Opening the door, she came face-to-face with the same Painted Dolphin logo that Rosemarie had picked out to wear. Elijah’s fit a little tighter, stretching across broad shoulders. Very broad shoulders.
She blinked a couple of times, trying to escape the sleep fog that clouded her thoughts. Moving her gaze up, she was trapped by her favorite set of eyes. This morning they seem to dance in between shades of gray and green.
She frowned. The look of hesitation and doubt she found in them hurt her heart. With a shake of her head, she glared at him. He had no right to be all sad. He was the one who had rejected her.
Last night she had gone to him, and he had turned her down. Why was he looking like the kicked puppy?
“Do I have the wrong day?” He glanced around, as if the date was written in the air.
“No.”
“We’re going fishing, right?”
“Yes.” Brilliant, Jazmine. It seemed as if one word at a time was all her brain could manage.
His gaze dropped to her bare feet. “I wouldn’t recommend going barefoot.”
“Oh, I’m not going. I’m not feeling well, so I decided today you can take her without me.”
He closed the distance between them and put the back of his hand on her forehead. “We can reschedule.”
She stepped back. “No, no. I’m not that sick. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”
The crease in Elijah’s brow deepened. He searched her eyes. What was he looking for?
“Just her and me? You’re going to let me take her? Out on a boat?”
This should have happened so long ago. She covered her face with her oversize terry-cloth sleeve. She was not going to cry again. Forcing a smile, she nodded. “It’s time.”
“Jazmine, I’m sorry. I know last night wasn’t what you had expected.” He stuffed his hands in his back pockets, stretching his shoulders wider. “I’m so tired of letting you down. It seems it’s all I ever do.”
She took a step closer but made sure not to touch him. Yelling at him to be brave and take a chance with them, was not a viable option this morning. She had said all the words last night, and it hadn’t made a difference.
He lowered his chin until their foreheads almost touched. “Please, don’t look at me like that. This is the first time in my life I’m not taking the easy way out. I’m doing this for her. And you.”
Rosemarie’s excited footsteps bounced down the stairs, and they jumped apart. Their daughter hopped off the last step and ran to Elijah. He went down to her level and opened his arms.
Hugging her tight, he pretended to be knocked off balance. “You’re so strong!”
“Careful, sweetheart. You’re going to hit someone with that fishing pole.”
Elijah laughed. “Here, let me take it. I have a special place for it in my truck.”
“Will you keep it there, even when Mommy takes me back to Denver? We can still fish every week, right?”
“Rosie.” She put a hand on her tiny shoulder. “We can’t come back every week. It’s too far away.”
The child’s body stiffened, and a hard scowl took over the sweet face. She took in a lungful of air. Jazmine had a feeling Elijah was about to get a firsthand experience of stubborn Rosemarie. “Then I don’t want to go to Denver. My fishing pole won’t be there or my horse or GiGi and Papa.” She took a breath. “I want to stay with Daddy. I want to live on the boat.”
Elijah took a step back.
He had been the one to say no, and now he wasn’t going to say a word. She gathered her daughter’s wild curls and put them in a ponytail. “Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this, but if you want to throw a fit, you’re more than welcome to go to your room. If you want to go fishing with your daddy, you need to put on a smile. We can talk about this later if you want to, but not right now. Do you want to go fishing or throw a fit in your room?”
“Fishing.”
“Good.” Jazmine looked at her ex-husband. He had the deer-stuck-in-the-headlights look. “Elijah, are you ready?”
Elijah looked a bit lost as Rosemarie stood, fishing pole in hand. Clearing his throat, he dropped to one knee in front of their daughter. “I’ll be coming to visit at least once a month. We’ll have a great time when I’m there. You can show me your school and all your friends. You miss them, right?”
Rosemarie scowled.
Jazmine wanted to explain to him that a five-year-old didn’t have a good grasp of time and distance. But Elijah stood, and those beautiful lips kicked up on each end.
Her heart skipped. There was the carefree boy she had fallen in love with so long ago. He offered his hand to Rosie. “You want to go fishing, or what?”
Rosemarie took it, her scowl vanishing.
Elijah glanced at Jazmine, his face suddenly serious. “I’ll have her back before noon.”
She crossed her arms. “It’s okay if you want to take her to lunch.”
“That’s seven hours. Without you or your parents.”
“You’ve always been good at math.” Serious again, Jazmine tilted her head. “I trust you with her.”
He gave a solemn nod.
“Daddy, we’re going to catch big fish, just like on the TV.” Rosemarie pulled at him, moving to his truck.
Jazmine smiled. “Save some. We can have them for dinner tonight. Papa needs to eat more fish. And take pictures to show me.”
“Okay! Love you, Mommy!” Rosie yelled over her shoulder, eager to go off with her father.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” The urge to cry burned her eyes. Was she going to stay and fight, or was he right? Would it be best for their daughter to keep things as they were?
He paused. Turning away from Rosemarie, he studied her.
Did he know what she was thinking? “Elijah?”
His eyes looked teal right then. “Do you want to join us for lunch?”
She shook her head. “I wanted to go to Dad’s doctor visit.”
“Daddy! Hurry, so we can sneak up on the fish before they wake up.”
The left side of his lips curled. “Duty calls.”
Jazmine laughed. “She’s always been a morning baby. Up early and ready to attack the day—or the fish. She’s all your daughter this morning.” She yawned. “Sorry.”
He grinned. “We’ll see you this afternoon. Go back to bed, princess.”
Rosemarie bounced beside the truck, excited about her new adventure.
“Don’t forget to make her wear a life jacket.”
Elijah strapped Rosemarie into the backseat of his truck. He had a booster chair all ready. He saluted Jazmine and winked. “Yes, Mom.”
She stood and watched them disappear.
Six years ago, she had run without looking back. She was so tired of running. She needed Elijah to see the future she saw when she looked at him. But if he didn’t, why was she fighting him? Putting her family back together wasn’t something she could do on her own; he needed to want it too.
Chapter Sixteen
Elijah sat back in the shade of the canopy as the boat headed to land. Rosemarie had crawled into his lap and was chatting away about the fish she’d caught.
He couldn’t believe he had her all to himself. Jazmine had actually allowed him to take their daughter out into the Gulf. With the curiosity of a five-year-old, she had asked tons of questions about the boat, and it was obvious she had a love for being outdoors. He wanted to do this with her every weekend.
“Could I work on the boats with you, Daddy? Tío Miguel said I would be a great second mate.” Rosemarie had picked up that Belle’s girls called his best friend “Uncle” and had started doing it, too.
“You would make the most excellent second mate.” But she was going to be in Denver. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on the top of her head.
Someone sat down next to him. Ope
ning his eyes, he found his sister staring at him. She looked as if she was about to cry. Alarmed, he lifted his head. “What’s wrong?” He glanced down at his daughter and discovered the reason the chatter had stopped.
Mouth hanging open as if she had stopped in midsentence, she was sound asleep, her cheek pressed against the purple life vest. Shifting so he could pull her closer, he glanced back at Belle. Her smile was back in place.
“Are you okay?” he asked. Everything in this moment was perfect. But if his sister needed him, they would deal with whatever had to be done.
“I’m fine. You’re the one I’m worried about. Are they still going back to Denver?”
He nodded. If he put real words to what was going to happen, he might lose control of his emotions. His arms tightened around the little body in his lap, as if that simple action would keep her in his life.
“Have you thought about how you’re going to feel with her living in another state?”
His jaw flexed, pushing down the words that wanted to escape. Every moment.
Belle tugged at the bottom of her T-shirt. “I’m sorry. Of course, you’ve thought about that.”
“How did one little person become such an important part of my everyday life? I want her here, but that’s not fair to her.” The sway of the boat usually calmed him, but it wasn’t working right now. He’d give anything to change his history. But his history was always going to be part of him.
Belle leaned in close and stroked back a wild curl. A sad smile pierced his heart, and she looked up at him. “Have you thought about asking her to stay? I’ve seen y’all together. You’re a new man and she sees that.”
Eyes closed, he tilted his head back against the side of the boat.
She didn’t allow him to hide in silence. Gripping his arm tighter, she leaned in. “Ask her to stay.”
Inhaling deeply, he shook his head. “Last night she came to the house to tell me that she wanted to stay in town. Give us a second chance.”
Belle gasped, her eyes bright with excitement. “Oh, Elijah!” She covered her mouth, trying to stay quiet.
“I told her no.”
Confusion replaced her excitement faster than he blinked. “What?”
“She wanted to see if we had a future as a real family.” Great. Now his eyes were burning, and he didn’t have a free arm to wipe his face.
“How can you tell her no? You can have everything you’ve worked for. Her, your daughter and your business. I don’t understand how you could walk away.”
“Here’s the deal, Belle. That guy who made her worry and wait until the early hours of the morning, the one who tore up our house? He still lives in me. He’s part of me and always will be. She wants a commitment to a future that I can’t give her. I can’t do forever. I can’t do six months. I have to live day by day. That’s all I have to offer her.”
“That’s not true.” Belle stood, her arms tight across her chest. She turned to him, about to say something, when Miguel came down the ladder.
He looked from one to the other. “What’s going on?”
“Mr. Brilliant over here turned down the best offer he’s ever going to get.”
Miguel’s brows went up. “Jazmine?”
“Yes, Jazmine. She wants to stay to give them another chance. He sent her away. Terco.” She tapped the side of his head.
“I might be stubborn, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”
“Why would you reject her?” He looked at Belle.
She twirled her finger next to her head. “Loco.”
“Shh. Don’t wake her up.” Elijah wanted out of this conversation. “You’re both messing with my live-in-the-moment moment. Go away.”
“Listen.” Miguel ignored him and sat on the opposite chair. “You have every reason to say yes to her. To them. To this moment.” He indicated the child innocently sleeping in Elijah’s arms. “Why are you punishing yourself?”
Elijah glared at Belle. “Did you tell him to say that?”
She rolled her eyes. “No one has to tell anyone to say that. We all see it.”
The walls were closing in on him. Breathing became harder. “I’m always one drink away, Belle. One drink away from being Uncle Frank.”
“No. Even at your worst, you couldn’t be him. It’s not in you.”
“I don’t think there’s any way to get through that thick cabeza.” Miguel sighed. “I came down to take your daughter to see a pod of dolphins. They’re ahead of the boat. We have a great view from the upper deck. Cassie and Lucy are up there with Carlos.”
Elijah gently shook Rosemarie. “Hey, sweetheart, you want to see a family of dolphins?”
She was on her feet and looking around. “Where?”
Miguel held out his hand. “One thing your Tío Miguel can do better than anyone else is find dolphins. Want to see them?”
She grabbed his hand and nodded. “Can I, Daddy?”
“Of course, you can. It’s why we’re out here.”
Belle moved closer to her. “We’ll be up in a minute.”
With a smile and a nod, they were gone.
He shook his head. “There’s nothing else to say. I’m not going to let the woman I love and my daughter ever live in a house with the monster I could become.”
“You never drove drunk. You never physically harmed her.”
“Woo-hoo!” He twirled his fingers in the air. “Give me the husband of the year award.” His gaze went to the scar along the left side of her forehead, near her eye.
She got right in his face. “Don’t go there. You are nothing like either one of those men.”
“Just because the scars I gave her are all inside doesn’t make it better. You know as well as I do that emotional injuries can be more damaging than the ones everyone can see.” His finger traced her jagged scar.
His sister wrapped her fingers around his hand. “Even at your worst, you never hurt someone weaker than you. Not even verbally. Without you, I wouldn’t have survived. I’m so tired of watching you punish yourself. You asked for forgiveness. God forgives you, Jazmine has forgiven you, so why can’t you forgive yourself?”
“How can they forgive me?” That was the question that had rattled around in his head from the start. The question he shouldn’t ask if his faith was good enough. “I shouldn’t doubt God’s word, but how can forgiveness be so easy? It doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s what faith’s all about. Believing what doesn’t make sense in this world. It’s God’s kingdom. God’s love. It’s way beyond our feeble understanding. You have a gift that has been beautifully wrapped. Take it and treasure it.”
He dropped his head. “I can’t.”
“Have you stopped loving her?”
“Loving her isn’t the problem. I’ve always loved her. Even when I moved on from the divorce, I couldn’t think of dating someone else.” He looked out into the afternoon sky. “She’s it for me, but I can’t risk—”
“Stop right there, Elijah Gilbert De La Rosa. You love her. She loves you. Why are you wasting time being such an idiot?”
“Hello. Alcoholic.” He held his arms out wide and pointed to himself. “And I’ve seen guys sober for years lose it all in one glass. When they fall off, they tend to fall off really hard.”
“So, you’re cutting her and your daughter out of your life. Too bad, so sad, Rosemarie doesn’t get a father.” Belle clenched her teeth and paced. “I know you think you’re doing the heroic thing, but you’re denying them your love as much as you’re denying yourself theirs. You’re letting fear win.”
“I’m protecting her. I want her in my life. But if she’s in town, people will tell her what a loser her father is. A drunk. If they’re in Denver, she won’t be hurt if I fall.”
Stopping, Belle turned and stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open.
He ro
lled his eyes. “Close your mouth, you’re letting flies in.”
With a thump, she flopped into the chair next to him. “You really believe if you fall off the wagon, living in Denver will save her feelings? You’re her daddy. This little girl loves you. No matter where she lives, what you do will affect her.”
Wetness hovered on her lashes. His gut curled. Why was he always making the women he loved cry?
She reached over and gently touched his cheek. “She loves you, and you’ll be the best dad because you’ll wake up every morning and promise her another day. You’ll commit to her one day at a time, every single day. That’s how you got sober. The same way you built your business. Look at what you’ve accomplished, one day at a time.”
Something inside him shifted, hard. He couldn’t let that happen. He had to keep it there, because if he... He popped his knuckles. “What if I lose my sobriety?”
“You get up and you fix it. You’re not protecting her by sending her away. Listen to me.” She grabbed his ear and forced him to look at her. “It doesn’t matter how far away you send her. If you fall, it’s going to hurt her. Jazmine knows what she’s doing. She said she loves you, and she wants to commit to a future with you. Trust her and love her and lean on God to take care of the rest. Can you picture a life without her?”
No. “I can, but not one I want to live.”
“Do you trust God?”
Oh, that was harder. “With her heart? It’s not God I don’t trust. It’s me.”
“Then you’ve already hurt her. You’re only giving her little parts of you. That’s never going to be good enough. Your daughter and your wife need all of you. The good, the bad and the imperfect. You’re a good man, and they deserve all of your love.”
Could he say yes to Jazmine? He shook his head. “I can’t.”
“You won’t.”
He sighed. “I have a few days left with my daughter. I’m going to watch dolphins and do anything else she wants.” He moved to the steps, then stopped in front of her. His knuckle traced the edge of her scar. “You didn’t do anything to deserve this, Belle. If anyone deserves to be fully loved, it’s you.”
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