When Forever Changes

by Siobhan Davis

  He chuckles. “You look shocked to see me.”

  “Ugh, that’s ’cause I am.” I arch my brows.

  He frowns. “Didn’t Ryan tell you I was back in town?”

  “Nope, but things are a little strained between us at the minute.”

  “Cause of what happened with Myndi?” he correctly guesses.

  “Yeah. He broke her heart and now she’s taken a job overseas.” Not that I’m laying all the blame at Ryan’s door. Relationships are two-way streets, and Myndi was the one who actually broke up with him. While she won’t divulge the specifics, she said she had no choice because of something Ryan did. It’s heartbreaking because I know she still loves him, and she was secretly hoping he’d chase her, but he seems to have given up on them. Last week, I tried to get him to open up about her, but he told me, point blank, that he doesn’t want to talk about it and to let it drop.

  “Hey, do you have time to grab a coffee? I’d love to catch up,” he asks.

  “Sure.” I can’t keep the smile off my face. “Let me shoot Mom a message and make sure she’s okay to babysit a while longer.” I tap away on my phone, and Mom replies straightaway. When I look up, I catch him checking me out, and my lady parts dance a happy dance. “I’m good, but I still need to finish my shopping.”

  Slater grabs a box of Cheerios from the top shelf, handing them to me. “I presume this is what you were looking for?”

  “Yeah. I’ve passed my addiction on to my son, and now he goes through bowlfuls of the stuff.”

  “How’s Billy?” Slater walks with me as I grab a few other items and toss them in my cart.

  “He’s awesome. He’s the sweetest little boy ever.”

  “Well, he does have you for a mom, so …” He pauses for a beat before smiling. “Anyway, I’m glad everything worked out for you.” A layer of sadness washes over his face, and the easygoing atmosphere turns a little tense.

  “So, uh, how long are you back for?”

  He stares into my eyes, and it’s intense. “I’m back for good, Belle.”

  I suck in a sharp breath and stop walking. “How come? What happened with your great job?” While I don’t ask Ryan for updates on Slater that often, because it still hurts to think of him, I cave every now and then. I know he’s done well for himself in Iowa, gaining three promotions in two years and quickly moving up the ranks.

  “The job’s still great. Look, it’s a bit of a long story, so why don’t we save it for over coffee?”

  We pay for our items at separate registers, and then we offload our bags in our respective cars and head to the café across the street. Slater insists on placing our orders, so I take a seat by the window, trying to caution my overexcited heart to stop overreacting. Just because he’s back doesn’t mean anything is different. He doesn’t seem to hate my guts, for which I’m grateful, but that doesn’t mean I’m forgiven or that he’s nurturing any lingering thoughts of me or an “us.”

  “Here you go.” He hands me my latte, taking the seat across from me. His long legs brush against mine under the table, and my overly enthusiastic long-neglected hormones go crazy at the fleeting contact.

  It’s official.

  I’m completely pathetic.

  And most definitely still hung up on Slater Evans.

  He opens the lid of his coffee, closing his eyes as he inhales the bitter, chocolatey notes. “Man, I’ve missed this.”

  “Don’t they have good coffee in Iowa?” I ask, taking a sip of my drink.

  “They do, but coffee never tastes as good as it does back home.”

  “True. So, tell me. What’s happening with your job?”

  He leans back a little, and the way his gaze rakes over me sends delicious tremors of desire ricocheting through me. “The company I work for is setting up a new office in Wilmington, and they asked me to manage it. It was too good of an offer to turn down and … I’ve missed home.”

  “Wow. Congratulations. Ryan told me you were doing amazing things, and I’m so happy for you. I always knew you’d be successful.”

  “Thanks, Belle.” A faint blush stains his cheeks, and it’s so cute. “What about you? Did you return to your nursing studies?”

  “No. Ryan didn’t tell you?” I ask him the same question he asked me back in the store.

  He shakes his head, clearly debating whether to explain himself. “I asked Ryan not to talk about you.” He pauses, and his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “It hurt too much.”

  His admission is like a dagger through the heart. “I’m so sorry, Slate.” My voice is soft. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I wasn’t in a good place back then, and I—”

  “It’s fine, Belle. Forget about it. It’s in the past, and I’d prefer to leave it there.”

  Cue a second dagger straight through my remorseful heart. “Oh, okay.” I look down at the table as I sip my coffee, trying to push the pang of disappointment aside.

  “You’re a full-time mom then?”

  I tip my chin up. “Mostly, but I’m studying for an online degree in alternative medicine, and I attend acupuncture classes once a week. It’s why I was in town tonight.”

  “That’s great, Belle, and I can totally see you doing that.”

  I shrug. “I was sad to leave nursing behind, but I don’t want a job with such erratic hours. This way, once I’m qualified, I can set up a practice and dictate my own hours. I want to be there for Billy as much as I can.” The other factor in my decision was my reluctance to return to UD. I didn’t want to be confronted with the ghosts of my past at every turn. It was time to make a clean break. To forge a different path in life.

  His cell pings, and he extracts it from his pocket, checking a new message. “I’m sorry, Belle, but I’ve got to go, something’s come up.” He sends me an apologetic smile, and I mask my disappointment with a fake nonchalant smile.

  “No problem, I should get back to Billy anyway.”

  “Do you have any recent pics on your phone?”

  My smile is genuine this time. “Do I what?” I laugh, swiping my finger across the screen of my iPhone. “Here. These ones were taken at the park yesterday.”

  I hand him my cell and he flips through the photos, his smile growing wider and wider. “He’s gotten so big, and he looks happy and contented.” He lingers over the photo of Billy and me. We’re both wearing goofy smiles for the camera, tucked in close together with our arms wrapped around one another. “You both do.”

  He hands the phone back to me and stands. I slip it in my purse and grab my coffee. “Yeah, it’s taken a while, and a lot of therapy, but, I’m good.”

  We walk out together. “I worried about you a lot after I left.”

  “You did?” I look up at him as we reach my car.

  He nods. “Whoever coined that phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’ was a lying asshole.”

  “Don’t let Mom hear you saying that,” I joke. I’m back in that nervous-excited space again. He chuckles, and I unlock my car. “Well, um, thanks for the coffee, and maybe I’ll see you around sometime.” I’m rambling and purposely avoiding looking at him.

  “Belle.” His hand lands on my arm, and my skin tingles all the way to my toes. “I’m glad you’re in a better place. That you and Billy are doing good. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

  Tears prick my eyes. Slater Evans was always far too good for me. “Are you happy?” I blurt, twisting around and looking up at him.

  “Yeah.” He nods. “Mostly.” His eyes flick to my lips, and butterflies scatter in my chest. Electricity crackles in the space between us, and he jerks back as if slapped. “I’m sorry to cut and run like this. How about a rain check?”

  My head bobs vigorously. Way to play it cool, Gabby. “Why don’t you come to my house for dinner on Sunday? We’ll all be there. I’m sure everyone would love to
see you. You can meet Ryder, Caleb and Terri’s son, and Dean’s new girlfriend Alice.”

  When I pushed Slater away two years ago, I didn’t stop to consider everything he stood to lose. I took away the only family he’s ever known, and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. Sure, Ryan keeps in regular contact with him and he’s spent plenty of weekends in Iowa, and my parents visited him last year. I also know Mom mails him cards on his birthday and holidays and that she’s begged him to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Just like I know he only turns her down because of me.

  There were so many occasions where I went to pick up the phone or drop him an email, to tell him I was sorry, that I didn’t mean those hurtful things I said, that, in my warped mind, I convinced myself I was doing the right thing, but I always stopped myself from following through, afraid I’d only make things worse.

  Maybe now he’s back, I can finally fix it so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable coming back into the fold.

  He’s been quiet while I’ve been babbling internally and externally.

  “Please say you’ll come,” I practically beg. “Everyone misses you.”

  Especially me.

  He shoves his hands in his pockets, looking like he’s weighing up the pros and cons. When the lines on his forehead smooth out, I know he’s made his decision, and I release the breath I’d been holding. “Okay, that sounds cool. Thanks, Belle.”

  My heart soars skyward, and I work hard to keep my squeal of delight locked up inside. “Great. I’ll message you the address. Come at three!”

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  “Relax, Buttercup, you’re giving me heart palpitations with all that jumping around,” my dad says, smiling at me in amusement as I race around the kitchen checking everything.

  “I just want everything to be perfect,” I reply, lowering the heat under the green beans. “This is the first time we’ve all been together in two years. I want it to be special.”

  “And it will be special, because of the people around the table. Who cares if you burn the carrots or chargrill the meat until it’s barely edible? We’ve never let your mom’s cooking stop us from having a good time.”

  “I heard that, Paul!” Mom hollers from the dining room where she’s setting the table with help from Mia and Tia. Caleb, Dean, and Ryan are playing ball in the backyard with Ryder and Billy while Alice and Terri are enjoying a cold glass of white wine on the deck, chatting up a storm as they watch the big kids play with the little ones.

  Dad chuckles, topping up my wine glass and patting me on the back. “I know why you’re nervous, sweetheart, and you don’t have any reason to be. Slater doesn’t hold grudges, and he’s already proven that if he agreed to come here today.”

  “Sometimes I hate how close you and mom are. I told her all that stuff in confidence,” I grumble.

  “And I have kept your confidence,” Mom says, coming into the kitchen with my nieces in tow. “Girls, why don’t you take Grandpa outside and play with your cousins?”

  The girls need little encouragement. Even though Dean’s ex-wife Annie insists on dressing them like little princesses, they are quite the tomboys these days.

  Dad kisses me on the cheek. “Your mom doesn’t need to say anything for me to understand certain things, sweetheart. I just want you to be happy, because you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

  I throw my arms around him. “Thanks, Dad.” He blows me a kiss before stepping outside.

  “Sit down for a sec.” Mom takes me by the hand, pushing me into a chair at the table. She hands me my glass of wine and sits down with her own. “I’m delighted Slater is moving back, for a variety of reasons, especially because it gives you a chance to make amends. It hurts me that you’re beating yourself up over what happened. Your actions may have been misguided, but you did it out of love. I’m sure once you explain Slater will understand and forgive you.” She takes a sip of her wine.

  “But?” I prompt, knowing there’s one coming.

  “But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. He’s been gone over two years, and you told him to forget you. What if he has?”

  My heart falters in my chest. It’s not like I haven’t considered this in the days since we ran into each other, and it would probably serve me right. “Do you know something I don’t?” I gasp, slapping a hand over my chest. “Oh, God, he was with someone when you visited last year, wasn’t he?”

  She vigorously shakes her head. “No, there was no one on the scene then. I asked him outright.” She smirks a little. “But that doesn’t mean he isn’t in a relationship now. I just think you need to prepare yourself, Gabrielle. While it would make me incredibly happy to see you two together again, you have to consider it may not happen. I don’t want to see you hurt. Not when you’ve worked so hard to process your feelings since Dylan died.”

  “You’re right, Mom. I have been getting a little carried away. I just wish I had reacted differently when he asked me to move to Iowa with him.” Now that my head is less fuzzy, my perspective is completely altered. I’ve realized just how much I love Slater, how much I’ve always loved him without even knowing, and the thoughts that I pushed one of the great loves of my life away has been eating me up inside.

  “Baby, you were hanging by a thread back then, and I happen to believe you made the right call. There is no guarantee if you’d moved there that it would’ve worked out. Remember everything you went through after he left.”

  I nod, getting up. “I know. Well, a really smart woman once told me if it’s meant to be it will happen. And if it doesn’t, I’ll just have to deal with the consequences of my decision.”

  “That’s my girl.” Mom stands, coming around the table and pulling me into her arms. “And I have a good feeling about this, but just take your time. There’s no rush.”

  The doorbell chimes, and I knock my glass of wine all over the table. “Shit! Goddamn it.” I grab a cloth from the counter, hurriedly mopping it up.

  “Breathe, Gabrielle.” Mom’s laughing as she walks out to the hall to let Slater in.

  I remember to whip my apron off in time, smoothing a hand down my pretty pink dress as Slater walks into the kitchen looking like he just stepped off the pages of GQ. He’s wearing a fitted black shirt rolled up to the sleeves with a few buttons open on top, offering a glimpse at his impressive chest. Dark denim hugs his legs in all the right places, and he’s wearing the latest Vans on his feet. He still has the same neat layer of facial hair and the slicked-back locks, and he looks ruggedly handsome and good enough to eat. I’m salivating, and my panties are already damp.

  God, I seriously need to get laid.

  “Ahem.” Mom clears her throat, giving me a pointed look.

  Yep, definitely need to get laid unless I want to keep embarrassing myself in front of Slater.

  “The house is gorgeous, Belle. Dylan chose well.” As soon as the words leave his lips, I see him wishing he could backtrack.

  “Yes, he did,” I rush to reassure him, smiling so he knows I’m not upset.

  While it was so hard to talk about Dylan in the months after he died, I don’t shy away from mentioning him anymore.

  It still hurts.

  It will always hurt, but to stop speaking about him is like denying he ever existed, and I want to remember him, because he brightened my world and helped shape me into the woman I am today. I owe Dylan so much, and my life is fuller for having had him in it. My grief counselor has helped me enormously in coming to terms with everything, and I also want to ensure that Billy grows up knowing who his daddy was.

  So I want Slater to relax. To understand it’s not a faux pas to bring up his name. “And, true to form, he thought of everything,” I continue. “We have a game room, a home gym, a home theater, an indoor pool, and a children’s playground and basketball court in the backyard.”

  Slater looks relieved. “I wouldn�
��t have expected any less.” He clears his throat. “These are for you.” He hands me a massive, expensive-looking bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine. If I ever needed proof of how distracting he is, the fact I didn’t even notice he was holding gifts when he arrived confirms it.

  “Thank you. They’re beautiful.” I bury my nose in the blooms, inhaling deeply. “What can I get you to drink? We’ve pretty much everything.”

  “I’ll take a beer,” he says, as Ryan steps into the kitchen from outside.

  “If it isn’t my main man.” He walks up to his best bud, and they do the whole man-hug-slap-on-the-back thing. “It’s so good to see you, bruh.”

  “It’s good to be here.”

  The backdoor bursts open and Ryder and Billy come racing in. “Mom!” Billy shouts, as if I’m miles away instead of standing right in front of him. “We need a dwink. We’re thirrty.”

  Slater chuckles.

  “Sure thing.” I crouch down to my son and my nephew. “Who’s winning?”

  “Me!” they both say at once, and we all laugh.

  “More importantly, who’s having the most fun?” I ask.

  “Me! Me!” They both jump up and down, and their exuberance warms me from the inside out.

  Mom grabs some chilled bottles of water for the boys while I scoop Billy up into my arms. His little legs and arms go around me automatically, and I hug him close, burying my nose in his hair. Billy’s always so affectionate, and I never take it for granted, cherishing every precious moment.

  “I love you, Mommy,” he says, planting a slobbery kiss on my cheek.

  My heart melts, like it does every single time he says it. “I love you too, little munchkin.” I tweak his nose. “So, so much.”

  The expression on Slater’s face, and the unshed tears in his eyes, almost undoes me. It’s a look of absolute joy mixed with extreme sadness, and I know I’m responsible for putting it there. “Hey, buddy. I want you to meet someone really special.” I walk to Slater’s side, sliding Billy to my hip. “This is our friend Slater. Will you say hi to him?”