by Q. B. Tyler
“I couldn’t have you…going on with your life thinking that things weren’t real for me too. That I didn’t feel…what you felt.”
Her breath hitches and then the tears are moving down her face rapidly and I hate myself for putting them there. “Please,” she whimpers, “don’t.”
I wrap my arms around her and press her face to my chest. “Princess, please don’t cry.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I can’t.” Her pleas make my heart beat faster and I wish I could do something to take away her pain.
“If I would have known that the last time I touched you was the last time, I never would have let go,” I whisper in her ear. “I wouldn’t have fucked you against the door. I would have laid you down and worshipped every inch of your body. I would have made love to you until our bodies couldn’t go on another second. I would have memorized you.”
She looks up at me, her gaze watery and pained. “You can do that now…” she whispers and my cock springs to life, screaming at my body to sober up.
“Skyler…” I trail off.
She nods her head once and backs up out of my arms. “I get that we can’t be together, but maybe…one more time?” She puts one finger up, bites down on her bottom lip, and I lose it. I crush my lips to hers, groaning into her perfect mouth before lifting her into my arms. I’m kissing her like it’s the last time and I pour everything into it. She’s kissing me back with equal fervor and I melt into her lips, carrying her to her couch and sitting her in my lap.
“My bedroom…” She points to the room that I’ve spent just as much time in as she has since she moved in, and I nod.
“I know. We’ll get there. I’m not in a rush. Unless…you want to go back to bed?”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” she mumbles. “I couldn’t sleep. And I would give up all of my sleep for one last night with you.”
“You know why I’m doing this, right? I hate that I’m hurting you.”
“I understand.” She looks down at where she’s sitting on top of me and I can’t wait until I can feel her skin to skin. “I don’t like it though.”
“Bella…” I trail kisses down her neck and she raises her arms allowing me to pull my t-shirt over her head.
“Can I keep that?” Her eyes find the shirt on the ground.
“I’m keeping all the underwear I’ve stolen,” I tell her, jokingly, though I’m one hundred percent serious.
She furrows her brow and looks at me. “Please don’t joke.”
“I’m sorry, princess.” I look at her naked chest, and run my fingers over her nipples, tweaking them between my fingers. “So perfect.”
“Hai cambiato la mia vita, Aidan,” she whispers. You changed my life. “It’ll go on, but it’ll be different.” She plays with the buttons on my shirt, undoing them slowly one by one and kissing every inch of skin that’s exposed beneath it. “I love you,” she whispers before she nuzzles my neck. She stands up out of my arms and slides her sweatpants and underwear down her legs before tossing them to the side, leaving her completely naked in front of me. My mouth waters and I palm my cock, willing the ache away so I don’t explode before I’m inside of her. I unbutton my slacks and pull them off along with my briefs and begin to stroke my cock at the sight of her. She moves back to my lap and smacks my hand away before she slides down on me with nothing between us. “Fuck,” she whispers.
“Ti amo,” I whisper in her ear as she slides down. I love you. She cries out in response, more than likely due to me filling her completely, but I think my words helped.
“Oh God!” she screams as she slams down on me again. She’s bouncing on me faster and I attach my lips to her right nipple before her left, savoring the taste of her sweet skin. I am going to miss the taste of her nipples, vanilla from her body butter and her natural essences. I tug one between my teeth and bite down gently before I let her go with a pop.
“Promise me you’ll enjoy your college years, baby. That you’ll stay safe but you’ll enjoy your life.”
“I’ll t-try,” she stammers and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s turned on or upset or maybe a combination of both.
“Promise me.” I grab her jaw and make our eyes lock. “My Bella,” I whisper as I hold up her arm and rub my lips across her tattoo. “La vita va avanti, right?”
I’m still inside her but she’s stopped moving. “Yes.” She nods before she begins to move up and down again. Her eyes are wide and unblinking, staring into mine as we move towards our release. “Tell me this isn’t the end. That we’ll find our way back to each other when this is all over. Please, Aidan.”
“Baby…” I want nothing more than to promise her that. That I will wait until she graduates. That I will watch from the sidelines as she grows into the woman she’s supposed to be. But I can’t. I can’t let her potential future with me control her destiny. She would always have me in the back of her mind and it may influence her decisions. She could turn down opportunities that would take her elsewhere because she’d be trying to preserve our future together. I may be ready to get married and start a family but I know she isn’t. So, I have to let her go.
She has her whole life ahead of her and it’s just beginning. I can’t tie her down just when she’s about to spread her wings and take flight.
One day she’d look back and wish she hadn’t traded everything for a hidden romance with me.
I stare into her eyes and even as I think the words I don’t know if I believe them.
She’d want to take these adventures with you.
“I never say never,” I say before I press my lips to hers hoping that would suffice.
I trail kisses down her cheek and neck and she sighs after being effectively fucked to sleep. She snuggles closer to me, her hands gripping me even in slumber. Her lips are parted and I trail my index finger over her bottom lip. I grip her jaw and place a kiss on her lips. We had been at it for hours before she fell asleep in my arms, the tears leaking from her eyes. The sun is rising and slowly peeking through her blinds, illuminating the room, and while I want to call in sick for my classes today, I know I can’t.
I have to move on, or try to move on. I press my lips to hers and move on top of her, hovering above her to sink into her one final time. I burrow my nose in her hair, trying to ingrain her scent into my memory. Her pussy is still slick with arousal after I had just been inside her no more than an hour ago.
“Wake up, sweetheart.” Her eyes fly open, like she wasn’t deep asleep yet, and her legs wrap around my waist. “I have to go.” I drop my head into the crook of her neck and lick the skin.
“I know.” Her voice breaks and I try to make her feel better by thrusting harder.
“But come for me first. You better fucking come all over my cock. Remember how good it feels. Me inside of you. Remember how hard you come, how alive you feel when I’m inside of you. Never forget this, baby.”
“Never,” she whimpers. “Don’t you forget me.” Her pussy is quivering around me and I know she’s close. I almost pull out of her so that we can start the climb towards her climax all over. I never want this moment to end.
“Come for me, Sky. I need to feel you.” I pluck her nipples, feeling the pebbled skin under my hand.
“Aidan!”
Her cry makes my balls jump up, preparing to release my seed inside of her. And then she screams. She screams so loud I can feel it in every bone in my body. A scream so visceral I can’t tell if she’s in pleasure or pain.
Probably a little of both.
I wring her petite body of the last of her orgasm and she sighs, feeling content, and what I assume to be thoroughly fucked. I begin to thrust faster and mine comes like a bolt of electricity, sending a shock through my system. I pull out just as I begin to orgasm and she wraps her legs tighter around me. “No stay,” she begs.
“I want to see my cum on you,” I growl just before I break free of her hold and come all over her flat stomach and the top of her pussy. “I need this mem
ory. You laying out on your bed, thoroughly fucked underneath a layer of…me.”
I drag my hand through the orgasm sitting on her stomach and begin to rub it into her skin. “Don’t hate me for being so selfish,” I tell her and she looks at me oddly. “For needing you one last time.”
“Never,” she whispers as she clings to me. We don’t say anything after that as our breathing returns to normal. We lay side by side, our fingers interlaced when she speaks into the dimly lit room.
“I don’t think I can come to class. I won’t be able to keep it together.”
“I’ll give you an A regardless, Skyler. You deserve it. Just come in for the final and turn in your last two papers.”
She nods and I turn my face toward her. I watch helplessly as the tears leak from her eyes. “I can’t watch you leave.” She turns on her side, away from me, and I watch as her shoulders shake up and down. I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her neck.
“Ciao, Bella.” Goodbye, beautiful.
I miss Aidan.
There is no other way to describe the way I’m feeling. I’m in love with a man I can’t have and I’m being forced to accept it. It’s been three weeks since he left my apartment, taking my heart with him, and I hadn’t seen him since. I hadn’t been to class, and I think he’s avoided the quad like the plague, knowing I usually hang around there with Peyton between classes.
I try my best to put him out of my head while I’m in class, not wanting to destroy the straight A’s I’d been maintaining up until now. Despite the pain, I have to focus.
“Everything is going to be fine.” Peyton’s voice breaks me from my thoughts. “I let you be a recluse all semester. It’s time to have some fun.” Dave’s frat—the guys of Alpha…Pi…Tau…Omega…Epsilon, whatever they all sound the same—are having a party tonight and I’d been convinced that socialization was needed.
Peyton had gone above and beyond her call of duty, rarely leaving me alone with my thoughts and having crashed at my apartment so I didn’t dwell too much in the late hours of the night. She hadn’t pushed but she had learned what all my silences meant. She knew when I needed to get my mind off of it, and when I just wanted silence. There were moments when it hurt less, where I was able to get my mind off of it, but that usually involved an SVU marathon and sausage pizza. I’d taken up running as I tried to avoid the ten pounds I’d put on after my last round of “heartbreak.” And in those moments, where all I focused on was putting one foot in front of the other, I made myself forget him.
“I know. I appreciate you doing everything you’ve done for me this semester. You’re the best, Peyton.” And I mean that. Friends like Peyton didn’t come along but maybe once or twice in your life and I know she’s someone I’ll be friends with when CGU is a distant memory.
There were a few nights I let Peyton get me drunk and one or two where I’d gotten high, trying to numb the pain for just a second. The tequila made me sick for the first time in my entire life, and then I spent the night on my bathroom floor sobbing my eyes out. The weed successfully mellowed me out, but it also made me think. Too much. And then I ate an entire pizza in the span of forty-five minutes.
The wind whips around us and I pull my leather jacket harder around me. It isn’t cold quite yet, but the seasons are changing. With every day that passes, the weather ticks a degree cooler in the evenings and while I’ve learned that the weather here is fickle, I know winter is coming. I’d curled my hair in soft waves and it flows now in the cool wind behind me. “Don’t sweat it, Sky. This is going to be fun. Just maybe no tequila shots for you.” Peyton raises an eyebrow as we make it to the house.
There’s a guy outside smoking a cigarette with two other guys and he nods at Peyton. “Hey, P. Been a minute, where you been?” He takes a sharpie and puts X’s on our hands and she shrugs.
“Around. Been hanging at better frats.” She shoots him a cheeky grin in response to his pointed look. “Get out of here, troublemaker. Keg’s in the back.” He nods at me and gives me a smile. “P’s friend.”
I offer a wave and a small smile as we enter the house and are instantly met with the sounds of Drake. We push our way through the crowded house to the back patio and a group of guys surrounding the keg. “Peyton! Skyler!” I try to avoid the sinking feeling of seeing Dave, knowing that I’m going to be spending the night warding off his advances. He’s harmless, but he just isn’t who I want. “I had no idea you guys were coming, I would have gotten you guys house cups.”
A house cup, which I’d learned was every girl’s dream at a fraternity, meant you didn’t have to wait in line for beer. I should have been excited, but it usually meant the guy was getting something in return at the end of the night.
“All good, it was last minute,” Peyton says as he pumps our beers for us.
“I’ve barely seen you the last few weeks, where you been hiding?” He taps her nose and shoots me a grin. What a flirt.
“Oh, you know,” Peyton says with a flick of her wrist before grabbing her beers. “Let’s go dance, Sky.”
“I’ll be in later. Save me one?” He winks at me and I realize I haven’t spoken a word since we walked inside.
“Right, umm, okay,” I manage before following Peyton inside.
“You don’t have to dance with him,” Peyton tells me as she takes a healthy swallow of her beer. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“I know…I just…maybe I should?”
“I support it!” She gives me a thumbs up as she drags me to the center of the circle. “Thanks for letting me drag you out.”
“Got to start moving on somehow, right?”
Peyton doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me with a look in her eyes that I can’t quite detect. Is it pity?
“Oh my gosh, Skyler!” I turn my head to see a familiar redhead come into view. She’s clearly intoxicated as she throws her arms around me. “It’s me, Lily…from Dr. Reed’s class?”
My heart constricts hearing his name and I try to clear the tears forming with a cough. “Right, hey!”
“I haven’t seen you in ages! Did you drop his class? I haven’t seen you!”
“No…I…I’ve just had a lot going on.”
“Damn, you must not need the extra credit points. Lucky bitch! I bombed his last exam. But it helps that he’s really nice to look at. So, I don’t mind sooo much about going to class.” She runs a hand through her hair before tucking a wild curl behind her ear. “He’s been weird though.”
“Weird?” I ask. I know I shouldn’t ask. I don’t want to hear anything about him. I’d severed all connections with him. I’d even deactivated my Instagram so I wouldn’t be tempted to stalk him. This resulted in an immediate call from my sister wondering who the fuck broke my heart now because that was the only time I deleted social media. Bitch.
“Yeah, he was like funny and cool before. Now he’s just rigid and straightforward. He doesn’t even hold office hours anymore. All communication is through email or when he holds a group session the week of a test. Word on the street is some teachers were speculating that girls cared more about him than his class. So, I guess he’s just trying to keep his job.”
“Right…yeah, well. I guess.” I’m not sure what to say to that. But I’m happy that he’s keeping all females at arm’s length.
“Will you be there on Monday? He hinted there would be a pop quiz…” She winced. “Just a heads up.” She downs the rest of her drink and wipes her mouth before looking inside her cup like she’s surprised it’s all gone.
“Oh… umm, maybe then.” My mind is all out of sorts hearing about Aidan. Between the booze we’d drank at Peyton’s earlier mixed with this revelation, I can’t form a coherent thought.
She cranes her eyes towards the keg and begins to walk away. “Cool, see you then! Bye!” She nods before bouncing across the room.
“You’re not going to go though, right? Aidan said you were straight except for the final? I’m sure he’ll
ace you for the quiz,” Peyton presses.
My eyes well up with tears. “He’s not doing well.”
“I heard…Sky…” Peyton’s concerned blue eyes bore into mine.
“He misses me too.”
“I could have told you that.”
“Maybe I should go.”
“To class?”
I nod. “I want to see him. I miss him…”
“Skyler…what’s that going to solve? It’s going to make it hurt worse. You can’t look at his Instagram but you can see him in person?”
“Hey guys.”
I’m thankful for the interruption even if it is Dave wielding three shots.
“Thanks,” I say as I down the shot without waiting. The clear liquid burns the entire way down, but frankly, it’s easier to swallow than Lily’s words or the idea of seeing Aidan again.
My hair and eyelashes are perfectly curled, my lips bright red, and my eyelids expertly lined. I’d chosen a dress under my leather jacket that showcased my legs with heels to give me some height. I’m not sure what the purpose of my get-up is. Do I want Aidan’s attention? Do I want to distract him? Do I want to appear like I’ve moved on? That I’m not hurting? I’m not sure, but when he walks into the room, time stands still. His eyes lock on mine instantly, as if he’s been looking at my chair every class to see if I showed up. A ghost of a smile finds his lips before he turns to address the class.
His hair is a little longer and he has more facial hair than I remember. Fuck, he looks good. Really good. I squeeze my legs together as I try to ignore the ache between them. But then I remember the ache in my chest and decide focusing on the thump in my sex is better than the one in my heart.
Per Lily’s tip, we do have a pop quiz and while I know all the answers I can’t help myself from writing something else after the essay on the third page. I know Aidan grades all his students’ papers himself, opting to not have a teacher’s assistant, so I don’t have to worry about anyone else seeing it.