The Trouble With Goodbye

by Sarra Cannon

No matter what I choose here today, what happened to me has become a part of who I am. There’s no escaping it.

  All I can do now is embrace it.

  I nod and hold the cards obediently in my hand.

  My mother’s shoulders relax. “This will all be over in a few minutes,” she says, squeezing my arm. “We can finally put this behind us.”

  I close my eyes and lean against the cool, smooth stone column.

  When they come to get me, my mouth is dry and my pulse is racing.

  I step in front of the bay of microphones and the cameras begin to flash.

  I inhale. Exhale. I try to use my techniques, but my lungs are locked and my breaths are shallow.

  I stare down at the notecards I’ve been given. I know it’s not too late to follow their path for me. I can deny everything. Hide under the shelter of the Wright family’s influence until this whole thing blows over.

  I’m back on that ledge, a choice to make. Step back into a false sense of safety. Or step out into the unknown.

  I’m so scared.

  But then I think of Molly Johnson. I wonder if she’s watching, her stomach in knots like mine.

  I wonder if there are others.

  I think of them and how maybe, a moment of courage from me today will give a voice to those who cannot speak.

  Time moves in slow motion. I stare out at the sea of reporters, their hands lifted, waiting. My hands are trembling. My ears are ringing. My chest is tight.

  Then, toward the back of the crowd, his eyes meet mine. Blue and clear and full of love.

  And suddenly an image of our first night at the lake pops into my mind. Me, on a rope swing, flying into the darkness. No fear. Only faith.

  I look down at the words written on the cards. Lies that stink of fear and shame.

  I lay them down against the podium and look up at the waiting crowd.

  And I make my choice.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  “Thank you all so much for coming,” I say. My voice trembles slightly. I clear my throat and inhale an uneven breath. “My name is Leigh Anne Davis and I am a student at the same university as Burke Redfield and Molly Johnson. Although I have never met Ms. Johnson, I have, in fact, met Burke Redfield.”

  All eyes are fixed to my face. I swallow and my throat feels like sandpaper.

  “Last year, just before spring break of my freshman year, Burke Redfield took me on a date.” My hands are shaking, so I press them together tight. It takes every ounce of courage to speak the words. “He raped me.”

  The crowd breaks out in a roar. My mother reaches for my arm, but I pull away from her. I will not let her silence me.

  I wait as the officials attempt to quiet the area.

  I seek out Knox’s eyes and he nods, encouraging me to keep going. Tears sting my eyes.

  “I reported the assault through the proper channels at my university, submitted to a rape kit, was questioned by the authorities and the Dean of Students,” I say. “After a limited investigation, I was told by the administration and by my own family that it would be in my best interest to keep all of our proceedings off the official record until a decision was made as to the validity of my claims. And after months of waiting, I was finally told there would be no official hearing.”

  As I speak, I find strength.

  “The university swept any evidence under the rug and failed to make any of those reports available to me,” I say. “They took away my voice, telling me further accusations would bring shame to both me and to my school. For a year and a half, I have lived with the pain of what happened to me without any support from my school. In the meantime, Burke Redfield has been free to continue attending school at the university, putting other women, like Molly Johnson, in danger.

  “Today, I announce my intention to file official charges against Burke Redfield.”

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  I know there will be questions. Consequences.

  And I will face them as best I can in the coming weeks and months.

  But right now, all I want to do is feel Knox’s arms around me.

  I step away from the podium, ignoring the wave of noise at my back. I hand the notecards to Preston’s father. Preston stands beside him. When I meet his eyes, he gives me a sad smile.

  “I want you to know that I do appreciate what you were trying to do for me,” I say. “But I need to do this on my own terms and in my own way. I need to tell the truth in order to move on, and I hope you can both understand that.”

  Preston pulls me into a hug. “I think you are very brave to do what you just did up there,” he whispers in my ear.

  I pull away and touch his face briefly. “Thank you for being here for me.”

  Preston’s father reaches for my hand. “It’s going to be a tough road ahead, but I know this had to be a very difficult choice for you to make,” he says. “If you need any help, you just ask.”

  “I appreciate that,” I say.

  My mother’s expression is much less understanding. Tears stream down her face and she’s leaning against my father, as if she couldn’t possibly be expected to stand on her own at a moment like this.

  She shakes her head and wipes her eyes with a tissue. “I don’t understand this at all,” she says. “After everything we did to protect you from this, you just throw it all away in the blink of an eye? Do you realize what this will do to our family? Did you even think about that before you opened your mouth?”

  I swallow and lift my chin. I refuse to let her ruin this moment for me. “You weren’t protecting me when you told me to stay quiet,” I say. “You were protecting yourself. I realize this will be tough for all of us, but if you really love me, you’ll at least try to understand where I’m coming from and why I need to do this.”

  My mother leans over and rests her head against my father’s arm.

  He reaches out and touches my hand. In his eyes, I see him struggling to make sense of this. I squeeze his hand, then release it. He turns his attention back to Mom, guiding her inside the courthouse where it’s cool and quiet.

  I turn and gaze out into the crowd. Police officers are keeping the reporters off the steps near me, but I spot Knox standing just a few feet away, motioning to one of the officers.

  I smile and walk up to them. “It’s okay,” I say. “He’s with me.”

  The officer turns and nods, lifting his arm to let Knox through. I smile as I notice he’s dressed in a suit and tie. The jacket is slung across his shoulder in the Georgia heat.

  He approaches me with tears in his eyes. I throw my arms around him and pull him behind the pillar at the edge of the walkway. His coat falls to the ground at our feet.

  He tenses and looks around to see if anyone is watching us. “I don’t want to make this harder for you,” he says. “I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how very proud I am of you.”

  I smile and wipe a tear from his cheek. “I love you too,” I say. “And I want to do this the right way. No lies. No hiding. Just the truth.”

  Then, without a care in the world about who sees us together, I grab his tie and pull him in for a kiss.

  Chapter Fifty

  My legs burn with the fatigue of all the trips up and down three flights of stairs to my new apartment.

  I was able to get a place one building over from Jenna’s apartment, and I feel such a rush of overwhelming pride as I turn the key in the lock and push open the door.

  My own place.

  It feels so different from that first day in the dorms up in Boston. There, I was still being watched by a Resident Assistant. I was still following the university’s rules. I was still forbidden from having boys in my room.

  I was still in this in-between point where I had some level of independence, but my life wasn’t really my own.

  I look at my new apartment and smile. This place is all mine for the next twelve months. I can paint the walls, hang pictures, cook.

  Or not. I can eat greasy take-out every night
instead.

  I can invite anyone I want and stay up as late as I want.

  For now, the place is practically empty. The sum total of my belongings comes to three suitcases and six half-packed boxes. No couch. No pots and pans. Hell, I didn’t even have a bed yet.

  It took most of the money I’d saved to be able to afford the deposit and first month’s rent at this place.

  Knox offered to help me pay, but what kind of independence would that be? No, I want to do this on my own.

  As much as I love Knox, I want to claim this space for myself. I want to create my own tranquil space where I can just sit and think about what it is that I expect of myself. What do I really want out of my life? What do I want to be? What do I want to accomplish?

  My whole life, people have saddled me with their expectations. Their rules. My parents, my teachers, my boyfriends, my schools. Even my best friends all expected something specific from me at some time or another. And I let them. I let their fear and their needs be my compass, always guiding my path.

  But not anymore.

  This place is mine.

  And I just threw away my compass. It’s time for a fresh start. It’s time to figure out who Leigh Anne Davis really is deep down inside.

  I close the apartment door, throw the deadbolt and walk into the center of the room where the boxes are piled up.

  I sit down next to the first box, slit it open.

  And begin to unpack.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Jenna squeals as she pushes off from the shore and flies over the water, finally letting go and plunging into the water where Colton is waiting for her.

  I laugh and pop another strawberry into my mouth.

  Knox nods toward the bowl of fruit. I pick one up and move close to him, lifting the berry to his lips. He opens his mouth and takes a bite, the juice dripping down his chin. I smile as he wipes away the juice, then I lean forward and kiss him.

  “Jesus, get a room,” Penny says.

  We pull away and she winks at me. She’s been more supportive and understanding in all this than I gave her credit for. She’s upset I didn’t confide in her sooner, but she understands why and has been here for me along the way as a shoulder to lean on.

  Her gaze moves from us to something in the distance. A sadness crosses her expression and I turn to see Mason and Preston walking up. Mason has his arm around some girl I’ve never seen before. As usual. I reach out and touch Penny’s hand and she rolls her eyes, but I can see she’s fighting back tears.

  “He’s an idiot,” I say.

  “Yes, he is,” she says. “But so am I.”

  Joey sets a steaming plate of roasted corn on the cob in the center of table and my mouth waters. “Where is everyone else?” she asks. “The food’s almost ready.”

  I point toward the lake where Jenna is getting ready for yet another ride on the rope. Colton runs up behind her and lifts her high into the air. He gets a running start and jumps into the water, pulling her under. Krystal and Summer sit at the edge of the dock with their feet dangling in the water, watching.

  “Can you call them up?” she asks me. “Knox, will you help me grab the rest of the food from the kitchen?”

  “Sure,” he says. He leans down and kisses me again and pure happiness rushes through me. He holds on to my hand as long as he can before the distance breaks us apart.

  I watch him disappear into the house, unable to take my eyes off of him. I still can’t believe he’s mine. The media coverage has been just as brutal as we expected, but we’re managing it fine. We spend most of our time out here at the lake when we can. The press can’t come on private property, so we’re sheltered out here to some degree. My parents are still freaking out from time to time, but are making an effort to get to know Knox, which makes me happy.

  I still haven’t told them the news Knox hit me with shortly after the press conference. It turns out he and his half-sisters equally inherited their father's fortune and Knox has over ten million dollars sitting in a bank account in Chicago.

  I decided to let them suffer for a little while longer, though. I want them to learn to love and appreciate him for who he really is. Not to suddenly approve of him because of his money.

  I finally look away and see that Penny is smiling at me, a twinkle in her eyes.

  “What?” A blush creeps up my neck and my cheeks flush red.

  She shakes her head. “As much as I would have loved to have had you for a sister-in-law, I have to say I’ve never seen you so happy.”

  I stand and take her arm in mine. We walk together toward the dock to call the others up to dinner. “I’m glad you’re here,” I say.

  A lump forms in my throat and I pull a deep breath in through my nose, determined not to get too emotional. My friends have all really rallied around me lately. It feels amazing to know I have so much support, especially after a year and a half of my mother insisting the truth would ruin my life.

  Instead, the truth has given me a freedom I never dreamed of. Here, in the presence of my closest friends, I don’t have to hide anything. I don’t have to lie or be fake or pretend I’m not hurting. I just have to be myself, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

  After dinner’s over and everyone else has left for home, Knox and I sit on the porch drinking a glass of Joey’s homemade wine.

  “Thank you for today,” I say. “I really needed that.”

  Knox smiles. “What’s a lake house for if not for hanging out with friends and having good times?”

  I look up at the beautiful house. It’s still a work in progress, but Knox stayed true to his promise of getting it livable by the end of the summer. He officially moved in two weeks ago, and although I have my own apartment near Jenna’s, I plan to spend a lot of time out here when I get home from Boston.

  “Are you nervous about tomorrow?” he asks.

  Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling.

  Our flight to Boston leaves at noon. Sophy has agreed to meet us at the airport, and I'm looking forward to seeing her. I want to make sure she knows I don't blame her for what happened.

  I am scheduled to meet with the attorney later that afternoon. Shortly after the press conference, Molly’s attorney called me to say that several other girls had seen me on TV and been inspired to come forward. It broke my heart to know Burke had truly hurt so many women. The plan is to get everyone together tomorrow and see who is interested in moving forward with a trial.

  “I hope the others come too,” I say. I know from experience that it’s not easy to tell the truth. Not everyone can, and that’s okay. We all have to do what’s right for our own lives and our own situations. Still, I can’t help thinking that if I had had the courage to speak up sooner, I could have put Burke Redfield in jail a long time ago.

  My life is a daily struggle to balance guilt, fear, and courage. Like the lake house, I’m still a work in progress.

  Knox slips his hand around my waist and pulls me into his lap. I smile and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “Are you finished packing?” he asks. “Or do you need to get back to your place to finish up?”

  I press my lips to his forehead, then his temple.

  “I packed before I came over this afternoon,” I say. “Why?”

  His blue eyes sparkle when he looks at me and it sends a flutter through my chest. “Because right now, there is nothing I want to do in this world more than carry you up those stairs and make love to you until the sun comes up.”

  And that’s exactly what he does.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  I have a death-grip on Knox’s hand as we stand outside the attorney’s office.

  “What if I’m the only one?” I whisper.

  Even my knees are trembling, and I curse the decision to wear high heels instead of something sensible and tremble-proof. I’m afraid that if I take a step forward, my knees might just give out and send me crashing to the floor.

  Knox looks deep into my e
yes. “You just tell your truth. Your experience,” he says. “There’s more power in that than you realize, Leigh Anne. You are strong. You can do this.”

  He places his hand on my face and caresses my cheek with his thumb.

  “Thank you for being here,” I say.

  “I’m going to be here with you every step of the way, I promise,” he says. His lips descend on mine and I lean in, pressing close to him.

  I take a deep breath in and out. I lift my head up high.

  I nod and Knox steps forward and grabs the large silver handle on the conference room door.

  My breath quickens as the door opens. I slowly, carefully place one foot in front of the other and step into the room.

  My heart skips a beat as four pairs of eyes turn toward me.

  Eyes like mine.

  Haunted. But full of hope.

  Penny Wright has been in love with her brother's best friend for as long as she can remember, but Mason has never wanted her back.

  Until tonight.

  Until this one passionate moment changes everything.

  THE MOMENT WE BEGAN

  Book 2 of the Fairhope Series

  Fall 2013

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  A Note from Sarra

  Thank you so much for reading The Trouble With Goodbye. The events of this book are similar to something I experienced in my own life, and once I started writing, the story literally poured out of me. It means so much that you have gone on this journey with me, Leigh Anne and Knox. I sincerely hope this story touched your heart.

  I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to leave an honest review at the site where you bought this book. Reviews are so important, especially to indie authors, as they help other readers find the books they'll enjoy the most.

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