Motherless Daughters
Page 44
254 As Denes-Raj and Ehrlichman discovered . . . : Ibid., 316-319.
254 But Dr. Denes-Raj . . . : Veronika Denes-Raj, personal communication, October 15, 1993.
261 It’s the reason why the . . . : Motherless Daughters survey, questions 1 and 12 (see Appendix A).
262 “Everyone who is born . . . ”: Susan Sontag, Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and Its Metaphors (New York: Anchor-Doubleday, 1990), 3.
Chapter Eleven: The Daughter Becomes a Mother
265 While remaining adult and . . . : Nancy Chodorow, The Reproduction of Mothering (Berkeley, Calif.: University of California Press, 1978), 89-90.
265 At the same time, a new mother . . . : Ibid., 90.
265 As the psychiatrists Sol Altschul . . . : Sol Altschul and Helen Beiser, “The Effect of Early Parent Loss on Future Parenthood,” in Parenthood: A Psychodynamic Perspective, eds. Rebecca S. Cohen, Bertram J. Cohler, and Sidney H. Weissman (New York: Guilford Press, 1984), 181.
266 It’s no surprise . . . : Motherless Daughters survey, questions 1 and 22 (see Appendix A).
266 Half of all . . . : Ibid., question 13f.
267 Watching one life end . . . : Naomi Lowinsky, personal communication, November 21, 1992; Carolyn Cowan, personal communication, November 24, 1992.
267 As the psychotherapist Selma Fraiberg . . . : Selma Fraiberg, “Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships,” in Clinical Studies in Infant Mental Health (New York: Basic Books, 1980), 166.
268 But if the mother suffered . . . : Gordon Parker, Parental Over-protection: A Risk Factor in Psychosocial Development (New York: Grune & Stratton, 1983), 22.
269 Fearing that the child . . . : Deborah B. Jacobvitz, “The Transmission of Mother-Child Boundary Disturbances across Three Generations,” Development and Psychopathology 3 (1991): 515.
269 The child then grows up anxious, guilty, and phobic . . . : Bowlby, A Secure Base, 37.
269 When Mary Ainsworth . . . : Mary D. Salter Ainsworth and Carolyn Eichberg, “Effects on Infant-Mother Attachment of Mother’s Unresolved Loss of an Attachment Figure, or Other Traumatic Experience,” 160-183.
271 If, as Carl Jung proposed . . . : C. G. Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, 2nd ed. (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1968), 188.
271 Socially, he moves through lands . . . : Lowinsky, The Motherline, 42.
271 “The amazement of sons . . . ”: Ibid., 41.
274 When the mother-daughter relationship . . . : Phyllis Klaus, personal communication, November 25, 1992.
275 When Nancy Maguire, Ph.D. . . . : Nancy B. Maguire, “The Impact of Childhod Maternal Loss on the Transition to Motherhood” (Ph.D. diss., The California School of Professional Psychology, 1-2).
276 As the sociologist Susan Maushart . . . : Susan Maushart, The Mask of Motherhood (New York: Penguin Books, 1999), 49.
277 . . . these are nevertheless times . . . : Motherless Daughters survey, question 24 (see Appendix A).
277 . . . . forgetting that women of the . . . : Marshall H. Klaus, John H. Kennell, and Phyllis H. Klaus, Mothering the Mother (Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1993), 34.
277 In their studies of 1,500 . . . : Ibid.
278 When asked, ‘Who helped you . . . ’: Hope Edelman, Motherless Mothers (New York: Harper Collins, 2006), Appendix 1, Motherless Mothers Survey, question 31.
278 When the same question . . . : Ibid., Appendix 2, Control Group Survey, question 26.
278 Because their needs often went unmet . . . : Cynthia J. Pill and Judith L. Zabin, “Lifelong Legacy of Early Maternal Loss: A Women’s Group,” Clinical Social Work Journal 25 (Summer 1997), 189.
281 In the early 1990s . . . : Donald S. Zall, “The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Bereavement: Impact on Roles as Mothers,” Omega 29 (1994), 219-230.
282 “The bereaved women saw the impact . . . ”: Ibid., 227.
282 Zall, as well as other researchers . . . : Ibid.; Maguire, “The Impact of Childhood Maternal Loss on the Transition to Motherhood.”
282 They also think of themselves . . . : Gina C. Mireault, Toni Thomas, and Kimberly Bearor, “Maternal Identity Among Motherless Mothers and Psychological Symptoms in Their Firstborn Children,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 11 (September 2002), 287-297.
282 Nonetheless, many of these studies . . . : Zall, “The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Bereavement: Impact on Roles as Mothers”; Edelman, Motherless Mothers.
283 Watching a child go through . . . : Altschul and Beiser, “Early Parent Loss,” 176.
285 Not surprisingly, this is . . . : Motherless Daughters survey, question 22 (see Appendix A).
Chapter 12: The Female Phoenix
292 “Then one day walking round . . . ”: Virginia Woolf, “A Sketch of the Past,” 81.
292 Ever since Freud . . . : Sigmund Freud, “The Relation of the Poet to Daydreaming,” Sigmund Freud: Collected Papers, vol. 4,173-183.
293 Including statesmen . . . : Marvin Eisenstadt, André Haynal, Pierre Rentchnick, and Pierre de Senarclens, Parental Loss and Achievement (Madison, Conn.: International Universities Press, 1989), 201-225.
293 When the psychologist Marvin Eisenstadt . . . : J. Marvin Eisenstadt, “Parental Loss and Genius,” American Psychologist 33 (March 1978): 217.
293 But other studies . . . : Ibid., 218.
294 Because a mother’s death is . . . : Denes-Raj and Ehrlichman, “Effects of Premature Parental Death on Subjective Life Expectancy, Death Anxiety, and Health Behavior,” 317.
295 Loss doesn’t give a . . . : George Pollock, “On Siblings, Childhood Sibling Loss, and Creativity,” Annual of Psychoanalysis 6 (1978): 481.
297 Throughout childhood and adolescence . . . : Barbara Kerr, Smart Girls, Gifted Women (Dayton, Ohio: Ohio Psychology Press, 1985), 23.
298 Curie’s father . . . : Ibid., 36.
298 Parker and her father exchanged . . . : Marion Meade, Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell Is This? (New York: Penguin, 1987), 23-27.
299 . . . which the psychologist Barbara Kerr . . . : Kerr, Smart Girls, Gifted Women, 63.
299 A child’s contradictory impulses . . . : Martha Wolfenstein, “The Image of the Lost Parent,” Psychoanalytic Study of the Child 28 (1973): 455.
299 The art that a motherless daughter creates . . . : George Pollock, “Process and Affect: Mourning and Grief,” International Journal of Psychoanalysis 59 (1978): 267.
300 . . . the completion of a mourning cycle . . . : Ibid.
300 Other daughters rely on . . . : Ibid.
300 Young children often use . . . : Christine Sekaer, M.D., personal communication, February 8, 1993.
300 Even in daughters who show . . . : Pollock, “Process and Affect,” 267.
303 “Once Ane and her papa . . . ”: Branwen Bailey Pratt, “Charlotte Brontë’s There Was Once a Little Girl’: The Creative Process,” American Imago 39 (Spring 1982): 31-39.
307 “diminished sense of crisis . . . ”: Harris Finkelstein, “The Long-Term Effects of Early Parent Death: A Review,” Journal of Clinical Psychology 44 (1988): 3.
Epilogue
315 In the redwood ecosystem . . . : Mia Monroe, park naturalist, Muir Valley National Monument, personal communication, October 14, 1993.
Index
Abandonment
and devaluation
emotional
expectations and fear of
and fantasies of reunion
feelings of
and healing
and idealized mother image
physical separation
and sensitive children
Abuse
childhood
and security
sexual, fear of See also Mothers (abusive)
Acceptance
Accidents
as cause of mother loss
fear of repeating mother’s
Addams, Jane
Addictions. See Alcoholism; Drugs; Love (subs
titutes)
Adolescents
and daughter-mother relationships
and delinquency
and fathers
and love substitutes
and “magical thinking,”
as minimothers
and mother loss
and mourning
orphans
and peer groups after mother loss
suicides of
and transference
See also Identity (and adolescence)
Adults
and bereavement support
and later loss
later years of
and mourning
orphaned
and rebellion against mothers
who experience parental loss
young See also Anger (among adults); Grief (and adults); other specific topics
African Americans
AIDS
Ainsworth, Mary
Alcoholism
and adolescents
after mother loss
of both parents
as cause of mother loss
and later relationships
and unresolved grief
Altschul, Sol
Alzheimer’s disease
Angelou, Maya
Anger
and abandonment
among adults
among children and adolescents
and birth order
and caregiving
of father
and guilt
and illness
inability to express
need to get past
postpartum
and self-reliance
as stage of grief
and stepmothers
and suicide
toward father
toward mother
toward siblings
Anxiety
about future loss
and children and adolescents
of girls raised by fathers
and pregnancy
and raising children
and relationships
Arrested development
Attachment
after early mother loss
daughter-mother, in adolescence
“earned-secure,”
fear of
hunger for
and mourning
patterns of
problematic, with children
and relations with surviving father
and security
theorists
Avoidance
of close relationships
of loss
of medical care
Baiul, Oksana
Bargaining
Barr-Harris Children’s Grief Center
Bassoff, Evelyn
Beauvoir, Simone de
Beethoven, Ludwig van
Beiser, Helen
Bereavement
chronic
experts
Harvard study of, among children
models
and poor health
programs
and relations with surviving parent
rigid ideas about
traumatic
Birnbaum, Nan
Birtchnell, John
Birthdays
Blame
Bowlby, John
Brontë, Anne
Brontë, Charlotte
Brontë, Emily
Brothers
and experiences of mother loss
relations with sisters after mother loss
See also Siblings
Burnett, Carol
Cain, Albert
Campbell, Andrea
Cancer
and anger at mother
breast
colon
fear of repeating mother’s
as a leading cause of mother loss
liver
lung
lymphoma
other cases
ovarian
uterine
Caregivers
and cause of death
daughters
and early mother loss
and later attachment style
and orphans
parents as cold or inconsistent
and sibling birth order
Chernin, Kim
Childbirth
Children
adjustment of
and behavioral problems
and bereavement
and birth order
and cause of death
and Chowchilla kidnapping
and early childhood mother loss
emotional lives of
and future loss
and late childhood mother loss
and “magical thinking,”
and mourning
psychological defenses for coping of
sensitive
and sudden deaths
See also Grief (and children); Mothers (death of: age of children); other specific topics
A Child’s Parent Dies
Chodorow, Nancy
Circle of Daughters
Compulsions. See Love (substitutes)
Confusion
and adolescent mother loss
and birth order
and early mother loss
and emotional abandonment
gender
and mental illness
and mourning
and siblings
Conrad, Joseph
Coping
and adolescents
and adults
and cause of death
and fathers
with illness
importance of, by surviving parent
and late childhood mother loss
and later relationships
and loss of both parents
with physical changes
and prior losses
and psychological defenses
strategies and skills
Cowan, Carolyn Pape
Crying
and adults
and children and adolescents
and families
fathers
and holidays
inability
Curie, Marie
Darwin, Charles
Death
author’s account of mother’s
causes of(See also specific causes)
children’s understandings of
experts on
fear of, at mother’s age of death
fear of repeating mother’s cause of
loss of romanticism of
sudden
“system,”
See also Fathers (loss of); Mother loss
Deborah, Golda, and Me
Delayed reactions
Denes-Raj, Veronika
Denial
and ability to mourn
and acknowledgment
and adults
and children
as stage of grief
Depression
and abandonment
and adolescents
at age mothers died
and children
and child’s age
and fathers
and illness
of mothers
postpartum
and relations with surviving parent
and sibling support
and stepmothers
of surviving parent
and unresolved grief
Desertion
DeVries, Brian
Diana, Princess
Disorganization
Displacement
Divorce
and grief
and mother loss
and neglect
and rejection
and security
Dougy Center for Grieving Children
Doulas
Downey, Roma
Drugs
and adolescence
as cause of mother loss
overdoses
and unresolved grief
Eating diso
rders
Eggers, Dave
Ehrlichman, Howard
Eisenstadt, Marvin
Eliot, George
Emswiler, James
Emswiler, Mary Ann
Englander, Arlene
Estés, Clarissa Pinkola
Euthanasia
Families
and deaths of mothers
dysfunction in
extended
large
and public grief
and stories
Fast, Irene
Fathers
and abandonment
accepting the limitations of
caring for(See also Caregivers (daughters)
control of
coping strategies of
and early mother loss
girlfriends of
and grief
and incest taboo
“little girl” of
loss of
not talking about loss
nurturing
relations with daughters of
relations with own mothers of
and remarriage
as single parents
split in
threat of departure of
types of
and womanhood and femininity
Fear
and Chowchilla kidnapping
of father loss
of fathers by daughters
of future loss
of having children
and homicide
of identifying with mother
and illness
and mourning
and suicide
See also Abandonment (expectations and fear of)
Feelings
displacement of
expressing, and ability to mourn
and fathers
releasing
suppression of
Femininity See also Identity (feminine)
Ferguson, Sarah