Josie Griffin Is Not a Vampire

by Heather Swain

  “You sure that’s her?” Mom asked, looking from the happy full-faced person on screen to the gaunt girl across from us.

  “I think it is. Look at the tattoo,” I told her.

  Mom dabbed at her moist eyes with a tissue. “Ellie, honey,” she said. “We really should call your parents and let them know that you’re okay.”

  Ellie looked up with one of her signature blank stares.

  “Can you tell us your phone number?” Dad asked.

  She shook her head slowly.

  “I’m sure they’re worried sick,” Mom said. “Her poor mother.” Mom wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

  I figured that was about as good as it was going to get with my parents tonight. I hugged my mom back then I patted my dad on the shoulder. “Thank you so much for helping her. It’s been a crazy day. I know I should have come to you first, but I didn’t think you would understand. I was wrong. You guys are the best.” See, Charles? I can suck up when I need to. Mom and Dad both smiled at me. “Do you mind if I take a shower while you track down her family?”

  “Sure, honey,” Mom said, blowing her nose. “Then we’ll all have a nice dinner together.”

  “Sounds great,” I said. “Mommy, do you think I could have my phone back?”

  Without looking at me, Mom said, “Don’t push it, Josephine.”

  “Okay,” I said sweetly. “Never mind.” And I shuffled backward out of the room. In the doorway, I surveyed the scene. I felt kind of bad dumping Ellie on my parents, but then again, I didn’t think she was dangerous. Plus it would be a great distraction for them to try to track down her family. I’d have a good twenty minutes before they missed me. I left the dining room and walked loudly up the stairs. I turned on the shower, then I tiptoed back down to the entryway, grabbed my keys and my phone from the credenza, and slipped out the front door.

  Luckily when Kevin and I were together, I’d had plenty of practice rolling Gladys out of the driveway then jump-starting her half a block away. Once I got her going, I headed downtown. I had to find Kayla and the others and warn them that Ms. Babineaux and Maron were on to me.

  chapter 19

  since Tarren’s front porch was empty, I went straight to Buffy’s. I’d never been there at night and the place was packed wall-to-wall with paras. I pushed my way through the crowd, looking for familiar faces, but the music was pumping and the lights were low so it was hard to find anyone. I did a double take when I saw a couple kids from my high school, someone I knew from summer camp, and a cheerleader from North Central. They each looked as surprised to see me. We exchanged slight nods like sealing a pact that we’d never divulge our dual lives outside the confines of this space. I wondered what they were—shape-shifters, vampires, elves, ogres, some other faerie tale creature I didn’t know existed until a couple of weeks ago?

  The first time I was in here, I thought it was all a joke, then I was scared, but this time I felt like I belonged. Toward the back of the room, I saw a knot of the love zombies all decked out in their skank robes. The more I studied them, the more I wondered whether they were trying to look just like the billboards for Zombie Apparel like my former friends or if they were the actual models in those ads.

  Someone grabbed my shoulder. “Josie!” I jumped at first then relaxed when I saw that it was Avis. He pulled me through the crowd. “We’ve been freaking out!”

  He dragged me to the table where Tarren, Johann, and Helios huddled over balled-up napkins and half-empty baskets of deep-fried everything. I was so relieved to see them that I ran and threw my arms around their shoulders. “Oh my god, you guys! It’s been such a crazy day.”

  Tarren pushed me away. “Where in the name of Aine of Knockaine have you been?”

  I stepped back, blinking in disbelief. “I…I…I…”

  “You better tell me that Maron had you locked in a damn basement and you escaped,” she said.

  “No!” I put my hands on my hips. “But thanks for your concern.”

  “We called and texted a million times!” she yelled.

  “Oh crap.” I fumbled in my pocket and pushed the ON button on my phone. “My parents confiscated my phone, and I forgot that my mom turned it off.” It buzzed and beeped and bonked at me with all the messages. “But why am I the only one getting yelled at?” I looked at Helios. “Where have you been?”

  He sighed. “A minotaur ate my sister.”

  I blinked at him, trying to process that image. “Wait, what’s a minotaur?” I asked, and dropped down in the chair beside Helios.

  He looked exhausted. “You know, half man, half bull. Escaped from the labyrinth and went on a rampage, blah-di-blah-blah.”

  I put my hand on his thigh. “Is she…?” I stopped, not sure what happens to one who’s been eaten by a minotaur.

  “Yeah, yeah, she’s fine.” He smiled weakly. “We got her back. No biggie.”

  “Jeez Louise!” I plucked a French fry from the basket and slouched back. “And I thought my day had been crazy.” I looked around at everyone. They did not appear happy. “Hey,” I asked. “Where’s Kayla?”

  Johann whimpered.

  Tarren rolled her eyes but handed him a tissue and slung her arm around his slumping shoulders. “We were hoping she was with you.”

  “I haven’t seen her since she swept Johann off his feet this morning,” I said. “What happened after that?”

  “We shared a delightful afternoon together,” Johann said, dabbing at his eyes. “Paddleboating on the White River. A walk along the Monon Trail. Ice cream at BRICS in Broad Ripple. She loves the Yellow Cake Batter flavor. I was going to take her to a ballroom dancing class at Arthur Murray, but then…”

  “You told us if we didn’t hear from you two hours after you went into HAG that we should get worried,” Avis said. “You never called or answered your phone.”

  “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t! I feel terrible! This reporter showed up and Maron got suspicious and I had to ditch. Then Ms. Babineaux called my parents and threatened to throw me into juvie and I got in all kinds of trouble. One of the HAG clients followed me and I had to hide her and my parents think I’m on drugs and…”

  “When we heard that you hadn’t returned to Tarren’s, Kayla vanished,” Johann said.

  “We think she went to HAG to look for you,” Tarren said.

  “Oh crap.” I tossed aside the fries and held my head. “That’s not good.”

  Johann slammed his hand on the table. “I shall avenge her!”

  “Somebody’s going to have to do something,” I said. “Ms. Babineaux and Maron know we’re on to them.”

  “Well,” Tarren said all snippy, “while you were AWOL, that’s what we’ve been discussing.”

  “Then what’s the plan?” I sniped back.

  “You two are as bad as Aphrodite and Athena with all the yap-yap-yapping back and forth,” Helios said. “Man, I have had enough of women and their catfights.”

  “Look,” said Avis, always the calm one. “We think Tarren should go to HAG and pose as a runaway to get in and find Kayla. The rest of us will surround the place and be waiting in case she needs help. It’ll be easier now that we know Josie is safe.”

  “Thanks, Avis,” I said. “I’m sorry you guys were so worried about me. I almost feel like crying because you’ve been so nice to me. I almost forgot what it was like to have good friends.” I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t get all stupid-weepy, but for real, I was touched. “And of course, I’ll do anything you need.”

  “I just wish we had more help,” Avis muttered.

  An idea came to me. I looked over my shoulder. “Them.” I pointed to the love zombies. “They’ll help us.”

  Just as we were getting ready to recruit the Johann fan club, the music faded and an unsettling murmur went through the room. Groups of people crowded around smartphones and laptops, pointing and arguing.

  “What’s going on?” Tarren asked.

  “I’ll find out,” Avis said. He jumped
up and perched on top of a table to get a better view of a group huddled near us while we tried to listen in on the conversations around us. I caught the words demon hunters and the Council and extradition.

  “Somebody’s in trouble,” Helios said.

  Avis came back to our group, nervously jutting his head forward and running his fingers through his red dreads that were nearly standing on end. “Looks like some demon hunter site figured out that Buffy’s exists.”

  “There goes the only decent place to hang out,” Tarren said.

  Helios whipped out his smartphone. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” He pulled up the demon hunter site that Kevin was into, and we followed a thread from a bunch of semi-literate a-holes who barely knew how to spell.

  SHADOWSEER: This is the REAL DEAL! Demons are amung us and they must be stopped b4 they take over the world. Its dangerus work and this is not a game. If u r a REAL demon hunter join us bc we know were they r hidding.

  FORENSICO: Ive been doing this work for long time (10 yrs). I am not a wuss. Tell me where they are and I will be there.

  B-AFRAID: I found this link. Its fer real.

  “You guys aren’t taking this seriously, are you?” I asked. “I mean, even if some meathead dudes show up here, what’s the big deal?”

  “Those kinds of idiots can be mean,” Tarren said.

  “Yeah, but you guys can just zap them, can’t you?” I said.

  “A lot of people here are on probation,” Avis explained as he paced around. “If we started zapping these guys and word got out and the Council found out, then all hell could break loose.”

  Helios clicked the link B-AFRAID mentioned and Graham Goren’s blog from the Nuevo Indy website came on the screen. My stomach dropped as my friends huddled around to read the headline “Josie Griffin Is Not a Vampire.”

  “Who the hell is Josie Griffin?” someone in the crowd yelled.

  I looked from face to face as my friends read the post. Panic filled my body. I started talking fast. “I never said I was a vampire.”

  Tarren was the first to look up. She was almost calm. “Did you rat us out?”

  “No, no! I would never do that. This is just crazy. Graham Goren is supposed to be helping us—helping the girls.”

  As I tried to explain, the room grew more chaotic. The lights came up and people began pushing and shoving toward the door. “The humans are on to us!” someone yelled. “We’ve got to get out of here,” someone else shouted.

  “Come on, you guys,” I pleaded. “You said yourself that nothing on the Internet about paras is real so why take this seriously?”

  Johann stared at me, his eyes as black as the pit in my gut. “What exactly are you?”

  “I’m your friend!” I said, fighting back tears because I knew what it felt like to be betrayed. Only this time my friends thought I was the betrayer and that horrified me. “I would never jeopardize you!”

  “Are you a para at all? Are your parents?” Avis asked as he rocked back and forth, scratching at the floor with one foot and then another like a rooster getting ready to attack.

  “There’s a link to her blog,” Helios told them. He held out his phone and I saw that Graham Goren, my hero, had linked to my blog. Helios clicked it and up popped my para post, the one I never got around to deleting.

  “Look, you guys,” I reached out, beseeching. I had to make them understand that it was all a mistake. “That was when I barely knew you. I never said who you were. And I was going to take it down. Besides, when I wrote it, we weren’t even friends yet!”

  Helios stood up. The bright light illuminated him from behind. He glowed, beautiful in his anger. Tarren, Avis, and Johann rose up beside him. They all looked down at me, cowering in my seat. “No,” he said with an eerie calm. “We were never friends.”

  I covered my head with my arms, expecting a hex, a curse, sharp teeth, some kind of superhuman butt kicking to commence. But something far worse happened. My friends all turned away.

  Helios led them forward into the crush of people heading for the doors. “We need to go. She talked about Buffy’s in her post. Practically gave them a map of how to get here. It’s only a matter of time before the DH find us and then the Council will not be far behind.”

  I tried to follow, begging my friends to forgive me, but I was pushed back by desperate arms and legs looking for a way out. The cheerleader from North Central caught my eye. She bared sharp fangs and howled at me, but a guy who was morphing from a preppy football player to a hairy beast yanked her through the throng with him. The crush in the stairwell was suffocating, but when I finally reached the open level of the parking garage, what I saw was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking and terrifying.

  All around me, the flood of people shifted, their true natures drawn out in crisis. Some lifted off, black angels against pale yellow clouds. Others scurried, disappearing into the shadows of the night. Small clusters joined hands and ran, pulling each other one way or the other, fear flashing in their eyes. Most piled into cars and took off before the doors were even closed. A few simply faded away, their edges blurring into the gray air until they were gone. I stood in the center of the chaos, a wicked wind whipping through my hair. “I’m sorry!” I yelled at the top of voice. But no one paid attention.

  As the garage cleared out, I heard tires screech, an engine gunning up the ramp. Headlights swept across the love zombies who wandered aimlessly among the pillars. An old black Chevy, the grill shining like shark’s teeth, led a brigade of cars. The car skidded in a half circle and stopped in front of me. I saw the word Impala glitter under the weak fluorescent bulbs overhead. Two guys jumped out in the shadows then more people followed out of the other cars. “Where are they?” someone yelled at me.

  I wrapped my arms around my body but I stood tall. “Who?”

  “The demons! The freaks! The vampires and werewolves!” they screamed at me and advanced slowly into the light. “Are you one of them?”

  I knew that voice. My jaw dropped and I put my hands on my hips. “Kevin?” I said, totally annoyed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  He stepped into the light. A brand spanking new black leather jacket creaked as he shielded his eyes against the light overhead and blinked at me. “Josie?”

  “So it is you. I should have known,” I said. I looked at the other guy. “Byron?” Kevin’s best friend stepped into the circle of light.

  “Oh hey, Josie. How’s it going?” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Haven’t seen you around in a while.”

  “Oh really?” I said. “Wonder why.”

  The others murmured behind us. Kevin held up his hand. “It’s okay,” he yelled. “I know her.” Then he looked at me. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “I can be wherever I want to be, jerkwad.” I walked around him and peered into the car. “Who else is with you?”

  Kevin hung his head. “Aw, come on, Josie. Don’t.”

  I turned and glared at him. “Scared I might hurt your pretty new car?” I ran my finger along the shiny black paint.

  “Hardly,” he said, but the quiver in his voice and the fear in his eyes gave him away.

  “You should be,” I told him.

  “She’s not even here and you should leave,” he said. “This place isn’t safe.”

  “Says who?” I asked.

  “I have my sources.”

  “Your sources are full of crap,” I told him.

  “How would you know?” he asked then he paused. “Unless…”

  “Unless what?”

  “You’re one of them.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t you read the news?” I asked. “I’m not a vampire.”

  Byron grabbed Kevin by the arm. “Come on, man. Every time we follow a lead from that demon hunter listserv it turns out to be bogus. Let’s go to Steak ’n Shake already.”

  Kevin stared hard at me for a moment. He lifted his arm and pointed at me. “Behold the wretch—the miserable monster I created!”
/>   I rolled my eyes. “Save it for English lit, idiot. This has nothing to do with you.”

  Byron grabbed Kevin’s arm and pulled him toward the car. “False alarm!” Kevin yelled to the crowd. The others got back into their cars and revved their engines. I stood my ground as they backed out. Their headlights swept across the love zombies who’d now formed a loose huddle off to the side. Kayla.

  I knew I had to get to HAG before it was too late. I ran for my car but the love zombies stood in front of it. “Oh for god’s sake, get out of the way!” I yelled at them but they didn’t move. I yanked open all the doors. “Then get in you useless zombies!” I growled at them. “Get in before I kick your butts!”

  As Gladys squealed out of the parking garage, we passed a long line of white, unmarked vans with tinted windows driving in a slow procession down Jefferson Street. I watched them in my rearview mirror as they turned into the parking garage. “The Council?” I asked the six girls piled in my car. They all looked at me blankly, of course. “Isn’t there anything you guys know or can do to help me?” I yelled out of frustration but I got nothing in return. “Fine,” I muttered. “I guess I’ll still have to do this all myself.”

  I parked in the alley behind HAG. “Does this place look familiar to any of you?” I asked, but the love zombies didn’t move, didn’t talk; they just sat there staring straight ahead. I had no idea what to do and no one to help me. For the second time in my life I felt completely and utterly abandoned. Only this time, I deserved it. I laid my head against my steering wheel and fought back tears that threatened to explode from my eyes like a stupid geyser, but then I heard a familiar loud squeak. I squinted out the window and saw the lid to the Dumpster in the HAG parking lot sticking up. A shadow tossed a bundle into the Dumpster then the lid dropped with a loud thunk. I watched the shadow go back inside HAG. Once I heard the door close, I got out of the car and ran, half crouched, across the parking lot, stopping once behind a smoky gray Prius for a moment.

  Fearing that Maron or Ms. Babineaux would pop out of the back door and grab me any minute, I sprinted to the Dumpster and threw open the lid. Peering down, there was just enough light for me to see a pair of green and blue Pumas, a duffel bag, and a tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. “No,” I said aloud. “No, no, no.” I fumbled for my phone and punched in Kayla’s number. I heard the ring, muffled in the layers of trash. “No!” I shouted. “Oh, Kayla! No!” I heard someone wailing, the saddest cry of desperation I’d ever heard and then I realized that was me, crumpled on the cement with my head against the greasy side of the Dumpster.