by Q. B. Tyler
I miss you. I hope you’re well.
For a second I regret it. Is this a bad idea? What if he doesn’t ever see it? Or what if he does, but doesn’t care? I’ve written it in pen so there’s no going back. I rest my head in my right hand as I hear the shuffle of people getting up. I know I shouldn’t wait until the end, to be the last person to turn in their test, but as people file out of class one by one, I long for a second alone with him. I’d caught his gaze more than a few times, and I felt it on me even more times. Look away, Aidan, please.
The minute hand ticks to the ten, indicating the end of class, and I watch as the last few people in class scribble their last few answers in a panic.
“Time’s up, everyone left please bring your papers up.” I’m frozen in place. I’d been done since the first twenty minutes and I can’t force myself to get up. I’m terrified of seeing Aidan. I don’t know how long I stare at my quiz, wishing that I could just disappear when I feel his presence next to me. I look up, avoiding his gaze and notice that we’re alone. “Skyler,” he whispers.
“I…a little birdie told me we were having a pop quiz. I wasn’t sure…I mean…I thought I should be here.” My voice is timid and barely above a whisper.
“I would have told you if you needed to. I was going to give you an A.” His tone matches mine. I slide my quiz across the desk slowly.
“Well, now you can give me a real grade.”
“You look nice,” he tells me, ignoring my comments.
“Thank you.”
“Did you wear this…for me?”
I rub my forehead nervously. “Yes…I don’t know…maybe?”
“Skyler, look at me.” I do as he tells me and I feel my heart actually melt in my chest. He is so beautiful, it almost hurts to look at him. Thank God he’s hurting because I don’t think I would be able to handle seeing him smile with those beautiful dimples. He swallows and collects my quiz in his hand. “Have a good Thanksgiving.” He stands up without another word. I watch as he puts the papers in his bag and disappears from the room leaving me all alone. I doubt he even made it out of the building before the tears are flying down my face.
The drive to Connecticut is long as fuck. Six hours of highway upon highway. I would be sitting in silence if it weren’t for the fact that I would probably run my car off the road, fully hypnotized by the highway. But every song makes me think of Aidan, somehow. The love songs make me think of him. The happy songs make me think of us. The songs that speak of heartbreak and pain make me think of him. By the time I pull into my driveway later that night, I’ve cried four separate times and am currently in a fit of sobs. I don’t know how long I’ve sat in my car with my head in my hands when I smell lavender filling my nostrils. “Oh Bella, come in.” My mother’s nickname for me only makes me cry harder.
The next thing I know, it’s morning and I’m in my bed at home. I’ve been looking forward to this trip, hoping that some time away from D.C. would do me some good. The Skyler that lived in Connecticut didn’t know Aidan. She didn’t love him with every fiber of her being. I sit up in bed and rub my face before immediately checking my phone like I do every morning. Hoping, praying for a message from Aidan. At this point, I would take a drunk text he more than likely regretted the next morning. I just want some connection to him.
Maybe it’s time to reactivate my Instagram.
My door opens and my sister comes through it. My twenty-one year old sister is a senior at UConn and lives at home because she just didn’t quite crave the adventure I did. She stays in our guest house because she told herself—and everyone else—that she didn’t want to force any extra expenses on our parents. But I know the truth: she was scared and needs my mother for everything.
“You look like shit.” She pushes her glasses further up on her nose and tucks a long, dark brown lock behind her ear.
“Thanks. You can exit the way you entered.” I point at the door and lay back down, wishing that sleep could claim me before Serena Mitchell can throw in more of her two cents about my appearance.
She hops on my bed and smacks my body covered by my plush comforter. “Tell me about D.C. Do you love it?”
“What part of get out are you not getting, Rena? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in the mood for our bitchy banter.” My sister and I have an interesting relationship. It’s just her and me, and I’ll admit I spent a lot of my life being the spoiled little sister. She had been two when I was born, and I probably spent the next fifteen years demanding mom and dad’s attention. I understand her resentment. I own it. But it doesn’t stop me from giving it as good as I got it.
She pouts. “I’m going to go to the mall today. Do you want to come? You look like you could use some fresh air. Seriously, did you stop showering in D.C.?”
“I don’t want to go to the mall.”
“Why?” she whines.
“Because Serena, I don’t. Go away!”
“Because some boy broke your heart again? I swear Skyler…”
“At least boys fucking like me, now go away!”
I know it was a low blow, and something that Serena is sensitive about, but I just can’t. I’m pretty sure Serena is a virgin, but it isn’t something she talks about. She’s beautiful and an exact replica of my mother, yet she feels like she repels the opposite sex. Well, she is kind of rude to anyone that shows her any interest, so I guess that doesn’t help. “God, you’re a bitch.”
“I learned from the best. Please remove yourself from my room.”
I don’t feel her moving so I kick her to drag my point home. “Ow! Listen. What’s that shit you’re always preaching, huh? La vita va avanti, Skyler. You’ve gotten through heartbreak before, you can again.”
My heart thumps in my chest. “This is different,” I whisper and feel bad for being mean to Serena when maybe she is just trying to help the only way she knows how.
“How?”
“He’s the one,” I murmur. I expect a snort or a snarky comment or for her to remind me that at one point I thought Gabriel was the one. Instead, I hear a gasp.
“How do you know?”
“It’s hard to explain, Serena. It’s just a feeling.”
“Well, what happened?”
“You’ll judge me.” And she would. Serena took goody two shoes to a completely different level. She played by the rules, always.
“No…I won’t.”
“Liar.”
“When do I lie about anything? It’s what gets me into trouble.”
This is true, Serena has no problem telling you the truth about everything and she rarely hides her opinions.
“He’s my teacher.”
“What! Sky…”
I sit up and stare at her. “I fell in love with my teacher.”
Her hazel eyes are full of worry and confusion. “Holy shit. Is he…like old?”
“Older than me.” I shrug.
“Obviously. But I mean…like…dad’s age? Older than dad?” I’ll admit I’m surprised that this is her first question.
“No no.” I snort. “He’s thirty-two.”
“Oh.” She lets out a sigh and her eyes dart around the room as if she’s nervous. “So, what happened?”
“CGU prohibits any kind of relationship between students and teachers.”
“Well, yeah, just while you have him though, right?”
See! What kind of shit is CGU on? Are they the only school with this bullshit rule? “Nope. All four years.”
“Well, that seems excessive.”
“Who you tellin?”
“I’m sorry, Skyler.” She puts her hand over mine and gives me a sad smile. “And I’m sorry for being such a dick to you over that guy in Italy. I couldn’t understand…I didn’t understand. But I do now. I’m sorry that I was so mean to you.”
I snort. “Yeah, but I’m used to it.”
Her face falls into a frown. “I hate how we are sometimes.”
“Me too.” I wonder where this is coming from though
. “Wait…” I snap my head towards her. “If you’re saying you couldn’t understand before but you can now, does that mean…”
“I met someone.” She grins from ear to ear and for the first time, there’s a happy thump in my chest.
“Oh my God, Serena!”
“He’s amazing. I’ve never felt this way ever.”
“Tell me about him! Wait…does this mean you’re not a virgin anymore?” I shake my shoulders at her and giggle.
She blushes and turns away and I have to say this might be the first time I’ve ever seen my sister embarrassed. “How did you know…?”
I cock my head to the side and raise an eyebrow. “I know things. Also, mom had my ass on birth control, but not you.”
She bites her bottom lip and nods. “Oh my God, how have I gone this long without knowing what an orgasm feels like?”
“You didn’t masturbate?” I raise my eyebrows at her. “God, where the hell did you come from?” I throw my covers off the bed and trudge towards my ensuite bathroom with her in tow.
“I didn’t know what I was doing, I tried but…I wasn’t doing it right.”
“Who masturbates wrong? Just do what feels good.”
“Nothing felt right.” She crosses her arms and I pull out the necessary items to wash my face.
“Well, I’m glad that you’ve finally come. That must be why you’re not so uptight.”
“Totally. I felt like the weight of the world was just lifted from my shoulders and all my troubles just melted away.”
“Sounds about right. What do mom and dad think?”
“Mom and Dad don’t exactly…know.”
I’m shocked that my sister hadn’t run to our mother while she was still coming down from the orgasmic high. “Oh? Why the secrets?”
“Ummm…well…remember how you asked me not to judge you?”
“Oh God, who is it?”
“Sky…” she warns.
“Okay, no judgment.” My heart races thinking about the fact that if Serena is asking me not to judge then it means she’s broken a rule.
“It’s Landon.”
“Landon…” I trail off as I run through a list of guys I know in my mind. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“West…” She trails off again.
“Still lost.”
“God, Sky. Are you that self-involved? What is Dad’s firm called?”
“Mitchell, Frank, and…” I trail off before my eyes go wide. “OH MY FUCKING GOD! You’re fucking Dad’s partner!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She puts a hand over my mouth and squeezes.
I squeal under her hand and when she lets go I squeal louder. “Oh my God!” I giggle. “Dad is going to freak.”
“Dad isn’t going to do anything, because he’s not going to find out.” She shoots me a pointed look. Like I would ever rat her out.
“Well, if you love him, you’re going to have to. And hold up…isn’t he married?”
“He’s… going through a divorce.” I watch as she twists a gold ring on her finger that I don’t recognize. Is that like a promise ring? Perhaps now is not the time to delve into how far along on this divorce process, Mr. Wilson really is.
“Oh God, Serena…you’re in worse shape than me.”
“Gee, thanks.” She groans and slaps my arm.
“How long?”
“I’m interning at dad’s office for the semester and…well…”
“An office tryst, how hot.”
“It’s not. It’s scary as fuck. I swear to God, Dad has almost caught us twice.”
“Does he sneak into the guest house and make you scream?” I giggle, so happy that one, my sister is getting some and two, that she finally got that stick out of her ass.
“Skyler,” she huffs. “Don’t be so crude.”
“Oh, there’s my sister. I was beginning to wonder who the hell you were.”
The rest of the morning is spent hearing more than I think I ever wanted to know about a man that is only a few years younger than our father. It is the longest I’ve gone without thinking about Aidan, but my bliss is interrupted by an email.
You have a way with words, Miss Mitchell – A
I see that Aidan uploaded my grade for the quiz and it’s the only comment that makes me believe he’s seen my note.
Does that mean he misses me too?
Fuck, I miss Skyler.
The thought hits me like a ton of bricks every time I think about her. I’ve been actively trying to avoid her and it’s been working out well. I don’t go to the quad, ever, and she deleted her Instagram so I’m not staring at it for several hours a day like I was in the beginning. I’ve only driven by her place once…well, twice. But I hadn’t seen her. I was holding somewhat strong, and then she walked into my class and I almost risked everything. The words were sitting on the tip of my tongue.
Everyone out, except you, I was going to say as I pointed at Skyler.
I had an inkling she had written something on her quiz and I had a moment of happiness that she also missed me. But it was quickly replaced by the fact that nothing mattered. It doesn’t matter that I miss Skyler or that she misses me. I can’t have her.
And then as I read her words for what feels like the hundredth time in an hour, it hits me. It does matter. Skyler’s feelings matter a great deal to me. I love her and I’m not letting her get away.
But there is something I need to do before I could go after her.
It’s the evening before Thanksgiving break when my computer beeps with the sound of an incoming email.
Dr. Reed,
We are thrilled that you’ve decided to join the team. Pending a background check, we look forward to seeing you in the spring.
Dr. Richard Matthews
Dean of Brookdale University School of Law
My heart lurches forward, grateful that my mentor pulled in the favors of his life to get me an accelerated phone interview at one of the top law schools in D.C. My fingers itch to call Skyler to tell her the good news. That this is the end. That we can be together the second the semester is over, but I need to see her face. I need to tell her in person so we can consummate properly. So she would know that I have no plans of ever letting her go again. That I’m all in.
I hit send on my resignation that I’ve drafted up days ago to both Human Resources and Dr. Hendricks before printing out a copy that I will be sliding into their mailboxes tomorrow, complete with my signature.
After winter break, I’m out.
I’m in my office packing up to head home for Thanksgiving break when there’s a knock on my door. “Door’s open.” I know it can’t possibly be a student, as I told them that one on one office hours were over. Not to mention, I don’t know a student alive that isn’t high-tailing it home for break this Friday afternoon. We are one of the few schools that don’t have class at all during Thanksgiving week, giving students a nine-day break.
“Dr. Reed,” I hear from the door and I look up to see Dr. Hendricks standing in the frame, his eyeglasses atop his head and his arms crossed against his sweater vest, “heading home?”
“Yep.” Thanksgiving is huge in the Reed family. Relatives come from all over; my parents host every year. Christmas is more low-key, especially since neither my sister or I have kids, but Thanksgiving is a huge ordeal.
“I got your email.”
I nod. “I left a hard copy in your inbox.”
“You weren’t happy here, son?” He slides his hands into his pockets, and if I didn’t know any better I would say he feels bad about it.
I shoot him a look and shake my head. “It wasn’t that, necessarily.”
“Aidan,” he takes a step into my office and closes the door behind him, “off the record.”
“Off the record?” I contemplate telling him the truth, but I remember I still have another month. “I just don’t think this is the right fit for me.”
“Does this have to do with a student?”
“N
o,” I answer immediately. Skyler is so much more than just my student. Hell, I wouldn’t call her my student at all. She taught me more than I ever taught her. “The students are great.”
He looks at me for a minute like he’s trying to read me, and I hope I don’t give anything away. “Well, I wish you the best, Doctor Reed, and please let me know if you need a recommendation in the future. You are a great teacher.”
“I appreciate that.” Not that I need it.
“Enjoy your break.”
“Same to you, Doctor Hendricks.”
The drive to Connecticut is slightly shorter than the one to Massachusetts, but not by much. By the time I make it to Connecticut, it’s late and I’m exhausted. My plans to see Skyler tonight changed due to sitting in traffic two separate times on the drive. Now, it’s close to ten and I don’t think that showing up at their house this late is the way to get on Preston Mitchell’s good side.
Hi sir, I’m in love with your daughter and I want to marry her. Oh also, I’m her teacher for the next month.
I begin to regret the trek I made here. My only thoughts were getting to Skyler, so the thought had escaped me that perhaps her parents wouldn’t be too thrilled. That they won’t be on board with the age difference. I pull into a shopping center for some gas and a Red Bull when something behind it catches my eye. I don’t know where I’ve seen it before but I know that I recognize it.
Greenwich Artistry.
I pull out my phone and am grateful I’d had the oversight to screenshot a few pictures from Skyler’s Instagram before she deleted it. I find the picture of her tattoo and notice the Geotag.
That’s where she got her tattoo.
I pull out of the station and into the parking lot, and I’m surprised that it’s still open. I open the door and am stunned at how quiet it is. I’d been to a few tattoo parlors in my day, when Chace got his and even once with my sister, Beth, who had at least ten at this point.
I don’t have anything against them. I just never had something that I cared enough about to get permanently etched on my body. Nothing that was so much ingrained in my DNA that I felt the need to have it ingrained in my skin as well.