“Grace, don’t say such things,” Andrew says, sitting on a rock beside me.
“Why not?” I’ve never spoken to Andrew with such contempt before and yet I can’t keep the frustration out of my voice.
“Because he’s not right for you. God is working on His plan for you and you need to give Him time to do so. He’s even working on his plan for me and it’s taken me in a very unexpected direction.”
He moves closer to me and stares out into the trees.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, curious as to what Andrew’s really getting at. “What direction?”
“I believe that God is calling me to separate from Colleen.” He says it so matter-of-factly that I’m unsure if I hear him correctly.
“I’m sorry, what?” I turn towards him in shock, not believing what I’m hearing.
“I’m going to leave Colleen.”
“Why? And why would you think that God would want you to do that?”
I honestly cannot comprehend anything that’s happening at the moment.
“Sometimes you just have to take things in stride,” Andrew says, looking into my eyes. “Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that things change.”
He gives me a look that I’m unsure what to do with. It’s unlike any look Andrew has ever given me. It’s almost as if…
“I think we should head back to the house,” I say, standing up and brushing myself off. I no longer wish to have this conversation with Andrew. I don’t even want to think about where he’s going with it.
It makes me sick to think he could think that way about me. Had he just been waiting until the right time to tell me? Or had he only realized it now that I’m trying to move onto a life that’s not so dependent on him? Either way, it’s sick and I question his motives for everything now. This is not what I need, on top of everything else.
Boyd pops into my head and I wish desperately to be able to talk to him about what just transpired between Andrew and me. I begin walking down the path back towards the house. Andrew stands up a few moments after me and we walk back to the house in silence.
Chapter 20
Grace
That following Sunday, I find myself at St. Benedict’s before anyone else has arrived for church. I walk through the empty pews in silence, waiting for someone or something to arrive. It takes several long minutes before the rest of the parishioners start trickling in.
“Good morning, Grace,” I hear my name and I turn around to find Colleen standing behind me. “You left early this morning.”
She smiles warmly at me and I can’t help but suddenly feel guilty. Even though I’ve done nothing wrong—not with Andrew, that is. At least I’m feeling guilty about something else besides hooking up with my boss, for once. Suddenly my supposed transgressions pale in light of how Andrew had been acting—what he had been insinuating.
“Morning, Colleen,” is all I say back to her, and she guides us along the slowly filling pews to our seats near the front. “I just felt like getting out of the house. It’s nice being here alone. It’s calming.”
“Yes, it is.” Colleen takes my hand as we sit down in the front pew. “I hear you and Andrew went for a walk last week. Did he help you see things clearly?”
“I…” I’m not sure where to start and I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to discuss this. “He definitely helped me see something. He told me about how…”
“How things are with us?” Colleen doesn’t look at me but continues to stare straight ahead at the front of the church. The stained-glass windows shine in the early morning sunlight.
“So, it’s true?” I ask, not wanting to hear the answer.
“Yes, it’s true.” Colleen says, looking at me. She smiles at me again but it’s a creepy, eerie smile, and she lets go of my hand. “Andrew wanting to separate from me is nothing new. It’s just the first time you’re hearing about it. We always stay together, because it’s God’s will. There are some things we can’t change, even if we want to. And even if you don’t agree with everything that Andrew says, he does know what he’s talking about. He wants what’s best for you and that’s not for you to be with Boyd.”
“But…”
I can’t even fathom her words. How does this not bother her more? Why is she so blasé about it? I begin to realize they may have been living an entire façade right before my very eyes, and deceiving everyone else, too, pretending to be in some stable marriage when really it was very clearly falling apart if not completely shattered.
The two people I thought were my unshakable rocks are turning out to be more like glass that is quick to break. Nothing makes sense to me any more and I begin to wonder why I denied myself my own happiness just to try to please them. Suddenly, their need for constant control over me makes sense. They were focusing on my life so they didn’t have to focus on their own.
“There are no ‘but’s,’ Grace. If you don’t take our advice and leave Boyd behind for good, God won’t smile upon you. And most of all, you won’t be welcome in this church.” Colleen looks away from me and doesn’t say another word.
I’m so confused. How could she be calmly telling me about my own fate while not even seeming to care about her own? I can only surmise it must be some sort of bad coping mechanism.
The Pastor steps up to the pulpit, preparing to speak. He looks at me as if glad I’m there, but I don’t even try to pay attention this week. I’m beginning to wonder what I’m doing here at all. I’ve always liked volunteering at the mission but other than that, I’ve never truly felt at home, and now I know why. It wasn’t just about my mother and my own past, but it was also about Andrew and Colleen and the present life that all three of us have been sharing together for far too long.
Suddenly the decision I should have made earlier bombards me like a truck. But I can’t do anything about it at the moment. So for now, I hold my head high and look ahead.
Right now, it’s time to try to listen to a sermon, even though I feel I’ve been doing enough of that lately, from Andrew and Colleen. Later, it’ll be time to do what I should have done a long time ago. Hopefully, it’s not too late to fix my mistake.
Chapter 21
Boyd
I find myself staring at my computer screen, unable to focus on the emails trickling into my inbox. I almost don’t even recall how I ended up at work this morning. The night before was nothing but restless sleep. Endless tossing and turning that lead to more hours staring at the ceiling then in actual sleep.
Grace constantly floats through my mind, my desire for her taking over everything I do. She’s like a fucking drug that I just can’t quit. And one that I don’t want to.
A knock at the door startles me and I shuffle things around to make it look like I hadn’t been sitting here doing nothing for the last hour.
“Come in,” I say, looking toward my computer and opening the first of many emails. It’s all nothing but nonsense from my employees about issues needing my help to resolve. They all seem to small in comparison to the weight around my fucking heart.
My new assistant, Oliver, walks in and gives me a nervous look. I can barely look at him. All I want is for this young man to be Grace. For her to walk into this office and tell me all the things I want and need to hear from her. All the things I should be telling her. And yet…
“Pardon me, Mr. Ashdown,” Oliver says, holding several folders in his hands. “Your 10 o’clock appointment is here.”
“Thank you, Oliver,” I say, sighing heavily. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
He closes the door after a quick glance back at me and I can’t help but pity the poor kid. He’s not going to have a very friendly boss if things keep going as they are.
Sitting in the meeting with my partners and a potential new client, I can’t keep my brain focused on anything but Grace. I know how important this meeting is and I know what it will do for the firm if we get this client on board. He has a large company that rivals Damien’s entities.
/> I know all of that and then some and yet I still can’t get Grace out of my mind. I manage to make it through the meeting somehow, and afterwards, without contributing much of anything to what anyone is saying, I leave and head back to my office. Oliver stops me in my tracks.
“Your wife called, Mr. Ashdown,” Oliver says, looking up at me over his desk.
“I believe, you mean, my ex-wife,” I say and I give him a look that sends him scurrying into himself. He nods his head at me and stares back at his computer. “Did you want me to…”
“Yes, fine. Put her through in a minute.”
Oliver looks at me, anxiety radiating through him. I can’t help but think that he won’t be able to survive in this environment for very long. “She’s on line 2,” Oliver says, and goes back to staring at this computer screen.
“Thank you, Oliver,” I say, in the nicest tone possible and give him a strained smile. Whether or not I just sealed my fate of being without another assistant, I don’t care. The last thing I want to do is speak to Shelley.
I walk into my office and stare at the blinking light on my office phone. I take a few moments to gather myself before I answer it.
“Boyd Ashdown,”
“Hi, Boyd,” Shelley says.
“Shelley, I thought I told you not to call me at the office anymore,” I say, thinking back to all the hours we’d spent on the phone at work whenever we each had a spare moment to talk. Now, the memories feel sour.
“I know, Boyd,” Shelley says, her tone sweet. “But I needed to talk to you.”
“What could you possibly need to talk to me about?” I say, not wanting to relive the moment when I confronted her about her infidelities, yet also knowing that that’s exactly where this conversation is going. “Your latest relationship crumble yet? That’s par for the course with you.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment and I know I’ve hurt her feelings. But I truly don’t care. She never cared about how I felt. Why should she start now?
“Okay, I deserve that,” she says, meekly.
“What do you want, Shelley?”
“I just wanted to tell you that I know I made a huge mistake with Mark. It never should have happened. And I know I made things hard for you at work considering…”
“Considering the fact that you screwed my law partner?” I say, my fingers tightening on the phone cord. “And you both constantly rubbed it in my face?”
It was the reason I had needed to leave the firm and the state, and decided to merge my lucrative practice with this one. I just couldn’t stand to be around either of them.
“Yes, and I’m sorry for that...I just…”
“You just what? I’ll ask again. What do you want, Shelley?”
“Fine, I just wanted to tell you that I’m no longer with Mark and that the reason I’m calling is…”
“You want us to get back together?” I say, sitting down in my chair, unable to comprehend exactly what I’m hearing.
“Well, yeah,” Shelley, says, her voice small.
“You know, for months after you left me, I would have given anything for you to say the things you’re saying right now. I would have gone back to you in a heartbeat, regardless of what happened. Because I’m an idiot and I would have rather been with someone who hurt me over and over again than be alone. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be in a good relationship with someone who actually valued me as a person,” I tell her.
It feels good to get it all out.
“But you know what?” I continue, unable to stop now that I’ve started giving her a fucking piece of my mind. “That’s not true anymore and I know for a fact that I deserve better than what you’ve given me. And you have no idea how much pleasure it’s giving me to tell you that it’s not going to happen. Goodbye, Shelley.”
I hang up the phone before she gets a chance to speak. Just the mere act of slamming down the phone leaves me feeling satisfied. I know what I have to do now.
I duck my head out of my office door and get Oliver’s attention.
“Next time my ex-wife calls, block her number,” I say, with a smile on my face. “Also, I’m taking the rest of the day off. Hold all my calls,” I say, heading back into my office to gather my things. I come back out a few minutes later and pass Oliver’s desk.
“You’re doing great, by the way, Oliver.” Oliver manages to smile sheepishly back at me.
I head towards the elevators with a new attitude, not knowing how to wipe the fucking smile off my face even if I wanted to. I know that I could be risking everything to be with Grace but I know in my heart that it’s the right thing to do.
Grace is the only woman I had ever met that made me forget about how awful things ended with Shelley. She was the only one who made me realize how selfish Shelley was and how she only gave when she could ensure she would get something in return.
Grace is giving and loving and caring and most of all, she doesn’t expect anything in return. She’s everything Shelley wasn’t and clearly still continues to be. This started off just the same as one of my many prior flings but it became something very different. Grace is the one that I want to spend my life with. Her and only her.
I’m just about to enter the elevator when I’m stopped by Tim. He steps into the elevator with me.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Tim asks, hitting nearly every button on the floor panel.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, indicating multiple lit floors. “We’ll be here forever.” I’m anxious enough as it is and I can’t handle Tim’s stalling tactics.
“Good, that will give us a chance to talk,” Tim says, crossing his arms. “You’re not going after her, are you? I heard what you told your assistant back there.”
“I have to, Tim,” I say, turning to him. “I need her in my life.”
“Even if it means risking everything? This could have major blowback on the firm. On us! Is that what you want?”
“She’s worth the risk, Tim,” I say, simply and he just gives me a dejected look. He’s fighting a losing battle. I just hope that I’m not doing the same.
“There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind?” Tim asks, his eyes pleading.
“Nothing. You’ll just have to hope it works out the same for me as it did for some of the other guys here. You were quick to condemn me even though they have everything they ever wanted now, just because they did the same thing I’m doing now. They went after the women they loved.”
“Then, I wish you luck,” Tim says, surprising me. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gets out on the next floor. “You’re right. If it worked for them, it could work for you. It’s unfair of me to take such a negative outlook when we have examples of it turning into something good and permanent. I hope you get what you want. You deserve some happiness. Merry Christmas. See you at the office Christmas party?”
“Merry Christmas, Tim. Perhaps.”
I smile at him as the doors close, feeling relieved and confident in the outcome of my endeavor.
Chapter 22
Boyd
I drive to Grace’s house, knowing full well that my doing so could lead to a confrontation with her foster father, Andrew. But I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to win Grace back.
I park on the side of the street, not wanting to draw attention to myself and I take a moment to gather myself together before going inside. My grip on the steering wheel is tight and my breathing feels labored. After a few minutes, I compose myself and get out of the car, my heart beating out of my chest.
I knock on the door and hope beyond hope that it’s Grace that answers.
The door swings open and there she is. Just as fucking beautiful as the day she walked into my office—and also the day she walked out of it. Even more beautiful, actually—her beauty has only become more evident to me as I’ve gotten to know her better, fallen more and more in love with her, if I admit it to myself.
When I first met her, there had been a mysterious glow to
her, drawing me in and making me want to find out more about her. Then, there was something about her fiery spirit that turned me on even though I was mad at her for walking away from me. And now, it’s pure innocence and happiness to see me again that radiates from her, making her look even more lovely than usual.
Her face looks radiant and her curves so tempting I wish I could take her right here, right now. She fucking takes my breath away.
“Boyd!” Grace says, excitement and fear crossing her face within seconds of each other. She looks behind her and lowers her voice. “What are you doing here? Andrew and Colleen are home.”
“I don’t care about them. I care about you,” I say, reaching for her. “I came here to tell you that I was crushed the day you quit. I can’t get you out of my head. I need you, Grace. Please, just hear me out.”
“Boyd,” Grace says, and turns around as if she hears something behind her. “You can’t be here. But I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
She starts to step out onto the porch, making my heart race at the knowledge that she will come outside with me. But then someone reaches out and grabs her arm, pulling her back into the house and closing the door in my face, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.
Fuck that. No one shuts the door on me, and no one roughs up the love of my life.
The love of my life.
I begin pounding on the door, telling myself not to put too much thought into that just now. I know I can’t get swept away in romantic fervor when I’m about to have a big fight on my hands. There will be time for emotions later.
I hear the door open again after a moment and then I look up to see Andrew glaring down at me. Grace stands a little way behind him in the doorway, starting to protest, “Andrew, it’s fine, just let me…”
But he whips his head around and hushes, “Shut up, Grace,” before turning back to me.
“Don’t talk to her like that!” I yell, at the same time he crosses his arms and says, “What are you doing here, Boyd? You’re not welcome on my property.”
Forever, Boss: Bad Boy Office Romance Series Box Set with Bonus Novella Page 30