An Amish Picnic

by Amy Clipston

  She considered again how hot and cold Kevin had been toward her. Sometimes he seemed to enjoy her company, but he hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to seek her out. He probably asked her to the outing today just so Ben could spend time with Suzanna. And when he’d suggested they go somewhere else, he was no doubt using her to get away from the awkwardness of seeing Mary here. Whether or not that was true, they might be friends, but they’d never be boyfriend and girlfriend.

  It was time to let go of her dreams about Kevin once and for all. Her father had been right all along. Her chance with this man had been doomed from the start, and she had to stop torturing herself. She couldn’t wait to get home to the privacy of her room so she could unload her grief.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry about Mary,” Kevin said as he guided the horse toward Phoebe’s house later that afternoon. “If I had known she’d be there today, I wouldn’t have suggested we go.”

  Phoebe kept her eyes focused out the window as if the passing traffic was the most interesting sight she’d ever seen. She hadn’t said much to him since they’d walked to the buggy together, and the silence was deafening.

  He’d hoped to play a few games of Ping-Pong with Phoebe and then walk over to the pasture fence and talk with her alone. He’d craved time with her for the past two weeks, and today gave him the opportunity. But once Phoebe met Mary, she’d shut him down.

  Now, as they sat in the buggy together, Phoebe wouldn’t even look at him. Mary had spoiled everything, but he had allowed it to happen when Phoebe wouldn’t go along with changing their plans. Guilt and regret dug their sharp tentacles into his back.

  “How long did you date Mary?” Phoebe’s question came out in a strangled whisper.

  Kevin’s muscles tensed, and he kept his eyes focused on the road ahead. “Almost two years.”

  “When?”

  He glanced at her, but she kept her focus on her lap. “We broke up last year.”

  “She seemed awfully froh to see you.”

  “That’s Mary. She likes to put on a show and be the center of attention.”

  “I can see how she’s easily the center of attention. She’s so schee and outgoing.” Phoebe turned back toward the window.

  “I don’t have feelings for her now.” Kevin emphasized the words. “It’s over between us.”

  “What happened between you two?”

  He huffed out a breath as he gathered his words. “All she talked about was getting married.”

  “And that’s not what you wanted?”

  “First, I wanted to establish a career away from the dairy farm and build a haus, to support myself and stop depending on mei bruder. She didn’t like that idea. She kept telling me I should be satisfied with working on the dairy farm so we wouldn’t have to wait to get married. She didn’t even care if we lived in mei bruder’s haus, at least in the beginning. She just wanted to get married.”

  When he glanced at her again, she was staring out the side window with her back to him. Guilt tightened the knots in his shoulders. “We should have just left. I’m sorry if she made you uncomfortable.”

  Phoebe remained silent, and the tension in the buggy was as thick as tar.

  “Phoebe.” He worked to keep his tone gentle. “I’m glad you went with me today.”

  Her house came into view, and she sat up in her seat and turned toward him. “We need more time to talk.”

  He guided the horse up her driveway and then halted it at the back-porch steps before facing her. “I’m listening.”

  He braced himself as her lips trembled.

  “We shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

  His stomach plummeted. “Why?”

  “This friendship will never work.” Her voice was thin and reedy.

  He leaned over and gently took her arm. “I don’t understand. I enjoy spending time with you, and I apologized for today. Tell me what else I can do to fix this.”

  She yanked her arm back and then brushed away the tears that had traced down her cheeks. “There’s nothing to be done. Gut nacht.”

  The pain in her eyes cut him to the bone. Before he could stop her, she climbed out of the buggy and hurried up the porch steps.

  Kevin watched her disappear into the house, his heart shattering.

  Chapter 8

  As Phoebe hung some freshly washed dishcloths on the line the following Thursday, the bright July sun and chirping birds’ songs seemed to mock her miserable mood.

  It had been days since Kevin invited her to the disastrous youth group gathering, and even though she’d told him their friendship would never work, she still couldn’t fully convince her heart to let him go. She often found herself lost in a daydream where he had spent the afternoon laughing and talking with her and not his old friends.

  But that wasn’t what happened. He could have been more insistent that they leave, especially if he really didn’t want to be around Mary.

  Phoebe had to find a way to move on. But after all the pain Kevin had caused her—and not just at the youth gathering—why did he still have a hold on her heart?

  She dismissed the thought and hung another cloth on the line that extended from the back porch to one of her father’s barns.

  “Hey, Pheebs! How are you?” Suzanna waved as she bounced up the porch steps.

  “I’m fine. I didn’t hear your horse and buggy. What are you doing here?”

  “I was in the neighborhood.” Suzanna sidled up to Phoebe. Why was her smile as wide as the pasture and as bright as a lantern in the middle of the night?

  Phoebe studied her friend. “You look like you’re about to explode if you don’t tell me something.”

  “I am!” Suzanna clapped her hands. “Ben asked me to be his girlfriend.” She squealed and then hugged Phoebe.

  Phoebe gasped. “What? But you just met him on Sunday.”

  “I know. I need to tell you what happened.” Suzanna took Phoebe’s hand, guided her to the glider behind them, and then gestured for them to sit next to each other. “We’ve seen each other every night this week. After he gets off work at his dat’s furniture store, he comes to see me. He has supper with my family, and then we talk on the porch until it’s dark.” She rubbed her hands together. “I like him so much. It’s as though we have this connection, you know?” She sank back in the glider with a silly grin. “I’m so froh.”

  “That’s wunderbaar. I’m happy for you.” Phoebe longed to escape the envy and sadness that overtook her. She was thrilled for her best friend, but she was distraught that Kevin had never made his intentions so clear.

  “What about you and Kevin?” Suzanna asked.

  Phoebe shook her head and looked out toward the pasture. “It’s over between us.”

  “What do you mean?” Suzanna sat up straight.

  Phoebe told her what happened when they were at the youth group gathering. “I don’t think he ever cared much for me. I’m not his type. Besides, mei dat warned me to stay away from him because he doesn’t think Kevin is serious about wanting a relationship. I don’t know if that has anything to do with what happened between him and Mary, but Dat was right. I was just kidding myself when I thought I had a chance with Kevin. It was all so confusing that I told him to stay away.”

  “But you’re wrong. It’s obvious that he cares about you.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Ya, it is. And Ben told me Kevin likes you.”

  Phoebe turned toward Suzanna again. “He did?”

  “Ya. Ben said Kevin has liked you since he met you.”

  “That’s not true.” Phoebe shook her head. “He ignores me for weeks at a time, and Mary . . . I can’t compete with women like her.”

  Suzanna lifted her chin and pointed a finger at Phoebe. “You should talk to him again.”

  Phoebe shook her head. “If God had wanted us together, he would have made a way.”

  “You’re giving up too easily.”

  “No, I’m not. God hasn’t chosen Kevin
for me. If he had, he wouldn’t leave me confused all the time, would he? I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.” She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand and choked back tears.

  “You still care about him.”

  “I do.” Phoebe looked down at her lap. “But now I need to pray for God to heal my heart.”

  Suzanna sighed and pulled Phoebe into a hug. Phoebe buried her face in her friend’s shoulder, and when she let her sadness break free, tears rolled down her cheeks.

  * * *

  Kevin walked up to the lunch counter at his favorite diner and picked up a menu. His stomach growled, and he was deep in thought about his choices when a hand squeezed his shoulder and a voice sounded next to his ear.

  “Don’t you have a job?” the voice said.

  “Hey, Ben.” Kevin turned and shook his best friend’s hand. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m having lunch with my schee girlfriend.” Ben pulled Suzanna to his side as she smiled up at him. Then she grinned at Kevin. “Hi.”

  “Look at you two,” Kevin said. “I knew you liked each other, but I didn’t realize you were officially dating. You just met.”

  “We’ve been together for almost two weeks now.” Ben looked down at Suzanna, and the affection in his eyes squeezed Kevin’s heart.

  “Wow. That was fast.”

  Ben shrugged. “Sometimes you just know.”

  “Huh.” Kevin rubbed his chin as his mind turned to Phoebe and her beautiful smile. He’d thought he’d known about her, but then she’d rejected him for reasons he didn’t really understand, leaving him with another broken heart.

  “How have you been, Kevin?” Suzanna asked.

  “Fine. Just busy.” Kevin shrugged.

  “Have you talked to Phoebe?”

  “No.” Wouldn’t Phoebe have told her best friend about her decision? He folded his arms over his chest as if to shield his heart from the pain of losing her. He missed her every second of every day.

  “You haven’t talked to her at all?” Suzanna’s question seemed to hold more meaning than her words conveyed.

  Panic gripped Kevin. “No. Why? Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine, but she misses you.”

  Kevin snorted. “Right.”

  “What does that mean?” Ben asked.

  Kevin stepped to the side and spilled it all. How Mary had interfered with their time at the youth gathering. How Phoebe had shut down and then told him they couldn’t see each other anymore when he got her home. “It’s over. Now I have to figure out how to move on.”

  “Do you care for her?” Suzanna asked.

  “Ya, I do.” Kevin shook his head. He was a lovesick dolt for clinging to the hope that Phoebe could care for him. He just didn’t understand what happened to turn her away—not when he’d made it clear that he wanted to spend time with her, not with Mary or his friends.

  “You need to tell her that,” Suzanna said.

  “Why would I bother? She told me our friendship would never work.” Kevin fingered the hat in his hands.

  “You need to make your feelings clear.”

  “How do you know?” Kevin said, challenging her.

  “She spent a long time wondering if you liked her at all. Then when she saw Mary, thinking she’s the kind of woman you’d want in your life, she told you it could never work between you. She does care for you, Kevin. She told me so.”

  Kevin tried to swallow against the lump that swelled in his throat, his emotion a dull throb.

  “Is Mary the kind of woman you want?” Ben asked.

  “No.” Kevin shook his head. “I’m interested in Phoebe.”

  “You know what that means, right?”

  “What?”

  “You need to get her back.”

  Kevin gave him one palm up. “How am I supposed to do that if she’s given up on me?”

  “Come to our youth group picnic on Sunday and tell her how you feel,” Suzanna said. “Then ask her to go for a walk and talk this out.” Suzanna told him where they were meeting.

  Kevin nodded. “I’ll be there.”

  “Great.” Suzanna grinned. “I can’t wait to see Phoebe’s face when you show up.”

  But he still doubted Phoebe would be glad to see him.

  * * *

  Kevin searched the sea of faces for Phoebe’s. When he didn’t see her, he scanned the youth group crowd until he found Suzanna and Ben sitting on a quilt by the pond. He rushed over to them, his heart pounding with anxiety.

  “Where’s Phoebe?” he asked.

  Suzanna jumped up. “She wouldn’t come. She said she wanted to just stay home and rest.”

  Kevin gritted his teeth. “I was ready to talk to her. I planned out everything I was going to say.”

  Ben waved him off. “Go to her haus.”

  “What if she won’t talk to me?” Kevin lifted his straw hat and pushed his hand through his hair.

  “She will!” Suzanna said. “Walk over there. Leave your horse and buggy, and then ask her to walk with you back here. That will give you plenty of time to talk.”

  “Gut idea.”

  Kevin’s pulse thundered in his ears as he marched down the path to the main road. He was going to knock on Phoebe’s door and refuse to leave her porch until she agreed to come with him. It was time to work things out between them and make his feelings known.

  * * *

  “Phoebe! You have company!” Mamm called from somewhere downstairs.

  Phoebe placed her book on her nightstand. Then she straightened her prayer covering before heading downstairs to the kitchen, where her mother stood smiling. “Who is it?”

  “Go see.” Mamm nodded toward the back door. Then she touched her arm. “Take your time.”

  “Okay.” Curiosity nipped at Phoebe as she walked to the back door. Her mouth fell open when she found Kevin standing on the porch, both hands gripping the brim of his straw hat. She stepped outside. “What are you doing here?”

  “Please don’t tell me to leave.” He held out a hand. “We need to talk, and I have some important things to say.”

  She closed the door behind her, and then she folded her arms over her waist as she lifted her chin. “I’m listening. Talk.”

  “Can we walk to the park where your youth group is? My horse and buggy are there. I went there looking for you, and then I came here when Suzanna told me you’d stayed home.”

  She hesitated, shocked that he had gone to such lengths to see her. Her heart warmed, and she nodded. “Okay. Let me just tell mei mamm.”

  She hurried into the house and let her mother know where she was going. Mamm didn’t seem concerned that she’d be with Kevin. She seemed . . . happy. Maybe she still believed in him, no matter what Dat thought.

  Then she grabbed her quilt and the basket of snacks Mamm quickly put together. Soon she and Kevin were walking side by side down the road. She carried the quilt, and he carried the basket.

  “I’m sorry for last Sunday,” Kevin began, his voice sounding shaky. “I never imagined Mary would interfere in our time together. I just knew it was an opportunity to spend time with you.”

  “But even if you and Mary broke up, seeing her must have reminded you what you liked about her in the first place.” She was embarrassed by the anguish in her voice.

  “No, it didn’t.” His answer was forceful as he stopped and faced her. “I told you Mary wanted to get married when I wasn’t ready, and that’s why I broke up with her. But there’s more to it. I realized she wasn’t even the kind of maedel I wanted for a fraa. Mary is a show-off. Like I said, she was showing off for you and the rest of the crowd at the youth gathering. She’s used to men fighting for her attention, and I’m sure she can’t stand the fact that I never wanted her back.”

  Phoebe searched his face but couldn’t find any sign of a lie. “But if you really wanted to spend time with me, why did you spend all afternoon playing Ping-Pong with your freinden?”

  Kevin set the picnic basket on the gr
ound. His face was stricken as if she’d smacked him with her words. “You insisted you didn’t want to play anymore and that I should play without you, so I decided to go ahead and spend time with mei freinden, even if Mary was there too. I didn’t want to, but that’s what you said you wanted. I should have known better. And I should have told you what I wanted from the start.”

  “What did you want?”

  “I already told you. I wanted to spend time with you. That’s all I ever wanted.”

  Phoebe’s lower lip trembled. “I’m so confused.”

  “I am too.” Kevin gave a little laugh. “We’re both a mess, aren’t we?”

  “Ya.” She smiled as warmth radiated in her chest.

  “Phoebe, I like you.” His voice grew husky, sending a shiver through her. “I like you a lot, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that from the beginning. You’re truly amazing. But I had to sort out some things.”

  Her pulse tripped over itself and then rushed ahead as he cupped his hand to her cheek.

  “When I first met you,” he began, “I was afraid you were too young to understand my need to stand on my own. That happened when you and your freinden were having fun at the lake that day. When I saw behavior like that food fight, I overreacted to what I perceived as immaturity. I even feared you’d treat my dreams the way Mary did if we ever dated. But now I realize you’re an incredible woman who’s schmaert, funny, and also brave and confident. You’re everything I could ever want in a girlfriend, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t care about you. The truth is I can’t stand another minute without you in my life.”

  Phoebe sniffed as happy tears gathered in her eyes.

  “I want to ask your dat’s permission to date you,” he added.

  She shook her head and wiped her eyes. “I don’t know if he’ll agree. He told me he’s worried you might break my heart.”

  “He told me the same thing.”

  “When?”