The next problem was that no matter what they did they couldn’t get the shapes to billow. (Actually, the next problem was that they had trouble getting the material up in the trees and had to call a bunch of Christmas light installers to help them, but they got that under control pretty quickly, as it was September and the installers had nothing much else to do.) The material was just too wet. To fix the problem, Professor Browning came up with the idea of inserting supports, which you’d think the light installers would have thought of but they didn’t. Of course they didn’t have any supports with them, so they had to run around looking for stuff that would do, which lost them another hour.
When Simon heard about what they were doing he said, “That’s ridiculous. There’s a much better way.” Unfortunately he said it rather loudly and Amphora got all huffy as usual.
“Oh yeah?” she said to Amanda and Ivy. “What’s that? And by the way, I call time out. This time doesn’t count toward your fines.”
“You can’t do that,” said Ivy.
“Why not? Don’t you think we might work better if we didn’t have to worry about digging into our pockets?”
“Nope,” said Ivy. “The fines are meant to teach you to get along. I must say that they’re not actually doing that yet, but they will.”
“No, they won’t,” said Amphora.
“I think they will,” said Ivy.
“No, she’s right,” said Simon. “If we haven’t made progress by now it isn’t going to happen. This whole thing is just a transfer of wealth.”
“Then so be it,” said Ivy. “You have the power to stop it.”
“Okay,” said Simon. “I’m going to do that right now.”
He marched over to Ivy, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. Ivy squirmed and pulled away. “Ouch, Simon. What are you doing?”
Amphora and Amanda laughed like hyenas. Amanda hoped Simon would get over this puberty thing quickly. His constant kissing people was starting to get out of hand.
“Come here, Ivy,” he said, ignoring the girls.
“I will not. Five pounds.”
“Kiss me and I’ll never argue with Amphora again.”
The girls stopped laughing and stared at him.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” said Ivy.
“I’m always serious,” he said. “You know that.”
“What’s going on with you, Simon?” said Ivy.
“Isn’t it obvious?” he said. “I’m going to prison. I’d like to take a little something to remember with me.”
Amanda felt terrible for him. She moved close and put her arms around his skinny body and squeezed. He seemed to like that and squeezed back. “It will be okay, Simon. You won’t go to prison.”
“Of course I won’t,” he said. “Blixus Moriarty just confessed. Boy, you girls are gullible.”
“I thought you said you’re always serious,” said Ivy.
“I am,” said Simon. “Look what just happened. I got you to stop worrying about me and Amphora. Furthermore, I stopped arguing with her, and I got a nice hug. You have to admit that your way doesn’t work, Ivy. Mine does.”
Amanda let go and peered up at him. “You’re a piece of work, Simon. That wasn’t fair.”
“I don’t see why not,” he said. “We’ve all got what we wanted.”
His argument made sense. Of course he’d achieved his ends in such an annoying way that Amanda didn’t want to admit it. Ivy felt differently though.
“Come here, Simon,” she said, crooking a finger.
Simon grinned and moved close to her. She reached up and took his face in her tiny hands, pulled him down to her, and gave him a long, long kiss. Then she let go, wiped her hands together, grabbed Nigel, and scooted back to the truck, which, considering how wet it was, wasn’t much of a scoot.
“Yup,” said Simon. “We all got what we wanted.”
Even Amphora grinned at that one.
As you might expect, when people saw fabric hanging everywhere word spread quickly. Some people thought that a messy family had decided to hang its laundry from the trees, and some thought it was a message for space aliens about to land, but whatever they believed, they talked about the installation a lot, and soon the copycats started up. In fact, within two days you could see all manner of fabric all over the Lake District.
None of the wannabes, however, used the exact same draping as Professor Kindseth, which was a good thing because he had contrived his pieces to say, in draping language, “Surrender.” The way he knew how to speak in Drape was because he and Charlotte had attended an exhibit by an artist from New Zealand, one Zandy Pilau, and she had titled her pictures things like “Pity,” “Grief,” and “Surrender.” (She was a bit of a downer, actually—always trying to upset people and make them cry.) At any rate, they’d been impressed with her ideas and had discussed draping so much that they had even extended the language to add a few words and phrases of their own, which Professor Kindseth would not divulge.
“Now what will happen?” Amanda asked the teacher. “Will she come to Legatum?”
“Not a chance,” said Professor Kindseth. “She’ll be very skeptical and cautious. She will probably think it’s a trick to get the hostages back.”
“Then what was the point?” said Ivy.
“We might fail,” he said. “But if she wants to talk she’ll find an interesting way of doing it. She would never send someone or write a letter or a text. Those would lead right back to her.”
“What’s she going to do, send a carrier pigeon then?” said Amanda. She was beginning to think the whole thing had been an exercise in futility.
“Actually, that would lead back to her too,” said Simon.
“I know, doofus,” said Amanda. “I was making a point.”
“Fifty p,” said Ivy.
“Fifty p yourself,” said Amanda. “I’m not paying you. I declare an end to this usury.”
“You know what?” said Ivy. “You’re right. We’re done with this. The fining is officially over. No refunds though.”
Amanda just about fell over. She had never expected Ivy to relent. She’d become so stubborn about the whole bickering thing that it seemed they’d still be paying her when they were eighty. And here she was, just quitting and not even arguing about it.
“Just like that?” said Amanda.
“Yup,” said Ivy. “Sometimes you have to admit that something has failed and take another tack. The fining hasn’t worked. We’ll just have to find a new way to deal with the bickering.”
“Good for you,” said Simon. “And I’m not just saying that because I’m broke.”
“I’ll text Amphora,” said Ivy.
“She’ll be happy,” said Simon. “For once.” Ivy didn’t move a muscle. “What, you’re not going to tell me to cut it out?”
“Nope,” said Ivy. “You’re on your own now. You can choose to be mature, or you can act like a child. It’s up to you.”
“I see you haven’t stopped being judgmental,” said Simon.
“You’re right,” said Ivy. Amanda was astounded. Was something wrong with her? She was giving in right and left. “Don’t look so surprised, Amanda. I’m capable of admitting when I’m wrong, even when Simon points it out to me. From now on I’m going to be a lot nicer.” Ivy a lot nicer? She was practically an angel already. Amanda didn’t see how she could be any nicer. “Simon, that was a mean thing to say and I apologize.”
Simon looked as surprised as Amanda felt. For a moment he seemed positively tongue-tied. Then he broke into a huge grin, said, “Thanks,” and left the room.
31
Mood Indigo
Ivy’s behavior may have been surprising, but it was nothing compared to what happened next. Professor Kindseth got a call from Headmaster Thrillkill! That was Charlotte’s way of indicating that she’d received his message loud and clear. And the first thing he said, after all that time, was, “Hello, Ken. I’m at the Windermere police station. Can you please come get me?�
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To say that Professor Kindseth was gobsmacked would be an understatement. After they’d found that blood, he—they all—had been worried to death that Thrillkill had been killed. And here he was, sounding as calm and normal as a summer’s day. So the first thing he said was, “Is Jeffrey Lestrade all right?” because of course, Jeffrey’s blood had been found too. And Thrillkill said, “Yes. Please just come and get me.”
Professor Kindseth, who was talking to the kids in his office (Amanda could hear every word Thrillkill said), said, “Come on,” and ran to his car. Amanda, Ivy, Simon, and Amphora followed. When they got there they realized that they wouldn’t be able to fit all of them and Thrillkill too, so Simon flipped a virtual coin and eliminated Ivy, but volunteered to give up his place so she could go instead. That amazed all of them even more, and Ivy insisted on staying behind, but Simon wouldn’t hear of it, so in the end, Amanda, Ivy, and Amphora went with him.
As soon as they arrived at the police station they saw Thrillkill being hustled by two uniforms. They were pushing him around and clamping handcuffs on him! He looked up, saw Professor Kindseth’s car, and yelled, “Get me out of here. They think I’m a vagrant.”
He certainly did look like a vagrant. Amanda had never seen the man look such a mess. What hair he had was all matted and his face was filthy, and there was dried blood all over his shirt and pants. If he hadn’t looked so robust, Amanda would have been worried that he was bleeding to death, but from the way he was struggling, he looked pretty much the same as usual, at least strengthwise.
Professor Kindseth pulled into the first available space (which wasn’t a space at all, but rather the sidewalk next to the police station), leapt out of the car, looked around quickly (to make sure there weren’t any zombies waiting to ambush him, he told the kids later) and yelled, “Hey, you’ve got the wrong man!”
The constable wouldn’t listen. He shoved Thrillkill into the police station, dragged him to the window, and said, “Book him.” Thrillkill kept trying to explain who he was and Kindseth kept trying to get them to listen and Amanda and Ivy and Amphora all kept trying to get a word in edgewise, but that didn’t stop the police from grabbing Thrillkill’s hand, rubbing it on an inkpad, forcing him to give prints, and taking him in the back and shoving him into a cell. They could hear him back there yelling, “Call DS Dingwall!”
“Who’s that?” said Amanda.
“A detective sergeant who knows him very well,” said Professor Kindseth. “He’ll sort this out. Hang on.”
He pulled out his phone and punched in a number. Three seconds later the phone on the clerk’s desk rang and he asked for DS Dingwall.
“What is this in regards to?” said the clerk. Amanda could hear him through the phone and from a few feet away.
Professor Kindseth walked to the far corner of the room and said, very quietly, “Tell him Gaston Thrillkill wants to speak with him.” Amanda could barely hear him, but Ivy signaled that she could make out everything. She gestured for the others to go stand next to him so they could too.
“But what is this in regards to?” said the clerk.
“Widows and orphans fund,” said Professor Kindseth.
“One moment please,” said the clerk. Professor Kindseth gave the kids a surreptitious thumbs up.
“Seems like they could use a refresher course,” said Amanda.
“Interesting idea,” said Professor Kindseth. “We don’t give extension courses. I have a feeling it wouldn’t matter if we did. That guy isn’t detective material.”
“Shouldn’t matter,” said Simon. “It’s who you know with Legatum. Shouldn’t be, but it is.”
Amanda hadn’t realized that he was still nursing a grudge from the time Thrillkill had suspended him for a minor infraction, all because his famous detective relative was pretty far removed. Obviously he was though. Although now that she thought about it with a year’s experience behind her, she had to agree with him. David Wiffle, who was descended from a very famous detective, would never make it, while Simon surely would. And then of course there was Nick, who wasn’t descended from a detective at all. How things would turn out for him was a great big question mark, though.
“Hello, DS Dingwall,” said Professor Kindseth suddenly. “This is Ken Kindseth from Legatum.” Pause. “No, I know I’m not Gaston Thrillkill. If you want to talk to him, all you need to do is go look in your holding cell.” Pause. “Yup, that’s exactly where he is and he’d like to speak with you.” Pause. “Thanks very much.”
A moment later a fortyish red-haired man in a rumpled suit ran through the hall behind the clerk. Amanda turned to Professor Kindseth, who nodded. Apparently that was DS Dingwall, and the fact that he was running meant that someone was going to be in hot water very soon if he didn’t rectify the situation. Ivy laughed, Simon started messing with his phone, and Amphora looked confused. A couple of moments after that it got very noisy in the back somewhere, as raised voices echoed off the bare walls. Amanda wasn’t sure if the DS was yelling at Thrillkill or Thrillkill was yelling at him or someone else was yelling or being yelled at. All she knew was that a few minutes later, Thrillkill emerged into the lobby looking very red in the face and extremely grumpy.
“Let’s go,” he said abruptly.
Professor Kindseth and the kids followed him out the door. He seemed not to want to discuss anything so no one asked him any questions. But after they’d been driving about a minute he said, “By the way, I’m fine and so is everyone else. Thanks for asking.”
“We wanted to know,” said Amanda. “We were just—”
“Enough, Miss Lester,” he said. “I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’m furious.”
“The zombies—” said Amanda.
“Not the zombies,” said Thrillkill. “Those idiot police down at the station. They all know me very well. What are they playing at anyway?”
“I don’t understand,” said Ivy.
“I don’t either,” said Thrillkill.
“She means about the zombies, sir,” said Simon.
“The wretches?” said Thrillkill. “Interesting people. Way smarter than the Windermere police.” He turned to Professor Kindseth. “She’s quite a woman, Ken. Whatever did you do to her?”
“Excuse me, sir?” said Professor Kindseth.
“Charlotte. Very French.”
“She is?” said Professor Kindseth.
“Mais oui,” said Thrillkill. “Fascinating woman. By the way, Miss Lester, that cousin of yours should have gone to Legatum.”
“I thought he did,” said Amanda.
“He? I’m talking about Despina,” said Thrillkill. “Surely you didn’t think I was referring to that buffoon Lestrade.”
“Oh, right,” said Amanda. Wait a minute. Despina should have gone to Legatum? What was he talking about?
“Fine detective she is,” said Thrillkill. “Very wise.”
Despina was wise? Was he talking about the woman who barged into every situation whether she belonged or not, who plagued Amanda with her constant invitations to go sightseeing, the woman who designed clothes for jurors? That Despina?
“Hill is a little, shall we say, dim, but that Despina is a real cracker,” said Thrillkill, sounding more English than the Frenchman he was.
“What about my sister?” said Ivy. “Is she all right?”
“Now there’s a smart girl,” said Thrillkill, “and yes, couldn’t be better. Mister Bramble too. Everyone is fine.”
“Thank goodness!” said Ivy. She looked like she was about to burst into tears.
“But the blood,” said Amanda, grabbing Ivy’s hand and squeezing it.
“Oh, that,” said Thrillkill. “That fool Lestrade. We had an argument. Got into it, I’m afraid. Er, sorry, Amanda.”
“Is he okay?” said Amanda, trying to care about what happened to her idiot cousin.
“As much as he’s ever been, which isn’t much to speak of, I’m afraid,” said Thrillkill.
“What’s goin
g on, Professor,” Ivy whined, which was so unlike her that everyone in the car, even Professor Kindseth, did a double-take.
“I suppose you’d like to know who the wretches are,” said Thrillkill.
“When do we get Fern back?” Ivy practically screamed.
“Well, ah, soon,” he said. “Not to worry, Miss Halpin. It will all be fine. There’s just a bit of business to clear up first.”
“Then she isn’t hurt?” said Ivy.
“Not at all,” said Thrillkill. “Everyone loves her.”
Amanda wasn’t sure that love had anything to do with it, but it was reassuring to hear that Fern hadn’t been harmed.
Ivy whipped out her phone and hit an icon. “Dad? Fern’s all right.” Pause. “No, she isn’t back yet, but Headmaster Thrillkill is and he says everyone is safe and sound.” Pause. “Soon. That’s all I know.” Pause. “Yes, I’ll call you as soon as I know. Love you.”
“I think I heard him exhale,” said Amanda.
“They could have heard that back at Legatum,” said Ivy. “He’s so relieved I think he might lose it.”
“So who are the wretches?” said Amphora. She’d been so quiet that everyone jumped. Amanda had completely forgotten that she was there.
“A very interesting group,” said Thrillkill.
Amanda Lester, Detective Box Set Page 136