They sat on his porch for a long time kissing; it could have been ten minutes or an hour. Daphne slid her hands inside his jacket and stroked over his chest and shoulders, hugging him to her tightly, needing to be closer. When his lips left her mouth and kissed along her jaw, down her neck, she held him against her.
He lifted his face and whispered, “You smell so good, Daphne. It feels right to hold you.” Resting his forehead on her shoulder, he added, “I’ve been so lonely without you here. I missed you all the time. I was never lonely in all my life until the day I left you in McArthur.” His arms tightened on her, “Let me hold you. Lay down with me and let me hold you, just hold you, Daphne. Let’s take it slow, I need that. Days, not minutes, or hours. I need to be sure. Scaring you would destroy me.”
She lifted his head, “If you do that, I’m liable to fall asleep on you, Ryan. Ohio to Alaska is one hellish trip.” Her smile was contagious and she had to kiss him again.
Ryan stood and set her on her feet, going to grab her pack before grasping her hand and tugging her into the cabin. He set her bag down in the living room and locked the front door before heading to the bedroom, pushing her gently to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled off her boots, watching as she shrugged out of her coat. Daphne took off the flannel shirt and climbed deeper into the bed in her jeans and t-shirt. He kicked off his jacket and boots and joined her, pulling her into the circle of his arms. For almost an hour, he held her, stroking her hair while they talked to one another.
Neither knew who fell asleep first.
Chapter Nine
Over the next few days, they settled into a routine. A routine that had become familiar to her before she’d gone to McArthur and one she had missed. They hiked each morning after breakfast and Ryan was happy to see Daphne had brought art supplies with her. While he fished or examined local flora, she sketched animals, birds, scenery…, and him.
After lunch, he would read while she worked on her drawings or knitted. She admitted to being very “Martha Stewart-esque” and informed him that a box was being shipped with sculpting equipment, a quilting frame, yarns and fabrics of every color, and canning supplies. Ryan liked that she had hobbies she loved. He could tell she enjoyed their time together but she was self-reliant, able to keep her mind occupied without constant outside stimulation.
For a man who’d lived without human contact for the better portion of five years, he appreciated this aspect of her personality more than any other.
They would make dinner together and talk but neither of them felt uncomfortable when they lapsed into silence. Ryan had never felt so comfortable with a woman before and Daphne admitted she’d never had male friends. They were undeniably attracted to one another but genuinely enjoying each other’s company made things so much better.
When they finished dishes, they would sit in front of the fire and listen to music. Sometimes they talked but usually they were quiet. After a few minutes she would climb on his lap and he’d hold her until they went to bed. She touched him often and encouraged him to do the same.
Ryan was in heaven and hell when they went to bed. Fully dressed t-shirts and sleep pants, they would snuggle beneath the blankets and talk until one of them fell asleep. Holding her was magic, his perpetual erection was agony. He didn’t mind. They’d been separated for so long. He needed her to become accustomed to his presence again…to be comfortable with his touch. He could wait – he would wait – until both of them knew she was ready for deeper intimacy.
She occasionally had nightmares but she told him the after-effects were lessened by sleeping beside him. He would hug her tight, talking her down from the terror until she stopped shaking. Sometimes she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep and he would give her a low-dose pill to help her. Other nights, they would get up and watch the sun rise over the mountains from the front porch, holding one another and wrapped up in quilts.
Almost a week after her return, Ryan opened his eyes and found he was alone in bed. For one heart-stopping moment, he wondered if he’d imagined Daphne coming back to him. Then he heard the sound of the shower running and he smiled.
By the time Daphne emerged from the bathroom, he’d made coffee and French toast. Turning to greet her, he almost dropped the plates. She was wearing a thin tank top and flannel sleep pants. Her hair fell loose and wavy around her upper body and her eyes were sparkling.
“You’re…so beautiful, Daphne,” he whispered.
“Thank you, Ryan.” She took a seat beside him at the table and they laughed while they ate. After a long silence, she asked a question he somehow knew had been coming. “Will you take me there?”
He stared at her, assessing the possible outcome, before finally nodding. “I will.”
Her smile was tight, “I need to see it. To know it was all real, to have the ability to walk in and walk back out. I want to put it behind me once and for all.” He certainly understood closure and what it was like when you didn’t get it.
“When the weather stabilizes in the spring, I’ll take you.”
Daphne’s eyes took on a warm glow he was becoming familiar with. “On the way back, you can show me all the things I’ve missed in Alaska.” She rose from her own chair and moved to straddle his lap. “You can make love to me in the woods, replacing my bad memories with good ones.”
Ryan stroked his hands along the tops of her thighs, over her hips, up her sides until his thumbs were cupping the underside of her breasts, his fingers wrapped gently around the back of her ribcage. She was compact and he was not a small man. “I want you to have good memories, Daphne. You deserve a thousand good memories to replace each bad one.”
She lowered her hands to the hem of his t-shirt and tugged it up and over his head, his hands going back to their original position when his arms were freed. She took her time exploring his upper body, her fingers like butterflies over the skin of his chest and shoulders.
“I want to see you. I need to touch you, Ryan.”
Ryan scooped her into his arms and her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. Setting Daphne on her feet beside the bed, he spent a long time kissing her, letting her know how much he felt for her. She ran her hands along the waist of his sleep pants, tugging them away and laying her palms flat against the upper slope of his ass.
When she brought them forward, over his hips and along the vee of his pelvis, he lifted his head, “Daphne, let me take care of you. I don’t need anything right now. I want to make you happy. To make you feel good.”
He pulled her hands from him and lifted her tank top over her head. The shock at the changes to her body sent him to his knees in front of her. “You’re so healthy, Daphne.” He stroked his hands over her torso, massaging skin that had once been lax and gray. “So beautiful.” He kissed her stomach, laying his cheek there and wrapping his arms around her hips. “Please don’t let me hurt you…I don’t want to scare you.” It was whispered as a prayer and she dropped her hands into his hair, stroking it back from his face.
He lifted his head to look at her and she smiled, “I trust you like no one else, Ryan. You won’t hurt me. It may be a while before I’m…any good. I’ve forgotten the few skills I had once. But I want you so badly.” He kissed along the waistband of her sleep pants and began to lower them. A fresh scar, pale pink and slightly raised on her lower abdomen, brought his lips to her again. He wished he could kiss away the emotional pain it represented.
“I can never give you children, Ryan. I’m sorry.”
“You are everything I will ever need, Daphne. I’m sorry you can’t have that experience. It isn’t fair to you. But it changes nothing.” He lowered the pants to her feet and she stepped out of them. Wearing nothing but white bikini panties, he sat back on his heels and took in the image of her. “You’re so different than I remember. Glowing with good health and…just gorgeous.”
Daphne’s breasts were high and firm, not large but beautifully shaped and tipped with pretty pink nipples. Her sh
oulders and arms were sculpted lean muscle and the theme carried over her torso and legs. Her narrow waist flared into snug hips and a firm butt. Ryan stood up and held her naked upper body to his own, stroking over her back, his fingers raking through her hair.
She put her thumbs in the waist of his pants and boxers, tugging them down. “I want to see you, Ryan…” When she pushed them away with her foot, he held very still. Running her eyes down and back up to his face, she smiled, “You’re in excellent shape. Dear lord…and hung like a horse, I think.” He chuckled but she could see his nervousness. “Ryan, you don’t scare me. I have a clean bill of health. Replace my bad memories with good ones, Ryan. That’s what I want and I think you should get started.” She hooked her thumbs in her panties and skimmed them from her body. His cock jumped at the dusting of dark curls over her mound. “I love you…love me.”
Chapter Ten
Ryan lifted her slowly and laid her back on the bed. He stretched out over her but supported all his weight on his arms as he kissed and nibbled her lips. Daphne sighed at the feeling of his warm skin against hers. His height and the roughness of the hair heightened their differences in ways she’d never considered before.
Without lifting his mouth from her, he followed the line of her jaw to her neck, over her shoulder and back again, into the valley of her breasts before taking a pebbled nipple in his mouth and sucking gently. She clamped her knees against his hips and moaned softly.
His other hand cupped her breast, stroking the nipple with his thumb before he traded places and laved the other side with equal attention. Back and forth until she arched her pelvis into him, whispering, “Ryan…oh god.”
He kissed down her stomach, using the tip of his tongue to trace the lines of her abs, to circle her shallow belly button. His palms stayed on her breasts, kneading them. When he felt her place her own hands over his, he glanced up, switching the position until she was cupping the curves herself.
Ryan guided her in the movement and she tugged her lower lip between her teeth. A blush crawled from her chest up to her face and he smiled gently, “Nothing you enjoy should embarrass you, Daphne. You hold all the power, all the control. I’m going to remind you what it’s like to take what you want, what you need. You get to say yes or no, to act in whatever way makes you happiest, gives you the most pleasure. It’s all about you, baby.” He lowered his lips to the mound of her pussy and she arched into him with a gasp.
Her body was trembling in reaction as he dragged his tongue through the cleft of her body, pleased to taste the evidence of her arousal. The feel of her hands tightening on her breasts beneath his palms was an ecstasy he never thought to experience.
“I’ve never had that kind of freedom, Ryan. Even…before. I didn’t have much…experience. I wasn’t sure what I wanted but I knew something was missing,” her voice was rough, sensual.
Daphne’s words caused his dick to twitch against the bed, the appendage anxious to show her everything all at once. “Then you can start fresh, Daphne, with a clean slate. You can pretend this is your very first time while I worship you just the way you deserve.” He tasted the musky sweetness of her with his lips and dragged his tongue through her folds, closing his eyes in pleasure, “Daphne, keep your hands there. I need to use mine.”
He slid his palms down her body, and used one hand to separate her outer lips, exposing the delicate pink flesh beneath. “So very pretty.” As his lips and tongue moved over her clit and sucked against her pussy, she became more frantic with her hands on her breasts. Her fingers imitated the movements he’d used and she rolled her nipples between her fingers, harder than he had.
Ryan took his time, wanting her to gradually climb this first peak. To give her the confidence, the assurance of complete safety, he so desperately wanted to give her. When she was about to come, he watched it wash over her entire body, her muscles tightening and the pale pink flush spreading over her shoulders and down to her stomach. Gently, he stroked one finger inside her and she came, her body bowed.
“Ryan…that feels so good.” Her thighs were tight against his shoulders, compressing and releasing in her desire to add more pressure where she wanted it. “I didn’t know it could feel so good.”
He laid his cheek on her inner thigh, nuzzling her soft skin. The pulse in her neck was visible and slight tremors moved over her torso as her body rode out her climax. “Daphne, have you touched yourself since you went home?” Her eyes snapped open and she blushed again, more brightly than before. “I’ll take that as a yes. How did you touch yourself?”
She tugged her lip between her teeth and gave a slight shake of her head. “Show me; let me see what you like.” He was still stroking his finger inside her, slow and steady, her fluids soaking him as he went deeper with each thrust.
With her face flaming, Daphne slid one hand down, placing her middle finger over her clit, the little bundle of nerves swollen and red. Circling slowly, he kissed her lower belly, watching her pleasure herself while he added a second finger and increased the strength and speed of his strokes.
“You look so beautiful, Daphne. So perfectly feminine, touching yourself like that. Please don’t stop. I would love to watch you come again.”
Her eyes met his, “But…you…”
“No, baby, don’t worry about me. This is about your pleasure. The more pleasure you feel, the more I’ll feel when it’s my turn.” He kissed the bend of her thigh. “Be selfish. Completely selfish, Daphne.” He licked the space between her pussy and her clit and her fingers moved faster, pressing slightly. “I could come watching you do this. God, you’re stunning.” The explicit words had her fingers moving faster. “Yes, baby, god yes. I’ve never seen anything so perfect.” Darting the tip of his tongue between her fingers, she moaned, her back rising off the bed as she came.
Daphne didn’t know what was more erotic: touching herself while Ryan watched and talked dirty or having him fucking her with his fingers and lick over her most tender flesh. Whichever it was, she went over the edge hard, the climax exploding from the center of her body into her upper thighs and breasts. “Ryan…oh god, please Ryan. It’s too good.”
Ryan kept thrusting his fingers inside her…slowing down a little with each stroke…letting her orgasm drag on and on as she thrashed and whimpered beneath him. He pulled his fingers carefully from her still spasming pussy before crawling up her body.
Then suddenly she was sobbing. Deep, wracking sobs that shook her entire body. Instantly Ryan was beside her, pulling her into his arms and murmuring softly while he stroked her back. “Sweet baby. It’s alright. I promise it will be okay. Don’t worry, love. Don’t worry.”
She held him like a lifeline to sanity and when the tears stopped flowing, she sank into his body as he held her close and raked his fingers through her hair. “Ryan, I’m sorry.”
“Apologize for being human and I will paddle your very pretty butt, Daphne.”
She gave a little hiccup laugh but turned serious again. “You’re being so patient. So careful with me. I want this, I want you, Ryan. I don’t know what happened.”
Rolling to his side, he tucked her into his body so they could lie face to face. One hand smoothed her hair back from her eyes and he gave her a smile. “Listen to me, Daphne. I am fully in control of my body. Just because I have an erection doesn’t mean anything. I want to make love to you but I can wait. Because when I finally make love to you, sweet Daphne, I don’t want you to remember pain or fear. Only pleasure. Only the knowledge that I love you – you, baby – not your body or what you can give me physically. I will always love your mind and heart more.”
Her palm cupped Ryan’s cheek and she leaned forward to kiss him. It was a slow, beautiful kiss that sank deep into his heart. She whispered, “I can taste myself on your lips, Ryan. I love you. I love you more than I love myself.”
“Never more than yourself, Daphne. Always put you first, baby. For the rest of your life, you will never be second again.” His arms wrapped a
round her and she sighed against his neck. “Sleep now, sweetheart. Let me hold you. I’m so glad to finally get to hold you. I love you, Daphne. With everything I have inside myself, I love you.”
They drifted in a warm middle place between awake and asleep for a long time. When Daphne would start to get restless, he quieted her with his touch, with his words. As the sun started coming up and the bedroom brightened, Daphne found herself staring into blue eyes with small lines in the corners. Without a word, she trailed her hand down Ryan’s chest and wrapped her hand around his cock. “Daphne…”
“Ssh. Let me touch you. Please let me touch you.” Afraid of breaking the sensual spell that had woven itself around her within moments of opening her eyes, Daphne kept her voice low. “I’ve never gotten to explore a man’s body, Ryan. Let me learn you.”
His eyes stared intently into her glowing brown ones for a long moment before he rolled to his back and put his hands behind his head. Her smile lit up every corner of his soul and he knew in that instant that she was going to be okay. It wouldn’t happen overnight but her will was too strong not to triumph. “Anything you want, Daphne. I belong to you.”
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