Flight to Love

by Curry, Edna

  Arriving in St. Cloud, she stopped at Carol’s office to sign the purchase agreement and got assurance that everything was still on with the sale of the house.

  When she arrived home, Bob and Jodi were at work and wouldn’t come home for hours. Amazingly, she found her old kitchen almost neat, and everything looking close to normal.

  Apparently they could do all right without her.

  Out of habit, she thought of dinner for her family. Since she didn’t want to go shopping, she checked the freezer and found a chicken. She defrosted it in the microwave and put it in the oven.

  Walking slowly through each room, she began deciding what to take with her, what to sell or give away. There was no question about whether she would keep some things, like her mother’s china and china cabinet, all her silverware and the silver tea service Gram had given her on her wedding day. She would have to take Bill’s mother’s paintings and the set of photo albums. Those she would one day pass on to her kids, but not until they were older and would fully appreciate them.

  Bob and Jodi would probably want some of the furniture and were welcome to it.

  Only by discarding a lot of Gram’s things would all the stuff she wanted to keep fit in her new house.

  She picked up a pad of sticky notes and jotted her initials on them, putting them on the items she wanted to keep.

  When it was almost time for Bob and Jodi to return, she prepared vegetables and a salad for dinner.

  As she worked, she considered her decision not to tell them where she was going. She felt quite sure everyone was going to consider her either foolish or crazy. Or maybe they’d say she was having a mid-life crisis.

  Well, maybe she was. What she was doing was a bit drastic.

  Certainly she’d been fed up with two adult children living at home and sponging off of her for a long time.

  On the other hand, look how they’d reacted when she’d told them she’d sold the house. They hadn’t even believed her. Well, they were in for a shock. She felt sure if they knew what she was up to, somehow they’d be able to spoil it all for her. Or maybe she was just afraid she was the weak one and would give in again and let them interfere in her new life.

  Was she protecting herself from her own weakness?

  ***

  “Mom? You’re home. Where were you?” Jodi asked accusation in her voice. She dropped her purse and coat on the table in the hall with a thud.

  Lisa bristled at her daughter’s tone. “Hello to you, too. Yes, I’m home. I was just away.”

  “But where did you go?” Jodi repeated, frowning.

  “I don’t have to check in with you kids,” Lisa answered, getting silverware from the kitchen drawer.

  Jodi’s lips tightened and she had the grace to blush. Her pretty brows still knitted, she took the silverware from her mother and went to set the dining room table.

  Bob arrived a moment later and Lisa fielded the same questions from him. But she was pleased to note they seemed much more subdued and less disrespectful. This assertiveness had its advantages, she thought. If she hadn’t been so mired in her own grief over Bill, she might have tried it sooner. On the other hand, she reflected, she should allow for Bob and Jodi’s grief interfering with their normal confidence in their own abilities, too. Nothing was that one-sided.

  They ate mostly in silence. Over dessert of plain vanilla ice cream and Oreos instead of the usual homemade cookies, Lisa felt it was time to talk.

  Bob and Jodi were warily attentive and watchful, seeming to sense a big change in their lives was about to take place.

  “I needed a break to think about my future,” she began, in answer to the question they’d asked earlier. “Where I did it, isn’t important. As I told you before I left, Carol sold the house.”

  They looked doubtful, still disbelieving. “For sure?”

  Lisa nodded and said firmly, “Yes, it’s final. We have to be out of here by the thirtieth.”

  “Mom!” Bob exclaimed, his voice coming out in a squawk. “That’s only a little over two weeks!”

  Lisa raised an eyebrow. His reaction was just what she’d expected. “I told you last week to start looking for an apartment. Did you?”

  “Not yet,” Bob mumbled, looking down at his ice cream.

  “I did,” Jodi said, looking smugly at her older brother. “I’m sharing with Sylvia. She said I can move in right away if I want. Sharing an apartment will be cheaper than getting my own, and besides, I like having someone to talk to.”

  Lisa nodded, pleased. She turned to her son. “We don’t have any time to lose. I suggest you find something fast, Bob.”

  He refused to look at her. “Yeah, okay. I hear you.”

  “Did you notice my little notes?” Lisa waved a hand around the room. Two pairs of wide blue eyes gazed around the room, taking in the yellow bits of paper, then swung questioningly back toward her.

  “I’ve put notes on some of the things I want to take with me. You two can choose whatever you want of the rest. We’ll have to get rid of what’s left in one way or another. Maybe take it to an auction, or Goodwill.”

  “Take with you where?” Bob asked, picking up on the only part he wanted to hear of what she’d said. “Can’t I just move with you to wherever you’re going?”

  Lisa steeled herself to the impulse to give in to his pleading. “No, Bob,” she said. “It’s long past time for you to find your own home.”

  “But what if I can’t find a place that fast?”

  “Then you’ll have to rent a storage locker for your furniture and stay with one of your buddies until you can. You can afford it.”

  “There’s an empty apartment one floor down in the same building as Sylvia’s,” Jodi put in. “There’s a long list in the paper, too. I read them all the other night, remember?”

  Bob sent her a dirty look that clearly labeled her a traitor. “Yeah, I guess.”

  Lisa smiled and stood. “Good. Then you’d better get started choosing the things you each want right after you do the dishes. No arguments. You can take turns, one choice per turn. Take plenty of time to think about it between turns. Okay?”

  They nodded in reluctant agreement.

  Her voice softened. “You have at least a week to decide what you want. You don’t have to do it all tonight.”

  “Mom?”

  Lisa braced herself for more arguments. “Yes, Bob?”

  “How about all the stuff in our rooms? The furniture, I mean?”

  Lisa sucked in her breath, hurt. Did he think she would deprive him of his bed and dresser? “You each keep what’s in your own rooms, of course, Bob. Take it with you. As for the junk, you’ll have to get rid of it. The new owners will expect a clean, empty house.”

  “I’ll choose the dishwasher first,” Jodi stated, picking up the plates.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Bob sneered. “That’s built into the kitchen counter.”

  “Oops,” Lisa said. “I forgot to mention that all the appliances are staying in the house. I’d better tag the things the Harmons get first!” She picked up the pen and pad of sticky notes and began writing.

  ***

  The knot of tension stayed in her stomach constantly as Lisa struggled to deal with all of the details as the days rolled by.

  As she sorted, she remembered how quiet her house in Mankato had been and longed to be back there. What was Trace doing this minute? She felt a warm glow, remembering their evening together. Did he think of her too? Why hadn’t she given him her phone number here? Would that have been too forward?

  She tried to picture him teaching a room full of students at the U. Was he a good teacher? Of course he was. His natural friendliness and enthusiasm for computers would win over any young man or woman. She felt a surge of jealousy, wondering how many of those young women set their cap for their handsome professor. Honestly! That was none of her business. She had no claim on him, just because she’d loved him years ago.

  She sighed and went back to her sort
ing and packing with numerous telephone interruptions. It seemed all of her friends wanted to congratulate her on her good fortune.

  The deadline of the closing date to the Harmons hung over her, and sped her efforts.

  Bob and Jodi seemed to accept the reality of moving. Bob had found an empty apartment close to his job and began moving. Jodi was utilizing the help of her several admirers to gradually move her things to the apartment she would share with Sylvia.

  Each had chosen the furniture they wanted for their apartments with an unexpected lack of acrimony, perhaps due to their differing tastes. Lisa smiled to herself, thinking she could almost have chosen for them, their choices had been so predictable. Jodi, for example, had chosen the large mirror from the living room, which Bob had always hated, since he thought it was too ornate. Bob wanted his father’s power tools and brown leather sofa, at which Jodi turned up her nose. So it had gone, until they were down to sorting things to be taken away.

  Lisa talked to an auctioneer, and they followed his suggestion of adding their things to another auction instead of having their own. This arrangement saved her a lot of time and work, since he handled most of the details.

  Closing day arrived, and at last Lisa’s meeting with the lawyer and the Harmons was behind her. The money was hers, and the house was theirs.

  Each was happy and said so as they said their goodbyes.

  Her goodbyes to her children were much harder. She struggled against the urge to weaken and give in to them once again. She gave them both hugs and the savings books she had gotten for them at her local bank.

  “I put ten thousand dollars in each of these for you to use if you need it,” she said. Conscience money. “I wanted you to have an emergency fund. I’ll be out of touch for a while. Take care.”

  Lisa knew Bob and Jodi were still unhappy that she wouldn’t tell them where she would be living. She remained adamant about it. The knot of tension was easing, although she was sure it was only dormant, ready to return at a moment’s notice. She needed rest.

  “But why?” Jodi asked her voice full of frustration. “Where will you go? What will you do?”

  “I haven’t decided yet,” she said, which was only partially true. “I’ll be calling you now and then. You can reach me through my brother, Sam, but only in an extreme emergency. And blowing all your money before the end of the month is not an emergency. You have to grow up and stand on your own two feet.”

  She kissed them both and watched them drive off. Tears of guilt and frustration blurred her last view of them as they turned onto the main road. She knew she was doing the right thing for herself and for them. So why did she feel so miserable?

  One last time she walked through the big, empty rooms where she’d spent so many years, both happy and unhappy. The cleaning service had done their job well. Only a few traces of her life with Bill, Bob and Jodi remained. Bob had made that dent in the closet door when he was trying to show off his weight-lifting prowess in eighth grade and a weight had slipped. There was an un-faded circle in the flowered wallpaper on the dining room wall where the large mirror had hung. A water stain marred a corner of the kitchen ceiling where an ice dam had caused the roof to leak after last winter’s thirty-inch snowfall.

  Yes, it was just an old empty house, its fading elegance badly in need of repair. Like her, she thought, wishing it was as easy to repair a life as a house.

  She dropped her house keys on the stained gray linoleum kitchen counter and locked the door as she left. An empty gesture, she realized, since she’d given the Harmons a set of the keys, and they would probably have the locks changed anyway.

  Backing out of the driveway, she waited between the cement pillars at the entrance for a truck to go by. Her eyes swept the huge old house where she and her family had spent many happy years. The three chimneys stood like sentinels against the tall pine trees behind the house. In the twilight, it looked lovely. From this distance, you couldn’t see the peeling paint and the crumbling cement in the sidewalks leading to the sweeping gardens on three sides.

  They hadn’t been able to afford a gardener to keep up all the flowerbeds, so she’d simply seeded most of them down to lawn and mowed them. Even that had been a burden, since it took hours every week. Bob had helped grudgingly, riding the lawnmower when he’d rather have been out with his friends. She had to give him credit for that, at least.

  Her heart felt a painful tightening at the thought she was really leaving this home at last. She knew it had to go, and her nightmares were indisputable testimony she had feared she might never be free of it. Yet she loved it, too. Her children hated leaving it as well. She felt guilty and relieved at the same time.

  The truck went past, and she pulled out, sighing. What a dilemma. No wonder she felt the need to run away.

  ***

  In Mankato, Trace was standing at his office window as had become his habit whenever he needed to stretch tired muscles after sitting at his computer for hours. He hadn’t slept well the past couple of weeks. Too often, he’d dreamed of Lisa and remembered their past romance as well as the short time they’d had together since she’d returned.

  He was definitely in lust with the woman. His unconscious mind knew it, too, and had given him erotic dreams in which she was always the star. Could he convince her to star in those fantasies in real life? He sure hoped so!

  Aha! She’s back, he thought as he saw Lisa arrive at her house.

  The intensity of the pleasure he felt on seeing her astonished him, even though he knew he’d missed her. Why, he wasn’t sure. After all, he hadn’t spent that much time with her since meeting her again. Suddenly he needed to be with her.

  He saw her struggling with her suitcase and remembered he had a key to her house. He hurried out to help her. Fishing out his key ring as he went, he reached her front door ahead of her.

  “Welcome home, Lisa.” He took the suitcase from her and set it down, then unlocked her door and opened it. Her radiant smile of welcome was his reward.

  “Hello. Thanks, Trace.”

  He set her suitcase inside, closed the door behind them, and then gathered her into his arms.

  Yes, she fit as well as he remembered, and her lips tasted as delicious, too. His memory hadn’t exaggerated that at all. Her response was warm and just as he’d remembered it. A mixture of the expensive perfume she always wore and her own special scent filled his nostrils, sending a thrill racing along his veins.

  Sighing with pleasure, he leaned back to examine her face, stroking a dark curl off her temple with a gentle finger. “Damn, I missed you!”

  Lisa smiled. “I’m glad to be back too, Trace.” Being in his arms felt wonderful. She felt so welcomed, so safe and protected. A warm shelter in a storm.

  No! She didn’t want to be sheltered and babied. She wanted to be strong and self-reliant. She was going to learn to stand alone, just as she’d told her kids to do. She was not going to lean on him, however wonderful his arms felt. Tossing him a weak smile, she slipped out of his embrace.

  “You’re tired,” he noted, disappointed. “I was hoping we could go out for dinner or something.”

  “Thanks Trace, that’s sweet of you, but not tonight. I stopped for a hamburger on the drive down, and I’d really rather just get some sleep. It’s been a hectic three weeks.”

  “Of course. I’ll help you bring in the rest of the stuff from your car.”

  Sending him a grateful glance as they walked back out to her car, she said, “Thanks, Trace. You’re a good friend.”

  Only a friend? he wondered as they made several trips with bags and boxes and put them inside. He had imagined himself more than that. Maybe he was pushing her, going much too fast. She was obviously still grieving for Bill, and probably for her lost home, too. Moving could be an emotional upheaval as well, he reminded himself.

  “That’s the last of it,” he said, putting down the small portable television set. “You should have let me know when you were coming; I’d have had the phon
e connected.”

  “I called the phone company from St. Cloud and made an appointment to have it connected tomorrow morning. Thanks for keeping an eye on my house, Trace. It’s much nicer coming home to a warm house.” With a warm and open smile, she met his gaze directly.

  He felt as though he was drowning in the soft brown depths of her eyes. Stepping closer, he started to take her in his arms. “You’re welcome."

  She leaned up to kiss him again, but it was a quick, grateful kiss, lacking the spark and passion he’d remembered, and she quickly pulled away and said goodnight.

  “Goodnight, then,” he answered. Disappointed, he went back home to sit at his lonely computer.

  However, he kept seeing her face in his mind instead of his computer screen and the program on which he was working. Finally, he grabbed his car keys and drove to the YMCA for a swim to get rid of his disappointment and frustrations.

  ***

  For the next two days, Trace’s schedule was very full, so he didn’t see Lisa. Each afternoon when he came home for a quick supper, her car was gone, and she hadn’t returned by the time he had to leave again.

  The third day, he had no classes, so he arrived home earlier than usual. When he saw her little red Chevrolet sitting at the curb, a thrill of anticipation at seeing her again coursed through him. Trying to think of a logical excuse to go over there, Trace picked up his mail from his mailbox and went into his house.

  Jenny was still there. He could smell oatmeal cookies baking. His mouth watering, he stopped in the kitchen to have some.

  “The moving van arrived with Lisa’s furniture and stuff today,” Jenny said, pouring a cup of coffee for him.

  “Umm,” Trace murmured, sitting down at the table and trying to look as though what Lisa did was no concern of his.

  Jenny wasn’t fooled. She poured herself some coffee and picked up a fat oatmeal and raisin cookie. “I’ll bet she’d like some help with moving some of the heavy stuff around,” she hinted, looking slyly at him out of the corner of her eye as she bit into her cookie.