Wild Embrace

by Nalini Singh

  He closed the distance that separated them. His boots touched her bare toes, he was so close—and neither part of her changeling nature would allow her to give way now that he’d pushed. Not moving her feet an inch, she tipped back her head to look him in the eyes.

  He frowned, stepped back. “Sorry. I keep forgetting you’re shorter than me.”

  She couldn’t figure out if that was a compliment or an insult. “I’m leaving now. Don’t follow me.”

  “You sure can hold on to a mad, Garnet,” he said when she would’ve turned away. “Like an elephant holds on to its memories.” His voice was playful, light, as they’d been with each other for so long now.

  “Go away,” she said again, a staggering sense of loss echoing inside her. No, she ordered herself, you do not go there. Kenji’s and her time had come and gone. No second chances, not when Kenji had shown her exactly how badly he could hurt her if she opened her heart to him.

  And not when the man he’d become was nothing like the smart, laughing boy with whom she’d once fallen in love. Kenji was a great lieutenant, a packmate she could rely on in a crunch and one who made her roll her eyes with his outrageous flirting, but he didn’t know the meaning of commitment when it came to women.

  “Shoo,” she said when he stuck stubbornly close. “I want to be alone.”

  “One of those times, huh?” Sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his black shirt sitting easily on wide shoulders, he continued to walk beside her. “You never minded me going with you before.”

  “I was twelve.” And thought he hung the moon.

  Reaching out, he tugged on a tendril of her hair. “We used to be friends.”

  She stopped, faced him. “It was a long time ago.” More precisely, seven years and two months ago—otherwise known as the night of her twenty-first birthday. But she wasn’t about to bring up that night, a night that had devastated her tender and hopeful heart.

  What she had to remember was that it had also saved her.

  It would’ve been far worse had she ended up with Kenji only for him to walk away a short time later when another woman caught his eye. Because, unlike him, she’d been weaving dreams of a permanent relationship, perhaps even a mating if they were lucky. “How’s Britney?” she said instead of dwelling on the lost dreams of the girl she’d been.

  “Britney?” Dull confusion in the green eyes that were a throwback to his paternal great-grandmother. Then a light sparked. “Britney Matthews?”

  Claws pricking at her palms, she smiled sweetly. “You know any other Britneys you banged like a drum?”

  A hot red burn on the high planes of his cheekbones. “That was a lifetime ago. I was eighteen! You’re mad about that?” He shook his head, eyebrows drawing together. “I thought you—”

  Garnet cut him off before he could mention the night they’d never spoken about, never would speak about; there wasn’t anything to say. Kenji had led her on, stolen her heart, then kicked her to the curb, the end. But they did have other things to discuss, because now that she’d brought up Britney, she was mad. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but she had things to say to Kenji “Casanova” Tanaka about his taste in women.

  “You knew how awful she was to me, how she made my life a living hell, and you not only took her to prom, you dated her for a year!”

  A befuddled expression on his face. “I know you two didn’t like each other, but I thought it was, you know, girl stuff.”

  “Girl stuff?” Was he really that clueless? “She tried to make my nickname Runt.” The only reason it hadn’t caught on was that pretty much all her friends and packmates already called her Jem, and she had enough dominance even at sixteen to scare most people into shutting the hell up before they used anything else.

  Kenji had always called her Garnet. He’d just liked it.

  As she’d liked hearing her given name on his lips.

  “I thought she was just messing with you when she said that.” He scowled. “You never minded when I called you Short Stuff.”

  That was because he’d been her friend, who she knew didn’t mean anything by it. The same way she’d affectionately called him Beanpole when he first got his height. By eighteen, the muscle had caught up with the height and he’d been gorgeous. “Jesus, Kenji, Britney was a first-class bitch.” Garnet wasn’t about to pull her punches. “She got her kicks from picking on younger girls.”

  “It’s not like you couldn’t handle her.”

  She’d still been a teenage girl with the attendant fragile ego . . . and she’d been carrying around a truck-sized crush on her older brother’s best friend. The same friend who was standing in front of her right now. “Whatever. I lost all respect for you the day you hooked up with her.”

  His mouth fell open. “I was a teenage boy!” he reiterated. “She had boobs out to here and legs up to there and she thought I was the best thing since sliced bread!”

  Garnet had apple-sized breasts, if she was being generous, and, given her height, her legs were never going to be a supermodel’s. Baring her teeth and folding her arms across her chest, she smirked. “All. Respect. Lost.” She leaned toward him. “Poof.”

  “Yeah?” Suddenly belligerent, he got in her face. “What about you? Dating No-Brains Bacon?”

  Seeing red, she pushed at his chest. “His name was Barton, and he was a nice guy!”

  “Who had a lot of space inside his skull. Must’ve been all the knocks he took on the football field.”

  Garnet refused to admit that sweet Barton had, in fact, been a little intellectually challenged. “At least he knew how to handle a real woman.”

  Kenji’s growl made her own chest rumble in challenge. “You were fucking fifteen when he moved on you,” he gritted out. “I should’ve done more than punch out his lights.”

  Garnet’s eyes went wolf. “That was you?” Barton had broken things off with her without warning, after turning up with a black eye he’d shrugged off as a training injury.

  Kenji’s muscles bunched. “He was a fucking senior and you were—”

  Garnet plowed her fist into Kenji’s face, slamming his head sideways.

  He jerked, one hand going to his jaw. “What the fuck, Garnet?”

  “That was for Barton,” she said, her breath ragged. “And for me. Thanks to you, I had to go stag to the junior dance.”

  His eye already looking like it might blacken, causing a twinge of remorse in her gut, Kenji said, “Better than you being taken advantage of by a guy who should’ve known better.”

  Furious heat flooded her face, wiping out all traces of remorse. “I knew what I was doing.”

  “Fifteen!” Kenji said again, his voice more growl than sound. “And you still looked like a kid. He was a fucking deviant.”

  “I had boobs!” She shoved her hands under those boobs. “Just because you go for balloon-sized tits doesn’t mean anyone who dates me is a deviant!”

  Eyes flicking up from her breasts, Kenji growled low in his throat. “That’s not what I said.”

  “Yeah? Sure sounded like it.”

  “God damn it, Garnet, I—” No warning, just his strong, beautiful hands thrusting into her hair and his mouth slamming down on hers.

  Pleasure, raw and violent and vicious, punched through her with the force of a freight train. Finally, her body sighed. Finally.

  Hard on the heels of that pleasure came fury. Jerking up her knee, she would’ve got Kenji right in the family jewels if he hadn’t twisted out of the way, breaking the contact between them. “Good move,” she said with a glare, even as her wolf lunged against her skin, wanting more, wanting him. “What did you think you were doing?”

  “What I should’ve done when you were twenty-one.” Chest heaving and hair falling over his face, he stared at her with eyes gone the pale, husky amber of his wolf.

  Feeling her own wol
f in her eyes, Garnet was the one who growled this time. “You missed that chance,” she said. “And I dodged a bullet.”

  He flinched, but she wasn’t done. “Keep your hands to yourself or next time I’ll rip them off. I’m not interested in being a notch on Kenji Tanaka’s bedpost.”

  She strode past him, refusing to acknowledge the horrible sense of loss that pulsed beneath her anger like a deep, dark bruise. The same way she’d refused to cry when Kenji stood her up on her twenty-first birthday. She’d dressed up for him, even had a friend do her makeup and hair. Everyone had thought she’d made such an effort because of the party her year-mates had thrown her . . . but she’d done it for Kenji. Her friend and the boy she’d always gone to with her problems and hopes and dreams.

  Even when he’d been a hormonal idiot dating Britney, he’d never let her down.

  At twenty, heading into twenty-one, she’d finally been old enough that he’d allowed himself to look at her as a woman, not a girl. She’d been so happy, because that crush of hers? It had never truly disappeared. He’d courted her, specifically asked to be her date the night of the party. Then he hadn’t come. She’d been worried about him, had called around frantically . . . only to discover that he’d gone out dancing with not one but two female packmates.

  Kenji Tanaka could go drown himself in the goddamn lake for all she cared.

  Chapter 1

  It was three months after Garnet had punched him, and Kenji’s black eye had long faded. Just as well. Maybe soon, he’d forget the taste of her, the feel of her, the scent of her so close, the magnificent anger that had turned her blue eyes a molten wolf-gold. What the fuck had he been thinking? It had been hard enough to stay away from her when he’d never indulged his bone-deep hunger for her.

  Now?

  It was proving impossible.

  And to top it all off, he’d just arrived at her den, was scheduled to spend the next four days here. Four days. The only thing that might stop him from going mad was that Riaz and Indigo would also be present, the other two lieutenants unknowingly providing a buffer. The four of them planned to discuss the security protocols around this part of SnowDancer’s territory, which basically meant Kenji’s and Garnet’s sectors.

  Cooper had charge of the den at the other end of the San Gabriel range, but since he had to keep an eye on a border as well, Indigo and Riaz would go to him after finishing up here. It’d allow the three to physically test security ideas, give further depth to the report they’d make to their alpha.

  All of this was possible because the Psy were currently mostly focused inward, and it was a review that was sorely needed. SnowDancer had been so busy coming up with strategy after strategy to deal with everything that had been happening back-to-back over the past year that there’d been no time for a more in-depth assessment.

  Indigo and Riaz’s task was to ensure all the pieces fit together seamlessly, and that the entire SnowDancer command structure knew exactly what was happening security-wise across the territory. SnowDancer was so strong as a pack despite their geographic spread because they never lost sight of the fact that they were one.

  Garnet might punch him out in a personal fight, but she’d be there in a heartbeat if Kenji needed backup in any other situation.

  Running his hands through his hair as he shoved down his need, he grinned. He’d had the naturally black strands dyed just for Garnet. His hair was currently dark pink with streaks of cobalt and dark sapphire. Really, it was sedate for him, but he doubted Garnet would agree. She tended to curl her lip every time he joined a comm conference with a different look.

  His packmate Louisa, a hairdresser and colorist, loved him. Called him a walking billboard for her services even though, these days, he never allowed her to do the permanent DNA bonding that meant the color would “stick” even once he shifted. Mostly, nothing showed up when he was in wolf form, his molecules rearranging themselves into another pattern, the pattern that created the timber wolf who was also him, but there had been that one time when he’d ended up with a sparkly gold ear.

  Never again.

  Despite the limitation that meant each look rarely lasted past a day—more often only hours—he didn’t even have to go to Louisa. If she thought he’d gone too long without a change, she’d hunt him down. Once, when he’d been too busy, she’d done it right at his desk as he continued to handle pack business, including their new alliance with the BlackSea changelings. He’d ended up with tiny silver stars all over his hair.

  The pups in his den had adored it.

  Garnet had asked him if he’d fallen into a play vat at the day-care center.

  He grinned again; maybe he’d have Louisa redo that look. Or maybe not. Grin fading, he looked at his hair again. Needling Garnet had always been a way to stay connected to her while keeping physically away—but if he was serious about letting her go, he had to stop the needling, stop the flirting, cut that final fragile tie between them. He’d already given up her friendship, given up her laughter and the way she’d once looked at him. Only this remained.

  Not yet, whispered the desperation inside his soul. She hasn’t chosen a mate, isn’t with anyone. We don’t have to give up every part of her.

  Blowing out a breath at the words that only reiterated his craving to call Garnet his own, he walked out of the guest room to which he’d been shown. He’d arrived at Garnet’s den fifteen minutes earlier, had taken the time to stow his gear and try to get his head on straight, but it was time to touch base with her, begin work.

  The first person he ran into was a hugely gravid Ruby.

  Garnet’s older sister ran—or tried to run—toward him. “Kenny!” Her legs were covered by colorful leggings, her top half by a stretchy black top.

  Wrapping her gently in his arms, he pretended to bite her ear. “Stop that, or I’ll start calling you Crumpet.” An infamous nickname arising from an incident when Ruby had been a juvenile.

  She elbowed him, all frown and big blue eyes under a short and tumbled cap of shiny blonde hair. “Shuddup about that. I’m a highly respected maternal now.”

  “And I’m a lieutenant.” He bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

  “A gorgeous one at that.” Patting his jaw with a slender hand, her nails painted hot red, she smiled in open affection. “Thanks for the foot spa voucher. How did you know my ankles are currently cankles?”

  “I bet your ankles are as sexy as always.” Except for the belly and a slight, rosy fullness to her cheeks, Ruby looked exactly the same as always: petite and ready to take on the world.

  Just like her younger sister.

  “You’re too smooth for your own good, Kenji Tanaka, but as one of your year group, I’m immune. Remember those mud fights? Man, you had a wicked left arm.” Laughter in blue eyes that were so like Garnet’s. “Now, spill. Did Steele say something?” she asked, referring to her twin and Kenji’s best friend.

  “He wouldn’t dare lest the wrath of Ruby fall on him.”

  Said bundle of wrath tried to cuff Kenji around the ear.

  “I got the idea from Louisa,” he admitted with a grin. “Wanted to send you a gift and she said she would’ve killed for a foot spa when she was pregnant.” The hairdresser had been spraying gold sparkles on his hair at the time, while he signed off on den expenditures.

  He’d wanted to be ready for an upcoming comm meeting with Garnet.

  “Well, you hit a home run.” Ruby crooked a finger and, when he bent closer, kissed him on the cheek. “Talking of pups . . . I always thought you and Garnet would . . . you know.”

  Knives stabbed straight into his gut couldn’t have hurt more than that simple, playful statement. “Yeah?” He gave her a teasing smile and said the expected thing, the one that wouldn’t expose the raw wound that was his heart. “She’ll fall to my charms one of these days, never fear.”

  Fresh lines formed between Ruby’s
eyes. “Um.” She glanced around before waving him closer. “You don’t know about Revel, do you?”

  “Revel?” Kenji’s skin began to chill. “Of course I know Rev. He was promoted a few months back, shifted dens to take up a higher-level position.” The other male was a slender but dangerously fast-in-combat packmate Kenji had always liked.

  “Uh-huh. He’s become Garnet’s right-hand man since his transfer here.”

  “Are you telling me Rev and Garnet are an item?” They hadn’t been at the mating ceremony; Kenji would’ve known.

  Ruby lifted her left hand into the horizontal position, waved it from side to side. “Two dates and a third on the way.” Dropping her hand to her belly, she rubbed. “I like you and I like Revel, so I’m not going to play favorites—but, Kenji, if you’re planning to make a move, it better be now. Garnet’s taking him more seriously than any other guy she’s ever dated.”

  “Come on, Ruby, you know you like me best,” Kenji said, playing along even though he felt as if he’d been drop-kicked. Ruby and Garnet were close—if Ruby thought this relationship had the potential to be serious, then she had to have picked up that impression directly from Garnet.

  In front of him, Garnet’s older sister rolled her eyes but her lips tilted up at the corners, a tiny dimple appearing on one edge. Garnet had the same hidden dimple. Kenji had imagined kissing it countless times, imagined her laughing and nuzzling at him after the caress.

  “I like you, but you’ve been a bit of a horn dog.”

  Ruby’s words poured ice-cold water on his fantasies. “So I had a man-slut period.” He flashed a smile that worked at keeping people from looking too deep, from actually thinking back on that period and realizing that hey, maybe Kenji Tanaka’s reputation was far more scandalous than the reality.

  His rep was another line of defense, another way to push Garnet away. “Not the first wolf to lose it the first few years after the hormones hit,” he added, and that much was true. Newly mature wolves had been known to indulge in skin privileges like it was going out of business.