“No, of course not. I just want you to make love to me. I couldn’t care less where it happens, once it happens!”
“God, I’m stupid in love with you,” he says, grabbing the back of my head and pulling my mouth to his. “And I can’t wait to slide inside you.”
We’re all over one another in the back of the car. I’m straddling his waist and rocking against him as he demolishes my mouth, his tongue tangling wickedly with mine as his hands wander to the promised land. Moans and gasps fill the air as we share the same frenzied need.
“No fucking in my taxi,” the grumpy driver says, and I burst into a round of uncontrollable giggling.
Slater moves me off his lap, gathering me into his side. “Behave, Belle,” he teases with a devilish glint in his eye as his hand slips between my thighs.
We burst into the house in the dark, and Slater shoves me up against the wall. He fumbles with the hem of my dress, pushing it up to my hips, and then he cups my pussy over my black, lacy thong. “I really want to make slow, sweet love to you, but if I don’t get inside you right now, I’m gonna explode.”
“I’m not complaining,” I pant, already riding his hand.
He pushes my thong aside, sliding two fingers inside me. “Fuck, you’re drenched, Belle.”
“It’s been two and half years since I last had sex, what did you expect?”
He rips my thong, and the scattered material falls to the ground. Cool air wafts over my exposed skin. “I’m going to fuck that sassy mouth after I fuck your pussy,” he promises, and my core pulses with renewed need. He grabs a condom from his wallet while I’m frantically tugging at his jeans, desperate to free him. He moves my hands away, popping the rest of the buttons and pushing his boxers and jeans down his legs to his knees.
My chest is heaving and my pussy dripping when he brushes his thumb across the bead of precum resting on the tip of his cock and then pushes it into my mouth. My core is quivering as I lick the salty flavor off his skin, sucking his thumb with gusto. “Fuck, that’s hot.”
I release his hand so he can sheathe himself, licking my lips in anticipation. He is rock hard, his cock bobbing against his stomach, as he pierces me with a dark look full of promise. I almost come on the spot. Yanking my leg up, he opens me to him, positioning his cock at my entrance. He peers deep into my eyes. His gaze is flooded with desire and love, and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. I’m so in love with this man, and I don’t think he understands how far reaching my feelings go. “I love you and I want you. So much, Belle. But I need to ask this one final time. Are you sure you want to do this now?”
“Slate. I love you profoundly, deeply, until the ends of time.” I peck his lips. “But if you don’t fuck me right now, I’m going to scream so loud I’ll rouse the neighbors.”
He slams into me, and I cry out as he fills me inch by inch. “You’re so tight. Oh fuck, Belle. That feels so good.” He moves slowly until he’s fully seated, and his muscles tense while he holds himself still, letting me acclimate to the feel of him inside me again. “You okay?”
“I’m good, babe.” I kiss him fiercely. “I’m more than good. I’m home.” He rubs his thumb across my mouth, his face awash with emotion. “Don’t hold back. Go for it. Show me you’re all mine.”
He needs no further encouragement, and he ruts into me like a wild animal, thrusting over and over while his tongue plunders my mouth and his lips leave mine swollen. My back rubs against the wall as he fucks me, and my body purrs, fully alive for the first time in years. Without warning, he pulls out, flipping me around. “Hands flat on the wall, Belle,” he instructs, nudging my legs apart. I push my ass up in the air, granting him full access to my pussy, and he slams into me again, pounding me with unrestrained need. My orgasm is building, scaling new heights, when he slides his hand around, pressing his thumb to my clit and starts rubbing. I scream as my climax powers through me, and then he’s joining me, roaring his release as I continue to clench around him.
When we’ve both come down from our high, he turns me around, hugging me against his chest. “I love you, Belle. I love you so completely. No other woman has ever made me feel the way you do.”
“You’re my everything,” I say, snuggling into his chest. “You and Billy complete me.”
He carries me upstairs and lays me down gently on the bed. After cleaning me up with a warm cloth, he helps me strip out of my dress before tossing his shirt and climbing under the covers with me. He pulls me to him, kissing me tenderly. “I never want to be without you again.”
“You never will be. I’m in this for life.”
“I need to make love to you now.” He crawls on top of me, pushing his cock against me so I can feel how hard he is again. “I’m so hard for you, Gabby. All the damn time. Holding back has killed me too, but I wanted us both in the right place.”
I trail my hands up his chiseled abs and chest. “I’m not angry, Slate, and I know why you did it, and it only makes me love you more, but there’s no more holding back now.”
“Agreed.” He flattens his cock against my stomach, and I moan. “But this time I’m taking it slow because I want to worship and love every inch of your beautiful body.” His mouth descends on mine, and his kisses are passionate and drenched in his love. His lips leave a trail from my mouth down my neck and to my breasts. He flicks my nipples with his tongue and fondles my sensitive flesh. Then he takes turns sucking the hardened tips into his mouth as his hands roam the curves of my body.
When he finally lowers his head between my thighs, I’m so turned on I come in less than thirty seconds. He looks up at me, winking, and the sight of his glistening lips sends a new wave of tingles shooting through me. “I’m on the pill,” I tell him as he reaches for another condom. “We don’t need that.”
“Thank fuck.” He slides inside me in one confident, slow move, and I arch my back off the bed. Then he makes slow love to me, worshiping every inch of my body with his mouth, his tongue, his hands, and his cock, and I’ve never felt more cherished or more loved.
We fall asleep wrapped around one another, and a deep sense of contentment washes over me.
He wakes me the next morning with breakfast in bed, and I’m deliciously achy all over. After we’ve eaten, and cleaned our teeth, we engage in round three, and it’s every bit as tender as his lovemaking last night. We lie, sated and sweaty, in one another’s arms after, just enjoying being together. “Can I ask you something?” I say, looking up at him.
“Anything. You know that.” He squeezes my waist.
“Will you move in with us?”
He turns rigidly still in my arms, and I worry I moved too fast. I’m just so happy, and we’ve committed to one another, and it feels like the next logical step. I know he still has fears, and I’m determined to help him through them.
He props up on his elbow, staring down into my face. “I want that, Belle, honestly, I do, but we’re only back together a few months, and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t think there’s any need to rush.”
I can’t keep the hurt off my face. “We’ve known each other practically our whole lives, and we love each other. Billy already adores the ground you walk on. I want to go to sleep beside you every night and wake up beside you every morning. I don’t need more time to know I want and need you full time in my life.”
His face contorts, and I brush my fingers over the worry lines furrowing his brow. “What else is holding you back?” I stare into his eyes. “Be honest with me.”
“I know you love me, Belle. I don’t doubt that, but I still feel like I’m second best. I wasn’t your first choice, Dylan was, and there’s still a part of me that believes I’m only the backup plan, and it hurts. You planned your whole future around Dylan. Not me.”
My heart pains me so much in this moment, and all the bad decisions I’ve made return to haunt me. “I hate that you feel like that, and nothing
could be further from the truth. It was never a competition between you. It was just different loves at different times. It doesn’t mean I love you any less or any more than I loved him.”
“I can’t help thinking if he was still here that you’d be with him, and I know how terrible that sounds. Believe me, I know how petty and futile it is to be envious of a guy who lost his life, but it’s how I feel. I can’t force myself to feel otherwise.”
“I can understand, to an extent. You were a witness to my relationship with Dylan, and I know how hard that must’ve been, but if he was alive, I would still be with you. I would still choose you.”
“You can’t say that for sure.”
I sit up. “I can, but it’s also pointless arguing that point because he isn’t here. We are. Billy is. And that’s where our future lies.” I rest my hands on his chest, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my chest. “What can I do to make you see you’re the only one?”
“Just give it a little more time. I’m nearly there.”
“And then you’ll move in with us?”
He winces. “I can’t move into that house, Belle. I’m sorry, but I can’t live in a house that Dylan purchased for you. I know how petty that sounds.” He sighs. “But I don’t want to walk around being reminded of the guy who was always your number one.”
Fuck. This is worse than I thought. I thought he had conquered all his fears and overcome his guilt, but this is a whole other ball game. I had no idea he was feeling like this, and it kills me. How can I convince Slate that he matters every bit as much? That my love for him is as strong as the love I shared with Dylan? Words are not going to be enough, so I’ll just have to show him through my actions. I’ll continue being patient, and I’ll keep fighting, every day, until he has all the proof he needs to know he’s my number one.
Chapter Fifty-Two
“Are you that excited you can’t eat?” Slater asks with a teasing smile as he watches me toy with the food on my plate.
“You nailed it, babe,” I lie, pushing away my half-eaten plate. My messed-up appetite is less about excitement over the impending concert and more to do with nerves over what I’m planning to do.
It’s been six months since Slater dropped the bomb about feeling second best, and I’ve done everything in my power to show him that’s not the truth, but he hasn’t mentioned us moving in together since, and I’ve been too afraid to bring it up.
On the surface, everything is perfect. We are blissfully happy and head over heels in love. We have regular hot sex, and we can’t keep our hands off one another, just like the first time we were together. He treats me like a princess, and he adores the ground Billy walks on.
A few months ago, Billy called Slater Daddy for the first time. It was a bittersweet moment, for Slater and me, and we both cried. It’s only natural Billy would draw that conclusion, because in most every way, that is what Slater has become to him. And the obvious joy on Slater’s face was wonderful to see, but I couldn’t help feeling a pang of sorrow because of Dylan. But I got over it, like I do with every little milestone Billy passes. Dylan isn’t here to bear witness to any of those things, and I have to accept that.
I’m lucky my son has an exceptional father figure in his life. On occasion, Slater expresses concerns, and it hurts me that he doubts himself sometimes. But I understand where it’s coming from. Slater grew up without a father, and he worries he didn’t have an example to learn from. I remind him he had my dad and that he’s a natural anyway.
I believe he’s a better father because of the fact he grew up without one. He wants to ensure Billy misses out on nothing, so he probably overcompensates a bit. Not that Billy minds in the slightest. Slater is amazing with him, and I fall more deeply in love with him every time I see him with our son. It’s nothing short of miraculous.
But I want us to be a proper family. I want us to live together and to share the same last name. I want to grow Slater’s babies in my tummy. I want the whole shebang, and I know he does too, but there’s still this sliver of doubt loitering in his mind, and I’ve wracked my head for months trying to figure out how to get through to him.
Until Slater handed me the perfect opportunity.
He knows I’m a big Shawn Lucas fan and that I never miss any of his concerts. It turns out he worked with an intern in the Iowa office whose girlfriend is best friends with Dakota Gray, Shawn’s girlfriend. Not only did Slater get us excellent seats near the front, and VIP backstage passes, but he also scored us an invite to the after-party and the promise of hanging out with Shawn in person. I screamed the house down when he told me, and later that night, the idea came to me.
Now, I think I must’ve been insane to come up with this plan. And I’m queasy at the thought of following through. But it’s all set in motion now, and I can’t back out.
When Slater wasn’t looking, I borrowed his cell and called Jake—the intern. Once I explained, he was totally onboard, and he spoke to his girlfriend, Daisy, and she lined up the call with Dakota. I was nervous as fuck speaking with Shawn’s girlfriend, but she’s a total sweetheart, and she put me at ease straightaway. She gushed over my plan, telling me Shawn would too, and she somehow got him to agree, and now I’m here.
About to puke all over this restaurant because I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been my entire life.
We finish our meal, or at least Slater does, and head to the arena for the concert. Our seats are epic, and I’m grateful because being able to see him will help settle my nerves.
I nearly give myself whiplash checking the time on my cell every five minutes, and I know Slater is wondering what the hell is up with me tonight. I’m lying back against his chest, swaying to the music, trying to enjoy the show, but nothing can distract me from what I’m about to do. I go over it in my head, repeating the words, because I’m terrified I’m going to get up there and go blank.
I’ve thought very carefully about what I want to say, and how I want to say it. I’m only going to get one chance to do this right.
I tell Slater I need the bathroom, and I rush to the side entrance where Dakota told me to go. She is one of Shawn’s official dancers, so she’s not able to greet me personally. Shawn’s assistant is waiting for me instead, as prearranged. She guides me to the side of the stage and instructs me to wait there. I’m shaking like a leaf, more terrified than I’ve ever been in my entire life, and I can’t even enjoy the fact I’m getting a close-up view of the show.
When Shawn finishes singing his smash hit, “Midnight Dancer,” Dakota slips off the stage, smiling as she skips toward me. “I’m so happy to finally meet you,” she enthuses, giving me a quick hug.
“Me, too. And thank you again for organizing this. I really appreciate it.” I’m thankful my voice sounds okay, even if I’m quaking inside. Shawn is currently warming up the crowd, and I wet my dry lips, cautioning my racing heart to calm the fuck down.
“This is so exciting!!” Dakota’s eyes shine with excitement, and she’s practically bouncing on the spot. “What’s going through your head right now?” she inquires, glancing over her shoulder as she keeps an eye on proceedings on the stage.
“I’m wondering why I thought it was a good idea to go for dinner before the show when I’m about to be reacquainted with my meal any second now.” I’m also wondering if I’m missing a few brain cells because how the fuck did I think I could stand up here in front of all these people and profess my undying love.
My knees almost buckle underneath me, and I’m shaking all over. The adrenaline surge and flurry of butterflies keeping company in my chest are so intense I wonder if this is what it feels like right before one has a coronary.
She hugs me again. “I think you’re incredibly brave and this is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.”
The crowd roars and Shawn beckons me with a wave of his fingers. “Let’s give this pretty lady a big round of
applause,” he hollers, “and help her do this.” The crowd goes wild at his words. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, reminding myself of why I’m doing this. One of Mom’s favorite sayings is “go big or go home,” so I’m going all out.
Slate’s beautiful face swims in front of my eyes, helping to ground me.
I can do this.
I can do this for him.
Because I want him to understand he’s my everything.
“You’re going to kill it,” Dakota whispers, recognizing my terror and trying to reassure me. She keeps a firm hold on my hand as we walk out on the stage, toward Shawn.
“What if he says no?” I whisper, my voice laced with panic.
“You won’t know if you don’t ask. Keep the faith.” She squeezes my hand, and her touch keeps me moving even if my feet are urging me to get the fuck out of Dodge. I scan the vast auditorium. The lights are blinding, and the noise of the crowd is deafening, but I can scarcely hear over the pounding of my heart and the rush of blood in my ears.
Shawn wraps me up in a big hug. “Knock it out of the park, Gabby. We’re rooting for you,” he whispers.
My nerves must be bad if I’m barely conscious of the fact one of the biggest popstars in the world, and one of my idols, just hugged me and whispered in my ear and all I can think about is Slater and how I really don’t want to mess this up.
Shawn passes the mic to me. I clear my throat and pull my big girl panties on. For some reason, Dylan pops into my mind. Almost like he’s here, watching over proceedings and cheering me on.
“Hey, Wilmington. Are you all enjoying the show?” My voice is a little shaky, but it booms out over the stadium and the crowd cheers, which actually helps ease my nerves. It also helps that I can’t really see them because the overhead lights are all switched on, and they are ridiculously bright. That is an immense relief.
“My name is Gabrielle James although most people call me Gabby. My boyfriend calls me Belle. Hey, Slate!” I wave in the direction of our seats, wondering if Shawn’s assistant and bodyguard have reached him yet. They are going to bring him onstage for the end. “Yes, this is really me up here and, no, I’m not crazy although some might argue that’s debatable.”
When Forever Changes Page 40