Dr. Ohhh

by Ana Sparks

  “Don’t you apologize for anything. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  And just like that, the flood of words swirling inside me spilled out.

  “Yes, I do. For everything. For kidnapping you and ever being so stupid to think that I was worthy of you, that I could ever be good for you, be anything other than a disappointment. For letting you marry me when the only thing you should’ve been doing was running in the other direction.”

  Alice disengaged herself as I spoke; perhaps my words were having their intended effect, getting her to see clearly for the first time. But when she got down on the green grass, she took my hand and patted the ground beside her.

  “Come here.”

  I lay down beside her, and she gestured to the sky and its rainbow of sunset colors.

  “You see that?”

  I shook my head, and she continued. “You see that colorful, happy, cloudless sky? Every day, that’s how you make me feel: open and clear and full of life, like anything is possible.”

  “But, Alice—”

  She put her head on my chest and murmured, “What you don’t understand, Jake, is that it’s too late. I can’t not have you in my life. There are no more ‘shoulds’ when it comes to you. There is only what I must do—and that’s be with you.”

  As we lay there on the bright green front lawn and gazed up at the sky, our fingers twining and untwining, that settled it.

  I wanted to leave the second we got up from that lawn, but Alice wasn’t having it.

  “I’m not giving up that easily. I’m his only daughter. He won’t just forsake me like that, no matter how much he disagrees with me. We’ll stay in the guest house until he kicks us out.”

  I searched her hopeful face, and although I already knew there was no point, I asked, “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, took my hand, and set off for the guest house.

  The guest house was actually a mini-mansion in its own right, with a pool and floor-to-ceiling glass walls (that could be concealed with some nice thick curtains, luckily). Tucked in this guest house like some unwanted mice, we stayed.

  Simone stopped in from time to time, reporting on possible progress (none, really—apparently, the only change was that Heston had taken to ranting in the hallway and storming around the entire house in strange, clockwise circles). She snuck us all the food she could, though some trips to the nearest grocery store proved invaluable (as did the ever-dwindling stack of bills Tom had given us).

  Other than the fact that we were unofficially exiled, it was fun. I’d never stayed in such a nice place in my entire life. There was a Jacuzzi and endless movies and a TV so big that it took over an entire wall. Plus, daily rolls in the bed with Alice made the stay more of a reward than a punishment. And yet still it was there, hanging over us, whatever we did. It was there in the silence at mealtimes, in the strained smiles after another one of Simone’s visits, in Alice’s sudden trailing off in the middle of a sentence. Finally, after a week, I said it.

  “What are we going to do if your father doesn’t forgive you?”

  As soon as Alice’s sweet face fell, I regretted saying it. But it was too late. Mustering up a hopeful smile, she shrugged.

  “Papa is known for his temper. It’s explosive, but it always passes. He’ll forgive us. He has to.”

  And just like that, we were back where we had started, except this time I was afraid to ask, “And what if he doesn’t?”

  So, we went on as usual, Simone’s visits becoming rarer, the silences greater. Days bled into each other until they became one day, one lazy flop before the television, one half-hearted round of sex in bed, one soggy bowl of cereal.

  One day, Alice went off to meet Lux (after her latest blackmailing to go to the house herself). As I was plopped on the couch, watching some TV show I didn’t even know the name of, the doorbell rang.

  I opened to door, expecting to find Simone, and instead found myself face to face with Heston Pryce. Looking as angry as if I were the one who had surprised him at the door, he strode in. He threw a glare around, which stopped on me.

  “You really like her then, do you?”

  I nodded dumbly.

  “So, if I paid you a hundred thousand to go away without a word and never come back, you wouldn’t accept it?”

  The words were a slap in the face.

  “No.”

  He squinted at me. Then he spread his arms and smiled.

  “This isn’t a test. It’s a real offer, boy. The best you’re going to get under these circumstances. The way I see it, you’re less of a liability this way. You disappear and get your money, my daughter sees just what kind of man you are—everyone wins.”

  I shook my head.

  “I’m sorry, but no. I can’t do that.”

  His mustache was quivering. He stepped forward so that our faces were mere inches apart, half of my vision obscured by his irate mug.

  “And why not? I mean it when I say I’m going to cut her off without a penny. Tomorrow, I’m giving you both the boot. You can do what you will, wherever; it’s none of my concern. This way, you’ll be making off with something at least.”

  His words sloshed at my feet as uselessly as a puddle of water.

  “I don’t think you understand,” I said slowly. “I really do love Alice. There isn’t a sum you can offer me that would make it worth walking away from her.”

  Now it was his eyebrows that were moving, rising with incredulous doubt.

  “Oh, really? So if I offered you two hundred thousand, that wouldn’t change your mind? Five hundred thousand? A million?”

  With every new offer, his beady eyes rolled around within his black square spectacles, searching my face for any crack in my certainty, any sign he was getting somewhere.

  But I could only shrug and shake my head again and again.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to Alice about this, convincing her that she’d be better off without me, but there’s no talking to her. She’s set in her ways. Even if I left to protect her, she would come after me. And you have to understand, Mr. Pryce, I can’t not be with her if she wants to be with me.”

  His eyes were narrowed into two black slits.

  “You fool. Do you really think my daughter will stick by you in a few months’ time when she sees what a deadbeat you are, when she sees just who you really are?”

  Now my eyes were narrowing.

  “With all due respect, that’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Pryce. As long as Alice is by my side, believing in me, I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure we’re well taken care of. It may not be much”—I waved my arm around—“and it certainly won’t be like this, but I won’t sleep until she’s well looked after.”

  His whole face set into a sneer, Mr. Pryce stormed out.

  When Alice came back, rosy and chatty after seeing her friend, I didn’t mention her father’s visit. I only enjoyed her renewed happy caresses and kept silent, wanting to enjoy this fleeting change, even though I knew it wouldn’t—couldn’t—last.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Alice

  Today was the last day. I didn’t tell Jake that, but I knew it. Today, I was going to go back to the house, go to Papa, and plead for forgiveness one last time. One last time before I left with Jake for who knew where. All that was certain was that, with Jake by my side, there was nothing I couldn’t handle.

  Even now, as I walked over the freshly cut grass toward my childhood home, toward the man who was going to decide my fate, I wasn’t afraid. No, the calmness that infused all my days was unbreakable. As I rang the doorbell, as the familiar melody flowed through me, I knew. Everything was going to be all right.

  Simone looked puzzled when she opened the door.

  “He already spoke to you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your father left about five minutes ago. I thought he was going to see you.”

  Suddenly, I understood.

  I raced back to the guest house, but
it was too late. The door was ajar and Papa was inside. Just outside the door, I paused.

  Jake was talking.

  “…And I’m sorry, Mr. Pryce, but I can’t accept your offer. Alice is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and after the happiness I’ve known with her, I couldn’t ever live with myself if I lost her. I love her. I love her, and I know that for you that’s not enough, but I won’t rest until she’s looked after, until I’ve done well by her.”

  Silence, then Papa’s voice, quiet. It almost didn’t sound like him; it was so quiet and uncertain.

  “I know. I…I’ve been watching you two. I hate to admit it, but I think whatever’s going on between you two, as impractical and crazy as it may be, is real. I would’ve followed through with my offer, but now…now I just don’t know.”

  I opened the door, and both men gaped at me.

  “How much did you hear?” my father asked.

  “Enough,” I said, tears coming to my eyes.

  “Well, he didn’t take it. He didn’t even for a second consider it,” my father said, a mixture of pride and despair in his gray eyes. “A million dollars, and he didn’t even consider it.”

  I walked over to Jake, and he put his arms around me. Looking at us, Papa’s whole face trembled. I ran up to him, and we joined in one shaky, sputtering hug.

  “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you. All this time I wanted to tell you.”

  “No. It’s me who should be sorry. I almost lost you twice because of my pigheadedness. I almost lost you twice…”

  Our faces were wet, but whose tears they were, I couldn’t say.

  “I’m not cutting you off, not when I just got you back. Please, you’ll stay a while, won’t you?” Papa said.

  I glanced at Jake.

  “I have to get back to the cabin soon, but you can come up later.”

  I shook my head.

  “We’ll stay another night, Papa, but I need to be with Jake right now. We can come up in another week.”

  My father nodded and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, still shaking his head.

  “This whole week, I’ve been thinking. These thoughts have been rolling around in my head, knocking and smacking into each other—like the wedding. How I almost had you marry a crook in my quest for more business, better business, more publicity, better publicity. How you majored in economics to please me. How I never saw you happier than when you came back from that Sierra Leone trip or…now. How all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and, in trying to control you, how very much I’ve failed.”

  Rising, he took me in his arms.

  “Can you forgive me, my darling daughter? Can you ever forgive a pigheaded old fool, Alice?”

  I nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

  “Of course, Papa. You’ve been so good to me over the years. And I know you only ever wanted what was best for me. We both didn’t know any better, the two of us.”

  Drawing back, Papa was nodding, wiping at his eyes with an exasperated sigh.

  “Only…I know your mother would be so very proud of the strong-willed woman you’ve become. So very proud.”

  I nodded, and we hugged again.

  “I’ll have Jake’s criminal charges disappear; if he testifies against Van Patten, it shouldn’t be hard at all. And I’ll sue anyone who dares say a word against either of you.”

  I smiled ruefully.

  “Thank you, Papa, though I don’t want you going on a campaign to clear our names. Let the dust settle a bit; soon we’ll be old news.”

  “I will take you up on testifying against Van Patten,” Jake said, pipping in. “And I meant what I said, sir. I won’t rest until Alice is well cared for and happy.”

  Papa turned to face Jake. A shy smile on his face, he said, “I know you will, my boy. I know you will.”

  Then he stuck out his hand. His face glowing, Jake stepped forward, took his hand, shook it, and smiled. I took both their hands, looking from one to the other, a mischievous smile playing on my face, and asked, “So, can we have hot dogs?”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jake

  The drive to my cabin was one big celebration. We finished three bags of potato chips between us and had the windows down and the wind singing along with us to the van’s crackly radio.

  I held her hand—my wife’s, my Mrs. Harker’s, my darling Alice’s. The drive was winding and the trees were endless, but we were in no rush. We were in love, and every minute was a smile and a laugh for no reason. The sun was endless, the sky more so, and when we finally did pull up to the cabin, we took a good few minutes to make out in front of the familiar place I knew and loved so well.

  “Ew, gross!” a voice cried.

  A furious drumming on the hood of the van sounded, and I looked up to find Tom and Dalia at the window, giving us the finger.

  Laughing, we gave them the finger back, while Alice showed off the cheap ring I’d bought her at a convenience store on the way.

  “Just married, motherfuckers!” I roared to their shocked expressions.

  As shock changed to glee, I corrected, “Actually, like a week ago, but yeah.”

  While I climbed out of the car, Tom fired off questions.

  “What the fuck—seriously? When? Where? Why wasn’t I invited? What the fuck kinda ring is that? Did you guys listen to a single thing I said last time?”

  Taking Alice’s hand as we walked to the shed, I fired back answers.

  “Yes. A little over a week ago in a beautiful Las Vegas chapel. We’re having a big ceremony later. Alice likes it. And no.”

  A quick glance in the shed revealed that the animals were all alive and well, rustling eagerly at my return.

  “Hey, you didn’t kill them,” I remarked with a supportive pat on Tom’s shoulder.

  He gave me a big toothy smile, followed by a punch to the arm.

  “You should see the toad.”

  Inside the cabin, at the sight of our now ridiculously fat toad friend, Alice and I burst out laughing.

  “Seriously?”

  Tom shrugged while Dalia explained. “Turns out he likes Sexy Pizza.”

  I hugged them, thanked them, and invited them to stay for dinner.

  “Okay,” Tom said. “On one condition: that it’s not Sexy Pizza. We’ve had barely nothing else since we’ve been here.”

  I nodded, promised that it wouldn’t be, and then went outside to call Sexy Pizza.

  When it arrived half an hour later, everyone was too starved to do anything other than half-heartedly swear at me before digging in.

  As the night wound down and the pizza diminished to a few paltry pieces, Tom cast an approving look at Alice and me curled up together.

  “You know…you two, you’re all right.”

  I blew him a kiss.

  “Thanks, bro.”

  But he wasn’t smiling.

  “Naw. I’m being serious. I thought you two were toast, truth be told. But seeing you here, like this, I don’t know. You work in some strange, fucked-up way. You really work.”

  We all laughed, and then Tom and Dalia rose.

  “Thanks for letting us stay.”

  “You sure you wanna go now? It’s, like, 9—kinda late.”

  Tom nodded. “It’s 80s night at Babylon, man. Can’t miss it.”

  So we all threw ourselves into another group hug. The gesture was so very different this time. There was nothing desperate or doomed or scary about it. No, this time there was only a triumphant sort of joy. This time everything was settled; everything was perfect.

  This time when we said good-bye, we knew we’d see them again, and we were the ones on the porch waving.

  When they were gone, Alice and I microwaved the final pizza slices, fed them to each other, and then retreated to the bed as a draft blew in from the windows.

  It was cold until we made it to the bed. After only a few seconds curled together amid the maroon swathes of sheets, we were warm all right. Everything was all right.
r />   “Every day I think I can’t get happier,” Alice murmured, “and then I do.”

  I smoothed her hair down and kissed the top of her head.

  “Me too. I just can’t believe—”

  “Everything that’s happened,” she finished, staring off into the dark, her face strangely expressionless, clearly unaware that she’d somehow said exactly what I’d been thinking.

  “It’s like everything I ever wanted is all coming together at once,” she said. “It’s like everything I ever asked for. It’s like impossibility is kissing me on the lips every morning, cuddling up to me every night. It’s like…”

  “I couldn’t be happier,” I finished for her.

  And then we kissed and wrapped ourselves around each other tighter and said nothing, because words would only ruin it, this quiet perfection of a moment.

  Epilogue

  Six Months Later

  Alice

  The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and today was the first day of the rest of my life.

  Funny, how things came full circle. This time just over six months ago, I had been sitting in a chair before my wedding, hoping to escape. This time just over six months ago, I had been about to be kidnapped by the man I was going to marry instead.

  “You sure the bright pink is okay?” Lux asked for the fifth time.

  “Yes. I love it,” I said for the sixth.

  “But Melinda said—”

  “I fired Melinda last week,” I reminded Lux.

  She grinned and ran her fingers through her now purple hair.

  “Really, you’re a saint for keeping her on that long.”

  I shrugged.

  “Had to appease Papa for not having it in the Ritz-Carlton somehow.”

  Barking joyously, Randolph scampered up to me and licked my hand, Pip not far behind.

  I would have been the last to believe that the two would get along. But ever since we’d introduced them five months ago, the pair had been inseparable.

  I gazed out the window at the beautiful spring day I’d be going out into soon enough. “Inseparable” was not unlike Jake and me these past few months—these past six months, I reminded myself. It was still hard to believe that the swirl of job hunting (a ranger position for Jake, the foundation of my charity for me), forest walking (us and the dogs), and love-making that had felt like one glorious month had actually been six.