She turned and her face opened into a grin. For once, her cheeks weren’t flushed and I could see the pale, luminescent softness of her skin — like a baby’s. Unlike everyone else in the office, Liani had a peaceful aura, despite the four boxes heaving with folders on the floor and the empty shelf above her desk.
‘Josie — you came!’ She walked over and pulled me into a hug. She was spongy and warm; a human-sized hot water bottle that squished in all the right places.
She gestured for me to take a seat. ‘I apologise for all the secrecy. I suppose you’re wondering why you’re here?’
‘Just a little bit.’ I smiled, crossing my legs. ‘But before you say anything, I never got a chance to explain about my last day, or to apologise. It was such a mess and —’
‘I know, honey, it’s okay,’ interrupted Liani. ‘Ava told me everything at the hospital.’
‘Everything?’
A lump formed in my throat. I could only imagine what lies Ava had been spreading.
‘Everything,’ Liani repeated. ‘She’s out of hospital and resting at home, but she feels awful about what happened between you two.’
‘It’s just that … Wait, she feels awful?’
‘I know it’s a lot to take in,’ Liani said, then glanced at her watch.
‘So you know that I didn’t … I mean, you know? But no one rang. I’m so confused —’
‘Josie, I’m sorry. Things around here have been a little … Well, you’ll soon find out. We’ll talk later about everything, every little detail, I promise — but first I need you to come with me. The meeting’s about to start.’
‘Oh, okay, great.’ I stood up and smoothed down my dress. ‘Hang on, what meeting? Does Rae know I’m here?’
I didn’t know if I could handle another verbal assault from Rae’s poisonous tongue.
‘Yes, she knows.’ Liani must have noticed that my face had frozen because she patted me on my shoulder. I couldn’t respond; I was too busy trying not to crumple at the prospect of sitting through a meeting with Rae at the helm. ‘In fact, she encouraged me to invite you along. You ready?’
Not one iota. But I followed Liani out of the office door toward the semicircle of designer clothes, spray tans, glossy hairstyles and patterned notebooks. Rae stood at the front, avoiding any direct eye contact. Instead, she stared at her clipboard and admired her perfectly polished nails. She hadn’t so much as glanced in my direction, so I told myself to quit over-thinking and focus on getting through the meeting.
I noticed that, while Rae wrote notes in long, loopy handwriting, every other Sash girl had her own focus point in the room: a book on the shelf, a framed print by the window, anything other than Rae or another staff member. For me, it was a black stain on the wall to the right of Rae’s head. Oddly, it reminded me of an elephant sitting on a bike, which calmed my nerves (and almost set me off in a fit of nervous laughter).
Rae placed her notebook on her lap and the meeting began. The first red flag was Rae sprinkling her sentences with corporate buzz words like ‘economic climate’ and ‘moving forward’. It was business jargon and I had no idea what it meant. Judging by the others’ faces, I wasn’t alone.
‘It will come as no surprise, to some of you at least, that things are changing around here,’ Rae said, crossing and recrossing her legs.
At the mention of change, some of the girls sat upright in their seats, while others shrank down low.
‘I may as well just say it, because if I don’t, you’re going to hear it from someone or somewhere else.’ Rae shot an apprehensive look at Liani, who lowered her head. ‘Girls, we gave it everything … and I know this will seem sudden, but we’ve been fighting for our place for a long time …’ She paused — a long, painful pause — and I realised I’d never seen her lost for words like this. ‘Liani and I have been told to tell you the magazine is folding.’
‘What?’ blurted out Eloise, Gen and Carla in unison. The others covered their mouths or hung their heads.
Shania, a production coordinator with bad acne and greasy hair, piped up. ‘Wait, what does that mean?’
Needless to say, she wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the pencil case. But for once Rae didn’t shoot back a scathing reply. Instead, she spoke calmly and slowly.
‘We’re closing, Shania.’ She turned to the group again. ‘I’m so sorry, everyone. This market is rough, really rough, and there’s not enough space for both Marilyn and us in the company any more. With ad pages not selling and our dropping circulation, we just can’t compete, even though our editorial — your hard work — is first class.’
Everyone stared at Rae; some eyes were already red and teary. No one uttered a word so she continued.
‘We’re not the first to close, and we won’t be the last, so please don’t take this personally. I know — management knows — you have all given this magazine everything and I thank you for that.’
‘What’s … what’s going to happen to us?’ Eloise asked, her voice shaking.
‘Bella from HR will come and talk to you all about options,’ Rae said. ‘And there are options for everyone, so don’t be afraid to ask.’
It looked as though Rae was about to say something else, but a chorus of chattering and chirping overpowered her. Teary girls whispered to each other, already making plans and promising to ‘stick together’. Others sat in silence, their heads lowered, too shocked, angry or upset to react.
Janice, an older woman who helped out the subeditors part-time, called out over the babble. ‘Rae, what does this mean for the current issue? We’ll finish it, right?’
‘Yeah,’ chimed in Sia. ‘We will, won’t we? I’ve called in some gorgeous products that I’ve been saving for this issue.’
Rae clasped her hands together. ‘I’m sorry to say that we won’t. In fact, we’ve been ordered to delete what we’ve done so far — delete it all. They don’t want to risk it leaking to our competitors.’
‘But all our work …’ muttered Carla, shaking her head.
‘We will get through this,’ Liani said, the familiar red flush back on her cheeks and spreading quickly.
‘We all will. You will,’ added Rae defiantly, to no one in particular. I was sure everyone in the room hoped she meant them.
As the group broke into another frenzied buzz of speculation, I gave Steph an awkward little wave across the room. She mouthed ‘Whoa’ back to me and gestured for me to come over. I weaved my way through the frazzled group, tripping on handbag straps and stomping on toes. When I eventually made it to Steph, we fell onto each other in a big hug.
‘Did you know?’ I asked.
‘No way! Seriously, I’m sitting here thinking why are we here?’ she whispered. ‘I had no idea about any of this. Dad didn’t breathe a word, and Rae seemed fine last night. Well, uptight and snooty, but she’s always like that.’
‘It’s so weird,’ I said, looking around the room. The men in overalls were still tossing keyboards, magazines, posters, even pot plants into bags. ‘It’s the end of an era. I feel like we’re intruders or something, watching this.’
It felt inappropriate to approach the Sash girls so we huddled together and continued whispering.
‘So did you two girls hear?’ interrupted Gen, snapping us to attention. ‘Apparently Rae’s been made editor-in-chief of Marilyn magazine — one of the other girls just told me. We lose our jobs and she gets a promotion. I love how she left that part out of her speech.’
‘Are you serious?’ I asked. ‘She’s going to Marilyn? The competition?’
‘Yeah,’ said Gen. ‘They’ve ditched the old ed — you know, that loud chain-smoking woman with the hooked nose — and brought Rae in. Rumour has it she got a pay rise when she threatened to work for another company.’
‘Unbelievable,’ said Steph. ‘She’s ruthless.’
‘Oh yeah, and that’s not all,’ fired off Gen, the filter between her brain and mouth clearly on strike. ‘Esmeralda’s pregnant.’
�
�What?’ My head whipped over to where Esmeralda was standing with one hand on her hip and the other resting on her stomach.
‘Yep, she’s going freelance. I overheard her telling one of the others. Get out while you can, guys — this industry chews people up and spits them out left, right and centre.’ And she rushed off to join Eloise and the editorial girls who were crying in the foyer.
‘Well, that’s motivating,’ said Steph grimly.
‘I wonder what everyone else will do?’ I said. ‘Liani must be devastated.’
Steph pulled a face. ‘I know. With her mortgage and the baby …’
‘Eloise will be okay, right?’ I asked, watching Eloise wipe away tears. ‘I mean, she’s awesome.’
‘I’m sure someone will snap her up,’ said Steph. ‘And Sia — that girl’s so charismatic she’s probably got people calling her for interviews already.’ Steph and I knew we had no idea what we were prattling about; we just wanted the best for the women who’d been so good to us.
Rae coughed, dragging everyone’s attention back to herself. ‘I know that news was hard to hear, but I wanted to say thank you,’ she told us. ‘Together we have been through good times, tough times and, let’s be honest, shitty times. But one day, your time at Sash will be a blip on your career, a tiny pink dot nestled among other successes and failures and delights and dislikes and, hopefully, you’ll look back on it fondly.’
She glanced over at Liani, who nodded.
‘As I said, HR will talk to you, but in the meantime I have written you all excellent references and, who knows, maybe we’ll work together one day in the future. As some of you may have heard, I’m moving on to edit another title — not too far, I’ll still be in the building — and I’d love to stay in touch. This is all a lot to take in, so I’ve sent for a few bottles of bubbly and some cheese and crackers. A little brie should help us all with the office pack-up that lies ahead. Thank you.’
Her speech complete, Rae excused herself and walked back into her office. She closed the door behind her and left the blinds down.
‘She thinks cheese is going to fix this? Fool. Half of us don’t eat dairy!’ I heard Gen hiss behind me. Two girls chimed agreement, swearing loudly to make their point.
I wondered if Rae was crying her in office, nursing herself through the pain of having to shatter the worlds of her staff. But another part of me imagined her cackling and raking her long fingernails together, excited about her next queen-of-the-empire role at Marilyn. I settled on a blurring of both options, because that was Rae: hot and cold, happy and serious, friendly and chilly, all at the same time.
Sure, I didn’t love every minute I’d spent with her — in fact, they’d go down as some of the most nail-biting minutes of my life — but the woman was a genius at what she did and I respected that (despite the fact she was an A-grade tyrant who’d scare the designer dresses off her new team at Marilyn). The internship may have been over, the five thousand dollars and chance of a byline had evaporated, but my time at Sash was worth it anyway. I had interned for one of Australia’s fiercest, most respected editors. Rae’s passion for her work and nonstop energy was astounding. But most of all, she deserved a gold-plated trophy for wearing six-inch heels every day without snapping an ankle.
‘Hey Josie, are you free for our chat now?’ Liani asked with a smile. Chaos was in full swing around her but her signature red flush was gone. ‘We’ll pick up where we left off.’
‘Sure,’ I replied, and followed her into her office.
This is it, I thought, I’m going to find out what’s going on. Any attempt to play it cool was left in the main office; every part of me, down to the pores of my skin, waited in anticipation for Liani’s news. Was I goosebumping from the adrenaline? Abso-freaking-lutely.
Liani’s posters were rolled up in a corner and notepads and stationery were in neat piles on her desk. Things were never going to be the same again.
‘Wow, so big news, huh?’ I said, taking a seat opposite Liani. ‘I mean, who’d have thought that was about to happen? Well, I mean, I’m guessing you knew, and Rae obviously, oh, and maybe Es, but anyway, big news for everyone else.’
Liani nodded. ‘Yes, it’s been a tough day.’
‘I mean, it’s like one hit of news after the other, isn’t it? No internship for you, Josie! Bam! Wait, no internship for anyone! Bam! And no magazine for everyone! Bam, bam, bam!’ My arms flailed in the air like a demented Mexican wave.
‘It’s huge. Huge news.’
‘I know everyone will be fine, though, especially you. I bet you’ll have job offers lining up at your door soon and you won’t know which one to pick. Or maybe you’ll want some time at home with your bub. Or a holiday. Or a —’
‘Josie, can I talk now?’ asked Liani, without the slightest hint of frustration in her voice.
‘Oh, right. Of course. Sorry. You know I do that thing where I’m nervous and I ramble and I … yeah. You know.’
‘I suppose you’re wondering what you’re doing here?’
That shut me up. I nodded.
‘I’ve been in touch with your uni lecturer —’
‘Filly? He didn’t tell you about that stupid essay I handed in late, did he? Because it was by accident!’ I paused, realising what I’d done. ‘Sorry, did that whole interrupting thing again.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘But he did send me a copy of the piece you had published in the Weekly Mail.’
‘Oh.’ Wow, Filly. I’d have to pay him a publicist’s fee.
‘Josie, it was wonderful and moving and … powerful.’ Liani said. ‘And the topic — body image and bullying in the media. Breathtaking. Your piece was so current and, more than anything, needed. It got me thinking … people need to know more about this! They need to read your words.’
‘Really?’ I blurted out.
I couldn’t tell whether this was one of my vivid daydreams or not. I needed to pinch the top of my arm to find out. And so I did. And it hurt. A lot. This was happening.
‘Over the years I’ve read hundreds of articles on body image, but to see one that covered it so delicately and from a softer, younger perspective — well, it hooked me. I wanted to read more about it, more from you. And there were some heavy issues in there, too — bulimia, bullying, feeling out of place. They’re issues that need to be discussed, over and over again, until something changes in the world.’
‘I agree,’ I forced out.
‘And to think your story’s been syndicated to the national papers and you’ll get to invoice for it. That’s just —’
‘National what?’ I interrupted. ‘Invoice?’
‘Professor Fillsmore didn’t tell you? You’ll be getting paid for it — it’s been picked up by the bigger papers.’
‘I … I …’
‘They loved it.’
My tear ducts ached. I pinched my arm again to distract myself, but it only made my eyes well up faster.
Liani leaned forward. ‘Josie, the piece was heart-wrenching, real and one hundred and fifty per cent you. It was the perfect style for your voice.’
‘My voice?’
‘Your writer’s voice.’
‘This is … I can’t believe it,’ I said. ‘I think this is the best moment of my life.’
Liani’s smile broadened into a full-blown, light-up-the-night beam. ‘Josie, I want to offer you a fulltime job as my junior writer.’
I wanted to scream, ‘Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!’ but I was shocked into silence. My mouth moved but nothing came out. I felt like scarfing down waffles — it was as though my brain had overloaded and all I could handle was the thought of a big bowl of comfort food. With extra caramel topping.
‘I … I … I …’ I stammered.
‘I’m the new editor of indi, Josie, an online magazine. The owners want to take it in a new direction — aim it at real girls and real women. It’s going to be fabulous, heartfelt and hard work. I know how much you love writing, and I’m sorry that everything’s cra
shed here, but if you come and work for me you’ll have your very own column every week.’
The letters Y, E and S danced on my tongue and shimmied between my teeth. Yes, yes, yes, I yelled in my head.
‘It’s a start-up company so the office won’t be this fancy,’ Liani continued. ‘But I can promise you a stable salary, a lolly jar that never runs out and flexible working hours. What do you think?’
‘Yes,’ I spluttered, bearhugging my boss-to-be. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘Something tells me you’ll like this, too — Sia will be our online features and beauty director.’
‘That’s amazing,’ I said, already imagining the onslaught of free cupcakes and chocolates she’d share around the new office.
‘It sure will be,’ said Liani. ‘In a few days we’ll have a producer and then we’ll be set.’
‘It sounds perfect.’ And then it hit me. Hard. ‘Oh no, uni! I’ve still got lectures and classes back home.’
I should’ve known it was too good to be true. The thing I needed to get a job was going to be the thing that stopped me from getting a job. Would I have to drop out? Or transfer? Or turn down this incredible writing position? My mind raced with possibilities.
‘Now, now, one step at a time,’ said Liani, rearranging herself in the chair. ‘If you’re keen, Professor Fillsmore has agreed to you studying long distance, as long as you keep up your marks and pop down to see him at least once a semester.’
‘So, let me get this straight,’ I said. ‘I’ll be living, working, breathing in the city? And I don’t have to quit uni? And I’ll be a fulltime website writer? On indi? Seriously?’
She grinned. ‘Almost — a fulltime junior website writer. Well? Is that still a yes?’
‘Yes!’ I laughed.
‘Wonderful. You start Monday. Now get out of here and celebrate.’
I grinned. ‘Thanks, this is incredible … boss.’
24.
Thrilled to bits, I walked out into the main office, which was still abuzz with a range of emotions. Most of the girls were in groups, whispering furiously, their manicured hands flailing. My good mood instantly disappeared and my stomach backflipped for them, especially Eloise, who’d always been so sweet.
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