Final Score

by Michelle Betham

  She sat back down, bringing his hand up to her mouth and kissing his fingers, squeezing them tight.

  ‘It shouldn’t have come to this, Jim,’ she whispered, the sound of his breathing just audible over the beeping of the machines. ‘And I’m sorry, baby, if what I did caused this, because the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I love you so much, and I… I just love you, so much…’ She rested her forehead on their joined hands as more tears streamed from her eyes, falling onto his skin, but she swallowed them down, breathing in deeply again to try and control her emotions. But there were so many clashing for space inside her head right now it was hard to control anything. ‘I love you, Jim Allen. You walked into my life all those years ago and you never left. You never left me. And you are not leaving me now, do you hear me? You aren’t leaving me now.’

  *

  ‘Is he okay?’ Ryan asked, sitting down beside Max, clasping his hands between his knees as he leaned forward.

  ‘As he can be. He’s still sedated, as far as I know. They haven’t told us all that much, and I haven’t seen Amber since I got here. But Ronnie’s spoken to her, and from what I can gather, Jim’s a very lucky man.’ Max looked at Ryan. ‘I thought you were supposed to be looking after Rico.’

  ‘Freddie’s taken over for a couple of hours. He said there wasn’t much anyone could do here, so, he thought I might like a breather.’

  ‘Amber doesn’t know you’re here?’

  Ryan shook his head, staring down at the floor. ‘This really does change everything.’ He looked up, right into Max’s eyes. ‘Doesn’t it?’

  Max sat back, pushing both hands through his hair. ‘Ryan, I really don’t know. But, if you want me to give you an honest answer – yes. I think this changes everything.’

  ‘You spoke to her, didn’t you? Just before all this happened.’

  ‘Well, it was more like her speaking to me, actually, but, yeah. I talked to her.’

  ‘And, did she give you any idea? Did she… did it sound as though she might have made a decision…?’

  Max sat forward, matching Ryan’s stance, his hands also now clasped between his knees. ‘She was confused, Ryan. She was… she didn’t really know what she was going to do. She was angry and upset and…’ Max bowed his head, closing his eyes for a second or two. ‘I wouldn’t get your hopes up, son. Because I don’t think she’s going anywhere now.’

  Ryan sighed, throwing himself back into his chair, and letting out a heavy, frustrated sigh. ‘I mean… Jesus! I never wanted anything bad to happen to the guy, but… this doesn’t change what he did, Max.’

  ‘Maybe not. But you have to realise that that isn’t going to be the most important thing on Amber’s mind right now. Her husband could have died, Ryan. Okay, he was lucky, under the circumstances, but he could have died. So whatever he’s done in the past, I doubt that’s even going to bother her now.’

  Ryan sat forward again, his eyes once more down on the floor. ‘I want to postpone my flight to the States, Max. I want to stay here a little while longer, help Amber look after Rico. I think that’s only fair, don’t you? She’s gonna have enough to cope with, so the least I can do is help out with our son.’

  Max looked at Ryan. ‘This time I really am begging you, Ryan. If you only want to do this because you still think…’

  ‘I’m doing this because I don’t want Amber to have to cope with a sick husband and a baby all on her own.’

  ‘She has family, Ryan.’

  ‘And Rico has a daddy who wants to stay and look after him for a little while longer. And that’s all I’m doing this for, Max. That’s all I’m doing this for. It gives me a little bit more time with my baby boy and it takes the pressure off Amber.’

  Max held Ryan’s stare for a little while longer. ‘Okay. I understand, and I’m sure Corey Reynolds will understand, too. I’ll go give him a call. Let him know what’s happened.’

  ‘Thanks, Max.’

  Ryan sat back, another sigh – one of relief this time – escaping as he watched Max head off to make the call to L.A.

  ‘I thought you were looking after Rico.’

  He turned his head to see Amber standing there, her arms folded, her face stained with tears. She’d changed out of that figure-hugging blue dress and killer red boots now, into jeans, baseball boots and an oversized white shirt, her dark-red hair piled up on top of her head. She looked tired. And Ryan felt his heart pull apart. Because he really had to let go now. He had to let go. Even though it was still the last thing he wanted to do. ‘Your dad’s taken over for a little while. I… I didn’t know whether you wanted me to bring him here…’

  Amber shook her head as she sat down in the chair Max had just vacated, her arms still folded across her chest. ‘No. Not yet. This isn’t really the place for him.’ She looked straight at Ryan, her eyes meeting his and staying there, and he felt that pull on his heart again. ‘Is Rico okay?’

  ‘He’s fine.’ Ryan smiled, and she tried to return it, but smiling still wasn’t something she felt like doing. ‘How about you? How are you doing?’

  She turned away, staring straight ahead of her. ‘It doesn’t matter how I’m doing.’

  ‘It does to me.’

  She turned to face him again. ‘Thanks. For coming, I mean.’

  ‘I care about you, Amber.’

  ‘This isn’t about me, Ryan. None of this is about me. All I care about now is that Jim wakes up and he’s okay and we can…’ She trailed off, looking down at her left hand, her fingers fiddling with her wedding ring.

  ‘How is he?’ Ryan asked, watching as she continued to twist that ring round and round her finger.

  She shrugged. ‘He’s still asleep, and he probably will be for a good few hours yet, but… I don’t know. Nobody really knows anything until he wakes up.’

  ‘You’re not staying here all night, are you? Only, it’s getting late now. You should really go home and get some rest.’

  ‘I don’t want to sleep, Ryan. How can I sleep when Jim’s lying there? I don’t want to leave. I’m not leaving until he wakes up. Ronnie brought me a change of clothes and he’s staying with me, you know – supplying me with coffee and bringing me food I don’t want to eat, but it’s good to have him here. I don’t know if I could do this on my own.’

  ‘You’re not on your own.’

  She looked back up at him. ‘Why do you care what happens to him?’

  ‘Because I’m not a monster, Amber. Jesus, come on! Whatever he might have done, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.’

  She sat back, finally unfolding her arms, sighing quietly. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that, I’m just…’ She sighed again, briefly closing her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

  He wanted to reach out and take her hand, but he wasn’t sure what her reaction would be, so he kept his hands clasped together. But he really wanted to touch her. To let her know he was there for her. If she needed him. ‘You know Freddie’s only gonna come back here later and nag you into getting some sleep.’

  ‘I can sleep here.’

  He wasn’t going to argue with her. But he didn’t know what else to say now. Everything had changed. Everything.

  ‘If you want me to bring Rico to see you, just let me know. Okay?’

  She looked at him again, and this time there was the faint trace of a smile there on her tired but still oh-so-pretty face. ‘Thank you. It means a lot to have you here. To have you taking care of Rico. It’s a huge help.’

  ‘I’ve put my flight to L.A. back. I want to stay here for a little while longer, help out with Rico. If that’s… if that’s what you want.’

  She leaned over and hugged him. A totally unexpected reaction, but after a split second of wondering what he should do, he let his arms fall around her, holding her tight as she held onto him. ‘It’s what I want,’ she whispered, staying in his arms. And he didn’t let her go, not until she pulled away and stood back up, folding her arms again. Those barriers were back up now. �
��I’m really grateful, Ryan.’

  ‘I’m his dad, Amber. I want to spend as much time as I can with him.’

  Another weak smile before she turned and walked away. And at that second, Ryan knew she was walking away forever.

  *

  ‘Amber?’

  She swung around to see Brandon standing there, a look of fear and confusion all over his young and handsome face. ‘Oh, baby…’ She walked over to him, pulling him into her arms, holding him tight as every emotion the poor kid must have been bottling up for hours came tumbling out.

  ‘I was so scared, Amber. I didn’t… I didn’t know what to do, and nobody could really tell me anything…’

  ‘I know… Sshh, it’s okay. Sweetheart, it’s okay.’ She wiped his tears away, gently stroking his hair as she looked into his eyes – eyes that were so much like his dad’s.

  ‘Is he… is he alright?’

  ‘He’s asleep. They’ve given him a sedative to help him get the rest he needs, but, he’s holding his own. I’ll get Mr Whelan – that’s your dad’s consultant – to come and talk to you as soon as he gets here. He can explain more because I’m not sure how much I’ve really taken in.’

  Brandon looked at her, his hand holding tightly onto hers. ‘I was so scared, Amber. I was so fucking scared.’

  ‘I know, baby. We all were.’ She pulled him in for another hug, her eyes going straight to someone standing at the far end of the ward. And Brandon must have felt her tense up because he turned his head to see what she was looking at.

  ‘I didn’t know who else to call, Amber. And… and she was there. When it happened. She was there, and she offered to pick me up from the airport and bring me here…’

  Amber smiled, squeezing his hand tight. ‘Brandon, it’s okay. Do you want to see your dad now? He’s asleep, but you can sit with him for a while.’

  He nodded, and Amber couldn’t help but notice how young he looked. How frightened he was. It was strange, how fear could suddenly make someone who was usually so strong seem so vulnerable.

  ‘He’s just in there. You go tell him how much you love him, okay? I’ll be there in a second.’ She waited until he was by Jim’s side before she walked over to Ellen, her eyes never leaving the young woman’s. ‘Thank you for bringing him here.’

  ‘It was the least I could do, Amber. I still care about him, and I know… I know what I did to him, it was wrong. And I regret…’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, Ellen. Right now, it really doesn’t matter.’

  ‘I do still care about him.’

  ‘I know. But he really doesn’t need any more complications in his life, okay? I know I’m not his mum, and he probably wouldn’t thank me for saying this to you, but I really would appreciate it if you’d leave him alone now.’

  Ellen looked down and Amber felt a little sorry for her. Had she herself not acted irrationally because she was confused about what it was she really wanted? So how could she blame this young woman for doing the same?

  ‘Is Jim alright?’ Ellen asked, her voice quiet as she looked back up at Amber.

  ‘We’ll know more when he wakes up.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Amber. For everything.’

  Amber shook her head, once more folding her arms against herself. ‘Don’t be. I’m wiping a lot of slates clean tonight, Ellen. Yours is just one of them.’

  Ellen managed a small smile. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You’ve got nothing to thank me for, Ellen.’ And with that, she turned and walked away.

  *

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Ryan asked, looking up as Ellen walked past him in the corridor.

  She stopped and turned to face him. ‘I brought Brandon here.’

  ‘Oh. Okay.’

  ‘And now I’m going home. I’ve still got work in the morning and I could do with some sleep.’

  ‘Ellen, hang on… wait!’

  She stopped walking and turned to face him again. ‘What, Ryan? I thought we had nothing left to talk about?’

  ‘We haven’t. Not really, it’s just that, well – with everything that’s happened today, can we just wipe the slate clean?’

  ‘Yeah. That’s kind of what Amber said,’ Ellen sighed, leaning back against the wall.

  ‘You’ve spoken to her?’

  Ellen nodded, rooting around in her bag for her purse. ‘Why do I never have a pound coin handy when I need one? I could really do with a coffee…’

  ‘Here. Have this one,’ Ryan said, handing her his cup. ‘I haven’t touched it yet, I promise.’

  She looked up at him, smiling slightly. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘So, are you… are you doing okay?’

  ‘I’m doing fine. My world didn’t stop just because you dumped me.’

  He leaned against the wall beside her, shoving his hands in his pockets. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

  She took a sip of coffee. ‘Sorry. I’m just a bit tired. It’s been a strange day.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Ryan sighed, throwing his head back. ‘Tell me about it.’

  She turned to look at him. ‘When are you leaving for the States?’

  ‘Well, it was supposed to be in a couple of days’ time, but, given what’s just happened, I’m delaying it for a while. I want to stay here, help Amber out with Rico.’

  Ellen looked down into her coffee. ‘You wanted her to go with you, didn’t you? To America.’

  ‘Yeah. I wanted her to come with me. I still do, but I’ve kind of accepted that it’s not gonna happen now.’

  ‘Are you going to spend the rest of your life loving a woman you’ll probably never have?’

  Ryan looked down at the floor, his hands still buried deep in his pockets. ‘I don’t know, Ellen. And, believe me, this isn’t how I want to feel because it hurts, y’know? Every day I wake up and it hurts, so I don’t want to feel this way. But sometimes life gives you no fucking choice.’

  *

  ‘Don’t start, Ronnie.’

  ‘You might call it nagging, Amber, but what use are you gonna be if you can’t keep your bloody eyes open. Is that fair on Jim? Huh? To wake up and find you’re a wreck because you refuse to close your eyes for half an hour.’

  ‘I’m not going home.’

  ‘Nobody’s making you go home, kiddo. Christ, we’ve all tried that and look where it got us. Just go get your head down somewhere quiet. The nurses have said you can use one of the on-call rooms.’

  ‘I’m fine where I am. I’m not leaving him, Ronnie, so you might as well save your breath.’

  ‘Stubborn as ever,’ Ronnie sighed. ‘But, it’s ten past four in the morning and, quite frankly, I can’t argue with you any more. I haven’t got the energy. You might be able to function on no sleep, but I need some shut-eye. Otherwise who’s gonna look after you, huh?’

  She smiled, giving him a hug. ‘Thank you. For everything. And I mean that, Ronnie. I really need you right now.’

  ‘Yeah, I know you do.’ He smiled, too, gently rubbing her back as he held her. ‘But you’re not frigging easy to cope with, let me tell you.’

  ‘No. She never is.’

  Amber pulled away from Ronnie as though he were on fire, turning around so quickly she felt dizzy. ‘Jim! Jesus, don’t try and sit up…’ She ran over to the bed, sitting down beside him, taking his hand in hers. A new, fresh batch of tears started to fall slowly down her cheeks. ‘Ronnie, go get someone, go!’

  ‘What the hell happened?’ Jim whispered, his voice slightly hoarse. ‘Last thing I remember was lying here, asking for you…’ He looked at her, his eyes tired and slightly red, but there was colour back in his face. And all Amber could see was her beautiful American man. Awake, and alive.

  ‘The doctor’s will explain everything, but… I thought I’d lost you.’ She wiped her eyes with her forearm, desperately trying to stop crying now. ‘I really thought I’d lost you.’

  He reached out to touch her cheek, slowly brushing away tears with his fingers. ‘Hey, come on. It’s gonna take some
thing way bigger than this for you to get rid of me.’

  ‘I love you so much, Jim.’

  ‘I love you, too, Amber. Jesus, baby, I love you, too.’

  ‘And Brandon’s here. I think he may have gone to get something to eat…’

  All of a sudden the room was full of people again, and she had to take a step back while they checked Jim out. She had to leave the room when all she really wanted to do was stay there and make sure he wasn’t going anywhere because she was still scared. He was awake, and he seemed okay, he seemed fine. But she was still scared.

  ‘It’s a good sign, Amber. If he can wake up and recognise that you’re still the stubborn, hard-to-deal-with woman we’re all so familiar with, then I’m sure he’s gonna be fine.’

  She couldn’t help smiling, her hand slipping into Ronnie’s as they sat down by the nurses’ station. ‘Where’s Brandon?’

  ‘Someone’s gone to find him. I think he went to get a coffee.’

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

  Amber looked up as one of the nurses arrived back at the large, semi-circular desk. They’d all been so friendly to her these past few hours, and that just made Amber start crying again.

  ‘That’d be great, thanks.’ Ronnie smiled at the nurse, squeezing Amber’s hand gently.

  ‘Okay. Coming right up.’

  ‘What if something’s wrong, Ronnie? I mean, what if this happened because he’s ill or there’s something wrong with his heart? What if there’s every chance I could lose him again?’

  ‘Hey, come on, listen. Amber, listen to me. He’s only just woken up, okay? So nobody knows anything yet. They’re gonna do tests and he’s probably gonna be here for a while, so let’s start getting used to that first, alright? But, if there is something wrong, then I’m sure they’ll find out what that is. And they’ll deal with it. But you need to stop thinking the worst when the poor guy’s only just woken up. He needs to see you strong, okay? You might not feel it, but that’s what you need to be.’

  She clung tightly onto his hand, her eyes going back to Jim’s room. She could hear his voice; she couldn’t make out what he or the doctors were saying, but she could hear his voice. ‘This has been such a wake-up call, Ronnie.’