... not in love with Kale Eddison

by Joanne McClean

“Ok,” Kale finally said, “I’ll see you around Izzie … I’ve already forgiven you.” He smiled sadly, turned around and made his way to his car and then drove off.

  “Isobel Charlotte Frank, what the hell are you playing at?” Izzie found herself facing her grandmother after she had closed the front door and she looked livid.

  “Gran, whatever I’ve done, not now …” Izzie trailed off as the grief of losing Kale finally hit her.

  Her grandmother’s face softened a little, “Oh Izzie, why did you do it? I overheard the whole thing? The boy is infatuated with you and – despite what you told him – I know you love him too … I just don’t know why you didn’t tell him that?”

  Izzie could feel her façade slipping as a tear slid down her cheek, “Oh Gran, I had to tell him that.”

  Izzie watched her grandmother look confused, “Ok dear, let’s sit down and you can you tell me all about it. Let me grab the coffee and biscuits and then we’ll start at the beginning.”

  Izzie nodded and after a few hearty gulps of coffee and a few chocolate biscuits; she felt ready to discuss the whole debacle. “Gran, I couldn’t tell him I loved him.”

  “But why?” her grandmother persisted.

  “Where do I begin? I’d just figured out that I loved him and then he tells me about this really great role he’s been offered – too good to pass up; it’s career-changing stuff! Anyway, he tells me that he won’t take it if I admit I love him but I couldn’t do that to him; I couldn’t live with myself if I was the one held responsible for killing Kale Eddison’s career.”

  Her grandmother nodded encouragingly and Izzie continued on, “I just knew it was the right thing to do – it was the selfless thing to do; even if it is complete torture for me because I know it will have been worth it in the end. There’s also the little issue of the fact that I’m a nobody. I’m nothing and he is this super-hot famous movie star – he’s Kale Eddison! I mean, sooner or later, despite what he thinks now, he would realise this and not want me anymore. He’d break my heart and I’ll be known as ‘that girl who Kale Eddison dated once’. I’m afraid to take a chance because I can’t see how else this is going to end – other than in heartache. I can’t completely trust him to not believe that something better will come along – a film role, another girl, whatever. It’s inevitable that it will happen – it already has with this film role!”

  Izzie sighed but continued, “I can’t be selfish; I can’t make him pass up a dream opportunity like that – his career is so important to him, regardless of his protests. I watched him during the play and he adores acting; I can’t picture him doing anything else! That’s why I can’t be the reason that’s holding him back; he’ll regret it and end up resenting me and I can’t bear that.”

  Izzie was breathing heavily by the time she had finished and she saw her grandmother shake her head, “Izzie, I can’t tell you what to feel and what not to … nor can I tell you what to do or not … but I can ask you to do this; ask yourself are you truly happy with your decision? And if you think you are … will you still be happy on down the line or will you keep thinking about what could’ve been?”

  Izzie stared at her grandmother who merely smiled, “Just something to think about Izzie.”

  Kale was busy packing up the last of his things before he left for America. The movie was scheduled to start filming in three days and he couldn’t get away from Ireland quick enough. Izzie had really hurt him; he had thought she was lying in the coffee shop – he was so sure that she would confess she loved him too but he had been too cocky. Then, when he turned up at her house, he wanted her to tell him to his face that she didn’t love him because he knew from her expression in the coffee shop that she did love him. However, what he wasn’t expecting was for her to admit she did love him as nothing but a friend; he concluded that that he had been half right about her expression in the coffee shop. He had been so adamant that she loved him, he just failed to realise it was in a platonic way. He felt so stupid for putting himself out there just to get shot down; he was seriously regretting his decision to come here in the first place but then he would never have met Izzie and that was something he wanted to remember regardless of how she felt about him – or rather didn’t feel about him.

  Kale sighed, he was due to leave tomorrow morning and part of him was excited about the movie; he decided to focus on it rather than dwell on what could’ve been. He had just decided to get some lunch when there was a knock on the door. He sighed heavily and made his way downstairs since he had allowed all the staff to go home. He opened the door to find Izzie’s grandmother standing and she looked irate.

  “Finally, there you are! I’d like a word with you young man.”

  Kale was shocked and opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him.

  “Well?” Charlotte Frank looked at him pointedly, “aren’t you going to let me inside? I’m sixty years old and I ain’t getting any younger and it isn’t getting any warmer out here either!”

  Kale snapped out his stupor and let the door fall open wider, “Of course, come in.”

  Charlotte stormed past him and he followed her through to the living room where she plonked down on the couch waiting for him to sit down next to her. He obeyed her silent request, sat down beside her and waited patiently.

  “Now,” Charlotte began; a look of determination on her face, “I heard your little speech to my granddaughter yesterday. I also heard her reply and I wanted to let you know that everything she told you … complete and utter crap!”

  Kale looked confused and decided to bite, “Ok, you have my attention. What do you mean? I was there; she doesn’t love me – she was pretty adamant about it too. I’ve decided that I give up; she doesn’t feel the same. Believe me – now more than ever – I am convinced of it.”

  Charlotte scoffed, “Kale, for a man of such extraordinary talent; I’d like to think you of all people would realise when someone is acting!”

  Kale shook his head, “I know she wasn’t lying. She loves me as a friend and as much as I wish that wasn’t true … I have to accept the fact that Izzie doesn’t want me!”

  Charlotte yelled in frustration, “Kale, let me fill you in on how Izzie operates; she always feels like she should do the right thing – no matter if it causes her deep unhappiness.”

  Kale frowned, “What do you mean? Mrs Frank, does Izzie know you’re here?”

  Charlotte rolled her eyes, “It’s Charlotte and no; do you really think I’d be daft enough to let my granddaughter know I’m meddling in her life? Heavens, she’d never trust me again! She’s at school; oblivious to all of this! That said; I feel if I don’t do something, I’ll regret it.”

  Kale was curious now, “Ok Mrs – Charlotte – what is it that you feel you have to do?”

  Charlotte – for the first time since she walked through the door – smiled warmly at him, “Kale, my granddaughter is totally, head over heels in love with you. She told me herself after you left yesterday.”

  Kale tried not to look hopeful, “What did she say to you?”

  Charlotte filled him in on all the conversation she and Izzie had had after he had left and when she had finished, she told him, “So, don’t you see that Izzie was doing what she thought was best for you. Let me tell you Kale, if someone does something for someone else – even if it hurts them immensely – because they believe it will be better for that person … well it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they love you more than just a friend.”

  Kale was quite stunned but also quite mad, “Well, if that’s true then I should respect her wishes.”

  Charlotte looked furious, “What? Kale, you are making a grave mistake if you think that. Stop being so bloody noble and convince her that her actions – though very considerate – are wrong and that you want her to put herself first for once!”

  Kale shook his head, “She’s too stubborn; it’ll never work. I think it’d be best if I left her alone. All I’ve done is screw up her life since I c
ame here; the nasty articles they printed in the paper, being selfish and wanting to be with her all the time – not to mention all those times I kissed her – no … I’m done. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve an early flight tomorrow and I need to finish packing.”

  Charlotte knew that was her cue to leave but she couldn’t resist one last parting shot; hopefully it would shock him into seeing some sense, “Kale Eddison, for someone who is so in love with Izzie; you don’t know her very well. If you did, you wouldn’t have to think twice about what to do. However, it would seem to be, quite frankly, that you don’t deserve her … and never will.”

  With that, Charlotte saw herself out and decided it would be best to let that thought stew in Kale’s mind.

  The next day, before Izzie had come home from school, Charlotte had heard on the news that Kale had left for America earlier that morning; she couldn’t help but curse him for being so idiotic. However, when she heard Izzie’s car door close, she decided to not mention it; Izzie probably knew already.

  When Izzie walked into the living room, she acted quite cheery to her grandmother, “Hey Gran, I don’t mean to be anti-social but I’ve a ton of homework and I want to get started on it.” She smiled brightly and continued on, “You don’t mind, do you?”

  She watched her grandmother shake her head, “No dear, you take all the time you need.” She looked at her knowingly and then turned her attention back to Dean Jameson film that was on the TV. Izzie made her way up the stairs and was grateful when she reached the sanctuary of her bedroom; at last she was alone to be her true self.

  She had been miserable, during the entire school day, when she heard that Kale had left but she had tried her best to act like she didn’t care. She had continued to do her schoolwork and ignored everybody – not that anybody was concerned anyway. Now though, she was glad she didn’t have to hitch a fake smile on her face and pretend everything was ok. Izzie sighed and decided to take her mind off her heartbreak; she found her iPod, put her headphones in, turned it to shuffle and turned the volume up so that it was loud enough to drown out her thoughts.

  After about twenty minutes, Izzie concluded that this had been a very bad idea; every song that had played in the passing minutes, made her think of Kale – whether they were relevant or not. She had endured Bon Iver and St Vincent’s ‘Rosyln’, Percy Sledge’s ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’, Lifehouse’s ‘From Where You Are’ and ‘Somewhere in Between’ and finally, the latest one – so aptly named ‘You Could be Happy’ by Snow Patrol. Izzie finally ripped out her headphones when she heard the opening bars to Jamie O’Neal’s ‘All By Myself’; that song definitely wouldn’t make her feel any better!

  Izzie rubbed her face wearily; she was exhausted from her emotions varying every two seconds. She decided to go to bed early and hoped that everything would seem better in the morning; she doubted it but there was always the possibility of hope. At least it was Saturday tomorrow and with her due to work all day … well there was a good chance that she would be too distracted to focus on Kale.

  Kale, the whole flight over to America, had been mulling over what Izzie’s grandmother, Charlotte, had said to him before she walked out the door. As much as he wanted to do what Charlotte had been trying to convince him to do; he felt he couldn’t put himself out there again. He sighed and tried to sleep but couldn’t; Izzie was constantly on his mind. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking about him? Was Charlotte telling the truth yesterday when she said Izzie confessed she did love him as more than a friend? He thought he’d slowly go insane if he dwelled on these much longer.

  Kale knew he had made a big-ass mistake but it was too late now; Charlotte was bound to have told Izzie about their little meeting and Izzie was probably crushed that he hadn’t changed his mind or even bade her goodbye. He felt like kicking himself while he agonised over whether he had made the right decision or not. If he went back now, there was still a chance that Izzie would hold his lack of ‘goodbye’ against him; he knew himself that that would be a strong possibility – she was so damn stubborn after all. He sighed out loud and figured he’d made his choice; it was too late to change his mind and he’d just have to deal with the consequences of his decision.

  Izzie awoke on Sunday morning and wondered how much longer it would be until the ache in her chest disappeared forever. She sighed and decided that she would just have to deal with it; many people coped everyday and she was no different. She got up and went downstairs to get some breakfast; baby steps, that was all it would take and she would get through everyday and everything would eventually go back to normal. If she just took one day at a time … everything would work out.

  The rest of Sunday passed with Izzie distracting herself with homework and watching old movies with her grandmother. When it came to 9.30pm, Izzie yawned and noticed her grandmother yawn too.

  “I think I’m going to get an early night Gran,” Izzie yawned again and her grandmother nodded.

  “That’s alright dear, I think I will too. Old age catches up with you eventually.” She chuckled and Izzie smiled.

  “I’ll remember that Gran.”

  Izzie watched her grandmother grin broadly and then eye Izzie with a peculiar look on her face, “Izzie dear,” she said, “everything may seem hopeless now but things will get better.”

  Izzie smiled sadly, “Doesn’t seem that way now Gran.”

  Her grandmother smiled, “I know but mark my words; everything that is meant to happen will. If you’re destined for something, it won’t pass you by; I’m a strong believer in fate and that everything will work out. Plus, Hell roast him if he still can’t see how wonderful you are!”

  Izzie laughed, “Thanks Gran, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Goodnight dear and remember … tomorrow’s a new day; anything can happen.” Izzie watched her grandmother smile and then she made her way up to bed; she felt better about tomorrow already.

  The next morning, Izzie woke up feeling a little less sad about the whole Kale thing and practically bounced downstairs to get some breakfast before she left for school. She flicked the kettle on and set out two coffee mugs; her grandmother could always smell the coffee before Izzie had even poured it out. Izzie hummed to herself and wondered why her grandmother hadn’t appeared by now. She assumed she was probably still beat from last night and decided to bring the coffee to her. Izzie made her way to her grandmother’s room and knocked lightly on the door before she entered the room. She found her grandmother still sleeping so she crept over to the bedside locker and decided to leave the coffee there for her when she woke up. However, as Izzie approached the bed, she knew something was very wrong; her grandmother wasn’t breathing.

  It took Izzie a few seconds to find her voice, when she did, all she could manage to scream was, “DAD!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Izzie had come to a conclusion; if there really was a God, then he must enjoy messing up people’s lives. Why else would He throw so much bad luck and misery her way? As if it wasn’t hard enough for her to have to deal with Kale’s departure to the other side of the world – no, God had to throw some more heartache into the mix! Izzie just wondered why He had picked on her grandmother. She had woken up this morning with hope and the day had ended in disaster.

  She knew, deep in her heart, before her father had called for the ambulance; it was too late. She didn’t need the paramedic to shake his head gravely and tell her and her parents that her grandmother had “passed on”. Izzie had left the bedroom and went to sit out in the back garden on one of the hard plastic chairs and hadn’t left that spot since. She had her head in hands and was desperately trying to make sense of everything. Her parents had been in the living room all day making funeral arrangements but Izzie had kept out of the way; she didn’t want to think about that … there would be time for that later.

  Izzie sighed and stared up at the (now darkened) sky. She could see all the stars tonight and that made her smile a little; she remembered the st
ories she had been told when she was younger. Her grandmother had told her that she’d be a star someday and that Izzie should know that was her way of keeping an eye out for her; even after she was gone. Izzie was comforted by that thought and now felt strong enough to go inside and go to bed; after all, her grandmother had told her “Tomorrow’s a new day; anything can happen …”

  The days leading up to the funeral passed in a blur. Izzie avoided contact with everyone; she knew she should really be with her family but she wanted to be alone. If she was really honest with herself; it wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her family … it was more the case of wanting a certain someone to appear. Izzie knew it was foolish to think of Kale at a time like this but it was his company that she craved; she just knew that he would make her feel better.

  She sighed and sat on her bed looking at the suit she would have to wear the next day; it was so sombre looking and she knew – if her grandmother had been here – that she would have made some joke about it and Izzie would have laughed. She didn’t feel like laughing or really doing anything; she just wished she could talk to Kale – she didn’t know if that would make her feel worse (it probably would) but she figured she couldn’t feel anymore miserable than she was feeling right now.

  Her decision made, Izzie grabbed her phone and scrolled through until she found Kale’s number. It rang for a few seconds and then clicked to voicemail. Izzie concluded that this was better than nothing.

  “Kale,” she managed to get out, “Grandma died …” It was all Izzie could cope with trying to say so she hung up and went straight to bed; dreading tomorrow and all that would come to pass.

  It was a mere hour until her grandmother’s funeral and Izzie wasn’t sure if she was ready to say her final goodbye. She had paced her room all morning and tried to keep it together; it wasn’t easy and she found herself straying to check her phone on more than one occasion but Kale never called. Izzie had expected a text message at least but then she assumed he was probably busy filming and hadn’t checked his phone. She just felt so alone and really doubted whether she could get through today or not.