“I’ll bet, but that makes me even happier than I already am.” I hug him tight. “We both waited for each other after all.”
Chapter Fifty
The next couple months are some of the happiest of my life. Slater and I are officially together, and we go on regular dates, like any normal couple. He also spends plenty of time with Billy too. Billy is completely enamored with Slate, and we have tons of fun on our family outings, but Slater refuses to stay over, and we still haven’t slept together. I’m growing more and more impatient even if I understand his hesitation, to a point.
When he shows up at my door the same time as Mom one Friday evening, I’m immediately suspicious. “What’s going on?”
“You didn’t tell her?” Mom raises a perfectly trimmed brow at Slater.
“I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Billy choses that exact moment to come barreling down the hall, shrieking when he spots Grandma and Slater.
“What surprise?” I ask, as Slater high-fives my son.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.” He smirks, scooping Billy up into his arms and tickling the shit out of him. I pout, and he chuckles. When he passes Billy over to Mom, he circles his arms around my waist, kissing the tip of my nose. “Pack a bag, Belle. We’re going away for the night.”
“Going where?”
“You’ll see.” His eyes glint wickedly.
I’m about to protest again when I realize what this means.
We’ll be alone.
In a bed.
All night.
My eyes instantly light up, and I throw my arms around him and squeal. He chuckles again when I race up the stairs, two at a time. Grabbing clothes and toiletries from my room, I stuff them into a bag before hoofing it out of there mere minutes later.
Slater shoots me a lopsided grin when I skip downstairs, and he pushes off the wall, briefly pecking my lips. “I think you just won the award for the fastest bag packing ever.”
“It’s amazing what one can accomplish with the right motivation,” I joke.
After saying goodbye to Billy and Mom, we set out in a westerly direction. We chat casually as we drive, and I’m practically bouncing in my seat, begging and pleading, but he still won’t tell me where we’re going. Ninety minutes later, he turns into a winding driveway, lined with towering trees, and I gasp as the old stately house comes into view. It’s a newly opened boutique hotel that everyone has been raving about.
“Oh, wow. This place is magnificent,” I say, twirling around in the impressive lobby. “No wonder everyone’s been gushing about this place.” Marble tile squelches under my feet and a stunning chandelier hangs over our heads. Chic, sweeping staircases, adorned with gold handrails and plush gold-patterned carpet, extend on either side of the reception desk.
Slater checks us in and then ushers me to the elevator which takes us to our suite. I swoon over the lavishly decorated four-poster bed before gravitating to the window like a bee to honey. The large floor-to-ceiling window overlooks the extensive grounds outside. Several little walking trails emanate from a colorful garden in the center of the space, and the whole place has this old-world-romantic vibe that I’m loving.
Slate comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back into his body. “Do you like it?”
“I love it.” I twist my head around and kiss him softly. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
We take a walk around the grounds and then stop by the quaint bar for a quick drink before getting changed for dinner. Conversation flows freely over a sumptuous five-course dinner, followed by a couple of exquisite cocktails. I’m a little tipsy as we make our way to our suite just after midnight, and my nerves are jangling with excitement at the prospect of making love with Slate all night.
I gasp as I walk into the room, marveling at the rose petals on the bed, the flickering candles softly glowing in the room, and the bottle of chilled champagne awaiting us. Tears prick my eyes. “Oh, Slate. You big ole romantic.” I slide my arms around his neck, drawing his head to mine, and I kiss him deeply, pouring everything I’m feeling into each brush of my lips. “I love you.” My voice rattles with emotion. “And this is perfect. You’re spoiling me.”
“You deserve to be spoiled, and I want to be the one to do it.” He holds me close, and I rest my head on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart under my ear. I emit a contented sigh as I wrap my arms around him. “I love you, Belle,” he whispers, and I squeeze him tighter.
After a few minutes, he takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. The massive jacuzzi tub is full, and delicate floral scents tickle my nostrils from the scattering of rose petals resting on top of the water. Candles dotted around the opulent room provide the only light, and it’s so dreamy and romantic. “Take a bath and relax,” he whispers, brushing my hair aside to plant a lingering kiss on my neck.
“Will you join me?” I ask, holding my breath. He turns me around, gently cupping my cheeks, and I spot the indecision written all over his face. “I need you,” I whisper, stretching up to capture his lips.
He kisses me tenderly before pulling away. “Belle.” His voice is soft, pleading. “I’ll take care of your needs, but tonight isn’t about sex. That’s not why we’re here, and it’s not going to happen yet.”
I drop my eyes, trying to disguise the rejection from my face, but I’m not quick enough. He wraps his arms around me, holding me close. “Baby, look at me.” He tilts my chin up. “I love you, and I know I’m asking a lot, but we agreed to take this slow.”
“I know,” I whimper. “And I’m trying to be patient and respectful of your wishes, but I’m scared I’ll be old and gray before you make love to me again.”
“I promise that’s not the case, and, believe me, I want to. I really do, but my head needs to be in the right space.”
“And it’s not?” This time I don’t even attempt to hide the hurt from my voice.
“Don’t be upset, please, Belle.” He caresses my cheek. “Take a bath and then we’ll talk.” He hugs me to him for a couple minutes, and I’m trying to not let it get to me, but it’s challenging, especially when that horrid inner voice is whispering nasty things in my ear. I know Slater loves me. I do. He shows it all the time. But I want to be desired too, and it hurts that he can’t or won’t make love to me yet. I’m struggling to accept it because I’m so hot for him, and I don’t understand how he can keep me at arm’s length, not if he feels the same way I do.
“Stop overthinking it, Belle. You’re beautiful and sexy, and this isn’t about you,” he says, as if he’s a hotline to my innermost thought. “It’s about me.”
He separates from me and walks out of the room, returning a minute later with a glass of champagne. “Go soak in the tub, drink your champagne, and my arms will be waiting for you when you get out.” He kisses me deeply. “I love you.” Then he walks out leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I step out of the bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy towel a half hour later, with an empty glass. Slate is lounging in the bed in a pair of low-slung pajama pants, and he smiles up at me, placing his cell on the bedside table. “You look gorgeous,” he says, pulling the covers back and patting the space beside him. I crawl into the bed while he takes my glass and refills it. We sit with our backs against the headrest, alongside one another, sipping our champagne. Every so often, he leans over, pressing light kisses all over my face.
“Why aren’t you in the right space?” I blurt, after a few minutes of silence. I’m determined to have this out now. To see what I can do to help ease his fears.
“I’m still scared, Belle. And the guilt is holding me back too.”
“Guilt?” My voice carries my surprise. The fear, I can understand because we’ve discussed that before, but this is the first time he’s mentioned any guilt.
“I promised Dylan I’d look after y
ou and Billy, and I let him down. I let you push me away, and I walked without fighting for you. I should never have done that.”
“Hey.” I twist around and kneel in front of him. “I’m the one to blame for that, not you. And Dylan shouldn’t have put that responsibility on your shoulders, that wasn’t fair. Whether we are together or not is up to us. It’s dependent on our feelings, not on whatever twisted sense of loyalty you feel.” I cup his face. “And there’s no point regretting it now. Things happen for a reason, and we’re together now. That’s all that matters.”
“What if I’m not good enough, Belle?” Genuine turmoil flashes across his face. “What if I’m not a good enough father? I’m so scared of messing this up and letting Billy down.” His voice cracks, along with my heart. “I would hate myself if I messed things up with us and Billy was the one who paid the ultimate price.”
“Oh, Slate.” My heart bleeds for him. “I understand why you feel like that, and I love you for loving my son enough to prioritize his welfare, but if everyone lived by that motto, then no one would take a chance on anything.” I lace my fingers through his. “You have to have more faith in us. We’re not going to mess this up. And you’re not going to hurt Billy. And you’re already an amazing father to him, so please don’t beat yourself up over this, because it kills me to hear you say this stuff.”
He brings my hand to his mouth, kissing the underside of my wrist. “I do have faith in us, Belle. I do. But I can’t help being cautious. A lot of it is tied up with my feelings about Mom. When I was in Iowa, I finally spoke to a therapist. I have a lot of unresolved emotion that I’m working through. Losing Mom was the hardest thing I’d dealt with up to that point, and then I lost you when we discovered the baby was Dylan’s, and then I lost you again when you turned down Iowa. I can’t stand to lose you a third time. To lose Billy. I wouldn’t survive it, Belle.” His face contorts in agony, and I can’t deny the truth when he’s being so brutally honest with me. “A part of me knows it’s irrational to worry so much, but I can’t help it. I’m trying to deal with those fears, but you need to give me a bit more time.” He kisses me quickly. “This isn’t about me not loving you enough. It’s about me loving you too much.”
I lean forward and hug him, blinking back tears. I’m partly responsible for the things he’s feeling, and I don’t want to push him too hard, but him holding a part of himself back from me hurts so much. I want to make love to him. To feel more deeply connected, and I think it would help. But if he needs to be on the same page, before we take that step, then I can’t force him, no matter how much I think we both need it.
At least I understand it more clearly now, and my earlier rejected feelings fade away. When we reunited, I promised I’d try to be more patient and understanding, and I’m not about to renege on my word. I can wait, and I know it will be worth it.
Chapter Fifty-One
Things settle back into the usual pattern after we return from our night away, and I work hard to push my own needs aside and to let Slater know that I’m happy to let him dictate the pace. Gradually, I feel a subtle shift in the air, and I sense he’s happier and less troubled by concerns, but he still hasn’t initiated sex. Things are progressing, and we make out like bandits any chance we can get. We also enjoy regular oral sex, and I can’t say he isn’t looking after my needs, but he still seems reluctant to bridge that final gap.
We’ve just shared a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family, and it was everything I hoped it would be. Except I’m still horny and frustrated, and I’ve decided it’s time to take matters into my own hands. I believe Slate is in the right place now. He just needs a helping hand to see it.
“Holy fuck,” Slater exclaims as I twirl in front of him.
“You like?”
“Like?” His pupils dilate and he stalks toward me like a hunter hellbent on capturing his prey. My ovaries start a happy dance when he hauls me to him, his hands instantly grabbing my ass. “I fucking love it, but you do realize I won’t be letting you out of my sight dressed like this? Not even to go to the bathroom.”
“I’ve no issue with that.” And it’s what I was planning when I spent a fortune on this black lace minidress and the matching Gucci shoes. The dress has a bustier top with a lace panel overlay that stretches to my collarbone and down my arms. The back dips into a low V, barely covering my ass.
Slater slips his hand under the dress, running his fingers over my bare cheeks. I’m already soaked underneath my thong, and when he grinds his obvious erection against me, I see stars. “Mom has Billy till tomorrow, so you can spend the night,” I rasp against his mouth.
“Hmm.” He nibbles a path along my neck and up to my ear. “We’ll see.”
My ardor instantly deflates, and rejection churns like acid in my gut, but I’m not going down without a battle, so I mask my disappointment and pull him out the front door.
We’re celebrating Alice’s birthday tonight, and all the gang is here by the time we arrive at the club. Terri is pregnant again, so she’s not drinking, but the rest of us are in flying form.
“If it isn’t the troublesome twosome!” Austin thumps Slater and Ryan on the back before grabbing them into a bear hug.
“Dude, you came!” Ryan is ecstatic to see his old wingman.
“Wouldn’t have missed it. It’s been too long.”
Then he spots me, emitting a low whistle as he rakes his gaze over me. “Fuck me. You look incredible, Gabby.” He presses a lingering kiss to my cheek, and I can’t help smirking. Austin is a notorious flirt, and he just might be able to help me out.
“I could say the same for you.” I deliberately eye him from head to toe. “You look great, Austin.”
Slater growls, tossing Austin a look loaded with caution as he pulls me into his arms. “Hands off my woman, Powers, or you’ll be getting reacquainted with my fists.”
“Possessive as ever, Evans. Good to see some things haven’t changed.” He winks at me, and I snort when Slater hisses at him.
“Come dance with me, babe.” I grab Slater’s hand. “You can release your inner Neanderthal Man on the dance floor.”
“I’ll knock him the fuck out if he looks at you like that again,” Slater claims as we start dancing.
“You’re sexy as hell when you’re jealous.” I press my body against his and shimmy up and down. “Forget about Austin, and let’s show everyone I’m yours.” If there’s one thing Slater Evans never backs down from, it’s a challenge. We dance provocatively, grinding and thrusting against one another, lips and hands exploring. We ravish one another’s mouths when the music slows down, clinging to each other as if we can’t get close enough. I’m so turned on I’m close to begging him to take me to the restroom and fuck me. I’m considering it when he whispers in my ear, “Do you want to get out of here?”
I eyeball him. “Are you saying what I hope you’re saying?”
He slams his mouth to mine, kissing me fiercely. “What do you think?”
I squeal, and he chuckles. “I think I’ve tortured us both enough.”
“Let’s go then!” He laughs at my enthusiasm as I drag him over to the table, and we offer up brief goodbyes to everyone before making a hasty retreat.
“C’mere, baby.” He bundles me up in his arms as we wait outside for the taxi. “I know what you did back there, and that was downright sneaky.”
“Moi?” I feign innocence. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” I fail to smother my grin.
He slaps my ass firmly. “Sure, you don’t, you little tease.” He nips at my bottom lip before claiming my mouth in a searing hot kiss.
“You’re not mad, are you?” I inquire, pulling back to examine his face for any telltale signs. “Maybe it was wrong of me to flirt with him, but you needed a little push, babe, and you know I’ve zero interest in Austin or any other man. You are all I see. All I need.” I slide my hands up his del
ectable chest. “I’m crazy, madly, deeply in love and lust with you, and I need to feel you inside me, babe. It’s time. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“It’s been as hard for me as it’s been for you, Belle.”
“Hardy, har,” I joke, slipping my hand down and palming the evidence of his arousal.
He shakes his head, smiling. “You’re incorrigible.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “But it’s one of the things I love most about you.” He clasps my face in both his hands. “I just wanted us to be sure, Belle. Because this is a big step, and there’s no going back.
“Baby, I know.” I peck his lips briefly. “I wish I had a way of letting you into my heart so you could feel everything I feel for you, and then there’d be no fear, but I get it. You need to work through your feelings. But we both want this, and it’s right to move our relationship forward. We can still take it a step at a time, but don’t fight this any longer. Please.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “I wish I could show you my heart too so you can see how deep my love runs, to know it’s not about me not loving you.”
I place my palm over his beating heart. “I don’t need to see it to know. You show me every day and in every way.” I choke back my tears. “Billy and I are so incredibly, unbelievably lucky to have you in our lives.
“I’m a lucky son of a bitch too, I know that. And I’m trying to make sure nothing comes between us this time. I’m trying to work through the last of my fears and finally let go of them. I just need a little more time.” He hugs me tightly. “But I’m ready to take this step with you, because I want to shower you with love and worship your body until the sun comes up.”
Amen to that. “I love the sound of that, and I love you for caring enough to do this the right way.” I rest my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “This is our time, Slate,” I whisper. “I just know it is.”
“Do you mind if we go back to my place?” he asks a couple minutes later as the taxi draws up.
When Forever Changes Page 39