that counts,” I tell him, and then he’s gone too and I’m left alone with my thoughts.

  Could I ever forgive Jake? Do I even want to try? And what if I am pregnant? That would change everything. I’m not going to think about that one for now. Now, I just need to know if I can trust Jake again, and if so, can I let myself continue to love him? Because my heart is telling me that I never stopped.

  On that thought, I yawn. Maybe it wasn’t a lie after all.

  “Where is Grace?”

  Chapter 21

  Abandon ship—all is lost

  Jake

  My head is pounding.

  My head is pounding, and I stink. My stomach flips and flops. I’m probably going to puke soon, but it’s no less than I deserve.

  A heavy knock sounds on the front door, but I don’t bother to answer it. I don’t want to see anyone at all. Not since Grace walked out of my life and didn’t come back. She didn’t forgive me, wouldn’t listen to the truth.

  I hear the front door open and someone key in the code for the alarm. This is unfortunate for a multitude of reasons, but the one at the top of my list is that I don’t want to see anyone, and I definitely don’t want anyone to see me like this.

  Or maybe this is my new normal, and everyone else can get bent. Who knows?

  “What the fuck?” Lee calls out.

  “Fuck off.”

  “Brother, did you sleep on the couch?” Wes asks me.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” he follows up. He knows. I know he knows, because he’s married now, but at one point in time, he was where I am now. Not to say that he blackmailed his wife into a relationship anonymously, but he did break up with her when she was only eighteen when he realized he couldn’t move her to San Diego only to be deployed all the fucking time—which we definitely were back in the day.

  “You don’t want to know.” I eye him suspiciously.

  “Oh, I think we do,” Rick chimes in, the fucking fuck. Seriously, I think I hate him.

  “I can’t sleep in the bed without Grace,” I admit.

  “There it is!” Wes cheers. “What do we have for our winner?”

  “Heartache.” Lee laughs.

  “Like you’re one to talk,” I mutter rudely. I’m mad and I’m hurt, and if I’m being totally honest, I’m a little drunk still, so I’m lashing out at anyone who reminds me of what a total fuckup I am.

  “This is true,” Wes says with a smile. He’s clearly enjoying Lee dangling on a line like he is.

  “Is the sexy medical examiner still not talking to you?” Rick asks.

  “Oh, she’s not only not talking to him,” Wes adds. “She’s knocked up.”

  “Is it yours?” I ask.

  “No,” Lee growls. “But who the fuck cares? If she gave me even the tiniest bit of hope, I’d be there for her and raise that baby like it was my own fucking blood.”

  “I’m sorry, brother,” I reply quietly. He doesn’t deserve my shit. “Punch Wes again. That’ll make us both feel
better.”

  “Hey!” Wes shouts. “That is uncalled for.”

  “He’s the one fucking your sister,” I add with a boy-scout smile. “I never fucked your sister. Scout’s honor.”

  “Neither did I,” Rick says with an evil smirk.

  “Stop talking about fucking my sister, you assholes, or I’ll punch every one of you,” Lee growls.

  “Why me?” Wes asks.

  “Because you are fucking her!”

  “I married her!” he shouts back and fuck if I hadn’t missed this when we all went our separate ways.

  “Let’s get back on track here, gentlemen,” Rick says. “Someone just needs to kick Ghost’s ass so he can go claim his girl and win an election.”

  “Hooyah!” they all shout at the same fucking time.

  “Abandon all hope, sailors. All is lost,” I tell them sadly and fuck me if I don’t sound pitiful even to my own ears.

  “Wow,” Lee says. “I thought you were a SEAL.”

  “And not a pussy,” Wes adds.

  “Do SEALs quit?” Rick asks.

  “No, sir!” they all shout.

  “When are the easy days?” Wes prompts, and they all pause and wait for me to answer them, and fuck it if I don’t have a little hope that maybe I can right this ship and fix my life.

  “Yesterday,” I answer them. “The only easy day was yesterday.”

  “Hoooyah!”

  “Now hit the fucking shower, Captain,” Lee says, falling into his old routine. “You smell like whiskey and desperation.”

  “Fuck you.” I laugh as I head for the shower, flipping them off on my way. “Someone book me a flight to Tall Pines.”

  “Where the fuck is that?” Wes asks.

  “The middle of fucking nowhere,” Rick answers.

  “It’s everything,” I correct him. “It’s the most important place right now.”

  “That it is, brother,” Rick says solemnly. “Take it from me; when you find your missing piece, the other part of your fucking soul, grab it with both hands and never let it go.”

  “Roger that.”

  He doesn’t have to tell me twice.

  Batten down the hatches, Grace, because I’m coming for you, and I won’t give up. Not fucking ever.

  She’s my everything. I should have told her five years ago that I thought she was amazing. I should have chased after her then with ruthlessness, but parts of me were still too dark. I had seen too much; there was too much blood on my hands. She was too clean and pure, and I didn’t deserve her. I still don’t deserve her, but I won’t walk away. It’s like Rick said—she’s the other half of my soul, the very best parts of me, the one who makes me want to be a better fucking man.

  With her, I am everything. Without her, I am nothing.

  Sure, I could keep breathing, keep my heart beating without her, but I would just be existing like I have been for the last three days. I want to live. I want to live for her. I want to love her like she deserves and, hand to God, if she gives me another chance, I will make sure she never regrets it for the rest of her life.

  I love her that much.

  “It’s a landslide.”

  Chapter 22

  Got my vote

  Grace

  I am a horrible human being.

  That’s really my only excuse right now. A couple days with Mable and Angie have made me realize that while Jake was wrong to deceive me like he did, I was also wrong in not hearing him out. I was not the bigger person.

  If I really love him like I have claimed to, then I should have given him the chance to explain. I’m going to have to go to him when I get back to New York and talk to him. He may not forgive me, and I may not forgive him either. I can’t tell until I hear what he has to say, and only then will I make my judgement, like I should have done all along.

  And I do love him. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel like absolute shit. My heart just hurts.

  Cody’s German Shepherd and I meander through the property. I’ve been taking walks here and there with the older dog. It makes me miss Sarge and the cats. I hope Jake has taken care of them. Although, I know that he has. Deep down, I know he is a good guy. Jake would never let anything happen to my babies.

  In truth, I hope Sarge is looking after him. I was awful. When Steve and I get back to the house, I’m going to call Rick and check the polls. I can’t be the reason Jake loses, and he would make such an amazing president. I just hope it’s not too late. Election day is just a week away. The American people believed in Jake before I came along, and I’ve got a week to show them they were absolutely right.

  “Let’s head back, Steve. I’ve got some work to do,” I tell the dog. He just looks at me and groans. “And a new phone to buy. I can’t believe I destroyed a two-thousand-dollar phone.”

  Steve just growls.

  “Anybody ever tell you that you’re very judgy?”

  “All the damn time,” Cody says, making me laugh when we walk up the porch. “There’s someone here to see you. I could beat him up, but his Secret Service agent could kick my ass and is madder than a wet hen at you. So, you decide if I need another back surgery or not.”

  “I’m not going to get you beaten up.” I roll my eyes at his drama. Over the last few days, I’ve learned that the giant retired football player is kind of a big girl in a very loveable way.

  “So you’re going into the lion’s den then?” he asks me.

  “Yeah, I think I am.”

  “Atta girl,” he says.

  “You don’t rock a football coach vibe at all,” I tell him with my eyes wide and an innocent look on my face before I burst out laughing.

  “You’re ridiculous,” he grumbles with a smile on his face.

  “Jules is worse,” I tell him as I make my way into the house. “Wait until you meet her!”

  But the smile slides off my face when I see Jake sitting on the couch. He jumps up to stand when I walk in the room, ever the gentleman. His clothes are clean and his jaw is shaved, but he looks tired. He’s wearing worn jeans and a T-shirt, with a pair of running shoes on his feet. He’s dressed casually, but he looks as handsome as ever. Actually, Jake looks like I feel. And then I remember I’m not dressed in my usual Chanel and Louboutins either. I’m in leggings and sneakers and a Texas A&M sweatshirt I borrowed from Cody. My hair is in a ponytail, and the Cleveland baseball cap I bought in Ohio is on my head. My face is free of makeup.

  “Hi,” I say shyly before brushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

  “Hi,” he greets. “Can we talk?”

  “Yes.” I make my way over to sit on the opposite end of the sofa from him. Jake sits and bounces his knee. It’s the only outward sign of his agitation.

  Steve growls at him.

  “Is that dog winking at me?” he asks.

  “Shh!” I hush him quickly. “He only has one eye, and he doesn’t like it when people stare.”

  “Oh,” he stumbles a bit. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I tell him, and it clearly is, because Steve lies down on his dog bed with a groan.

  “He kind of reminds me of Sarge,” Jake says. “He’s not happy with me right now.”

  “Oh no, is he okay? He hasn’t fallen back into his depression, has he?” Shit, another life I’ve ruined by being a drama llama, as Jules would say.

  “He’s fine,” Jakes says with a smile. “He blames me for you not coming home. Your cat shits in my shoes every day now, by the way.”

  I bark out a laugh. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not,” he says.

  “No, I’m not,” I agree.

  We sit there quietly, neither of us knowing what to say. I pick at the cuticle on my thumb nail, and Jake just watches me.

  “I’m sorry,” we both say at the same time and laugh. It’s awkward and nervous and not at all like we used to be around each other. I hate it immediately.

  “I am sorry,” I admit and then decide I’m in for a penny, so I might as well be in for a
pound. “I wasn’t fair to you. “I told you that I… cared about you. And then I did not treat you the way I should have, and I am sorry.”

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he says, and his voice is rough with deep emotion. “It was me, all me, and I never should have put you in the position I did.”

  “Oh… that position wasn’t all bad,” I reply, and my eyes go wide when I realize how my words sound. “What I mean is—”

  “I remember a few positions you really like.” He smirks that panty melting smirk that got me into this mess to begin with.

  I roll my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Yes.” Jake glances away before looking back at me, and his blue eyes burn into mine. “I was attracted to you when I first came home, but I wasn’t ready. I had been living in darkness for too long, and you were too bright. I couldn’t sully that with the blood on my hands.”

  His words break my heart, and I want him to stop talking, but I also want Jake to feel like he can share his burdens with me. I’ll help him carry them.

  “And then when I was almost ready and definitely tired of waiting,” he says in a self-deprecating tone, “you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I kept thinking you’d warm up to me, but you never did.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have given you the chance then. You’re a good man, Jake Chancellor, and I wish I hadn’t wasted the time.”

  “I’m not a good man,” he says, and when I open my mouth to stop him, he holds up a hand to ask me to let him finish. “No, let me say this. I’m not a good man. I’m not a bad man either. I’ve done things I’m not proud of for the sake of my country and the mission, but they are also things that leave dark marks on your soul. I have also done things in the name of politics that I am not wholly proud of. But if you give me another chance, I promise they will never touch you. I will never lie or mislead you again. There will be things that I won’t be able to tell you, but I will be honest about that. If you take another chance on me, we will be partners. I will make sure you never regret being mine again for the rest of your life. So what do you say?”