“Not zombies,” said Amphora.
“Hardly,” said Thrillkill. “Quite the opposite. Full of life.”
“Clive will be disappointed,” said Simon.
“Why did they take you?” said Amanda.
“Ah, now that’s interesting,” said Thrillkill. Amanda was ready to scream. Everything was interesting with him. When was he going to get to the meat of the matter?
“We were worried sick!” said Ivy, with uncharacteristic pique.
“Yes, and for that I apologize,” said Thrillkill.
“You mean it was your fault somehow?” said Ivy.
“Oh, not at all,” said Thrillkill. “We were hostages. No question.”
“Professor, are you suffering from Stockholm syndrome?” said Simon.
“What an interesting idea,” said Thrillkill. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Amanda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Mr. Gruff was sounding like a complete flake. Perhaps they’d drugged or brainwashed him. Maybe there was a way to get him to focus.
“Professor,” she said. “Can you list the top three things we should know about your, er, experience?”
“Capital idea,” said Thrillkill. “You’ve been learning, Miss Lester. Lists are so important.”
“Thank you, sir,” she said, hoping he’d just get on with it already.
“Very well, then, let me see,” he said. “I guess I’d have to say that Number 1 is, I’ve told the wretches they can take over the secrets trove.”
Professor Kindseth swerved and nearly hit a mailbox. “What?” he said.
“Just so,” said Thrillkill. “Number 2—”
“What do you mean you told the wretches they can take over the secrets trove?” said Professor Kindseth.
“It was a logical idea,” said Thrillkill. “They need a place to live, we have the kind of place they like, they’ll look after the secrets for us—once we restore them, of course.”
“Over my dead body!” yelled Professor Kindseth.
“Oh, I understand your reluctance, Ken,” said Thrillkill. “But it will be fine. You’ll see.”
Professor Kindseth pulled over and stopped the car. “Are you out of your mind?” he squeaked. “We’re talking about Legatum. You don’t just let a bunch of lunatics in.”
“But they’re not lunatics,” said Thrillkill. “They’re actually quite sane. A little eccentric, I’ll grant you—”
“No, no, no!” said Professor Kindseth. “I don’t know who those other people are, but I can tell you that you do not want Charlotte anywhere near the school.”
“I don’t know this Charlotte,” said Simon, “but you are talking about kidnappers, Professor.”
“That is true,” said Thrillkill. “But I think there are extenuating circumstances.”
“My eye,” said Professor Kindseth. “I guess I may as well tell you that I’ve already resigned, so perhaps I don’t have the right to express my opinion, but—”
“You resigned?” said Thrillkill. “Why on earth would you do that?”
“Because this whole bloomin’ thing was my fault!” yelled Professor Kindseth.
“I don’t see how,” said Thrillkill. “It was the art materials that made them ill, not you.”
“I’m not talking about—what?” said Professor Kindseth.
“The art materials they use,” said Thrillkill. “They’re toxic. They need proper medical care. I’ll speak to Dr. Wing.”
“Wait a minute, Professor,” said Amphora, again astonishing everyone. “Are you saying that they look all pasty and sick because they’re being poisoned?”
“Well, that and living underground,” said Thrillkill. “They don’t get out enough. When they come to Legatum that will change, of course.”
“So that’s it,” said Simon. “I don’t think Clive will be very happy.”
“Look, Ken, we can’t have you resigning,” said Thrillkill. “We need you.”
“It’s already a fait accompli,” said Professor Kindseth.
“Well undo it,” said Thrillkill. “There’s nothing we can’t fix. Of course I will have to counsel you and Charlotte a bit.”
At this Professor Kindseth got so upset that he opened the door, got out of the car, and slammed it again. Then he pounded on the trunk so hard that everyone inside covered their ears. Thrillkill got out of the car and said, “I’ve had just about enough of this, Ken. Stop acting like a two-year-old and help me mend things. You’re not the only person who’s ever made a mistake. May I remind you about a certain cave in Scotland? That was way worse than whatever it is you’re imagining.”
“I’m not imagining anything,” said Professor Kindseth. “It’s my fault you and the others were abducted.”
“It is not,” said Thrillkill, “and we’re all safe and sound. Other than a few bruises on Jeffrey Lestrade from my fists, we’re fine. We’re better than fine. Now stop this sniveling and drive us back home.”
Something seemed to come over Professor Kindseth. He got back in the car, and as docilely as you please started up the engine and pulled out.
“What were the other two items on the list, Professor?” said Amphora.
“Oh, right,” said Thrillkill. “Number 2 I’ve already told you. The wretches are artists who want to live a pure life away from society. Their methods have made them rather ill, however.”
“You didn’t say all of that,” said Simon.
“Didn’t I?” said Thrillkill. “Number 3, they took us hostage because of Charlotte’s resentment toward Professor Kindseth here. But we straightened them out. Charlotte realizes that your teacher was justified in keeping Legatum’s secrets and that she went way over the line in kidnapping us. She’s very contrite.”
“What about Moriarty, sir?” said Simon.
“What about him?” said Thrillkill.
“The wretches fought with him,” said Simon.
“They’re quite good fighters,” said Thrillkill. “Nasty with a sword.”
“They pulled swords on Moriarty?” said Amanda.
“That’s what they say,” said Thrillkill.
“Nick didn’t—” Amanda caught herself. She did not want to talk about Nick, and she surely didn’t want to pit his version of the interactions between the wretches and the Moriartys against Thrillkill’s. But she did wonder who was lying.
“I don’t understand what happened,” said Amphora. “How can you become friends with someone who kidnaps you?”
“Stockholm syndrome aside,” said Thrillkill, “you’re there with them day after day, you see what they’re like, you interact with them, someone says something that resonates with someone else, and voila! Soon you’re friends.”
“Is Jeffrey friends with any of the wretches?” said Amanda.
“There are limits,” said Thrillkill, at which point everyone in the car cracked up.
When they arrived back at Legatum everyone was gathered at the front entrance. The kids had all texted as many people as they could, and everyone knew that Thrillkill was back and unharmed. They also knew about the wretches and the secrets trove, and the teachers were up in arms, especially Lila Lester and Ancillary Darktower.
As soon as the group walked up the front steps Professor Darktower said, “We ain’t having no wretches in the trove.”
“Who are you?” said Thrillkill.
“The voice of reason,” said Darktower.
“You must be Ducey’s replacement,” said Thrillkill. “Such a shame.”
Amanda leaned over and whispered in Thrillkill’s ear. “I’m afraid there’s very bad news about Professor Ducey. He was shot at the battle with Taffeta Tasmania and it looks like he’s paralyzed.”
“You what?” roared Thrillkill. “What happened?”
“There was a big battle at Dandy Castle and Taffeta shot him,” said Simon. “And Professor Snaffle disappeared.”
“Outcome?” said Thrillkill.
Simon looked at Amanda and Amanda looked up at
the sky. Neither one of them wanted to admit that Taffeta had got away and Hugh was on the loose again.
“We’ll debrief you,” said Ivy, saying exactly the right thing at the right time.
Professor Sidebotham stepped up and said, “Gaston, are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, couldn’t be better, etc.”
“You will go to see Dr. Wing.”
Thrillkill looked annoyed. “No need. What I need more than anything is a cuppa and a cleanup.”
Sidebotham sighed. “Very well. Shall we meet in an hour then?”
Amanda thought that wasn’t giving Thrillkill any time at all, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“One hour,” he said, and went inside.
“I’m very worried,” said Professor Kindseth. “Very worried indeed.”
“About Charlotte?” said Ivy.
“Yes, but more than that, the headmaster,” said Professor Kindseth. “I think he’s been tampered with.”
“He is behaving strangely,” said Ivy.
“We can’t have those wretches on the school grounds,” said Professor Kindseth. “They’re a security risk.”
“It does seem odd,” said Amanda. “Even if they’re, um, as nice as he says.”
“Nice my foot,” said Simon. “They’re criminals.”
“Yes, they are,” said Amphora. “I hate to say it, but I think I might have to transfer to the Punitori’s school. Thrillkill has lost his mind.”
“He could be booted out,” said Simon.
“True,” said Amphora. “Should we start a petition?”
“What’s going on?” said Holmes, joining the group.
“We think Thrillkill has lost his mind,” said Ivy.
“I did hear some wild things,” said Holmes.
“Probably all true,” said Simon. “Say, you don’t think he’s being extorted into making this deal so the wretches will let the rest of the hostages go, do you?”
“Oh, Simon, why did you have to say that?” Ivy wailed.
He looked confused for a moment, as if he hadn’t realized what he’d said. “Sorry. It was just a thought.”
“I’m sure Fern is fine,” said Holmes. Amanda whirled around to look at him. He mouthed something she couldn’t make out.
“Shut up, Scapulus,” said Ivy. “You don’t know that.” Amanda had never known her to yell at him. What had he said?
“Well, it seems—” he said.
“What are we going to do?” said Ivy, interrupting him—also something she didn’t usually do.
“Professor Snaffle would know what to do,” said Simon. “She’s the keeper of the secrets after all.”
“Where do you think she is?” said Amanda. No one had heard or seen anything of the tall professor since the battle, even Professor Also, with whom Amanda had kept in touch. She was beginning to think that something rather suspicious was going on with the secrets teacher.
“No idea,” said Simon.
“It is odd,” said Holmes. “She just vanished into thin air.”
“Let’s think about this a minute,” said Amanda. “What if the deal actually makes sense?”
“Now you’ve lost your mind too,” said Simon.
“It doesn’t hurt to speculate,” said Amanda.
“Uh oh,” said Holmes. “Amanda is doing one of her what ifs again.” He wasn’t teasing.
“Hey, my what ifs work really well,” she said.
“Sometimes,” he said rather pointedly. Amanda was sure he was just seething about Nick being there.
“As I was saying,” she said, “what if there is some benefit to having them here?”
“What would that be?” said Ivy. Considering what they had done to Fern, it made sense that she would be the most skeptical.
“They’re fierce,” said Amanda. “And loyal, I guess.”
“You mean they could be like security guards?” said Ivy. She didn’t sound convinced.
“Exactly,” said Amanda. “And they do need a place to live.”
“But what about the secrets?” said Amphora.
“They can’t go back there,” said Amanda. “Whatever remains will have to be moved. The tunnels will be empty.”
“But they kidnap people,” said Ivy.
“Maybe they were just desperate,” said Amanda, who was starting to feel guilty defending the wretches. Come to think of it, why was she doing that? Because Thrillkill had faith in them, that was why, and despite his quirks she had faith in him. Besides, she liked to explore as many sides of an issue as she could. Not that Ivy would appreciate that in this case.
“I don’t see how,” said Ivy. “It was all just petty jealousy.” It was the most judgmental she’d ever sounded.
“Maybe not,” said Amanda, hoping to mollify her. “Maybe it was much more than that.”
“Explain,” said Simon.
“Maybe Professor Kindseth thinks that’s the reason Charlotte took Professor Thrillkill and the rest, but maybe he’s wrong,” said Amanda.”
“Go on,” said Ivy in a brittle tone. She was really on edge.
“Maybe they were just desperate to have their own space and they figured if they took some hostages the authorities would negotiate with them.”
“You mean they’re terrorists,” said Simon bluntly.
“They’re not revolutionaries,” said Amanda. “They’re not trying to impose their ways on other people.”
“Give me a break,” said Simon. “What they did is stupid. And criminal.”
“I have to agree,” said Holmes. “Very wrongheaded.”
“I think it’s romantic,” said Amphora, surprising no one.
“Surely you can’t condone terrorism,” said Holmes, turning to her.
“There are always two sides to a story,” said Amphora, ignoring him. Amanda hadn’t seen her do that before.
“Not terrorism,” said Holmes.
“I wouldn’t exactly say it’s terrorism,” said Amphora.
“How is it not terrorism?” said Simon.
“They’re nice,” said Amphora. Simon snorted and Holmes shook his head. “What?”
“I’m not going to say anything,” said Simon. “I promised Ivy I’d be mature.”
“How is it not mature to debate things?” said Holmes.
“Ivy wouldn’t think I’m debating,” said Simon.
“Debating is a noble art,” said Holmes.
“Can we please change the subject?” said Ivy.
“Sorry,” said Holmes. “We were just trying to figure out what’s going on.”
“I just want Fern back,” wailed Ivy.
“We all do,” said Amanda. “And it looks like she’ll be with us soon.” She caught a glimpse of Holmes. He was looking skeptical. She didn’t rise to the bait.
While everyone was glad to see Thrillkill back safe and sound, hardly anyone was happy to hear the things he was saying. Not for the first time, a number of people thought he’d flipped his lid with this wretches in the trove thing. With the school’s recent experience of security breaches, the idea seemed positively loony.
But Thrillkill stuck to his guns. The wretches would guard the trove and the school’s secrets in exchange for the privilege of living in the tunnels. If the kids or the teachers wanted to go down there, there would still be plenty of places they could hang out. The wretches could even expand the tunnels if they wanted to, as long as they adhered to safe construction practices, and they could give workshops if they desired. It should be a win-win situation.
While everyone was questioning whether they could trust these oddballs, Professor Kindseth was wondering what Charlotte thought of the whole thing. There were issues of trust on her side too—huge ones considering their history together. Whether she could be persuaded to trust Legatum was just as big a question as the reverse. According to Thrillkill, he and she had hit it off beautifully, but that wouldn’t be enough, as he told Amanda and Ivy.
“Why should we trust them?” the photography teacher
said in his office. “They’ve kidnapped people. They should be arrested, not rewarded.”
“I totally see your point,” said Amanda, who wasn’t about to debate that issue anymore. “One thing in their favor, though, is that they’re not killers.”
“Not that we know of,” he said. “I think they need to prove themselves as much as they think we do.”
“A test of some kind?” said Ivy.
“Yes,” he said. “A very difficult one. But first they need to release the rest of the hostages.”
“What would happen if they did?” said Amanda. “They wouldn’t have any leverage, would they?”
“No,” said Professor Kindseth. “Which makes me wonder whether they’ll ever let them go. Sorry, Miss Halpin.”
“I’m aware of all this,” said Ivy.
“What about some kind of a deal?” said Amanda. “With incentives and penalties?”
“Like a trial run?” he said.
“Sort of, but going on forever. Harder at the beginning, and if they pass that, maybe we would ease up just a tiny bit.”
“Interesting idea,” he said. “What do you have in mind?”
“Well obviously one of the penalties would be getting kicked out,” said Amanda.
“Eviction,” said Ivy.
“And maybe they’d have to put up some kind of collateral,” said Amanda.
“Such as?” said the teacher.
“I don’t know. Artwork?”
“Something precious to them?”
“Yes,” she said. “If there is such a thing.”
“Oh, there is,” said Professor Kindseth. “And I know just what it is.”
When Professor Kindseth told them what he thought Charlotte should put up as collateral, they were absolutely sure it was the perfect sacrifice. Together with a system of penalties and incentives including the presence or lack thereof of creature comforts, medical care, gallery connections, and a variety of others, it would comprise the deal Thrillkill could offer in exchange for the wretches offering security to Legatum. Of course they would have to prove that they were viable guardians first—tests of physical ability a primary prerequisite—but Professor Kindseth, Amanda, and Ivy were certain they’d come up with a viable solution. Except, of course, for Professor Kindseth’s personal issues, which he had decided he would work hard on for the good of the school.
Amanda Lester, Detective Box Set Page 137