Gram found plenty of stuff to keep her busy. She must have been making up for lost time. Emma was gone all day and when she got home she only had enough energy to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and collapse into a chair while it baked.
All through dinner she chewed her nails and stared off into space.
“Are you okay honey?” Catherine worried about the distant look in Emma’s eyes.
“Hmmm?” Emma said, barely noticing that her mother had spoken.
“I asked if you were okay,” her mom repeated. “You look like something is wrong.”
“No I’m fine,” Emma lied. “I’m just really tired, that’s all.”
“Well that’s understandable. If there’s anyone who can run a person ragged in one afternoon, it’s your Grandma.”
“Yeah,” Emma agreed lightly, losing her mom’s voice in the muddle of her thoughts.
Emma decided that there was no way she was going to be able to avoid her mother’s concern any longer. She pushed her unfinished pizza slice away from her and got up from the table.
“Good night mom,” she said softly and bent down to kiss her mother’s cheek. “I’m bushed, I’ll see ya in the morning, okay?”
“Sure,” Catherine replied with an anxious look on her face. “Get some sleep. Sweet dreams.”
“Thanks,” Emma mumbled. She hoped that her dreams would be sweet for once.
Even though she was totally worn out, she still had trouble falling asleep.
She couldn't stop thinking about Micah and Destry. It seemed they couldn't occupy the same thought; her mind warred back and forth between the two of them.
How could she have let things get this far out of her control?
Had there been a purpose to Micah’s putting her and Destry together? Was it something Emma had needed to experience in her life, or was it meant to be some sort of trial?
It made Emma mad to think there may have been no purpose behind it all, because now it was making her life very difficult.
She wondered if confronting Micah about it would help, or make it worse. Emma decided she had nothing to lose by giving it a try.
“Micah,” Emma called softly.
There was no reply, no shimmer of the air around her to announce Micah's presence. It seemed she'd been left wondering where he was a lot lately.
“Micah, where are you?”
Emma was starting to get a little irritated sitting alone in the dark in the middle of the night waiting for Micah to show up. She started to worry that maybe his absence had something to do with showing himself to her. Maybe he had regrets; maybe he'd changed his mind about taking their relationship to the next level.
It didn‘t really matter what his problem may be; he at least owed Emma the courtesy of answering her.
She tried hard to quiet her internal ranting. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, or the lack of, and she eventually drifted off.
Something must have awakened Emma, because she didn’t remember dreaming this time, but her eyes shot open. She rubbed them, and sat up trying to focus as she peered around the dark room. Nothing.
She glanced at the clock…4:27 a.m. Her sleep cycles were really messed up.
Emma felt a wave of warmth wash over her. Micah had finally decided to grace her with his presence.
Emma was a little upset that he'd waited until now. Where had he been before?
“You’re here,” Emma stated, trying to push the agitation out of her voice.
“Did I wake you?”
“Where were you?” Emma kept her voice quiet, trying not to sound accusing.
“I’m sorry Emma, I’m late aren’t I?” His voice was smooth, but she sensed an underlying tone of guilt.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Emma mumbled.
“Did you need me?” Micah was avoiding the subject, so Emma decided not to push it.
“I just wanted to talk. I was having trouble sleeping,” she yawned involuntarily.
“Are you too tired? I could come back later if you need to sleep.”
“No," Emma said a little too quickly. "I don’t think I could fall back to sleep anyway,” she added, hoping to hide the desperation in her voice.
“Okay then, what was it you wanted to talk about?”
“I was wondering... I guess..,” Emma stuttered on the question, not sure if she should ask or not. “What was the reasoning behind you putting Destry and I together that first time?”
Emma regretted asking almost immediately, the regret was backed up by the long pause before Micah answered.
“I don’t think I understand your question,” he said solemnly.
Emma decided to re-phrase and add a whole new element to it. “What is the nature of our relationship exactly? Where is it headed, and what does Destry have to do with it, if anything at all?”
“Emma,” he said slowly.
“Well Micah, I think I have a right to know. Why are you here?” It was easy to ask this question sitting here in the dark, when her face wouldn't betray her. Emma was desperate to prove that they belonged together somehow, that her loving him hadn’t been in vain.
“I told you, I was given charge over you; your life, your soul. I’m here to protect you and watch over your mortal journey. And you’re the one that begged me to talk to you, remember?” His voice held perfectly even, no hint at faltering.
“So, you’re just here to take care of me, because it’s your job? That’s the extent of it for you?” Emma's irritation made her voice shake. She didn’t want to be anyone’s job, especially not his.
“You are so difficult Emma,” Micah's beautiful voice interrupted her internal temper tantrum. “You are not my job. You were entrusted to me, yes, but you are like a gift to me. I don’t have to be here and I would leave in an instant if that was your desire. But don’t think that would be an easy thing for me. I'm as attached to you as you are to me.”
“You're attached to me?"
“Yes Emma, I don't think you understand how much this means to me, how much you mean to me. I've been around you for a very long time, watching over you. It got to the point that I couldn't take just watching any longer. I wanted to be near you, to speak to you. I wanted you to know that I was there, sharing your experiences with you. I couldn't stand for you to think that you were alone, because you never were and you never will be.
Only seconds passed, but they seemed longer, before his words finally began to penetrate.
“So, you’re here for as long as I need you?” Emma asked slowly.
“I’ll always be with you Emma. I don't think I could bring myself to leave anymore even if you commanded it.”
He was with her, forever. That was the answer she'd been looking for, longing for, but was it really what she wanted now?
This new revelation made it sound like she belonged to him in a way; belonged with him. Is that what he was trying to say? Were they meant to be together from the beginning? If that was the case, then Destry didn’t fit into the picture anywhere.
Emma felt a sudden pang of panic in the pit of her stomach. What about Destry? What would happen to him?
“I’ve always been a part of your life Emma, and I always will be, whether you had asked me to be or not. I want to be near you always. I don’t ever want what we have to change. We are tied together in a way.” Micah paused briefly. Emma's silence made him think she wasn't awake enough to comment. "Are you ready to go back to sleep yet?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Emma said, her mind spinning with this new information. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Micah."
"I'll be here," Micah said quietly and then Emma was left alone in her room once again.
Emma tried to sleep, but she couldn't escape the spinning and turning of her thoughts. She was no surer now that Micah was the path she was destined to take than she had been before, and now she was scared.
From the very first moment he'd spoken to her, Emma had wanted him to want her, but never really thought it was possible. Now he was saying littl
e cryptic things that made her think maybe there was a chance for them.
But Emma felt feelings that she had never expected to feel for a sweet blue eyed boy, that she was going to have to turn her back on. Could she really do that? She wasn’t sure she could.
And what about the strange dreams she'd been having. Who was it exactly that she couldn’t live without? What was the constant pull on her, always in the opposite direction of where she thought she wanted to be?
Sleep was starting to beckon to Emma once again, but she fought it. She didn’t want to have any more dreams. She just wanted some peace. She finally gave in and let sleep take her.
Micah sat alone in the darkened emptiness of space. He felt racked with guilt. What was he doing? This wasn't right and he knew it. He had gone too far in his quest to keep a promise.
Everything had gotten out of control somehow. Emma had become too important to him.
And it was more than that; he longed to be around her, to talk with her, to touch her again and again. It seemed he couldn’t get enough of that.
Sometimes he appeared in her room at night and touched her soft skin while she was asleep. Every time he did it, it just made him want to do it more. He'd nearly gotten caught this time. It was selfish.
It had been such a thrill in the beginning, to touch her, but it was no longer enough. He longed to be able to breathe in her scent. He imagined that she would smell like the most beautiful flower on earth; the sweetest scent in the universe.
He had never experienced hunger, but he was beginning to think that he knew what it felt like to be hungry for something. Being with Emma satiated an emptiness inside of him that grew stronger and stronger when she wasn’t with him.
These feelings were strange to him. He’d never experienced anything like this. It was almost as if someone were inside his head, whispering to him, making him want things he could never have.
He wasn't supposed to feel this way. But he did, and it was breaking him. He knew what he needed to do to fix it, but he wasn't ready to let go. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay right where he was.
Every time he tried to pull away and distance himself from these forbidden feelings, something pulled him back. He knew that the force pulling him was not angelic or heavenly. This was wrong. But even though he knew it was wrong, he didn’t want to fight it.
He had a duty to uphold, that should have been enough but it no longer was. He wanted more than that now. More than what he’d agreed to, more than what he’d chosen.
Now she was asking hard questions. She’d wanted him to define their relationship. He hadn't known what to say. He couldn't tell her the truth. That would destroy everything.
He wanted to be with her, to have her for his own. He deserved happiness too. Maybe there was a way. Maybe he could have her for himself.
Would that really be so wrong?
The answer to that question screamed back at him from inside his head.
Yes, yes it would be.
Chapter 19: DESIRES
Monday afternoon Emma hurried from the school. She wanted to get out of there before Destry could corner her again. She made it to her car and was on her way out of the lot before she saw him jogging toward her. She stopped and rolled down her window.
As Destry reached her, he leaned in the open window. He was breathing hard from running, and she could smell his breath on her face and the smell of his deodorant. He always smelled really good, not like how Emma thought boys were supposed to smell; sweaty and dirty.
"I'll be over to pick you up in about fifteen minutes," he said. "I have to run home and get something first."
"I'll be ready," Emma said, feeling reluctant. She was going to need more than fifteen minutes to prep herself for this. She needed to psych herself up. She didn't want to get any closer to Destry than she already was. They couldn't have a relationship.
She should just tell him straight out but her heart wouldn't let her do it. She was a coward. It would be easiest if he figured it out on his own.
She would need to be offish to him. Hopefully he'd get the message.
Once Emma got home she quickly made up some cold cut sandwiches for her mom and Cody to have for dinner; she didn't know how long she'd be gone. That left her no time to prepare herself mentally. She had no sooner finished the sandwiches and put them in the fridge when she heard Destry pull up out front.
She washed her hands to get the meat smell off, and glanced at her face in the hallway mirror before going to open the door.
Destry was standing there with a sultry look on his face. Emma felt her heart skip in her chest and then pick up again. He had changed into a sleeveless shirt which showed off the muscles that wrapped gracefully around his arms.
"Do I need a jacket?" Emma asked, and then felt stupid because of how he was dressed.
"Nope," he smiled, "I brought an extra one for you."
"Oh...thanks," Emma mumbled.
"Are you ready then?"
"Yeah," as ready as I'll ever be, Emma thought.
She stepped outside and stopped in her tracks, when she saw what Destry had gone home to get. There was a giant green four-wheeler in the back of his truck.
"What's that for?" Emma asked stupidly.
"We're going to ride it," Destry said, almost bragging.
"We are?" Emma felt sick.
"Yep, and it's gonna be lots of fun!" Destry promised.
Emma started walking stiffly towards the truck eyeing the monster machine in the back with apprehension.
She shouldn't be worried. Almost everyone in Eden owned a four-wheeler. When the whole town is dirt roads, four-wheelers are an acceptable mode of transportation. People rode them to get their mail from the post office, to get stuff at the store, some kids even road them to school.
Emma, however, hadn't ridden one since she was five. During one summer visit to Gram's house, her dad had rented some four-wheelers and taken Emma on a trail ride around the reservoir. That had been a long time ago.
"Come on, you don't have to be worried. I won't let anything happen to you. We won't even go fast, I swear." Destry said reassuringly.
He opened the truck door and she climbed in. She managed a weak smile as Destry shut the door. He leaned through the open window and put his hand on her arm, "You'll have fun, I promise," he said gently.
Fear of the upcoming event had Emma in a state of shock. She didn't remember much about the ride to wherever they were. All she knew was that they were in the foothills somewhere.
Destry was backing the green beast down some ramps out of the back of his truck. The engine was loud and it filled the air with the smell of gas and oil.
Destry gestured for Emma to come and get on. He took a white helmet from the back of his truck and pulled it down onto her head. "Safety first," he exclaimed.
"Hey! Where's your helmet?" Emma asked indignantly.
"I don't need one. I'm not planning on falling off."
"I'm not planning on falling off either!" Emma said, her voice raising an octave.
"Then you'd better hold on," Destry said. The four-wheeler jerked forward and they were moving. Emma wrapped her arms tightly around Destry's waist and hung on for dear life.
"I'm not saying I don't like it, but you don't have to hold on that tight," Destry said, making his voice rise above the sound of the engine. "We haven't even hit twenty miles an hour yet."
Emma relaxed her death grip and tried to make her body go loose. It actually wasn't so bad when she didn't think about it.
They followed a thin trail that wound through the trees. The dense foliage made the light dim; it filtered through the new spring leaves greenly. It was quiet except for the sound of the green beast that was growling beneath them as it crawled along the mountain side.
Destry didn't talk, probably because it was hard to talk over the noise of the machine.
Emma was pressed firmly up against his back, her arms still around him. The helmet was t
he only barrier between them.
He glanced back over his shoulder a few times to see if Emma was doing okay. She tried to smile at him reassuringly but she didn't know if he could see it past the clunky helmet.
After they'd gone about five miles Destry slowed and pulled off in a little patch of grass. "Are you doing okay?" he asked as he shut off the four-wheeler.
"I'm not dead," Emma replied weakly.
"So you've never ridden a wheeler before?"
"Once, when I was five," Emma admitted.
"You've been missing out."
"Yeah, I've been missing out on almost peeing my pants with fear," Emma snorted. "I feel really slighted."
Destry started to laugh, "You are so funny Emma, the things you say...”
"What's wrong with the stuff I say?" Emma said, defensively.
"Nothing, I think it's awesome. I just didn't know girls talked that way."
"Peeing isn't exactly a bad word," Emma countered, "and I don't think you'd catch a boy talking about peeing his pants, it's kind of a girly phrase."
"You're right, a guy would use more descriptive words," he admitted.
Destry got off the four-wheeler and stretched. He reached over and pulled the helmet off Emma's head. She hurried to flatten her hair down, wishing she had a mirror.
"Don't worry, you still look hot!" Destry said with a smile, raising his eyebrows up and down.
"I doubt that, but thanks for lying to me about it anyhow," Emma murmured.
"I'm not lying," Destry said looking her in the eye.
Emma swung her leg over the seat and attempted to get off the four-wheeler. Her legs were shaky from the vibrations that she'd endured for the last thirty minutes. They almost buckled when she stepped onto the dirt but Destry reached his hands out to steady her.
"See, I told you this would be fun," he chuckled.
Emma pulled a face at him and then stuck her tongue out. Why did everyone have to be so much more coordinated than she was? She walked gingerly over to a fallen log that looked like a perfect bench. She plopped down and let out a sigh. Destry followed her over and sat down next to her.
Eternal (Eternal series) Page 16