When Forever Changes

by Siobhan Davis

  The crowd laughs with me, and I turn my head slightly, so they know I’m addressing them. “I’m here today because I have a story to tell and something important to say to my boyfriend, and Shawn was gracious enough to let me do this.” I smile at my idol, swooning a little when he smiles back. Shawn has his arm around Dakota, and I can tell by their mutual expressions they are genuinely loving this.

  “I hope you can forgive me for hijacking the stage, and I apologize in advance for the profanities, but this isn’t the kind of story I can tell without cussing a bit. Sorry, Mom. Please don’t disown me.”

  The crowd chuckles, and I forge on. “While I’ll try to keep this brief, I need to give you some context.” The crowd has grown quiet, and I can tell they’re intrigued and dying to hear what this is all about. “This is a story about two amazing guys and two great loves.” I bite back my nerves, silently encouraging myself to go on. “When I was ten, I met a boy named Dylan Woods.”

  A few murmurs ring out, and I’m not surprised. Dylan was a mini-celebrity in his own right, for a period of time, and I figure at least some people here have heard of him.

  “I fell for him pretty much immediately, and we became best friends. A few years later, he became my boyfriend and the center of my world. We were young, but we knew we had this insane connection and that we were destined to be together forever. We made all kinds of plans, and I never doubted the future because I believed in our love.”

  The crowd is listening intently, and my nervousness has transformed to something different. Now, I’m itching to tell this story. “Then this bitch named fate intervened, and this bastard named cancer happened, and Dylan was taken from me. Less than two days after our son was born.”

  This is the part that is still so hard to say out loud, and I have to pause for a moment to collect myself. I blink my tears away. “I was devastated after he died, but my son helped keep me sane. And he wasn’t the only one.”

  I look over in Slater’s direction, and my heart swells with love for him. “I said at the start that this is a story of two loves, and I haven’t told you about Slater Evans. Slater is my brother’s best friend, and I’ve known him since I was a little kid. Growing up, Slate was always around, and our histories are as entangled as mine and Dylan’s. What I didn’t know back then was that Slate was in love with me.”

  The crowd is hanging on my every word, and it spurs me on. “I was so wrapped up in Dylan that I didn’t realize what was right under my nose. A few months before Dylan’s cancer was diagnosed, we broke up, and it was messy. Slate became my rock, my confidante, my best friend. Gradually, I realized he was so much more than that, and we fell into this heady, passionate relationship that had me questioning everything I’d ever thought I knew about myself. When Dylan became ill and I discovered I was having his baby, Slate selflessly stepped aside, pushing his own feelings away to allow me to do what he knew I had to do. But he was still there for me, and when I needed him, when my son needed him, he stepped up to the plate without question.”

  I walk closer to the front of the stage. “Because the way Slate loves is a thing of beauty. When he gives his heart, he gives it completely. His love lifted me up when I couldn’t find my feet. His love propelled me forward when I couldn’t find the strength to go on. Time and time again, he shoved his own feelings and needs aside in favor of mine. He is, without doubt, the most selfless, giving, compassionate, intelligent man I know, and I’m so blessed to have known him most of my life. He’s a far better person than I am, and I hurt him in ways I wish I could take back.”

  The crowd starts hollering, and I turn around, watching Slate approach with a smile on his face. When he reaches me, he immediately takes my free hand and squeezes it. “Everyone, this is Slate. As you can see, in addition to being a stellar human being, he’s also really fucking hot.” The crowd roars their approval, and Slate shakes his head, chuckling.

  I realize I’m actually enjoying this now. There’s no doubt, being up here has brought out the hidden showgirl in me.

  “Right now, Slate is wondering what the ever-loving fuck I’m doing up here, so I better get to the punchline.” I draw a deep breath and face him. “I know I hurt you and that you’re holding a part of yourself back as a protective mechanism. I can’t fault you for that. I also know that you’ve constantly felt under Dylan’s shadow, and that you feel second best. I’ve tried to explain how I feel so you understand how wrong you are, but I’ve failed thus far. So, I decided to stand up here tonight, in front of all these amazing people, to tell you how much I love you.” He squeezes my hand, and his eyes turn glassy. “How much I’ve always loved you. Just because I didn’t realize it back then doesn’t make it untrue.”

  The crowd is so quiet you wouldn’t even know there are over twenty thousand people in this arena.

  “I have loved you for longer than I even knew Dylan. And it’s never been a competition for me. I feel blessed to have experienced what it’s like to be loved so completely by two different men at two different times in my life. You could never be second best, Slate, because your love shines too bright to be overshadowed. The way you love me, the way you love our son, is unique and unrivaled, and every morning when I wake up, I pinch myself to confirm it’s real. I’m so happy you’ve given me a second chance because I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I know you’re scared to invest your whole heart, but I’m not scared to guarantee that for the both of us.”

  My mouth feels dry as I get to the bottom line. I glance at Shawn and Dakota, and they encourage me with their expressions and their smiles.

  “Dylan owned my past, but you own my present and my future, Slate, if you’ll have me.” I drop to one knee, and my heart is thumping wildly in my chest. A chorus of shocked gasps echo around the stadium. Recognition dawns on Slater’s face. “I will never love anyone the way I love you, and Billy already loves you every bit as much. Marry me, Slater Evans, and cement my status as the happiest girl in the world.”

  He grips my forearms and lifts me to my feet. Then his arms sweep around me, and his lips crash down on mine. This kiss is the kiss to end all kisses. A kiss worthy of an Oscar. A kiss that I won’t ever forget, one I will cherish forever. His touch is full of every emotion he’s feeling. The crowd is going wild, hollering and whooping, and my heart is careering around my chest. Slater keeps a firm hold of me as he finally breaks the kiss. We’re both panting, and tears glisten in his eyes.

  “You are crazy, Belle, but I wouldn’t have you any other way. Nothing would make me prouder than to call you my wife. I can’t even get mad at you for stealing my line.” He pecks my lips. “So, yes, babe. A million times yes.”

  I fist my hand in the air. “He said yes!” I shout into the mic, and the crowd is going insane. Shawn and Dakota approach, hugging us one at a time.

  “If you hadn’t said yes, I just might have,” Dakota quips, smiling at Slate. “Damn, girl, you nailed it!” She hugs me again.

  “Congratulations. We’re both really happy for you,” Shawn says. “Thank you so much for letting us be a part of something this special. You blew me away, Gabby.” He bundles his girlfriend in his arms. “You’re a lucky man, Slater. It’s not every guy who finds a girl with bigger balls than him.”

  We all laugh at that.

  “Thank you so much for letting me do this,” I tell him, clinging to Slate. “And I’m sorry I monopolized so much of your show.”

  “Are you kidding, Gabby? You had the crowd eating out of your hand. They’ll be talking about this for a long time to come.”

  Slater and I wave to the crowd before exiting the stage hand in hand. As soon as we’re backstage, Slater pulls me into his arms. “I hope you’re not planning a long engagement,” he whispers. “Because I can’t wait to call you Mrs. Evans.”

  Epilogue

  Four months later

  I stare at my reflection in the mirror, blinking at
the vision in white. I chose a vintage Vera Wang, and it fits me like a glove. It’s a high-necked, lace, fitted gown with a very low back that fans out in a fishtail style. My hair is pinned up loosely with strands framing my face, and my makeup is natural and flawless. I look like a princess, and my heart is full to bursting point, but my emotions are veering all over the place, and I’m trying to get a grasp on them.

  In all my years of imagining my wedding day, I never imagined I would feel so many differing emotions. I’m unbelievably happy—that’s a given—the nervousness too. But sorrow was not an emotion I expected to feel on my special day. I’m determined to process these feelings now so when I walk up that aisle I’m the happy, glowing bride Slater expects and deserves.

  A knock at the door rouses me from my troubled inner monologue. I turn around as Mom slips into the room, her eyes instantly welling. “Oh, Gabrielle. You’re so beautiful.” She puts her bag on the chair, pulling me into her arms. “I’m so proud and so happy for you.” She smiles through her tears. “But I know what’s put that veil of sadness over this happy occasion, and I have something I think will help.”

  She removes a tablet from her purse, handing it to me.

  My brows knit together. “What is it?”

  “You need to be sitting down for this.” She pulls me to a chair, sitting down beside me. “Dylan asked me to give you this recording on your wedding day.”

  I’m glad she had the foresight to make me sit, because I almost take a tumble as it is. Tears sting my eyes, and I cover my mouth. “Mom, I don’t think I can watch that.”

  “I thought you’d say that, and, I’ll be honest, I loved Dylan as much as I love my own sons, but there was no way I was giving this to you today without understanding what his message contained.”

  “You already looked at it.”

  “Yes. I hope you’re not angry with me.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not. Not at all.”

  “This will help, but if you don’t want to watch it, I understand too.”

  I’m quiet for a few minutes as I mull it over in my head. If I don’t watch it, I’m going to be preoccupied all day wondering what he said. I can’t do that to Slater. I won’t do that to Slater. He deserves every part of me today. “I want to watch it.”

  “Good girl.” She pats my back, handing me a pack of tissues. “Do you want me to stay?”

  I shake my head again. “No, I’d like to watch it alone.”

  “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

  She quietly exits the room, and I press the play button before I change my mind.

  The image loads, and pain lances me across the chest. My lip wobbles as I cast eyes on Dylan. Looking at him after all this time is hard. Even more so because I can see how very ill he was when he made this. When he was dying, I almost didn’t see the ravages caused by his cancer, because I’d grown accustomed to it, and I was able to look behind it, to see the boy I knew. But, now, I can see it all too clearly, and my heart hurts all over again.

  I hit the pause button, and sobs burst free of my soul. Huge, wracking sobs fill the room, and I know I’m messing up my makeup, but I need to purge this today. To be free of this sadness before I give my heart to another man. After a few minutes, the sobs subside, and I find the courage to press play.

  “Hey, Dimples. If you’re watching this, it means today is an important day. It means my baby’s getting married.” His eyes fill with tears. “I could’ve written you another card, but today’s too special to treat it otherwise. Besides, the things I have to say need to be said while you’re looking at my face. Granted, I’m not as ruggedly handsome as I once was.” I snort-laugh as tears roll down my face. “But I know you love me just the same.”

  I do, Dylan. I do. A part of me will always love you.

  “I’m going to ask you to do a few things for me today. First rule is no tears. We can’t have you walking up that aisle with panda eyes.” I smile, dabbing at my eyes, wishing I could tell him he’s too late. “And I want nothing to take from this joyous occasion, because it’s a celebration and you should be nothing but happy. I didn’t ask Lucy to give you this message to make you sad on your wedding day. I asked her to deliver this because I want you to know how happy I am that you’re getting married. I’m really happy for you and Slater. At least, I hope it’s Slater you’re marrying although it’s totally fine if it isn’t him once the guy waiting for you in that church is worthy of your love and devotion.”

  I’m staring at the screen in amazement.

  “But I have a strong feeling it’s Slater, and that makes my heart sing.” He chuckles, or at least he tries to, but it comes out like more of a coughing, spluttering sound. “Would you have ever thought you’d hear those words coming from my mouth?” he teases before his expression turns serious. “Slater Evans has loved you as long as I have, and he’s the only one I trust to love and cherish you the way I would have. I also have it on good authority that he’ll make an excellent father for Billy, and I have faith he’ll raise our son right.”

  Tears continue to leak out of the corners of my eyes even though I swipe them away, but they keep coming.

  “All I want is for both of you to be happy. To move on and live full lives. For your house to be chock full of love and laughter and for Billy to be surrounded by siblings. By now, I’m guessing you’ve realized what an amazing mom you are, Gabby. Don’t waste that gift. Have lots of babies, Dimples. Love them all with that big heart of yours.”

  Now I’m sobbing again, but my tears are intermingled with joy and a sense of relief. Placing my hand on the screen, I run my finger across his face, remembering how good a man Dylan was. He couldn’t have known exactly how much his blessing means to me. Or perhaps he did realize it, and that’s why he was insistent on this message.

  “My biggest fear in leaving you is that you’ll cling to the past and not let go. It’s okay to remember and miss what we had, but I don’t want you to miss out on living in the process, because you’ve got a lot of living to do, Gabby, and I need you to promise you’ll live life to the fullest. If my illness has taught us anything, it’s that life is too precious to waste even a second with regrets.”

  He sits up straighter, putting his face right into the camera. “After months of being consumed with anger, I’ve finally accepted my fate. And it is fate. Close your mouth and stop gaping at the screen.”

  I clamp my lips shut, shaking my head, laughing and crying at the same time. He knew me so well.

  “Things happen for a reason, babe. We found each other when we were incredibly young, but there was never any doubt in my mind that you were my soul mate. I truly believe we found each other as kids for a reason—so I could experience what it’s like to love and be loved so completely in return. The joy and happiness we found in one another over our nine years together is more than a lot of people experience in an entire lifetime. You came into my life to make mine complete, Gabby. To give me that lifetime’s experience in a shorter timeframe. I believe that wholeheartedly, and it’s how I’ve made my peace with this.”

  He slumps back on the bed, and his breathing is labored, his chest heaving up and down as he stares at the screen. Clearly, this was both emotionally and physically draining for him.

  “I have no regrets, and you shouldn’t either. Especially not today. If you were feeling nostalgic and it was making you sad, don’t go there. You look beautiful, by the way.” He’s grinning. “I know because I’m there with you. I’m always with you.” He pauses to draw a breath.

  “I may not believe in a God, but I believe in an afterlife, and I’m here waiting for you and for Billy. I hope I don’t see you both for a very long time, and when we meet again, I can’t wait to hear all about your life. So, dry your tears, babe. Yes, I know you’re crying even though I asked you not to.” He blows me a kiss. “Go out there and make that man your husband and live a long
and happy life knowing you have my blessing and my good wishes and that I want nothing but good things for you.”

  He sits up again, reaching out with his hand. “Go make me proud, Dimples. Give Billy a big kiss from me, and never forget how much I love you both.”

  The screen turns black, and I bury my face in my hands, sobbing, purging the last of the sadness from my heart and my soul. Mom pads softly into the room, smoothing a hand up and down my back. After a few minutes, I look up at her with tears dribbling down my chin. “Perhaps you should’ve given me that before I got my hair and makeup done.”

  We both crack up laughing, and I grab a clean tissue, mopping up the remnants of my cryfest.

  “Was I wrong to give it to you?”

  “No.” I shake my head and clutch her hand. “Definitely not. I needed to hear that, and I needed to let go. I’m okay now.” I give her a reassuring smile. “Well, except for my panda eyes.” I grin as I stand, and she pulls me into a hug.

  “I love you, Gabrielle.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  “And I know you’re going to be incredibly happy because that man out there loves you so very much.”

  “And I love him very much too.” I ease out of her arms. “I’m so lucky I got to love and be loved by two amazing men.”

  “You are, sweetie, but it doesn’t surprise me because you’re pretty darn amazing.”

  “You’re my mother. You have to think that.”

  She laughs. “It doesn’t make it untrue.”

  I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling. “Can you send the hairdresser and makeup artist back in. I don’t want to keep my man waiting.”

  “Don’t let me trip, Dad,” I murmur as we start our slow procession up the aisle.