Forever Again

by Shannon Stacey

  “I shouldn’t have let you.”

  What if Mia had stuck her head through the door to watch the movie while she waited for the popcorn to pop? The girl had enough fantasies about her parents being a couple without catching them making out on the couch like randy teenagers.

  Travis cursed and shook his head. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this to Kristen—to you—to…myself.”

  Gena pinch her lips together, then said in a steady voice that surprised her. “I’m not going to play the role of the other woman, so it’s not a problem.”

  “Did I ask you to?” he demanded, raising his voice enough that she shushed him.

  “What do you call that…kiss?”

  “A mistake,” he said firmly. “A mistake I won’t make again.”

  The conviction in his voice rocked her, turning some of her hurt to defensive anger. “You won’t have the chance again.”

  They sat in tense silence while Mia came back and settled herself back in the rocker. She offered around the popcorn and Gena took a handful just to give herself something to do. The movie was almost over, and she hoped Travis would think of a good reason not to stay for the second one.

  She wanted him gone, if only to make it easier for her to lie to herself. No matter what she had said to him, she wasn’t sure she had the strength to tell Travis no if he tried to make the same mistake again. She could only pray he wouldn’t.

  * * * * *

  Travis watched the closing credits scroll by with a mixed feeling of relief and dread.

  Somehow he had thought after meeting Mia that his life couldn’t get any more complicated. He had been wrong. Kissing Gena had to be one of the dumbest things he had done since making love to her in his pickup back in high school.

  Since having sex with her, he corrected himself. It had never been about love, and it wasn’t now. It was attraction, plain and simple. He was a pretty good-looking guy and she was a beautiful woman. And it certainly didn’t help that Kristen hadn’t been feeling very affectionate lately.

  Thinking about Kristen made him feel like a first-class heel. How was he going to explain this to her? He had promised to spend extra time with her this weekend. The original plan was for him to head out after the movies. He’d get back to Boston late, but he could get some sleep and have breakfast with her in the morning, then be ready for whatever her plans were when she got out of work in the evening.

  But there was no way he could sit next to Gena for another two hours. Not with the taste of her still on his lips and the sweet scent of her filling his lungs.

  He had to leave, and he would get in his truck and drive straight to Boston. He looked at his watch and calculated the time. He would find Kristen in her plush white robe, going over her notes for tomorrow’s broadcast. She would be happy to see him, but slightly annoyed at the interruption. And a lot more annoyed when she heard what he had to tell her.

  He stood and looked over at Mia. “Sorry, kiddo, but I’ve got to run a little early.”

  Her crestfallen look tugged at his heart, but he stood firm. “I promised Kristen I would spend some extra time with her and I’ve got to get back.”

  Mia smiled and shrugged. “Okay. You’ll tell her I said hi, right?”

  “Sure.” He risked a glance down at Gena, but she was staring resolutely at the TV screen, her lips pinched tightly together. “And I have a late meeting on Wednesday, so I’ll see you Thursday night, okay?”

  He felt a little better when Mia walked over to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but he was already dreading the night ahead.

  Chapter Six

  Later that night, Travis sat stiffly on Kristen’s white leather couch, staring down at the empty whiskey tumbler in his hand.

  She stood in front of the massive window, looking out at the lights of the city. “I’m going to cancel our reservations, and get back my deposit on the dress.”

  “Kristen, I…” He let the words trail off, then cursed. “You’re going to throw away our future because of a kiss?”

  She whirled to face him, her face white with anger. “This wasn’t some floozy you picked up in a bar, Travis. You have a history with this woman, and it’s not a pleasant one. And you still kissed her, so there has to be something there.”

  He opened his mouth, then closed it again and shook his head. He couldn’t lie to her. He wasn’t sure what was between him and Gena, but there definitely was something. But he couldn’t explain it to Kristen when he didn’t understand it himself.

  He had only told her because he knew it was something he wouldn’t be able to hide. Dishonestly was something he abhorred in others, and especially in himself. She would have known something was eating at him eventually, so it was best to be upfront about it.

  She took a deep breath. “This has been a shock for everybody and I know your emotions are really out of whack right now, but I can only take so much.

  “First the ex-wife and the daughter, then you’re going to live up there four days of every week. Now you’re kissing the woman who kept you from your child for fifteen years. I just don’t understand this.”

  “I don’t either,” he said quietly, guilt burning his gut in a way the expensive whiskey couldn’t touch. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Too late,” she whispered, almost to herself.

  Travis set the glass on the side table and stood, intending to hold her, convince her—and himself—this was where he truly belonged.

  She held up her hand to stop him. “Don’t even think about touching me, Travis.”

  “Kristen, I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “Yes.” He did love her, and it was killing him to see the pain in her eyes—to know he had caused it.

  “Do you love her?”

  “N-no.” Love? He didn’t think love was what he felt for Gena. Desire, yes—but not love.

  Kristen didn’t miss the hesitation and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears. “I’m not marrying you.”

  “I—”

  “But I’m not giving you up without a fight either,” she interrupted. “You need to get your head back on straight and when you do, then we’ll see if there’s anything left of us.”

  “There will be,” Travis said, and he meant it. What he felt for Gena wasn’t real, and he wasn’t going to throw away this woman’s heart because of it.

  “And you can sleep at your own place tonight.”

  * * * * *

  Gena was clearing the table of dirty dishes from a houseful of guests when the doorbell sounded.

  She sighed and set down the tray, hoping it wasn’t yet another spur of the moment traveler looking for a vacancy. Usually weekdays were slower, but people took longer weekends in the summer and Thursdays were being included in the bookings. She opened the door and was taken aback to find Travis there. She hadn’t been expecting him.

  She pasted on a smile. “Mia’s not home. She has cheerleading camp this week. It’s only days, so she’ll be home by five.”

  “I know she’s not here. She told me about the camp.”

  He was there to see her? Dread mingled with anticipation in the pit of her stomach, and her hands started to tremble. She remembered her resolve not to let him affect her and cursed herself for a fool.

  “What do you want?” That sounded uninviting enough.

  “We need to talk, Gena. There are some things we need to set straight.”

  “I’m pretty busy.” She knew her smile was slipping, and she didn’t want him to see her anxiety. “And I think things are straight enough.”

  Travis apparently disagreed because he stepped close to her, and when she backed away he walked by her into the house. “I have some things to say, and I don’t want Mia around when I do.”

  “Fine,” Gena snapped, knowing she couldn’t win this battle. “We can talk in the kitchen.”

  She pulled out a chair for him, then went to lean on the counter at the far si
de of the room. She crossed her arms and waited to hear what he had to say, even though she really wasn’t sure she wanted to.

  “We need to talk about what happened the other night,” he said, staring down at the table.

  “Maybe you need to talk about it, but I don’t.” The last thing she wanted to do was rehash that kiss. She’d been doing enough of it on her own.

  “Kristen and I aren’t getting married in the fall.”

  Gena felt as if every nerve ending in her body had suddenly gone on high alert. He’s not going to marry her? Her pulse quickened and she tried to think of something to say, but she failed and could only wait for him to continue.

  “We’re going to put it off for a while so I can sort some things out.”

  Gena let the air out of her lungs, disappointment making her teeth clench. For a while? Sort some things out?

  Was she one of those things? She found it hard to believe Travis had run right home and told Kristen he had kissed her.

  “Oh,” was all she said.

  “Maybe next year.”

  They were still together. She tried not to feel the hurt, but it came anyway. And it was especially painful after that brief moment of hope.

  “Well,” she said briskly, “I hope it all works out for you. But I have rooms to clean and baking to do, so if that’s all…”

  He looked up at her then, and some of her anger drained away. Having his life turned upside down was taking a toll on him, and he looked exhausted. She was nearly overwhelmed by an urge to walk over, wrap her arms around him, and soothe away the tension in his face. Only the danger of having him push her away kept her where she was.

  “That’s not all,” he said, then ran his hand across his face. “My parents are coming up this weekend. They want to meet Mia, and they want to do it here. A show of family if you will.”

  “I’ve pretty much had it with the whole family thing,” she told him.

  “So have I, but it’s one time. It’ll be a couple of hours at the most.”

  He wasn’t quite pleading, but she could hear in his voice that he didn’t want it any more than she did. It would make his life easier if she just went along.

  Not that she cared how easy his life was, but it would be good for Mia. And she could certainly stand two hours with her daughter, an ex-husband she was still in love with, and the former in-laws she had never liked in the first place.

  Still in love with… The thought seemed to stick in her mind, playing over and over like a track from a scratched CD. It wasn’t true, because she hadn’t loved him before. She thought she did, but it hadn’t grabbed hold of her heart the way it did now. She had been a girl then, with no idea of how it truly felt to love another.

  No, I didn’t love him then and I don’t love him now, she reminded herself a little desperately. It was infatuation. That’s all it had ever been. She had to believe that.

  “Well?” he prompted impatiently.

  “Saturday,” she agreed quickly, before she had a chance to talk herself out of it. “Sundays can be busy sometimes with people checking out.”

  “Thanks, Gena. I’ll call them tonight.” Travis stood and started pacing, and her mind shied away from the subject he was working his way back around to.

  He sighed and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “Which brings us back to the…other night.”

  Unable to just stand and watch him pace, she picked up a sponge and started wiping down the spotless counter. “I’m not listening.”

  “About the kiss—”

  “I told you I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “Well, you don’t have any choice,” he yelled. “I’m not leaving here until you do.”

  She whirled and threw the sponge at him, feeling a quick rush of satisfaction when it left a wet rectangle on the front of his shirt.

  “I do have a choice,” she shouted. “I can throw you out of here and you can call your lawyer or your parents or the damn President for all I care. This is my home and you will respect me in it.”

  “I—”

  “And furthermore—” she advanced slowly on him “—I am tired of you telling me what I’m going to do and what my daughter is going to do.”

  “We talked about that and you told me you wouldn’t stop me from seeing her.”

  “I’m not talking about you seeing her. I’m talking about you coming in here like you’re the head of this household. I am the head of this household and I have been since you walked out on us fifteen years ago.”

  His face flushed to a bright red and he pointed an accusatory finger at her. “That was your choice. All you had to do was open your mouth and say ‘Hey, I am pregnant, stupid’ and I would have stayed.”

  “And done what? Hated me forever? Drank yourself into oblivion watching college football on TV because it could have been you? Pardon me if that’s not the life I wanted for me or my child.”

  Her words made him pause, the anger rushing out of him. He stared down at her, their chests rising and falling in almost perfect unison. Is that what I would have done?

  It was, and he knew it. And he knew she must have been scared, but so very relieved when he did toss his ring on the table and leave. He remembered those thirteen days and how he had treated her, and even now, as angry as he was, he regretted it.

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly, and judging by the sudden wary look in her eyes, the words surprised her as much as they had surprised him.

  “I am sorry,” he said again. “I treated you so badly, and all I can say is that I was young and I was a jerk.”

  He watched her bottom lip start to tremble, and tears swell in her eyes before spilling over onto her cheeks. He tried to take her arm when she turned away, but she jerked free and sat down at the far side of the table.

  “I had wanted to marry you since I was five years old,” she said, swiping her hand across her eyes. “I thought you were my Prince Charming.”

  “Instead I turned out to be a frog.” He sat back in his own chair and reached across the table to take her hand.

  She didn’t snatch it back as he thought she would. She just stared down at his fingers curled around hers, then smiled. “I called you much worse than a frog at the time. And you wouldn’t even believe what my father called you.”

  He laughed. “I can imagine.”

  They were quiet for a minute, and Travis decided it would be dangerous to stay here in the kitchen with her for much longer. He was too comfortable and he could imagine all too clearly being curled up with her on the sofa in front of the fireplace, talking and laughing together while Mia did her homework.

  But it’s never going to happen, he reminded himself. His purpose in coming was to restore a friendly, platonic relationship with his child’s mother—nothing more. Then he would marry Kristen and they would all live happily ever after. He was sure that’s what he wanted.

  Gena stared down at their hands, and she knew the smartest thing she could do was pull away, throw him out of the house and let him pick Mia up and drop her off at the end of the driveway.

  But his apology had thrown her off guard, and she just couldn’t do it. “I wish I had told you about Mia.”

  “I do, too.”

  “I just…I was so afraid you’d take her—or him—away from me when we got divorced. And we would have divorced eventually. And—to be honest—after living with you I didn’t think you’d be a good dad.”

  She felt his hand tense, but it relaxed again after a second. It was a long moment before he spoke. “Who knows…maybe I wouldn’t have, not then. I’m a different person now. I’m older, and maybe just a little bit wiser.

  And there’s a part of me that’s never going to forgive you for what you did. She brought her baby book to dinner one night and looking at those pictures…her first birthday and that one where she wrapped the toilet paper all around her head…I swear to God, Gena, I cried right there in the restaurant. Did she tell you about that?”

  A hiccupped sob e
scaped her and she shook her head. She tried to pull her hand away. This was too hard.

  “But—” he held her fingers tightly “—neither of us can change what happened before, and I’m thankful that I have her now. We just need to try to start over with a clean slate and keep ourselves in the present, okay?”

  Gena nodded, but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. If only they could have talked like this fifteen years ago, their lives might be so different now.

  She was still watching the way his fingertip ran back and forth across her nail, but she heard him sigh. “Which brings us back to the other night.”

  This time when she pulled her fingers away he let her go. She pulled the sleeve of her light sweatshirt down over hand and wiped her eyes and cheeks.

  He was back to looking at the table again. “I’ve been messed up lately, and being here—doing the family thing—got to my head, I guess.”

  The door swung open and Mr. Coltrane, one of the businessmen who were her regular guests during the week, looked in. “Gena, I hit a button on the TV remote, and now the cable’s messed up.”

  She smiled, grateful for the distraction, and stood up. “No problem. And I’ll call you about Saturday, Travis.”

  “Gena we need to talk about—”

  She paused in the doorway and looked back at him. “I think we said it all that night.”

  * * * * *

  This is a disaster. Gena was so tense she was afraid she would shatter at the slightest touch. Every bite of the Chinese food Travis had ordered tasted like sawdust.

  She had offered to cook a meal, but he insisted on not putting her out any more than he had to. Insisted over the telephone, of course. She hadn’t seen him since Thursday afternoon.

  When Travis had picked up Mia on Thursday evening he had parked in the driveway and honked the horn. That was just fine with Gena. The less she saw of him the easier it was to keep her guard up.

  Choking down another bite of her shrimp egg roll, she looked around the table, wishing everybody would eat a little bit faster. She had never had guests at the Inn who made her feel as ill at ease as the Ryans.