Like Slipping Under Cover: Erotic Spy Fiction

by Bethany Zaiatz, ed.

  "You move out in ten minutes!" The officer barked. "Finish your fake eggs and remember to use the toilet."

  Ten minutes later Seph and her rifle sat crammed between heavy plastic boxes and the tailgate of a canvas truck, scanning behind and to the side for anything suspicious as the truck rolled through the woods. She was glad the regular convoy guard scrunched in the other corner was as silent as she was. When she was assigned to the vehicle, one of her squadmates had given the usual notice to the guard on her behalf that she didn't speak. But sometimes even when that was done, these temporary partners would still try and chat with her, and Seph never had any interest. Even if she didn't adhere to a silence code, she would've just nodded along anyway. So she was thankful to be in this girl's vehicle, where a focus on the job was the only thing shared between them. She just wanted this ride to be over.

  Seph got her wish a few minutes later when they rumbled through a meadow and she heard an explosion erupt further up the convoy. Her truck slammed on its brakes, and she almost lost her balance as she scrambled to vault one-handed over the tailgate, careful to pull her legs up high enough to clear it. Her feet hit the ground then her back hit the truck. Keeping tight to the truck, she checked around the corner. There was one truck between hers and a fireball with tires.

  "Watch it," the guard called over to her. "Truck in front of us is carrying ammo."

  As if on cue, the truck in front of them lit up and Seph pulled back around the corner. The explosion almost threw her on her knees, but she grabbed the tailgate and braced herself. Then the familiar sound of bullets zipping into the ground, into trees, into trucks. The boxes containing munitions were supposed to be fireproof, but Seph wasn't surprised that all these years at war had worn them down. Seph thought she heard her truck's cab doors open and the spray of a fire extinguisher.

  Seph's guard was shooting into the woods now, trying to take out whoever had the explosives, or at least any of their friends that might be stashed away. Now would be a good time for an ambush, while the convoy was panicked and already under fire from one of its own trucks. Seph started shooting into the trees on her side, hoping they weren't surrounded.

  After a few rounds with no answer, Seph covered her guard, who was getting plenty of responses. There was a well-armed, but apparently small group hidden in the woods on Seph's guard's side. Seph thought she could identify about four rifles focused on her truck, and guessed that about the same number were targeting the other remaining truck at the front of the line. There had probably been one or two in charge of explosives, but since the truck bombings had stopped, Seph assumed they'd been snuffed already. So, eight to ten total. Probably a special missions team. Nobody else would be trusted to attack a moving unit almost twice their size.

  But they proved why they were specialists. They kept the firefight up for about an hour before the convoy managed to clear them out. Once they were sure they could proceed, the two surviving trucks sped on to their destination with what was left of the supplies. Seph barely glanced at the still smoldering wrecks of the trucks they left behind. She knew if she got stuck looking at the twisted mess for even a few seconds, her brain would start trying to make sense of it, start trying to discern the shapes of bodies from the shapes of supplies. And she refused to try to remember who was assigned to each truck.

  Once they unloaded at the destination it was easy enough to figure out. With two of four trucks and half of each of their squads gone, it didn't take long to see who had made it, and so by default, who didn't. And Seph was really only looking for one person.

  Grasmus's absence was the one everyone noticed first. As soon as they had all circled up to see who was left, a heavy silence pushed their nervous shoulders down, and then came the breaths of "Commander."

  "Second truck," someone mumbled.

  They'd also lost their second-in-command, a casualty of the truck in front of Seph's, which left them stranded leadership-wise until they could be transferred to a new squad. Their current squad had been reduced to five people, including Seph.

  The names and faces of her fallen squadmates surfaced in her mind, but it was Grasmus's that took precedence. Grasmus was the reason her stomach cramped and she looked for the nearest exit and when she found it she marched out of it and then along the side of the building about halfway where she decided it was far enough to stop for now and when she did she braced her hands against the wall and vomited. Forget the trucks, Seph. She heaved again. Out of the corner of her eye she saw one of her squadmates step out of the door and walk a few steps towards her, pause for a moment, and then head back inside. Seph was glad to be left alone.

  She spit a few times, big gobs of saliva, and then she walked a few feet further down the building and leaned her back against the wall, sliding down it until she was squatting. She ran her hands through her hair and held them there as she cried. Cried over what she had just survived as much as for what Commander Grasmus hadn't. She chuckled a little at the thought that he'd gotten her to make some sounds again. These were sounds she hadn't missed.

  She sat down on the ground and took her earpiece out, feeling strange about mourning her commander with it in. In addition to the fact that she'd used it to work against him and it seemed a little disrespectful, she also just wanted some privacy. As the earpiece caught her eye, a memory caught in her mind. Supply convoy. Supply trail re-route.

  About a month ago she'd sent Reperio a memo about a supply trail being re-routed. There was no map, which Seph had found strange, but there was enough information that if Reperio couldn't apply it to any number of maps they were likely to already have, then they could've easily built their own. The region mentioned in the memo actually had three supply routes leading to one city, but the routes were driven in rotations to help avoid discovery and attacks. Information about two of the routes had been censored from the base Seph was lifting the memo from, but she tried to remember what she'd read about the route the base had been privy to. There'd been route usage dates. The 21st to the 24th. Some place-names. Odyntri, Arknils, Malynmet, Visimrod. ...Malynmet. She knew she recognized that base name when she read it on their arrival. She swallowed hard before looking over to the building perpendicular to hers. "Visimrod Base" it read. She checked her watch. Today's date was the 23rd. Her hands returned to her hair as she propped her elbows up on her knees.

  The ambush she'd just survived was a result of stealing information for Reperio. She'd finally run into her own work. It was a thought that had scared her at the beginning of her spying, but that had since faded to dwell in the back of her mind, like her fear of dying in combat. After every day it didn't happen, it receded a little further into the murk of her thoughts, so that after so many days, years of days where it didn't happen, it wasn't a thought that nagged her anymore. It had been relegated to just jumping out when dangerous situations arose.

  Two years was a good streak, really. Belliskray was a big country, but it wasn't infinite and Reperio couldn't be expected to skirt around her whenever she was close to one of their operations. She hadn't had time to report to them her squad's change in movements, so they hadn't known she was in the convoy. But even if they had, she doubted they would have had the mission scrapped, just for her sake. She was sure they considered her valuable, but she was willing to bet she was expendable, if the situation necessitated it. It'd be a happy surprise for them when they learned they got Grasmus.

  Her heart throbbed. Its beats were heavy and pinching when she thought of him. She had hoped he'd live through the war. When she'd first entered military service for Belliskray, she'd hoped every soldier would die. But as she marched with her squad, she slowly stopped hoping that for them and embraced them with a mild indifference. If they died, well, it would be weird to have them missing, and depending on who it was, maybe she'd be a little sad. If they lived, well, that was some good luck, and Seph wouldn't hold it against them.

  But Grasmus. She'd hoped he would live. And if he had to die in the war, that he'd die
fighting in combat. And if he had to die because of her work with Reperio, that she'd shoot him herself. Because he'd deserve to know she was responsible for his death. Even if it was only for a second, she wanted him to know, so that she wouldn't have had to lie to him about that too.

  He'd have understood. If it'd come down to a standoff, her or him, he would've understood her choice. He even would've understood her decision to spy for Reperio, though he would've been hurt by her duplicity. If Seph could've shot him she could've been honest with him again, just for a moment.

  But when Commander Grasmus died he thought it was war and that Seph was on his side, and those were two lies Seph hated to tell at the same time. Her heart ached again, a little punch in her chest, and she choked on one last sob before she could stop herself, her hand clapping to her mouth to muffle the sound. She took her hand down and let out a breath. She inhaled another deep breath, feeling a tingling as it entered her lungs, and then she sighed it out, leaning her head back against the wall.

  All this and the war wasn't over yet. She slouched against the wall. She still had to march for this stupid country. She'd be transferred to a new squad. Have to deal with a new Commander, have to establish a reputation all over again, have to figure out how to tip-toe around everyone. Maybe some of her current squadmates who would transfer with her would be generous and vouch for her. Because Reperio would still have work for her to do too.

  * * * *

  Seph was crying again. No smeary snot, no awkward sobbing sounds, but her vision kept blurring at the bottom, her cheeks were warm and wet, and her breath kept catching in her chest. Both arms were crossed tight over her front as she marched through the cold dark to her rendezvous location--attic room, boarding house, enter via the wooden back stairs when the light cracks through the blackout curtains after 23:30. She removed one of her hands from being clamped under her armpit and wiped at her nose, catching tears that had channeled themselves under it and beaded off its tip.

  This reaction was becoming more and more common after assignments, almost a reflex--the huff of an exhale to a sharp inhale.

  Seph covered her face with both hands, swept over it with them, clearing her eyes and cheeks from tears dried and still dripping. She reached the lamppost with the lime green gum, not that it was really necessary as Seph had been to this safe house many times, and she knew where to stand to best see the sliver of light escape through the curtains. She positioned herself just outside of the white light ring shining down from the street lamp. Leaning against the chain-link fence, she checked her position again, making sure she hadn't been followed, though she didn't know who would want to be in this dingy end of town at this time of night, except for her. She was alone. Even as a crying mess her senses were keen. She was still attuned to her environment, still sure that it suited her, still on the alert for signs that that may have changed.

  She wiped her eyes one more time, smoothed her face again, sniffed. She didn't want to answer any more questions from Rhodo than the ones she'd already planned on. She looked up to where she knew the window would be, multiple previous visits having trained her eye exactly where to gaze into the dark if she wanted to see it split into light, for just a brief flash. Seph saw it just then. But it had come too fast. Seph checked her timepiece. It was only 23:28. Rhodo was really missing her. Seph smiled.

  She tread the wooden steps placing her weight as heavily as possible on her toes, no easy feat in combat boots. She managed to climb them soundlessly enough, any slight creaks she caused easily excused as the old house settling, or perhaps a light breeze caressing the boards. She maintained her carefulness as she reached the landing, and crossed it to the door. She knocked. Once. Once twice. The door opened and Rhodo emerged as a pale figure from the dark--the light had to be off whenever the interior of the house was exposed, but it could be on once they were inside so long as the blackout curtains were drawn.

  "Hi, sweetie," she grinned, pulling Seph in by the coat sleeve. Seph couldn't resist grinning in return. It had been three months since they'd last seen each other, this after a stretch of seeing each other once a month for the seven months before that. Rhodo shut the door and flicked on the light. She grabbed Seph's coat sleeve again, pulled her closer and leaned over to kiss her, but Seph turned her face and caught in on the cheek. She kissed Rhodo's cheek before she could see the stunned annoyance in her eyes, and turning to the bathroom she asked,

  "Have you used up your water ration for the day?"

  "Not yet." Rhodo's irritation was present in her tone.

  "I'm sorry. Give me a head start." Seph kissed her forehead without looking at her, and then strode across the room, around the bed and into the bathroom, turning the light on and shutting the door behind her before she could change her mind or look back.

  Just a few more minutes. She needed just a few more minutes to collect herself. Rhodo had signaled early.

  Seph shed her heavy black wool coat, pulled her black t- shirt over her head, unclasped her military issue beige bra and slid her arms out of its thick straps. She bent to tug off her right boot, then her left, and as it hit the floor she sighed a heavy, long breath. She stood there for a moment, feeling the pull of her weight on the bottom of her spine. The sharp stretch at the back of her slightly bent knees that kept her balanced. The dull heaviness of her fingers as her arms dangled and her blood slid down. She reached for her ankles and slid her socks off one foot at a time. She straightened up, opened her belt buckle and loosened the belt, unzipped her black jeans and stepped out of them. She slipped her underwear down her legs and let out another sigh, a short puff this time, and shivered through the sensation of being fully naked in a warm room. She remembered to take out her earpiece.

  Leaning over the tub, Seph pulled the lever around to the red half of the circle, and there was a rumble before the rush of water. Seph stuck her fingers under the spout, wiggled them in the water, flicked them and turned the lever until the water temperature was just cool of scalding. Watching to make sure she lifted her legs high enough to not catch her ankles on the edge, she stepped into the tub, and pulled the curtain closed behind her.

  She stood under the stream, not a bad pressure for a multi-story shack with water rationed, and as the water drenched her head and neck, she felt her shoulders hunch instead of relax. She crossed her arms over her chest again, and flinched, resting her head on the wall beside her. Not even hot water made this ache go away.

  Seph huddled under the spray, trying to drown her thoughts for a couple minutes before she heard the door open again, Rhodo's bare footsteps on the tile. Seph jumped a little at the sound of the shower curtain being pulled back a few rings. Rhodo brushed her back as she crept in behind her, fitting herself in the small space between Seph and the wall holding the showerhead. Hands stroked from the top of Seph's head down through her wet hair, gathering it behind her ears into a short ponytail and then fingers followed the strands slowly to their ends, letting them drop in their damp clumps back onto her neck. Ease finally came to Seph's frame. Rhodo repeated the motion a few times, before bringing one arm around both of Seph's, draping her other arm around Seph's waist, and pulling her backwards against her. She kissed her shoulder, diffusing a bead of water on her skin.

  Seph gasped at the sudden press of Rhodo's breasts against her back, dry skin against wet, water trapping between them, then trailing down around Seph's spine in thin little rivers. She moaned a little at the pressure, Rhodo's tongue on her neck, her palm smoothing low across Seph's stomach, following the curve of her hips. Seph lowered her arms as Rhodo kissed her way from shoulder to shoulder, tilting her head back just enough so that the angle at which the spray hit her hairline made it feel like the water flowing through her hair actually was her hair. Warm, weightless, winding. Rhodo slid one hand up to massage Seph's now unguarded breasts, one at a time, while sliding her other hand down to Seph's groin. Seph squeaked a little and leaned her head forward again as Rhodo's fingers slid through her hair and rubbed
circles against her. She fought the urge to cover Rhodo's hand with her own and make her press harder. Rhodo knew what she was doing when it came to Seph. Always had. In every area. As if to remind her of this herself, Rhodo bit Seph's ear gently and nibbled. Seph let out a husky pant. Rhodo's lower hand stroked Seph between her legs as far down as she could reach in long, slow motions, while she dragged the fingertips of her other hand up from Seph's belly button up between her breasts and back again, strumming Seph like an instrument. Handler indeed, Seph couldn't help thinking, and she would've giggled if she weren't feeling so blissfully grateful.

  Rhodo was holding her in all the right ways, hiding kisses in Seph's hair, and Seph felt a familiar and welcome hot pinch in her belly, a hum that was gathering resonance and was about to rise throughout the rest of her, slow and steep, when the water shut off. Thunk. Quiet.

  Seph's eyes flew open. She paused.

  "Damnit!" she wailed. "Water rations," she moaned. "Fuck this war. Fuck fuck fuck."

  Rhodo stifled a chuckle. She pecked Seph's shoulder, still held her, but Seph shivered. Seph supposed she was lucky. With Rhodo's help she'd managed to stretch what must've been only a few minutes to feel like an hour of relief. But she hated being told when to stop. Hated being cut off. And a shower was the least and trivial of its offenses, but damn this government had done it again. Seph sighed, prying herself from Rhodo and stepping out of the tub to grab a towel. Rhodo followed behind her and Seph turned, towel in hand, to wrap it around Rhodo and pull her to her. They couldn't both fit in it, but the edges at least closed around Seph's sides, and Rhodo's body was keeping her warm.