That process would have taken some time, time he desperately needed to adjust to the concept of being a father. If he’d managed okay with an orphan child, then he’d have been ready to consider having a baby of his own. It had been a carefully thought-out compromise that he’d believed he could live with.
Of course, once he was in a hotel room alone with Jess, he hadn’t been able to think at all. Making love to her had taken top priority. And then he’d been hit with the news about Elizabeth.
He wasn’t ready. He didn’t know if he’d ever be ready, but he didn’t have the luxury of more time to find out. Everything was on the line right now, and he felt as if he’d been told to take an exam he was doomed to fail. Worse yet, he would fail in front of his three best friends, men whose respect he wanted.
They had a head start on him with his baby thing, too. During his work at the refugee camps, he’d steered away from the really tiny ones, leaving them to the women volunteers. He’d concentrated on the ones who could walk and talk.
The vulnerability of a baby terrified him. He knew damn well that if his mother hadn’t been around during the first three years of his life, his father would have killed him for doing something as innocent as crying. Then he’d gained another couple of years’ advantage while his father drowned his grief in the bottle.
By the time Hank Grady had looked around and noticed he had a son to bear the force of his rage and frustration, Nat was old enough to run and hide most times. A smart kid could usually avoid the worst of the abuse, but a little baby had no defense at all.
As he turned down the lane leading to the ranch house, he took a deep breath. He wasn’t much of a praying man, but he found himself praying now. It wasn’t a specific prayer, just a general plea to somehow have things turn out okay for everyone concerned.
Stands of juniper trees dotted the approach to the ranch house, shielding it from view until the final bend in the road. The place was lit up as if it was a holiday. He’d driven up here at night many times, and the first glimpse of the rustic log house with its wide porch, large windows and native-rock chimney was usually a welcome sight on a chilly night. Tonight Nat was intimidated by it. All those lights blazing from the windows seemed to be announcing the coming of Judgment Day.
“Nat, I’m scared,” Jess said.
“Me, too.”
“What are those other pickup trucks doing here at this hour?” she asked, sounding easily as nervous as Nat felt. “It looks like they’re having a party or something.”
“Matty warned me about that.” He pulled into the circular driveway and parked behind a purple truck he didn’t recognize. Travis’s fancy black rig was in front of that, and Boone’s battered king-cab was in the lead. Nat looked around for Sebastian’s Bronco and saw it parked down by the barn.
“What’d she warn you about?” Jess asked, her eyes wide.
He turned off the rental car’s engine. The little sedan looked out of place in the lineup of cowboy Cadillacs. For the first time ever in his visits to the Rocking D, Nat felt out of place. “Matty said everybody would probably be here—all the guys and their wives. I gather they’ve become very protective of Elizabeth, and they’re not…well, they’re not eager to give her up.”
“That’s too bad!” A frantic note crept into her voice. “I’m her mother, and I—”
“Hold it.” He reached over and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Dealing with her panic would help him push aside his own. “I didn’t say they weren’t going to do it. But when you think about it, they’ve spent more months with Elizabeth since she’s been born than you have. It’s understandable that this will be tough for them. I’m sure once everyone gets used to the idea that you’re ready to take her back, they’ll be fine with it.”
Jess gazed at the house and her lower lip trembled slightly. “This show of strength doesn’t indicate they’re going to be fine. They could take me to court, you know. They could charge me with abandoning her, and they’d have a pretty good case, too.”
He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “They’re not going to do that,” he said quietly. “Come on. Going in to face everybody will be the hardest part. Let’s get it over with.”
She turned to him. “Nat, I’ve said this before, but I want to say it again. Whatever happens in there, however this gets screwed up, I want you to know that I don’t regret the pregnancy. I don’t regret that you and I brought a little girl into this world. I realize we’ve caused a lot of people a ton of trouble, but I would do everything the same, just to have Elizabeth.”
He loved her so much at that moment that the feeling was painful in its intensity. “That’s all the people in there will have to hear,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “Now, let’s go face the music.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
AS JESSICA REACHED for the handle of the car door, a familiar tickling at the back of her neck told her she and Nat were being watched. She’d learn to dread the sensation, but she was grateful for it, too. It left her less vulnerable. “I think he’s followed us here,” she said.
Nat tensed. Then he turned to look through the back window of the car.
“You won’t be able to see him unless he wants you to,” she said. “I’ve always had a feeling that when he shows himself, he means to do it.”
“The guy’s a damn psycho,” Nat muttered as he continued to peer into the shadows. Then he looked over at Jessica, and his words took on an edge of steel. “And you know what? I’m glad he followed us. Now that we’re here, we can figure out a way to catch that son of a bitch.”
She was grateful for a champion, and now that they were at the Rocking D she would have four of them. Until the moment that she sensed her stalker was watching, she’d been nervous about going into the house and facing Sebastian, Boone and Travis. Now she wanted to be close to all that protection. “Let’s go in,” she said, opening the car door.
“Close the door and lock it. Then wait there until I come around and get you out.”
“Help is close by, if he tries anything.”
“Doesn’t matter. Before I could get there, he could use you as a hostage and we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Wait there.”
“Okay.” After closing and locking the door, she kept her attention on Nat as he rounded the car. Then she unlocked the door and took his hand as he helped her out.
“I can’t imagine how you’ve lived this way for six months, having to be afraid all the time,” he said.
“Simple. You can’t stay afraid all the time. You can get used to anything, if it goes on long enough. I—” A movement on the path coming up from the barn caught her eye. “Nat.”
His grip on her hand tightened and he glanced over his shoulder. “What?”
“Over there.” She pointed toward the barn. “Someone’s—”
“I see him.” Then his grip relaxed and he blew out a breath. “It’s Sebastian. And Fleafarm.”
“Fleafarm?” In her relief, she found that name funnier than it might have been otherwise.
“She was a stray, and Sebastian’s ex-wife named her that. Sebastian wanted to change it once he found out what a great dog she is, but it’s tough to change a name once it sticks.” He tugged on her hand. “Let’s walk down to meet him. I wouldn’t mind breaking the ice by talking to Sebastian first.”
“Good idea.” Her feeling of being watched had begun to fade, and trusting the instincts she’d developed over the past few months, she decided that her stalker had retreated for the time being. She became more aware of her surroundings—the clean scent of juniper mixed with wood smoke, and the faint sound of country music and male laughter coming from the house. “I think the guy’s gone now, anyway.”
“You’re that tuned in to him?”
“After six months, it’s become a habit.” Not a pleasant one, she had to admit, but a necessary one. “Now let’s go meet Sebastian.”
As the sense of danger passed, she once again had the luxury of being nerv
ous about facing Sebastian. Watching him walk toward them, she didn’t know how she’d ever mistaken his purposeful stride and solid build for her stalker. There wasn’t a sneaky bone in Sebastian’s virile body.
When she’d made that fateful decision to leave Elizabeth at the Rocking D, she’d been blind to every concern except protecting her tiny child. Yet the arrival of the baby had drastically changed Sebastian’s life, as well as the lives of the people waiting inside the house. She had to take responsibility for that. No matter how noble her motives, she’d created chaos.
She felt it whirling inside her, too. In a short time she’d see her child again. Logically, Elizabeth couldn’t be expected to know her. Illogically, Jessica prayed that she would recognize her mother, that something about Jessica’s voice, her touch, her scent would awaken memories. But even if that happened, Elizabeth would be hesitant at first. She’d prefer the people she’d lived with since March to some vaguely familiar woman. The pain of watching Elizabeth choose someone else over her own mother would be excruciating.
Sebastian spotted them and quickened his pace. “Nat? Jessica? I thought I heard a car drive up.”
“What are you doing down here?” Nat asked as he drew closer. “Did Matty banish you to the barn?”
“I’ll thank you not to say that in front of her and give her ideas,” Sebastian said, his grin flashing in the darkness.
Fleafarm bounded forward with a bark of welcome.
“Hey, Fleafarm,” Nat said, leaning down to scratch behind the dog’s ears. “I’m surprised you remember me.”
“I’m surprised I remember you,” Sebastian said as he reached them. He grabbed Nat’s outstretched hand and clapped him on the back. “How the hell are you?”
“Surviving,” Nat said with a faint smile.
“That’s a start.” Sebastian gave him a level look before turning to Jessica. “How about you, little one?”
She’d forgotten he used to call her that, and the endearment brought tears to her eyes. “I’m okay, Sebastian. But I’m afraid I caused quite a ruckus around here.”
“You could say that.” He stepped toward her. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not glad to see you. I’m happy you’re safe, Jessica.” And with that, he enfolded her in his arms for a bear hug, just like old times.
Tears dribbled down her cheeks at his uncomplicated welcome. “I’m sorry for what I’ve put you all through,” she murmured as she hugged him back. “I had no idea you’d all think that you might be Elizabeth’s father.”
“You didn’t?” Releasing her, he tipped back his Stetson with his thumb and gave her a puzzled look. “By the way you dropped her off, asking us to be godfathers and everything, I thought you meant for us to think one of us was.”
“Oh, God, no.” She put a hand to her chest. “That would have been diabolical, to lead you to believe that and then keep the real father a secret. Did you really think I was capable of something so mean?”
“Well, no.” Sebastian looked uncomfortable as he glanced over at Nat. “But then I didn’t think Nat would carry on a yearlong relationship with a woman and not tell me, either.”
Nat squared his shoulders as if ready to take whatever blame might be heaped on him. “Like I said on the phone, I was wrong to keep that from you.”
“Then why did you?” Sebastian asked quietly, hurt shining in his eyes.
“Because I have a yellow streak a mile wide running down my back,” Nat said, glancing at Jessica before he returned his attention to Sebastian.
“I wouldn’t put it like that,” Jessica said. Her heart went out to him. This moment was difficult for her, but it had to be sheer hell for Nat. In her experience, men didn’t like to admit their vulnerability and mistakes to other men.
“I don’t know. I think it sounds about right,” Sebastian said evenly.
Nat met his friend’s steady gaze without flinching. “Not going to cut me any slack, are you, Sebastian?”
“Not when I stop to consider that little baby in there.”
Jessica heard the warning loud and clear as the men faced each other like two bucks vying for the same territory. Either Nat agreed to take full responsibility for Elizabeth, or Sebastian, Travis and Boone would step in and do the job. But she didn’t want Nat to be bullied into doing his duty. Then they’d all lose.
She took a deep breath. “Is Elizabeth awake?”
“Probably not,” Sebastian said, his glance softening as he turned toward her. “She generally goes to bed about eight. She must have picked up on the excitement, because we had a little more trouble than usual getting her to sleep tonight. Then again, it could be another tooth coming in.” His voice was filled with love as he spoke about Elizabeth.
Jessica battled a surge of jealousy. She was being extremely petty to be jealous. After all, having everyone become so attached to her baby was the best she could have wished for. But she was jealous—of all the time and experiences they’d shared with her daughter and the strong bond that had been created as a result. She couldn’t stand her own separation from Elizabeth a moment longer “I want to see her,” she said. “I promise not to wake her up.”
“I expected you’d want that. We need to get on in, anyway, before Matty organizes a search party.”
“Why were you down there?” Nat asked again as the three of them started toward the house. “You never did say.”
“Just jumpy, I guess. Ever since your call I’ve been on edge, thinking about the guy you told me about. I was probably imagining things, but about twenty minutes ago I had the biggest urge to go out and take a look around. I didn’t see or hear anything, so I’m sure it was just nerves.”
“I’m not so sure,” Jessica said. “I think the guy’s around here somewhere.”
Sebastian paused and gave her a sharp look. “What makes you think so?”
“After all these months, I’ve developed a sixth sense about when he’s nearby and when he’s not. When we pulled up tonight I had the definite feeling that he was watching us.”
“And now?” Sebastian asked, glancing around him.
“Now I think he’s gone again, but I’m guessing he knows I’m here.”
“And you’re sure he doesn’t know about the baby?” Sebastian sounded agitated.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“That’s good.” Sebastian started up the path again. “As far as I’m concerned, his days are numbered, anyway.”
“They sure as hell are,” Nat said. “He’s not getting near Jess or Elizabeth.”
Jessica drew comfort from those words, but as she approached the house she had a horrible thought, one that would explain a great deal. “I’m not really sure he doesn’t know about the baby,” she said as anxiety churned in her stomach. “In the beginning he might not have, but he might have found out, somehow. Maybe that’s why he’s waited all this time, so he could snatch Elizabeth and me together. With both the Franklin child and grandchild, he could demand anything he wanted from my parents and expect to get it.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Sebastian said, “because he’s not getting either one of you.”
“I know, but…” She paused at the steps leading up to the wide front porch and her stomach twisted as she remembered the agony of leaving Elizabeth there. The sacrifice had seemed necessary. It might still be necessary. “Maybe the best thing for me to do is go away again,” she said softly. “I’ve kept him distracted so far. Maybe I should—”
“No!” Nat gripped her arm as if he thought she might run off into the woods at any minute. “You can’t do that.”
“I second the motion,” Sebastian said. “I love that baby as much as I would my own kid, but the fact is she’s not my kid, and she belongs with her mother.” He paused and sent Nat a challenging look. “And her father.”
Before Nat could respond, the front door opened and Travis came out looking handsome as ever, a grin on his face and a longneck in his hand. A tan Great Dane bounded out with him and began to cavort around t
he porch with Fleafarm.
“I thought I heard somebody carrying on out here!” Travis said. “Thanks for letting us know, Sebastian, old buddy. Sadie, cool it.”
“They just got here,” Sebastian said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Travis crossed the porch in two quick strides. “Admit it, you were monopolizing them.” He bounded down the steps and swept Jessica off her feet as he kissed her loudly on the cheek. “So you finally decided to show up, Jessie-girl. If you weren’t so damn pretty and I didn’t like you so much, I’d tan your hide for what you’ve pulled.”
Same old Travis, she thought, smiling in spite of herself. “I—”
“Don’t you be mauling that woman, hotshot,” Boone said as he came thundering down the steps looking even bigger than Jessica remembered. “Not all females appreciate that kind of treatment.”
“Name one,” Travis said as he set Jessica back on her feet. “Hey, Nat.” He stuck out his hand. “Hope you don’t mind me giving your girl a friendly hug.”
Nat cleared his throat. “She’s not my—”
“Hello, Boone,” Jessica said, wanting to cut off Nat’s denial of their relationship. Sebastian, Travis and Boone might want to argue the point, and this wasn’t the time to get into it. “I’m so sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you.” She stood on tiptoe, put her hands around his neck and placed a kiss on his cheek.
Boone returned her kiss with a brotherly hug. “I don’t blame you,” he said. “You were trying to protect your baby, is all.”
“Thanks for understanding.” With all four men gathered together, her fears eased. These guys were a match for anyone. That’s why she’d left Elizabeth here in the first place.
“Everything’s gonna work out.” Boone gave her a reassuring smile before turning to Nat. “It’s good to have you back home, buddy,” he said as he shook Nat’s hand.
“I’m glad to be home.”
Jessica wondered if he really was glad, or if he regretted leaving the refugee camp.
“I’ll bet he is glad, at that,” Travis said. “Looks like they were short of barbers over there.”
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