Nerdboobs

by T. M. Grinsley

  “How about helping a girl up, instead of drooling over what you want to do with her.” I said sarcastically, pushing myself off the ground.

  Giving Ryan the stank eye, I threw on one of my nerd shirts and a pair of shorts, and made my way downstairs. My face still hurt, but my stomach was killing me. After over twenty-four hours of having your brains fucked, it was nice to get out of that room and get some air.

  Skipping down the stairs, trying to erase the memory of falling on my face, I made my way to the kitchen. I left Ryan laughing in his bedroom, not wanting to hear whatever jokes he was about to make.

  With only three steps left, I jumped and landed on the floor without falling on my face, again. Matt and John were busy behind the stove in the kitchen, making food that made my mouth water. Damn, can I live here forever just so I can wake up to all this man meat every day?

  Hot damn.

  “Drool over my man and I will shank you, woman.”

  Taylor and Leigh Ann were both seated at the island, waiting for breakfast to be served. Each held a coffee cup in their hand, ogling over their men.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it, Bubbles. But he does have a nice backside and killer legs.” Blowing a kiss in her direction, I plopped on the barstool, watching the men go to work. Bacon sizzled on the stove, with waffles toasting in the waffle maker. Eggs scrambled with sausage bits, at least I think that’s what it was, cooked in the skillet. My mouth started to water and my stomach growled in anticipation. The room smelled like heaven.

  Who knew all three of these men could cook? Wait, how the hell do all three men know how to cook? This has to be a prank.

  “Stop staring, Bree or you’re gonna get it later.” Ryan made his way into the kitchen and went to help out the guys. My inner vixen lifted her head, flipped him off and went back to sleep. No way in hell could I take more of the beast. He tapped me out.

  “I’m good, my hoo-ha needs a break from your beastliness. Not to mention you ruined LORD OF THE RINGS last night. How the hell did you get it wrong? Frodo is the ring bearer, Aragorn is in love with Arwin, Legolas is the Elf who loved Taureil, who by the way was in the books and not the movies. Still mad about that. But, sheesh! And you say you know Lord of the Rings. Tsk, Tsk.” I teased.

  Gagging sounds started and I knew who the culprit was. “Oh hell no. You did not have Lord of the Rings fantasy sex last night?” Taylor asked, with disgust. She never understood my addiction, or major hard-on for Aragorn and Legolas. I mean come on, they are hot as hell. One is an Elf, with eyes that make your legs buckle and hoo-ha get wet for instantly. The other is a man, well a Dúnedain to be exact, that is wicked with a sword and who wouldn’t love a man who would do anything to get his woman back.

  “Damn, straight! Ryan put on the movies last night and we reenacted the reunion of Aragorn and Arwen. It was a way better reunion, if I say so myself.” I wiggled my eyebrows, snickering at Taylor pretending to barf. Hey, if I can get a man like Ryan to roll play with The Lord of the Rings movies, and get off on it, he’s a keeper.

  Ryan placed a cup of coffee in front of me and went back to help Matt and John finish up breakfast. Coffee aroma filled my nostrils, making my blood pump even faster.

  “So Brianna, I have to ask. Why Nerdboobs and not Nerddick?” Matt asked, setting plates full of food in front of us.

  Chuckling to myself, I shook my head and dug in. Why did I not see this coming?

  “Come on, Lawson told us all about what happened. The guys said you need to come back more often and kick Weatherford’s ass. They have never seen a woman get so worked up over a video game. Not to mention, all they can talk about was your shirt and how pissed off Ryan was.” John chimed in.

  Swallowing a mouthful of waffle, covered in peanut butter and lathered in syrup, I decided to enlighten them. But not before a small moan escaped my mouth from the deliciousness that was set before me. Man, these were good.

  “By the way, this is fucking amazing. Who made these? Second, why not just Nerdboobs? I mean it’s all about the boobies,” I said nonchalantly.

  “Oh come on, there has to be more.” John leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed, waiting for more.

  “Fine. Nerdboobs was to celebrate boobs and show how cool they are. Walking around with a shirt that says hashtag Nerddick, just doesn’t sound right. Besides, why the hell would I wear a shirt that supports dick, when you all show it off to the world enough as it is.” Sipping my coffee, I looked over the brim of my mug, waiting for the men to respond.

  “Enlighten us.” Ryan said, trying to keep the smile off his face.

  You bastard, you know why.

  Giving Ryan the ‘you know what I mean, asshole,’ look, I turned towards John and Matt.

  “Y’all lift your trucks to compensate for how small you are; you talk about how big your dick is when it’s actually the size of a tic-tac; you send dick pics to random women to get compliments when your self-esteem is low. Need I continue?” And this is when the guys hate my guts and think I’m a complete bitch.

  The men erupted in laughter. Stunned on what to do, I continued to stuff my face and forget this conversation ever happened.

  “I like you, Brianna. But why Nerdboobs? What’s so special about them?” John asked, a little confused.

  “Seriously, jackass? Boobs are awesome. Not to mention, if you date a nerd, you are bound to have us dress up in skimpy costumes and do some dirty things that you couldn’t come up with in your wildest dreams.” I said. I looked at Ryan, who winked at me and continued to drink his coffee.

  “Ha, who knew all this time we just needed to find a nerd to make us happy?”

  “Men. That is not the point. Boobs are awesome, nerds are fun. So to mess with people and have some fun, you put it together and you get Nerdboobs. Sheesh.”

  “They are pretty amazing.” Ryan set down his coffee and made his way back upstairs.

  “Rand dis is hy e ant bing u anypear.” Leigh Ann said with a mouth full of food.

  Taylor was busy texting on her phone, but there was a slight smile on her face. Thanks for the help, girls.

  “I still don’t get it.” Matt shook his head while cleaning the dishes.

  John turned towards me and winked. This was not how I planned to start my morning. Ignoring the guys and their ridiculous banter about Nerdboobs, I grabbed another waffle. If last night was any indication of what was to come with Ryan, I was going to need all the calories I could get.

  CHAPTER 16

  “So, what do you ladies think about going into town and letting us show you what Whitetail is all about?” Matt called out over his shoulder, finishing off the rest of the dishes. I asked several times if I could help in any way, but I was shot down every time. Apparently they have rules in the house. No guest lifts a finger in this house to help clean, especially their women.

  All morning, the guys talked about the best shooting range near their house, butcher shops for the best meat, and what they like to do when they aren’t busy at work. By work, they mean Funny Farm, and rescuing children from sex trafficking. And yes, you heard me correctly. All three of these brutes live with each other. Ryan told me they would visit and hang out, but he forgot to tell me one minor detail. How in the hell do three grown men live in a house this spotless, know how to cook, and are deadly with their hands?

  I asked Taylor and Leigh Ann this, when the guys were distracted and no one could answer me.

  “So? What do you say, Nerdboobs? Ready to cause some trouble in town?” Matt tossed a towel at my head, waiting for an answer. Catching it in the air, I debated what to say next. Should I let my mouth get me in trouble, or should I surprise the guys and actually behave for once?

  “Fuzzy, don’t you dare say it.” Taylor snapped.

  “Oh crap.” Leigh Ann knew what I was about to do.

  A wicked grin started to form on my face. “First of all Nerddick, my name is Bree, not Nerdboobs. But thanks for noticing their awesomeness. But you might w
ant to be careful, because Ryan will kill you for looking. And second of all, we would love to!”

  Ryan and John weren’t in the room at the moment, but seeing Matt’s face right now was priceless. His mouth was wide open and he held a dish plate frozen in the air. Don’t think he was expecting that kind of response. I could have been mean and snarky, but I was in a good mood.

  “Woman! Those are my Nerdboobs, and I think they need to be reminded of that.” Ryan shouted from somewhere in the house. Does that man have supersonic hearing, or something?

  Loud footsteps sounded from somewhere in the house. Ryan emerged into the kitchen, looking like he was ready to pounce.

  “Bree, I have no problem giving everyone a show.”

  “Oh, hush it horn dog. Your pecker is going to have to wait until tonight, momma needs to buy some new books. Not to mention, I am dying to see what Mike has whipped up this morning.” I slapped my hands together and started to rub them like I was a mad woman. Whitetail’s library was not large by any means, but they always stocked up on the best books. Last time I was here, I bought over four dozen books and wished I had someone to help me carry them home. Trying to carry dozens of books is a task in its own, but with my short stack body and weak arms. I may have tripped a few times up the stairs and ended up with a few bruises.

  “I’ll-“

  “Alright! We get it, y’all are a bunch of sex driven, nerd loving, soldier humping whatever you wanna call yourselves. I have not been laid since we got here and my punani is screaming for attention, but some pigheaded stubborn asshole won’t get the job done.” Taylor slapped her hands over her mouth and looked mortified. “I did not?”

  “You did.”

  Oh, Lord, she did not just say that out loud? Thank goodness John wasn’t in the room.

  Matt smacked the counter with his towel, making us jump and turn our attention to him. “There is plenty of me to go around, ladies. I don’t mind sharing,” he said, with his arms open wide, winking at us.

  Leigh Ann huffed loudly and flipped him off. Storming upstairs, she slammed her door shut. I had been meaning to see what’s been going on with those two, but Ryan’s been making sure all my free time was with him. The beginning of our trip, she was all over Matt, but now it seems they couldn’t be further apart.

  Mumbling my apologies to Matt and Taylor, I ran after Leigh Ann. I haven’t been the best of friend to her lately and I needed to see what was going on.

  Turning the knob on the door, I knocked and pushed my way in. “Hey, everything ok?”

  Leigh Ann was busy changing her clothes and didn’t budge when I walked in the room.

  “Everything is fine. Matt is an asshole, who loves to showboat and I am not the kind of girl who needs a man like that. I told him the other night there is nothing between us and he needed to move on.” There was a hint of sadness in her voice, which told me that was far from the truth. She immediately had a connection with Matt, but his ego is keeping them at bay.

  “Don’t give up. Ryan told me a few things about Matt and John last night. I promised not to say anything, but you need to know there is a reason behind the way he acts. I see the way he looks at you and I know there is something there. Just be the Leigh Ann I know he is falling for and reign him in.”

  Matt was one person I could not let sabotage something that was right for him. When people get close to him, he does everything he can to ruin any chance at happiness, he can get. His demons haunt him day and night, but I think Leigh Ann may be able to help him see past that and move on.

  “I don’t know, Bree. He blows so hot and cold; I don’t know what to think.” Leigh Ann plopped on the bed and looked defeated.

  If there was anyone I knew, who could help cheer her up, they were at the Rise and Grind Café.

  “Come on, I know the perfect place to go. Besides, you are never a girl to turn down shopping. Show Matt what you are capable of and make him regret ever being a jerk to you.” Nothing like shopping, dessert, and coffee to warm a woman’s heart.

  ~*~

  “Bree!” Jason shouted my name when we entered his café. The familiar aroma that filled my nostrils, and made my mouth water, was back. Mike must be in the back baking something divine.

  “Hey, Jason. How is Mike doing?” Walking up to the display case, I went to see who was my next victim. By victim, I mean food. Mike’s baking was out of this world and I had a feeling, if I stayed here, I would gain a few pant sizes.

  “Two days since the event and he is already back and grouchy as ever. Doc told him he needed to stay down for a few weeks, but that man never listens.”

  “Did Mike make all these?” Taylor asked, licking her lips. Both of them were drooling at everything before us. Mike made everything from donuts, muffins, pastries, cookies, to fresh bread, and bagels. But a batch of fresh chocolate covered cannoli’s caught my eye. I have not had a legit cannoli in over five years.

  The door to the back room swung open and Mike came strolling in with a fresh batch of goodies. Limping slightly, he set the steaming tray in front of us.

  “For my favorite customer, I made fresh Orehnjača.” Mike said, handing each of us a slice. Taking one look at each other, we each took a bite.

  All three of us moaned loudly. This was heaven. Orehnjača is, in a sense, a roll of bread that has a swirl in the middle. You can fill them with whatever flavor you like. My grandmother used to make them all the time when I was a kid, but since she passed, I tried to make it myself and failed miserably.

  “What is Orhencaca?” Taylor said, between bites.

  “Orehnjača is bread rolled up with a paste in the center made from nuts and honey. After talking with Bree the other day, I researched a few recipes to make and BAM! I found this one.” Mike wore a megawatt smile and gimped over to sit at the nearest table. “So tell me what I have missed since being locked up for two days.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed, mister? Your body went through hell.”

  “I will rest when I’m dead. Now, tell me everything.”

  Recapping everything that happened since we left him in the hospital, I thought Mike was going to fall to the floor from laughing so hard. His arms wrapped around his waist and he had tears flowing down his face.

  “You mean to tell me, you and Ryan had Lord of the Rings sex. You called Matt, Nerddick, and Ryan asked you to move in? Oh, and Matt is being a major dick to Leigh Ann, and Taylor confessed her lack of sex life to the entire room? Anything else I missed?”

  Shaking my head, I couldn’t think of anything else. “Nope, that’s about it.”

  “You know there are things out there that can take care of your issue, right?” He asked Taylor. Her cheeks turned ten shades of red. Grabbing her coffee from Jason, she walked out of the café.

  “Don’t mind her.” Jason handed Leigh Ann her coffee and sat next to Mike. “Thanks, Jason. Time to go shop and drive Matt nuts!”

  Running out the door, she looped her arm with Taylor’s and headed next door, to the jewelry shop. Watching the two head inside, I noticed a hooded figure across the way staring directly at the café. I went to tell Mike and Jason, when the hooded figured vanished from sight.

  What the…huh, must have been my imagination.

  “Aren’t you going to join them?” Jason asked.

  “What? Oh, Nah. They will survive without me. I wanted to ask you guys something anyway.”

  “What is it?” Mike placed his hands on top of mine and assured me, whatever I was about to say won’t leave this room.

  “Am I crazy for wanting to move in with Ryan? I have only been with him for six days and it feels like three years. Hell, when he sees my collection, he will leave me high and dry. No man would love someone as nerdy as me. I’m not worthy of him.” I finally said the one thing that’s been bothering me since he asked me to move back to Montana. How can a man like that, love someone like me? I was nowhere near a size two, had metal in my body from all my injuries, and everyday my klutziness wou
ld show itself, causing another bruise to form on my body. Not to mention, my obsession with books made into movies, was astronomical. Last night was a fantasy come true, but maybe he was only playing along to get some.

  “Brianna whatever your last name is. Pull your head out of your ass, and listen to me. That man was a complete wreck when he couldn’t find you. He knows all about your past, and I’m sure has kissed every inch of your body by now. If he was going to run, he would have. No man would spend three years looking for the woman he loves. Nor would he plan a trip, for six months with her best friend, to make sure everything was lined up perfectly.” Mike’s tone reminded me of my mother.

  “Not to mention, seeing him like he is now is a sight for sore eyes.” Jason added.

  “Thanks guys. You both reminded me of Jack from back home, and I needed to vent.” And for once, I would like my brain to not overanalyze everything and just let things happen.

  “Don’t. If anyone can put up with Ryan’s shit, they are already family. Besides, the guys at the VA love you. You are already a member of this group. But I will say this, do what feels right and throw caution to the wind, and fear out the window. What does your heart want?” Jason kissed Mike on the cheek and headed back to the counter.

  I went to answer, when Ryan walked into the room. “Hey, guys. Ready to go, Bree? The girls said they want to head to the mall and do some damage. Whatever the hell that means.” Ryan surveyed the room and rushed over to me. “You ok?”

  “Everything is fine, Beasty. Just needed some advice. Thanks guys!” Waving to Mike and Jason, I followed Ryan to the truck and made our journey to the mall.

  CHAPTER 17

  “No friggen way! They have Alanea Alder’s full collection! EEK.” Jumping up and down trying not to squeal too loud, I grabbed all her books off the shelf and added them to my cart. Buying books online never felt right to my inner booknerd. Buying books at the store had a sense of fulfillment or whatever it’s called.