At First Sight

by Linda Cajio

  “Yes,” Angelica added, holding Patrick even more tightly. She inhaled the scent of innocent humanity; touched the soft infant skin; felt the small, warm body snuggled against her own. She wanted to scream out her anger and frustration at the unfairness being forced upon the child.

  “Right now, nothing,” Martha said. “There’s really nothing that can be done. If it will make you two feel any better … I know I was cautious, but frankly I think Patrick’s in a damn fine home now. And I think it would be a real sin to move him at all, pressure or no pressure.”

  “Thank you,” Angelica said in a low voice.

  “Take heart that the department isn’t doing anything yet. As a matter of fact, we’re not even asking you to return to Seattle unless you care to.”

  Angelica managed a smile. “Too bad we really can’t skip over the border with him.”

  Martha shook her head, but she did smile back at her. “Tempting as that might be, don’t even consider it. I really would put your heads on a pike. Look, I know this is unhappy news for you—it’s tough not to get attached to the kids. That’s why I came up here to talk to you personally, rather than over the phone.”

  “I’d like to say I appreciate that courtesy, Martha, but I can’t,” Dan said, his body stiff with emotion.

  She nodded. “I understand. I wanted you to be prepared in case something did happen quicker than we all expected. And I wanted you to know how sorry I am about all this.”

  None of them had much to say after that. Even if they had, none felt like talking.

  Angelica found herself moving like a robot for the next several hours, until Martha left for the return ferry to the mainland. She shouldn’t have taken out her feelings on the social worker, she thought as she put Patrick down for his afternoon nap.

  She leaned over the crib and watched the baby scoot a little on his belly to find a comfortable sleeping position. He was such a little thing to have so much controversy surround him, she mused. And worse, she had caused it. That she’d had a noble reason for doing it was no excuse. And this time the result was horrible.

  There had to be something she could do to put things right. If she didn’t, Patrick would be the one to pay for her mistake. At the moment, though, her emotions were on a roller coaster racing at one hundred miles per hour. She just couldn’t get a grip on them to consider all the legal options that might be open—

  Hundreds of families, she thought. Her brain told her at least one would be eminently qualified to care for Patrick. Her heart told her they wouldn’t be nearly as good for him as she and Dan.

  Patrick snuffled a whimper, and she realized her presence might be keeping him from sleep. She sighed and patted his thickly diapered rump, then walked out of the room.

  Downstairs, she instantly headed for the patio. She took a deep breath of sea-clean air in the hope that it would put her crumbling life back into perspective. It didn’t. She could see a distant speck on the sea’s horizon and wondered if it was the ferry.

  A movement on the beach below caught her eye, and she gazed at the solitary figure walking slowly along the sand. She knew it was Dan, even though she hadn’t seen him since he had taken Martha down to the ferry dock.

  Lord, but she wished she had something other than her own arms around her in empty comfort. She knew how dangerous that wish was, but it still hurt to know that Dan hadn’t come straight back to the house.

  Eventually she saw him disappear into the trees and knew he was finally returning. She waited impatiently until he reappeared. He walked straight to her and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

  For long silent minutes, he held her and she basked in his strength. She refused to admit that the embrace was anything more than the need for sympathy between human beings facing the same impending loss.

  Finally, he let her go and turned to look out over the windswept straits. “We’ve got a problem.”

  “What Martha said?” she asked.

  “Right. Even though they won’t do anything for now, they will eventually. One way or another.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice catching. She paused to regain her composure. “This is all my fault—”

  “No, it’s not,” he broke in.

  “I’m the one who started that stuff about being engaged.”

  “I’ve told you before that you didn’t twist my arm.”

  “Dan, please.” She rubbed her forehead to get rid of the sick ache. “We’ll get into a fight if we keep disagreeing.”

  “As long as you stop taking the blame on yourself, I’ll stop fighting,” he said, and smiled slightly.

  She drew in a deep breath and made a lame attempt at a joke. “Do you think we could sneak across the border with him?”

  He actually chuckled. “And you a lawyer? Besides, I have a feeling Martha’s on to it.”

  “Well, it seems like a logical solution to me.”

  “Unfortunately, it’s one option we don’t have.”

  “I was hoping not to hear that.”

  Dan turned and gazed at her. He could easily see the tears so close to the surface and the tremendous will she was exerting to hold them back. She had never looked more vulnerable than she did now. He had done a lot of thinking after he had dropped Martha off at the ferry. And he had come to a number of realizations. They had shocked him and he wasn’t sure he was ready for all that they meant.

  Finally he said, “One thing Martha’s visit made me realize was that I can’t let Patrick go. Even when you talked about bracing yourself for it, it still didn’t really hit me that he might leave. I knew I was fond of him …”

  “But you fell in love with him,” she said, smiling sadly.

  He set his jaw for a moment, trying to keep his control. “He feels right … he feels like he’s mine. I didn’t expect that.”

  “I know. I feel the same way.” She bowed her head for a long minute, then straightened. “I can’t believe they would even consider taking him away just because of a couple of letters and complaints from idiots.”

  The silence was thick between them. He stared at her profile. Her skin was like fine translucent marble, yet full of life. He knew so well the stubborn set to her jaw, the soft swell of her lips.

  “What can we do?”

  “There are some legal recourses concerning Patrick’s welfare if he were moved … but the truth of our engagement would come out. The real problem would still be, though, that you and I … we’re not a ‘normal’ family situation.”

  The silence was thicker and longer this time, and when it broke, it broke with all the fury of a hurricane.

  “Marry me, Angelica.”

  Eight

  The words were like a devastating punch to the solar plexus, and Angelica’s mouth hung open in complete astonishment. “You can’t be serious!”

  “I am serious. Think about it, Angelica. People are complaining about us having Patrick because we’re only engaged. But if we were married, who would complain then? Only real and true nuts, whom the press and the public could easily dismiss. Right now, it’s being given credence because we aren’t a ‘normal family situation’ for a baby.”

  Pain shot through her as she realized he was only asking her because of Patrick. What other reason would he have for asking her? she wondered. So why the hell should it hurt so much?

  “Angelica.”

  She straightened, pushing away her bitter disappointment. “Yes?”

  He blinked. “You mean you’ll marry me?”

  “No!” she exclaimed. Horrified at how much of her emotional state she gave away in that negative, she said very calmly, “I meant only a ‘yes’ to your saying my name. Dan, it’s insane to get married just for the sake of a baby.”

  “Then you tell me another way we can stop the complaints as effectively,” he demanded.

  “We can … well, if we … maybe …” She wracked her brain, but she couldn’t think straight. No wonder, she thought in frustration. Dan had thrown her one hell of a sur
prise.

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Can’t think of anything, can you?”

  “Dammit, Dan,” she said, swiping the air with one hand. “Marriage is a very serious step.”

  “Patrick is a very serious business.”

  “But there’s no guarantee that we could keep Patrick, even if we did get married.”

  “Sure, we could. I’ll bet that’s exactly what Martha was after. I think she was hinting at it when she said she thought Patrick was doing just fine where he was. And she kept emphasizing that us not being married was the root of the protest. She’ll be back in Seattle in a couple of hours. We can call her and check.”

  “But there could still be protests.”

  “You said yourself the law was on our side. If we make sure the media gets invited to the wedding, they’ll play it up. Any further complaints wouldn’t have a legitimate leg to stand on.”

  The word “marriage” kept sweeping through her mind, keeping her from thinking properly. Dan was so good with Patrick, she thought. And he could provide everything a child could need and want. So could she. Whether she was good with Patrick … well, she tried damn hard. She could at least teach him to strive for a goal. She had to admit they even seemed to have Martha’s blessing.

  “It’s not right,” she said, trying to hang on to some semblance of common sense. “Dan, we wouldn’t be marrying for the right reasons.”

  “Patrick needs this, Angelica,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Look at the way he’s thrived and been happy in our care. We’ve been good for him, and we would know he’d continue to get that kind of care because it would be us doing it. If there were anybody who wanted Patrick, like his mother or father or other relatives, they would have claimed him by now. If they haven’t after all the press so far, they’re not going to. We can’t allow him to be taken away because someone complains that we’re an unorthodox arrangement.”

  “You’re letting your emotions run away with you, Dan.” She was so tempted by what he was saying that she had to stop him.

  “Why shouldn’t I? I’m entitled to be a little emotional. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for him already, and done it gladly.”

  She couldn’t help a dry chuckle. “You sound like you just finished paying for a full four years at Harvard.”

  “Why not?” he said, grinning at her. “No reason in the world why he can’t go to Harvard or MIT or CalPoly or the University of Vienna, even.” His grin faded. “I can’t face giving him up. Can you?”

  She fought to hold herself in control. It was as if the world had suddenly turned upside down.

  “No,” she said. “But marriage—”

  “Look, I know it’s a surprise. Why don’t you think about it?”

  “You’re the one who should think about it,” she muttered.

  “Dammit, Angelica, just give it a chance!” he snapped. “We’d probably be better at marriage than most people because we’d know exactly what we’re getting into.”

  With that, he turned around and strode into the house.

  Angelica found her hands trembling and immediately tucked them under her top. In spite of the warm sun, she felt cold as ice.

  Just the thought of marriage was frightening to her. She could so easily recall two embittered adults fighting in a courtroom over children. Dan wasn’t in his right mind, she thought frantically. He couldn’t be to have suggested such a drastic step. That was it, she decided. He was crazy … and, Lord, but she wanted to be crazy with him.

  She thought of a client, a couple actually, who had married for business purposes. She knew they were fond of each other and they seemed content with their lives. But more important, they were still married after eight years. As their business lawyer, Angelica would be the first to know about an imminent divorce.

  Maybe it was the marrying for love that was the problem, she thought. Maybe when the love died, there was nothing to hold two people together. Maybe if only she weren’t so attracted to Dan, she wouldn’t be confused about everything else. If only she could be sure that what she felt for him was merely a strong fondness.…

  “What are you doing, you idiot!” she exclaimed aloud, pressing her hands to her temples in an effort to clear her head of its ridiculous thought.

  She was becoming as crazy as Dan, and it had to stop. Marriage to keep Patrick was tempting, but there were no guarantees it would work. The ‘what ifs’ ran through her head like wildfire. It was too risky for more reasons than she cared to think about.

  Five minutes later, she was standing in front of Dan as he sat at his desk in the den.

  “What about our businesses?” she asked.

  He adjusted his glasses. “Well, I think it would depend on whose business was most easily movable. It’s only common sense.”

  “Let’s face it, mine is the easiest.”

  “Does this mean you’ve thought about it?”

  “I think the whole idea is insane.”

  She walked out of the den.

  A short time later, she was back.

  “Would you consider a prenuptial agreement?”

  “Of course,” he said, looking up from his computer.

  She walked out again.

  “It’s all wrong,” she said, back in the den once more.

  Dan drew in a deep breath and leaned back in the chair. “Is it wrong that we love Patrick, and we both want the very best for him? And if we can do that by being married, then why not? Let’s face it, the oldest reason in the world to get married is to have children. People have been doing it for thousands of years.”

  “Oh.”

  She walked out again … and turned right around and walked back in.

  “What about—?”

  “Dammit, Angelica!” Dan roared, slapping the desk with his open palms. “Just say yes!”

  “Yes.”

  She blinked in astonishment.

  “Thank you,” Dan said, much more quietly, while sinking back into his swivel chair. “I’m happy to marry you, too.”

  She swallowed. “But—”

  “No buts,” he said sternly. “You accepted, and I am holding you to it.”

  She closed her eyes for a long minute as confusion overwhelmed her. She was so afraid, for herself, for Dan, and for Patrick. And her pride was battered at his asking her to marry him for the sake of a baby.

  She told herself that Patrick was her main motive for accepting. Marriage was the quickest solution to the current situation … provided certain provisions were worked out.

  “I think it would be for the best if we thought of this as a ‘child’ arrangement,” she said, gathering her control about her.

  His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “We’re marrying for Patrick’s sake, right?”

  He nodded cautiously.

  “I think we should agree to stay married at least until we’re all sure there won’t be any more complaints, then we can … reevaluate the situation.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Dan asked, rising from his chair.

  “I’m talking about a little caution!” she exclaimed, backing away as he began to pace the room. “I’m only suggesting that we use some common sense here. For goodness’ sake, what if we discover the marriage won’t work? We ought to acknowledge that quickly, and we should make some kind of provision for that in the prenuptial agreement.”

  Dan cursed under his breath. Leave it to Angelica to turn a marriage proposal into a business negotiation, he thought angrily. Why couldn’t she just accept that she had said yes? Thousands of women did it every day.

  Thousands of women weren’t Angelica.

  So much for not rushing her, he thought wryly. But, unfortunately, events hadn’t waited for wooing, and he had been forced to act quickly or lose the two most important people in his life.

  The calmer part of his mind reminded him that she hadn’t taken back her answer. She wanted the marriage. That she was being cautious was only to
be expected.

  He wished he had expected it, but he hadn’t thought beyond getting a “yes” from her. Now all he had to do was get her married. At the moment, that was his prime objective … for more than one reason.

  “Fine,” he said, even though the word left a bad taste in his mouth.

  She stared off into space, and in that instant, satisfaction roared through him. He waited, however, for her to tell him what he’d already guessed.

  “Then I think I can many you,” she finally said.

  “Good.”

  Dan resisted the urge to smile.

  “Next Saturday.”

  Angelica swallowed hard as she heard Dan inform the hotel manager of the wedding date. They had stopped at the front desk for the suite keys and the manager had inquired about their trip to the island.

  It was official now, she thought. She automatically tightened her grip on Patrick.

  “Can the hotel help you in any way with your wedding plans?” the manager asked eagerly. “We can arrange any kind of wedding reception that would suit you.”

  Dan turned and gave her a lopsided grin. “Our families will probably want to come.”

  “Sure,” she muttered. “They were so thrilled about the engagement, they wouldn’t dare miss the wedding.”

  He gave her a warning look.

  She cleared her throat and said to the manager, “We haven’t really thought of planning anything.…”

  “But it’s your wedding!” the manager exclaimed. “Surely, you’d like a special dinner at least?”

  “Oh … ah … well.” She looked helplessly at Dan.

  “We’ll let you know exactly what we want tomorrow,” Dan said, and ushered her toward the elevators.

  “Dammit,” she said in disgust, when they were finally alone in the suite. “Why didn’t we think to call the families?”

  “We’re just getting used to the notion ourselves.” He patted her back. “You’re doing fine, Angelica.”

  “I wish I had your confidence.”

  “Hey, Martha and her boss have confidence in us, so why shouldn’t I?”

  It was quite true that Martha, when they had informed her the day before of the impending nuptials, had issued hearty congratulations. She’d also confided that she’d hoped for it. Martha was making it very clear that she thought Patrick’s temporary guardians should be his permanent ones.