Her lips brushed against his cheek. “I love you, too, sweetheart, and I’m just glad that you did come home,” she said before pulling back to study him. Her hands cupped his face to study him through her tears. “I promise that I’ll do better for you, for everyone, and I won’t try to make you be something you aren’t, Landon.”
Landon smiled and covered her hands with his. “I promise not to run away again,” he replied which made her chuckle. “I want to be here for you and Charlie and everyone else.”
“And we want you here.” The sincerity in the words stuck with him as she planted a kiss on his forehead then stepped back and dropped her hands.
She used the collar of her shirt to wipe her eyes and a deep breath taken before she said, “Charlie mentioned you’d learned the hard way about Alexis’ special project, but if you want, I’ll tell you everything right now. Or at least everything I know since Alexis likes to have her secrets.”
Watching her head back to the sink, he moved deeper into the kitchen and propped his arms on the island behind her. “I saw Charlie’s files so is there more I’m missing?”
She shook her head, and said,“Not really, but I kind of expected that given only an idiot would be so obvious about this kind of business. I mostly wanted to see who came and went which stayed fairly consistent, according to Alexis’ visits, but new faces aren’t unheard of at the bar.”
“Do you trust Bennett?” His real concern slipped out before he could stop it, though he caught the brief hesitation as his mother’s shoulders tensed.
“Alexis trusts him,” she replied instead of answering the question. She added the newly clean glass to the strainer before she picked up another. “And I trust Alexis.”
Landon’s brows furrowed. “And Matthew?”
She sighed at his name before admitting, “I don’t think Matthew trusts anyone at this point, but he’s realized that Alexis is an adult who, for better or worse, gets to make her own choices.”
“But you trust Matthew?”
Again, he saw the hesitation, and she turned away from the sink, glass still in hand. “I trust him when it comes to this family,” she said, gesturing between them. “I trust him with my children and grandchildren, but the rest of the pack? No, he’s still angry about what happened to Alexis, and he might not say it, but he blames their close proximity to the pack.”
Matthew’s words about no longer being blind came back to him, but he didn’t share them with his mother. He had a hunch that similar comments had been made over the last few years so instead, he questioned, “How does Charlie feel about it?”
“About his best friend hating the life he was born into? I don’t think they talk about it more than the basics.” His mother turned back to the sink and resumed her washing. “We’re not quite the well-oiled communication machine we once were, Landon, but we’re working on it.”
He gave a nod then asked, “So what do you need from me?”
“Right now? I need you to promise me that you’ll be careful with whatever you and Imogene are looking into,” she said, glancing over her shoulder. “Things are tense enough without you walking Micah and Steven’s favorite daughter into trouble or giving Scott cause to doubt your oath. Neither Charlie nor I will be able to protect you if that happens.”
“I promise, Mom. I know exactly what I’m doing.”
Except did he actually?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Dear Landon,
I waited almost five hours for you at our spot, but a part of me knew you weren’t coming after two. I still waited. I waited out the rain and Micah’s calls and failed a test I didn’t show for because I wanted to believe you didn’t leave me. I was wrong. You left without even saying good-bye, like I was nothing, and I waited. I knew you were considering it, but I never thought you’d leave like that, just pack up and vanish without a call, text, or even an I’m sorry.
I waited for you to come back and say you made a mistake or ask me to join you. I kept a bag packed in my closet because I just knew you hadn’t abandoned me, but you did. I tried to call you except there was never an answer, texts went unread, and each time felt like driving a knife into my chest. I went over every conversation we’d had since that first night we ran into them, tried to find the moment you picked them over me, but I couldn’t find one. It was like you just woke up one day and decided to be done with all of us, even me.
Eventually I stopped waiting, and I got angry. I had been there for you through everything. I never asked you to change or to give me anything except what you were willing, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. Did you even think about me? If you did, it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. I deserved better.
I picked my life back up without you, but a part of me stayed closed off for fear of that loss repeating. You made me afraid to trust people, to trust myself. Do you know what it’s like to not even trust your own feelings? It sucks. I almost missed out on having Letty as a friend because of what you did to me which would have been unfair to her and me. I told myself that I was over you, that I didn’t care, but it’s not that easy to shut off emotions for me. Was it easy for you? It felt like it.
I wanted to ask why you couldn’t take me with you, why you couldn’t just say good-bye, but I don’t think the answers will help now. I’m trying to let it go, but you need to know that you hurt me. I buried it in anger for years because that was easier, safer. I was hurt, though. I’m still hurt that you only came back because you lost everything even as I get wanting to come home, but are you going to leave again?
Can I trust you again when I’m not even sure I forgive you for the first time? I want to trust you, but I can’t right now. Trust has to be earned, and you don’t have mine yet, but I’m giving you the chance to get it back. Please don’t let me down again.
Imogene paused in writing to inspect that last word and considered erasing it except the reminder he’d done it once seemed necessary. Sitting back against the couch, she removed her glasses then rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers before glancing toward the clock. Almost two hours had passed since she’d sat down to write Landon’s letter as Letty had suggested several days earlier; however, she’d started and stopped a half dozen times as evidenced by the mountain of paper surrounding the small, wire trash can near her.
“I am giving this way too much thought,” she grumbled to no one before reaching toward her glass of wine. She rarely drank alone, though the feelings Landon inspired, in the past and the present, had required alcohol consumption. “I’m not even going to send it to him.”
Even as she said the words, she couldn’t help wondering about the fairness of getting the feelings out but not sharing them with him. The last few lines had questions for him so why write them without giving him a chance to answer? A tiny voice whispered that she didn’t want the answers, though she pushed it away and tried to find a concrete reason to deny him the letter. None came to mind.
Leaning her head against the couch, she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths to prevent herself from spiraling into unwelcome thoughts. It had been hard enough to get started on Letty’s suggestion of a letter with no television or music, but she hadn’t wanted to be distracted so she could give one hundred percent of her feelings to Landon.
While they’d had several text exchanges and an in-person conversation at Bordertown over the last couple days, she’d found herself pulling away from personal topics as she thought about the letter. Was it fair to act like everything was normal when her feelings were still such a confusing jumble?
“I can’t even wish he didn’t come back,” she complained once more, opening her eyes. Her glasses were retrieved and slid back on to see beyond blurs “Why can nothing ever be easy? Just once, I want to take the easy way and have everything turn out fine.”
As if her thoughts had somehow summoned him, the screen of her nearby phone lit up with his name standing out. Her hand moved before she thought about it, though it was only w
hen she answered, “Hello?” that she realized it might have been too quick, almost like she’d been waiting.
Dammnit.
“Hey.” Landon’s voice accompanied the buzz of voices and sounds that she recognized as the background noise for Bordertown. “I had a break and thought I’d call you.”
Imogene felt her lips lift into a smile at the uncertainty in his voice. “Not text?” she asked, taking another sip from her glass. “We are in the twenty-first century.”
He hesitated then admitted, “I wanted to hear your voice.”
Unexpected warmth spread through her at those words even as she warned herself against getting the warm fuzzies. The rest of her had no such reservations given the flush to her face and chest and jittery feeling beneath her skin. Even her heart rate felt a bit faster.
“Oh.”
“If you’re busy, I can let you go,” he volunteered.
“No, I’m not,” she rushed to reassure him then bit her lip and wondered if she should have lied about a date. “It just surprised me that you’d call. How’s tonight been?”
“Uneventful, but I guess that’s probably for the best, right? We’re down a bartender due to what looks like food poisoning so Alexis is attempting to demonstrate her mixology skills,” he said, obviously amused. “Notice I said attempting because it isn’t going well. A lot of the patrons are enjoying the show, but Charlie keeps threatening to dock her pay if she drops any more bottles.”
For a moment, it felt like old times when he’d keep her up to date on the antics of his family, though a glance at the letter made her wonder if this was temporary. Would he eventually grow bored with the same places and people? Would he return to hating pack life? Would he become bored with her?
Only the use of Letty’s name brought her attention back to the phone as she questioned, “What?”
“I said Letty wants to know if you’ve eaten, or if she should put in an order for you after she clocks out,” he repeated. “Or I can bring you something by since we get off at the same time.”
Much as their offers amused her, Imogene shook her head. “I had leftovers from Steven earlier so I’m good,” she said, glancing back at the letter and deciding to take the leap before courage deserted her. “But if you wanted to come over later, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
She held her breath as she waited for his agreement then offered up her address and ended the call with a promise to see him soon. Less than thirty seconds had passed before Letty sent a text with his name and at least five too many question marks plus a face that looked to be doing some kind of screaming.
Against her better judgment, she hit the phone icon in the upper corner and immediately Letty ordered, “Talk fast. I’m hiding by the bathrooms.”
“Isn’t there a no phones policy for Bordertown staff while on the clock?” she asked just to drag things out. Letty’s warning growling had her laughing. “Fine, I said he could come over, okay? I want to give him the letter then I want us to really talk about what happened so I just . . . do you think it’s a bad idea?”
“Nope.” Letty’s response barely let her finish the question before she continued, “I think this is a great idea and something you both need, but I want full details, and I do mean full, in the morning. Deal?”
“Of course. Now get back to work before Charlie fires you.”
“Then he’s stuck with just Alexis so I think I’m safe,” Letty said but hung up a few minutes later, promising to call in the morning.
Returning her phone to the table, Imogene hovered her fingers over the letter, though she pulled her hands back after a minute. The letter felt complete so she ripped it out then returned the notebook and pen to her nearby desk while leaving it on the table . A gulp finished the last of her wine before she placed the glass in the sink and headed back toward her bedroom to change into something less pajama-like.
She did a quick search of the closet and rejected most of it as trying too hard then a pair of jeans were snagged plus a gray tee shirt that fell long on her. It fit comfortably yet not frumpy, casual enough she could have been out somewhere else rather than home all day aside from a visit to Steven and Micah’s, though she berated herself for spending too much time in front of the mirror. Several other shirts were rejected before she moved into the bathroom, hovering beside the tray holding her contacts as she debated if she wanted to waste a pair for only a couple hours. In the end, she decided just to keep the glasses and tried to finger comb some kind of order into her curls then tossed the entire thing into a ponytail.
“It’s just to talk,” she informed her reflection as she smoothed out a wrinkle in her shirt. “All we’re going to do is talk, and maybe he won’t even want to read the letter so we can just pretend the letter doesn’t exist. That’s a totally rational belief, right?”
The skepticism from her reflection disagreed with her, but she turned away, repeating the lie in her head while she went out to wait for him.
Chapter Thirty
The fact that Imogene had invited him to her house made Landon feel extra nervous as he followed the side road to her cabin. His hands had required two wipes on his legs before he trusted himself to grip the handlebars, and his heart rate felt erratic. It didn’t surprise him to realize she lived within walking distance of Micah and Steven’s home, though the flowers in the window boxes did surprise since she’d never had a green thumb. He breathed in as he headed up the short steps and caught a whiff of plastic with the night air plus the bar scents lingering from his shift. Reaching out, he touched one of the petals and couldn’t help a laugh upon realizing the plants were fake.
Biting back a smile, he lifted his hand to knock then shifted his weight while waiting for the door to open. He started to knock again when it opened, presenting him with Imogene’s nervous smile and the familiar glasses of their youth.
“Hey, you’re back to having four eyes,” he greeted before holding up the bag in his hand. “I know you didn’t want anything, but I grabbed dinner for myself since I’d been on the clock since noon. I’ll share, though.”
“I’m okay,” she said, stepping back with a gesture to step inside. “And I don’t always wear my contacts, especially if I’m off for the day.”
“I still like the glasses.”
As he stepped into the space, Landon did a subtle sniff to pinpoint smells that weren’t hers, though only a handful of familiar Durand scents greeted him. Letty’s being the strongest. His eyes swept around to get a glimpse of who she’d become in his absence. An entire wall of bookshelves stuffed to capacity greeted him immediately along with a pair of armchairs he could easily imagine her curling up in with one of her books. The walls were largely simple and wooden, though a colorful throw blanket on the couch, colored lamps, and a small cluster of photographs on her wall made up more personal touches.
Imogene made a gesture toward the dark orange couch and small coffee table then questioned, “Do you want anything to drink?”
“Water’s fine.”
Moving over to the couch, he sat down and unpacked his food from the bag with only a glance toward some movie playing on the television. He unwrapped the hamburger to take a bite, though Imogene’s return with the glass of water had him pausing to thank her. He pushed the bag of fries toward her since experience said she couldn’t resist the combination of salt and potatoes, especially Frank’s recipe.
“How did the rest of your shift go?” she asked, staring at the bag for a minute before plucking one out. “Did Alexis get fired?”
“Surprisingly not,” he said after a bite of his burger. “I think Charlie might have even started to be impressed at the end, but she’s there until close so that still leaves plenty of time for him to fire her. Did you do anything fun today?”
She hesitated then shook her head, chewing through the fry in her hand. “Not really aside from popping by the house to see Steven and get leftovers, check by phone for more flyers at the library with Lucinda, and I finished a book,” she said t
hen cringed. “As you can see I’m still the same, boring Imogene when Letty works.”
He paused to wipe his mouth then stated, “Don’t insult my favorite Imogene.”
The words were out before he thought better of them, though the lapse in judgement at calling her my felt worth the blush spreading across her cheeks. He could understand how what she described would seem boring, but his last twelve years had held enough action and drama that a day in with a book sounded good despite him having never been much of a reader. Maybe he’d be more willing to sit and read if he had Imogene in proximity or could have her read to him like in the old days since it would give him an excuse to hear her calming voice.
“Aside from work, did anything exciting happen?”
He thought for a minute then shook his head and went in for another bite of his burger. However, the memory of talking with his mother the previous day prompted him to offer up, “Mom and I talked about why I left and the years in-between. I expected it to go worse, but things changed more than I realized even if they’re not exactly waving said changes from the rooftop.”
“Sometimes knowing the change happened is enough, but I’m glad you two got to talk,” she said with a smile before stealing another fry. “I don’t suppose Matthew’s made it back home?”
Instead of answering immediately, Landon took several bites of his burger then a drink from his water to wash it down. He knew Matthew hadn’t made a return, though no one seemed surprised about the absence or lack of communication, not even Riley or the twins. Still, he couldn’t help a nagging fear that it would be like his situation. What if Matthew decided to stay gone indefinitely or forever? Would they blame him?
Imogene’s hand on his arm brought him out of his thoughts to focus on her frown. “We don’t have to talk about him, if you don’t want to.”
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