“A glass of champagne.” Carolyn continued her perusal of the space, thinking that the company spared no expense with the party. It was an open bar, live music, and a sit-down dinner. Everyone seemed to already be having a good time.
“Here you go.” Ben handed Carolyn the champagne flute.
“Is that one of my favorite people, Carolyn Jenkins?”
Ben and Carolyn turned at the deep, raspy voice that sounded as if it belonged to a three-pack a day smoker. The white-haired older gentleman reached for Carolyn’s hand and pulled her close enough to kiss her on the cheek before shaking Ben’s hand.
“Carolyn, you are as beautiful as ever. I see you still have the ability to brighten a room.”
Carolyn hugged him. “Dennis, you sweet talker. You sure know how to make a girl feel good.”
Dennis Peterson was one of the founding owners of the IT company hosting the event. They had met years ago when she was married to her second husband.
“And happy anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been twenty-five years since you started the company. Oh, and what is this I hear about the company making Fortune magazine’s ‘Change the World’ list?”
“I know. The time has flown by and the years have been good to us. You know, if you would’ve accepted my job offer way back then, I have no doubt we would have made the list years ago.”
Dennis had asked her to run his marketing department when she gave him a couple of advertising ideas that had resulted in successful ad campaigns. With her limited education, she knew she wasn’t the right person for that job.
“There will always be a place in my company for you if you change your mind.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“I hope you’ll entertain us with a song tonight.” Dennis had once heard her sing in a local jazz club, and at last year’s Christmas party, he had asked her to sing.
“I’d love to.”
“Attorney Jenkins, it’s always a pleasure,” Dennis said to Ben.
“What’s with this Attorney Jenkins nonsense, Dennis? I thought we were way past formalities.”
“Are you kidding me? With the wins you’ve been having this past year, I feel as if I should address you formally.” They laughed and he and Ben fell into comfortable conversation.
Carolyn nodded at a few passersby she’d seen before when hanging out with Ben. Most probably wondered why a high-powered attorney like her brother didn’t attend these types of events with a real date. Only the family knew that he’d been through a bad divorce that left him bitter and vowing to never marry again. He dated, but not seriously. Unfortunately, his only child, Ben Jr., seemed to have the same attitude when it came to marriage. Though Carolyn had been unlucky in the love department, deep in her heart, she hoped to marry again.
Her heart swelled with love. It was impossible to think of marriage without thinking of Lincoln. Of course the subject hadn’t come up since they were still getting to know each other, but she knew enough to know they were perfect together.
Carolyn glanced around at everybody coupled up and wished Lincoln was there. After spending so much time with him lately, it was weird when she didn’t get to see or talk to him. He’d been unavailable for most of the day, only texting her a quick hello earlier that morning.
“Let’s grab our seats,” Ben said to Carolyn. They wove around tables and people gathered in small groups chatting.
“Hopefully they’ll be serving dinner soon. I’m starved.”
He laughed. “You’re always hungry. I thought for sure you’d grow out of eating so much, but I guess not. I wonder if Janay will be like you and Martina.”
Carolyn smiled at the mention of her precious granddaughter. “I have a feeling she’s going to be just like us.” The little one already showed signs of being a big eater.
Carolyn and Ben introduced themselves to their table mates who were already seated. Just as Carolyn took her seat, a tingling at the base of her neck forced her to look up. Heat radiated through her body when her gaze landed on her breathtakingly handsome man at the entrance. Broad shoulders filled the doorway and he looked like a black James Bond standing there in a tuxedo that molded over his muscular body. It amazed her that just seeing him could ignite a roaring fire within her.
She started to stand, planning to approach him, but halted when a beautiful woman sidled up to him and slipped her arm through his. The sight hit her like a train rumbling down a track, knocking her back into her seat. Unable to look away, she watched as the woman turned slightly to say something to him. Carolyn recognized her as Lincoln’s assistant. She wasn’t wearing the dark-rimmed glasses, messy ponytail, and frumpy sweater she’d worn the day they’d met. No, tonight the petite woman almost looked like a different person. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders in large curls and the form-fitted, red evening gown was one that even Carolyn would consider wearing.
Carolyn shifted in her seat wondering what they were doing together. On the one hand, she didn’t feel threatened by the young woman, but on the other hand, why hadn’t Lincoln mentioned that he’d be attending the event? Why just call it a “work thing”? Then a sick feeling overcame her. Maybe he was embarrassed by her. Why else would he not tell her about the event or ask her to be his date?
“Isn’t that Lincoln?” Ben whispered as another couple joined them at the table.
Carolyn nodded, not trusting her voice as she processed her last few thoughts. Technically, she and Lincoln never put a title on their relationship, but she assumed they were exclusive.
So much for assuming.
“So who’s the hottie with your man?” Ben asked near her ear and Carolyn glared at him. He threw his hands up. “Hey, she is hot. A little young, but hot nonetheless.”
“She’s his assistant,” Carolyn murmured through gritted teeth, suddenly wanting to storm out of the room and punch the two-timing jerk on her way out. But she had never run from anything or anyone and she had no intention of starting now. “What time is dinner being served? I’m ready to eat.”
Ben threw his head back and laughed. “Well, I see you have your priorities straight, sis.”
“Damn right.”
Chapter Thirteen
Lincoln led Pamela to their assigned table, but what he really wanted to do was leave the event and find Carolyn. He hadn’t spoken to her since earlier that day. Spending the morning with his son and then most of the afternoon at work didn’t leave much opportunity for talking to her.
He shook his head at the thought and guilt punched him in the gut. Liar. Any other time he wouldn’t have let anything stop him from calling her throughout the day. Instead, all afternoon he had questioned his decision of not inviting her to the event. She was the person he should be there with, the person he wanted to be with. Not his assistant.
Pamela slowed and turned to him. “Are you okay? You’ve been more quiet than usual since picking me up. Does your silence have anything to do with why you’re here with me and not Carolyn?” When he found out Pamela didn’t have a plus one, he suggested they ride to the party together.
“No. Yes.” He stopped and blew out a breath. “Don’t mind me. I have a lot on my mind.”
She continued to study him, waiting for him to say more. But he had nothing else to say. For the most part he kept his personal life private, and it didn’t feel right discussing his woman with his assistant.
“Looks like everyone is here.” Lincoln nodded toward the table, hoping no one would ask about Carolyn. Thankfully Conrad and Angela had another event and wouldn’t be there questioning him about Carolyn’s absence. Those in attendance were employees and their dates. He greeted everyone as he took his seat and before he could get settled, dinner was being served.
For the next half hour, Lincoln picked at his food and barely participated in the conversations going on around the table. He had come to a conclusion: he was a fool. In finding every excuse of why not to invite Carolyn, he failed to remember why he should’ve invited h
er. She was his heart. There was no person on the earth he’d rather spend his days with. Vicky had been the only other person to make him feel as if he couldn’t breathe when she wasn’t near, and now that same feeling consumed him.
I’m a damn fool.
Lincoln took two bites of the lemon-peppermint cheesecake the waiter set in front of him and pushed the plate away. He had to get out of there.
He wiped his mouth, placed his cloth napkin on the table, and leaned in close to Pamela. “I hate to do this to you, but I’m going to head out. I’ll make sure there’s a car here by the ti—”
“May I have everyone’s attention?”
Lincoln glanced toward the front of the room where Dennis Peterson stood.
“We have a special treat tonight. I want you to …”
Lincoln didn’t hear anything else he said. Carolyn appeared out of nowhere and headed toward Dennis. His world tilted and his throat tightened at the sight of her … at the sight of the gold, strapless evening gown she wore. Sparkling beads covered the top of the dress which skimmed over her body and flared out at the bottom. What really left him speechless was the dangerous, long split that separated the dress with every step she took, exposing a well-toned thigh.
“Wow,” Lincoln heard someone say. A bolt of jealousy and pride shot through him. He didn’t know who said it, but he couldn’t have said it any better.
If Lincoln was shocked by the sight of her, when she opened her mouth and sung the first few notes of “O Holy Night”, he nearly swallowed his tongue. He’d heard her sing in the shower, but nothing like what he was hearing now. The band played along with her as if they’d practiced the number for weeks, and what he noticed most was how comfortable she seemed in front of the crowd. It was as if she performed all the time.
She never ceases to amaze me.
“Why didn’t you tell me Carolyn was performing tonight? And, oh my God, she can sing!” Pamela squealed.
Unable to speak, all Lincoln could do was shake his head and shrug.
When the song ended, the band started playing another familiar melody and Carolyn rolled right into Mary J. Blige’s “Take Me As I Am”. Lincoln’s next breath lodged in his throat when she looked directly at him, emotion filling every lyric of the song as if she was singing to him. That guilt he felt earlier returned with a vengeance, rooting him to his chair and forcing him to maintain eye contact.
Had she seen him when he arrived?
His stomach churned with trepidation. He knew the answer. If she had seen him enter, then she also saw him with Pamela and probably assumed …
Oh, hell.
Perspiration beaded at his forehead. He didn’t know what he would do if his ignorance caused him to lose the only woman he’d ever loved besides Vicky. He couldn’t lose Carolyn.
She finished the song, gave a slight wave and bowed, then she headed for the exit. Lincoln darted from his seat, hurrying to catch her.
“Carolyn,” he called out when he stepped outside of the ballroom. She kept walking. Along the way she picked up speed, stomping through the hotel. It was safe to assume she was angry. Lincoln had no idea what he would say, but he couldn’t let her leave without talking to her.
Once he was close enough, he called her name again and grabbed hold of her arm.
“Don’t touch me!” she seethed. He lowered his hand, but blocked her from going toward the door. With each step he took toward her, she took a step back until they were off to the side near a vacant sitting area.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be here tonight?” he asked, mentally kicking himself for starting with that. What he should have said was, I had no idea you could sing like that. Or, You’re unbelievably beautiful tonight.
Fisting her hands at her sides, Carolyn glared at him. “You have the nerve to ask me that? Instead of you asking me anything, you should be telling me why you’re here with another woman. Or maybe you can tell me why you called this event a ‘work thing’ instead of telling me where you were really going! And why didn’t … why didn’t you invite me?” Some of the steam had gone out of her only to be replaced with sadness in her eyes.
“Sweetheart, I can explain.” He reached for her again and she took another step back.
“Don’t. I don’t need an explanation.”
Lincoln noticed people staring, but all he cared about was making this right before he lost the best thing that had happened to him in a very long time.
“I already know why you kept your evening a secret. What I don’t understand is why you’ve led me on? I never took you for a snob, Lincoln. I guess I was right before. You are ashamed to be with me.”
“No. Baby, no that’s not true.” Lincoln shook his head vigorously, fear of losing her gripping his body. “It’s not like that. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love another woman. Please just give me a chance to explain.”
“Have you noticed that you seem to be the only person who has a problem with what I do for a living?” She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “And please don’t insult my intelligence by saying that’s not what this is about. I know you think I’m not good enough for you. I could see if I was a prostitute. Then I would understand if you were uncomfortable taking me around your friends or business associates. But, Lincoln, I bartend at a restaurant. It’s what I do. It’s not who I am.”
“I know, and I need you to know that I’m not embarrassed by you. It’s just—”
“It’s just that you’re embarrassed by what I do for a living.” They stared at each other, but no words left his mouth. He couldn’t admit to her that she was right. “Good-bye, Lincoln.”
She walked away without looking back and Lincoln let her.
A hand on his shoulder startled him and he jerked away before realizing it was Ben.
“I’m sorry, man,” he said. “Hopefully whatever is going on, you guys can eventually work it out.” Lincoln watched Ben jog after his sister.
Hopefully whatever is going on, you guys can eventually work it out.
The words bounced around in his head. Lincoln didn’t know if he could fix this. With the way he had treated her, and the way he made her feel, he didn’t deserve her. If anyone wasn’t good enough for someone, it was he who wasn’t good enough for her.
But I can’t lose her.
*
Carolyn stood at the kitchen counter and sipped her tea. Sleep hadn’t come easy and now she was paying with puffy, red eyes and a slight headache. And if that wasn’t enough, her mind was still on the argument with Lincoln.
Walking away from him the night before had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. She couldn’t believe they were through. The hollowness in her chest grew just thinking about never seeing his handsome face and those sexy eyes again. She would never be able to experience his strong arms holding her close, making her feel as if all was well with the world. And now she was back where she started at the beginning of this holiday season. Alone.
How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly? She marinated on the question that had plagued her mind all night, and the only answer she could come up with was honesty. Had Lincoln been honest with her from the beginning, none of this would have happened. He could have just told her that he had an issue with what she did for a living. Instead, he kept asking questions about why she hadn’t gone back to school. Or did she want to go back to school, even offering to pay for tuition. Or the question she hated on any day, coming from anyone — Where do you see yourself in five years? How could she answer that type of question? She loved living in the moment and deciding her course of action as she went about her life.
“How did I not see the signs?” Carolyn carried her tea into the family room, setting it on a red and green crocheted coaster her mother had given her one Christmas.
Carolyn knew why she hadn’t seen the signs with Lincoln. She hadn’t wanted to. He was everything she had dreamt of having in a mate. His attentiveness, sweet kisses, and willingness to try a
nything once distracted her from keeping an eye on the signs of trouble.
She ambled back to the kitchen for a napkin, still berating herself for falling for his charm. But there was a little twinge of something playing around her heart that made her want to believe that all that she and Lincoln shared hadn’t been a lie. There was no way she could be that wrong about him, about how he made her feel cherished and loved. She had dated enough jerks to know when she was being played, and she hadn’t picked up that vibe from Lincoln.
Heading back into the family room, the doorbell rang.
Carolyn froze. Part of her wanted to run to the door in hopes of it being him. Whereas the other part of her considered ignoring the loud shrill of the bell and continue moping.
She released an exhausted breath. Grown-ass women don’t mope.
She walked across the room and peeked through the peephole.
Lincoln.
Despite her bravado, anxiousness crawled through her body and she willed herself to relax, taking a few steadying breaths. Once she felt ready to face the man she had fallen in love with, she swung the door open.
She scanned him from head to toe, noting that he looked worse than she felt. Red eyes, haggard face, and clothes he must have slept in had him looking older than his fifty-three years. She wanted to reach out and hold him, but instead remained rooted in place.
“Why are you here?”
“We need to talk.”
“Lincoln, we don’t have anything further to discuss. I said all I needed to last night. As for you, I’m not interested in anything you have to say.”
She slammed the door and locked it, feeling as if a part of her heart had crashed to the floor. On shaky legs, with tears blurring her vision, she went back to the family room.
“I am not going to cry.” She wiped the corners of her eyes with the heel of her hands, trying to clear her mind of all thoughts of Lincoln.
Last night, she had started watching the movie This Christmas, hoping to have the usual laughs. Instead, she found herself crying through it. A first.
Today would be different. She popped in her favorite movie, Elf, knowing that with Will Ferrell as the star, she was guaranteed a few laughs. She laid her head back against the sofa and thirty minutes into the movie, her thoughts went back to the night before. Why did she have to have a college degree or a prestigious job for Lincoln to accept her? There were plenty of people walking around with degrees who either didn’t have a job, or who were unable to find a job in their field. That didn’t change who they were as a person.
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