by Kell, Sheila
“No, that’s it.”
Kate noticed how painful taking a breath was for Mary. She wanted to kill Dan. “Let’s go then.”
Mary followed them out to Jesse’s SUV. On the drive to the emergency room, Kate realized Jesse hadn’t said anything to her or Mary since they’d arrived. He’d conferred with his men while she’d spoken with Mary at the apartment. His jaw clenched. His muscles tightened. He looked like he wanted to kill someone. Dan seemed to have that effect on people.
They arrived at the familiar emergency room. The one Kate sat in to learn Joy had died. The sorrow she felt for Joy almost overtook the sorrow for Mary. She had a friend in trouble. She had to be strong for her. She had to put Joy to the back of her mind for right now. “At least it doesn’t look like a long wait.”
When they called Mary, she asked Kate to go with her.
Dr. Rodriguez examined Mary and sent her for x-rays. Thankfully, her ribs were only bruised and not broken. He wrapped them tight and gave her a prescription for the pain.
You could hear a pin drop with the silence in the SUV on the ride to Mary’s. No one brought up what should be done next. Kate wasn’t sure how Mary would react to that conversation at this moment.
They walked Mary to her door which had been hastily repaired. Jesse took the keys from her and checked out her apartment. She held Mary back at the door.
Leaning to Kate, she whispered, “What’s he doing?”
“He’s doing what he does. He’s checking for bad guys, checking for Dan.” She doubted Dan had returned, but Jesse checked anyway.
“Oh.”
He returned and handed Mary her keys. He spoke for the first time since leaving Mary’s house. “I’m leaving a man outside your door in case Dan comes back.”
Kate’s heart melted a little at his gesture. He endeared himself to her with his concern for her friend.
“I’ll be okay. You don’t need to do that.”
“It’s done. Mary, this is Les. Les, this is Mary.” Mary stared at the tall, broad shouldered man wearing a weapon on his hip and a cowboy hat.
He removed his hat and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you, ma’am,” he said with a true southern drawl.
His large hand swallowed her small one. “Nice to meet you, too.”
“I’ll be right outside, ma’am. Make sure to lock the door and don’t open the door to anyone but me.”
Mary looked at him, wide-eyed, and nodded.
“Okay, let’s go.” Jesse ushered Kate out of the apartment.
When they returned to his SUV, Jesse banged his hands on the steering wheel three times, saying son of a bitch with each hit. “That bastard has gone too far. Will she finally press charges?”
“I’ll talk to her tomorrow about it. She was too fragile tonight.”
“It’s time for that asshole to know that I meant what I said,” she heard him mutter under his breath.
She suspected this was the last time Dan would ever bother Mary.
When they arrived at Kate’s apartment, Jesse told her good night and went upstairs without even trying to take her to bed. She should have been happy he’d backed off, but she wasn’t. She didn’t like the loss it created in her heart.
Around midnight she woke to the sound of AJ entering the apartment and Jesse leaving. Was it Reagan? Was she okay? Or, was it to meet with another woman since she wasn’t meeting his sexual needs? Her blood boiled thinking he might be going to another woman. If he’d give her a relationship, a future, she’d willingly jump into his bed. If only.
* * * * *
It rained the day of Joy’s funeral. That didn’t stop the large showing of her family and friends.
Jesse stood by Kate’s side wearing a fitted, black suit and black raincoat. He held a black umbrella over the both of them. She looked down and saw the water running off his black shoes. She suddenly hated black.
Her gaze moved to their clasped hands, and she wondered what to make of it since he’d avoided her the day before.
Even she and Jesse’s problems couldn’t override the undeniable truth that it was her fault Joy had died. She’d been the target. She’d given the chocolates to Joy. The heavy weight of guilt lay on her shoulders, and the outrage at the unknown killer racked her body.
She looked from their intertwined hands back up at the casket. Tears slowly found their way down her cheeks. My fault was what she kept repeating in her mind.
Joy had been such a great person, full of laughter and always had a kind word to say. Dottie loved her. Why did it have to be Joy and not her? It was supposed to be her. She didn’t want to die, but she didn’t want anyone to die in her place.
I’m sorry, Joy.
Joy’s parents were devastated. How could she face them? Would they blame her for Joy’s death?
Kate scanned the crowd and noticed Doug with red-rimmed eyes. He and Joy had fought the night before she’d died. They hadn’t had time to make up. He must be torn up inside knowing the last words to her were in anger.
Lost in thought, she barely heard the preacher give the final prayer.
Most of the mourners visited the Ryan’s after the service. She hated socializing after a funeral. Was it supposed to be subdued and sorrowful for the deceased? Or joyful, remembering their life?
“Mrs. Ryan, I’m so sorry.” She held Joy’s mother’s hand, not knowing what else to say. Sorry I killed your daughter didn’t seem to be the right thing.
She smiled at Kate. “Joy loved you and Dottie. She said you were the best boss she’d ever had.”
Some kind of boss. She’d given her poison.
Mrs. Ryan squeezed Kate’s hand. “Don’t you go blaming yourself for this, sugar. It wasn’t your fault.”
Her eyes watered, blurring her vision. Damn this asshole. “We’re going to find out who did this. I’m not going to rest until he’s behind bars.” Or dead.
* * * * *
Jesse held Kate’s hand as they walked to the SUV. Joy’s death had finally settled in, and he worried how she was taking it. He knew she blamed herself, but the blame should really lie with him. He was the reason all of this started. He’d brought death to her friend.
He maneuvered the SUV out of its tight parking spot.
“Dammit! She’s dead because of me. I want that son of a bitch.”
“Kate, Mrs. Ryan is right. It’s not your fault. If anything, it’s mine.”
His grim expression watched her cover her face with trembling hands and give vent to the agony of her loss. “It is my fault. Those chocolates were meant for me. I gave them to her. I gave her poison.”
He reached over and caught her hand in his. “I’m here for you.” He meant it. He wanted to be the support and comfort she needed. She’d never ask for it, but he’d be there.
She looked at him and then looked away without saying a word.
Back in her apartment, he watched her quietly stand in the center of the living room looking pensive, not disturbed or angry as he’d expected. After she’d vowed revenge on Joy’s killer, she’d withdrawn, and he didn’t know how to snap her out of it. He had no idea if it was sorrow or anger that she felt. Knowing her, it was probably both plus a large heaping of guilt. How did he snap her out of whatever this was?
After a few minutes of her staring into the fireplace, she turned to him. “I need you to make love to me.”
He knew some people when they had a close call with death wanted sex to feel alive. This might help her tonight, but she might regret it when she woke up.
But he hated seeing her like this. He wanted his Kate. His strong, stubborn woman.
“Are you sure?” It wasn’t how he’d imagined their first time, but he’d do it if it would bring her back to him.
“Yes.”
He reached out a hand.
Not wanting to rush, he undressed her slowly before undressing himself. She was as perfect as he thought she’d be. He couldn’t wait to love every inch of her lush body. She wanted to feel alive. He w
ould help her.
He moved them to the bed and lay down beside her. He kissed her gently then was surprised when she took over the kiss with a hunger he didn’t know she felt. His hands roamed her body, and his mouth trailed kisses down her throat. As he savored her silky neck, he felt her wrenching sobs. He looked up, pushed some hair off of her face and then pulled her into his arms.
He should have known this was a mistake.
“I’m sorry. I don’t usually cry.”
“Shh. It’s okay.”
“Hold me. Please don’t leave me. Not tonight.”
He knew how much this cost her. First to cry in front of him and then to ask him to stay. He couldn’t leave her, couldn’t let her go. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He pulled her tight against him thinking about the change in his feelings toward her. He told her the truth. He wasn’t going anywhere, and he didn’t mean just for the night.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kate became instantly wide awake. She jumped up, quickly dressed and, not knowing what to think, wandered restlessly around the room. Two nights Jesse held her while she’d slept, comforting her without attempting to seduce her. Lying in his arms made all her problems fade away. Falling asleep with her head on his chest, her hand over his heart and his hand running through her hair felt natural, like she belonged there.
She had no idea if he’d stayed throughout the night, because like before, she’d woken in her bed alone. Things were different this morning. She’d woken naked, and Jesse had been the one to undress her. She’d actually asked him to make love to her, and then when he’d tried, she’d cried.
The thought of her asking him to make love to her had her face flushed with humiliation and anger at herself. She’d never asked a man to make love to her before. She didn’t even have the excuse that she was drunk. At the time her mind had been clear, determined and focused even though she’d been aware she’d hit a low on her current emotional roller coaster ride.
She’d wanted his kiss and his touch to take away her pain and the guilt she felt, even if only briefly. She’d wanted to lose herself in sex to forget. Unfortunately, she’d temporarily forgotten sleeping with Jesse would be so much more than just sex to her. It was good things worked out like they had.
She sighed, standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom, staring at her reflection. She had to face Jesse at some point. Requesting one of his brothers to take his place wasn’t an option because she knew he wouldn’t allow it. His guilt about bringing the killer to her wouldn’t let him leave her protection to anyone else.
Weren’t they a pair with guilt weighing each of them down?
It was time to quit being a coward and face him. How would he act? Would he look at her with humor or pity in his eyes? Would he expect her to jump into bed with him tonight? He’d learn real quickly that wasn’t going to happen. Last night had been a mistake.
She jumped when he knocked on the bathroom door. “Kate, are you dressed?”
She considered not answering him but knew that was foolish. She inhaled deeply and released the breath in a long exhale, squared her shoulders and opened her bathroom door. “I was just coming down.” She focused on his chin, unable to look him in the eyes.
“Well, get ready to leave. You wanted to be in on this. AJ has the delivery guy.”
Her eyes snapped to his, awed by the caring they displayed. What if it’s more? “I need to put on my shoes. Did someone walk Dottie this morning?”
“Yeah. Ken did. She’s a little sluggish and didn’t want to play.”
The delivery man forgotten, she pushed past him and raced down the stairs. She found Dottie lying in her bed. Her not jumping up to greet Kate told her how poorly Dottie felt. She knelt down beside her. “I don’t like leaving her alone when she’s sick, but I want to be in on the questioning.”
“You know her and how she behaves. Do you think she’s grieving for Joy? Or, do you think she needs to go to the vet’s office?” He knelt beside her to pet Dottie.
She could be grieving. Kate had heard of animals doing that. She could just have a stomach ache. Her tailed wagged and she licked Kate’s hand. She didn’t appear sick enough for a visit to the vet. “Will one of your men be around to watch the apartment?”
Jesse nodded. “Of course. Do you want me to have him check on her?”
She looked up at him. “Yes, I’d like that.” She turned her attention back to her dog.
He removed his cell phone from his pocket and walked away, returning a moment later. “Ken wants to stay with her. He’s the one who has been walking her, so she’s familiar with him. He’ll check on her every half hour. Will that work?”
It would have to work if she wanted to be there when they interviewed the delivery man, and she didn’t just want to be there, she needed to be there to find out who was trying to kill her. Find out who killed Joy.
“Yes. Thanks.”
She kissed Dottie on the snout and stood. After she put on her shoes, they left for the FBI Baltimore field office.
Jesse spent most of the drive on the phone with Reagan. He’d told Kate that he missed his daughter but wouldn’t leave Kate’s side. Nothing like piling on more guilt.
His daughter surprised her by asking to speak with her.
“Are you coming to girls’ night?”
“I sure am. I’m looking forward to it.” She wouldn’t miss it for the world.
“Uncle Brad and Uncle Matt says they’re coming. I don’t want them there. Only girls.”
“Your Aunt Emily and I will make sure they don’t crash your party.”
“I knew you’d take care of them, Miss Kate.”
She smiled, as she said goodbye to the little girl her heart singing with delight. She looked forward to spending an evening with Reagan.
As they parked the SUV at the FBI office, Jesse’s cell rang. “Stay in the car until I finish this call, Kate.” He answered his call. “Hamilton.”
She wondered how anyone knew which Hamilton brother they were speaking with because they all answered with only their last name. Even AJ sometimes dropped agent from his name.
He looked at her, concern in his eyes. “Where’s your vet, Kate? Ken’s taking Dottie there.”
She pulled out her phone, shakily found the address and rattled it off to him. She shouldn’t have left Dottie. She should have known better. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Dial your vet, Kate, and let them know she’s coming, so they can be prepared.”
She dialed, relaying what Ken said. Dottie was lethargic, cold and bleeding. Kate should have taken the precaution earlier and taken her to the vet. She hadn’t seemed to be that sick. She hadn’t been bleeding.
He started the car, and they pulled out of the lot, confusing her protective detail who had already left their cars and waited for them to exit the SUV.
“We’ll meet Ken there.” He looked at her sympathetically and reached over and took her hand.
She’d been a negligent dog owner. She couldn’t lose Dottie. Not another death on her shoulders.
“Quit.”
She looked at him. “What?”
“You’re fretting over this and blaming yourself. Quit. We couldn’t have known.”
She couldn’t stop shaking. Dottie was like a child to her.
She’d been the runt of the litter and had captured Kate’s heart from the start. Although she was a lovable, sweet tempered dog, Kate worried about her behavior when she’d been expelled from puppy kindergarten. Twice. She’d disrupt the class, not settling down at Kate or the trainer’s commands. It took months for a private trainer to bring out Dottie’s best behavior. Now, she was a well-behaved dog.
Ken headed them off as they rushed into the veterinary office. “They’ve got her in the back.” He looked sympathetically at Kate.
She continued past him to the front desk, speaking with the vet tech. “Can I see her?” She needed to let Dottie know she was there, that she hadn’t abandoned her.
“No. She’s with the vet. He’ll be out after he’s examined her.”
She heard but didn’t really listen when Jesse asked Ken who was watching her apartment. Ken told him since he’d had to leave it unprotected they were bringing Bomber through to ensure no one had tampered with it in his absence. She didn’t care about her own safety right now. All she cared about was her dog.
Jesse pulled her into the waiting room.
“Dammit. I should have stayed home with her. I knew she was sick. If I had stayed, I would have caught her bleeding sooner.” She could have left everything to AJ and Jesse. They would have done a thorough job interrogating the delivery guy and briefed her. But no, she had to do it herself.
“Kate, don’t beat yourself up. You couldn’t have known. Besides, it was caught quickly.”
She looked at him not really seeing him. “It’s my fault. If something happens to her, it’s my fault.”
* * * * *
Jesse finally got Kate to settle down in a lobby chair. Cute pictures of cats and dogs decorated the beige walls. A large mural of dogs and cats frolicking on a lawn was painted behind the reception desk. If they’d been there for any other reason, he’d have found it a cheerful place.
He shouldn’t have told her about the interview. He knew she wouldn’t have been able to resist. AJ and Trent could have easily handled it. There’d been no need for them to go. He wanted to see her happy and knew being involved would do that. So, he’d enticed her to leave the apartment.
She should blame him. She wouldn’t though, just like she wouldn’t blame Joy’s death on him. She took too much on herself.
He looked over and saw the tears silently sliding down her face. Her anger at herself had vanished and despair had settled in. He reached over and pulled her onto his lap. He wanted to give her comfort, let her know everything would be all right. He hoped everything would be all right.
“I shouldn’t have left.” She snuggled into him. She didn’t pull away and that made him worry about her emotionally. His Kate wouldn’t have let him do this, especially not in public. There he went with the fact that she was his Kate again.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.