The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag - #2 Swept under the Rug

by Jennifer L. Hart

  “He’s in there; my husband went inside the house!” I shouted as firemen swarmed off the huge engine like angry bees from a disturbed hive. One tall man nodded in acknowledgment and ushered me to the side of

  the driveway. “Is anyone else in the building?”

  “I don’t know. Please, find him.”

  “We’ll do our best, Ma’am. Stay here.” Again I was left without a purpose and I hugged myself, for once able to ignore the cold.

  My vantage of the front door wasn’t nearly as good as from the truck, but I felt no desire to obstruct. A prayer left my lips as I observed the activity, the firemen staking out positions around the foundation, some disappearing into the house.

  The noise was unbelievable. I’d never thought about what fire sounded like and tears streamed down my face as I thought of Neil and possibly Mr. Valentino deafened and disoriented within the inferno. The lights from the truck parked on the grass reflected off the undamaged portions of siding, casting moving shadows everywhere.

  “Come back to me Neil,” I whispered. At that moment, I resolved that no matter what was going on, whatever Neil’s secret might be I’d deal with it as long as he came out alive.

  Then, in the flickering light, a figure emerged, and I squinted, endeavoring to adjust my eyesight. The figure appeared oddly misshapen, no wait! He was carrying something. Despite the warning to stay back, I dashed forward, but stopped in my tracks. It wasn’t a fireman carrying Neil as I’d suspected but Neil hauling Valentino over his shoulder. He stumbled a bit and two firemen emerged behind him, taking the unconscious man off his shoulders.

  “You stupid fucking hero!” I bellowed and rushed forward.

  * * * *

  “How come you get to take ridiculous chances with your life and I’m read the riot act for putting a toe out of line?” I huffed at Neil. My husband reeked of smoke and sweat and a streak of soot decorated his jaw, but he was otherwise undamaged. We sat in the cab of his truck, which we’d moved onto the street, along with my Mini, and watched the firemen work. Mr. Valentino had been carted off in an ambulance, still unconscious and probably suffering from smoke inhalation. Neil had taken a few hits from an oxygen mask, but refused any other medical aide. Stupid, stubborn man.

  In spite of the smell, I was curled up into his chest, holding on to reassure myself he wasn’t hurt. His hand stroked my hair absently as he stared at the activity before us. The fire, (I’d been right, it did started in the kitchen,) was mostly out and a few firemen coiled up the long hoses.

  “Trained SEAL here, remember? And I don’t take chances without a reason.” His voice was rougher than usual and I brushed away a fresh onslaught of misery.

  “Do you want to go home?” I asked, turning my head so I could read his expression. “You probably want to take a shower.”

  He met my gaze and his lips twitched. “Smell that bad, do I?”

  I burrowed deeper. “Not at all.” He smelled alive, so it wasn’t a lie.

  “If it’s all right with you, I wanted to wait until the Fire Marshal determines the cause.” He coughed on the last word and I sat back, worried that my added weight hindered his ability to breathe. He scowled then pulled me closer and I resettled with ease.

  “What do you suspect happened?” I asked, recalling that the front door had been left cracked open.

  Neil grunted and we watched another police car roll in to join the melee on the lawn. Neil inhaled and I listened contentedly to the steady thumping of his heart. “I’m sure whoever did this made it look like an accident, a grease fire or faulty wiring, but Valentino was already unconscious when I found him.” He coughed again and cleared his gravelly throat. “My own damn fault it took so long. I headed upstairs first, since that’s where the lights were on. I would have been out several minutes sooner if I’d started in the kitchen.”

  “Don’t do that to me ever again.” I whispered, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

  His index finger tilted my chin so I met his gaze. At point blank range, Neil’s hazel eyes possessed the power to hypnotize and he unleashed it now. “I’m sorry I scared you.” He had too much class to point out that it was my fault he was anywhere near the blaze to begin with.

  All those times he’d been deployed on missions, where people shot at him, tried to blow him up or take him captive, I’d worried, not knowing where he was, if he was safe. I thought I knew real terror. But those wild conjectures of my imagination were nothing next to actually seeing him in danger, knowing it was my fault….

  I gave up the fight and allowed myself to cry. Neil didn’t say anything—he let me sob and held me close. His understanding made it worse because I was such a hypocrite. I’d worried him, by involving myself in dangerous plots, and the fact that I hadn’t sought out mischief didn’t matter. I silently vowed to exercise more caution, and remember this fear before courting trouble again.

  Minutes passed by the time I’d regained my composure, the scene out the window had changed. The lights from the fire truck and other emergency vehicles had been extinguished and there was considerably less activity from the few remaining civil servants.

  “You got yourself together?” Neil asked. I sniffled and nodded. “Good, because I think we’re about to have company.” A knock on the window made me jump and I used the sleeve of my sweater to scrub my face. Between the nacho cheese stain and the smears of soot, it was probably a lost cause anyhow.

  Neil rolled down the window and as my vision adjusted I started at the compact silhouette. “Cripes, what are you doing here?” Neil smirked and shook his head while Detective Capri scowled at me.

  “You took the words right out of my mouth, Mrs. Phillips. I received a call from dispatch, informing me that, quote “my go-to girl had stepped in it again.”

  End quote.” She made little twitchy bunny ears with both hands to underscore her point.

  I opened my mouth, but shut it for lack of a good retort. Coming off of a useless adrenaline rush, and basically mired in guilt, I wasn’t up to my usual verbal sparring at the moment. But I wasn’t about to apologize for my piss-poor luck either, so she could go stuff herself.

  Neil sized up the edgy atmosphere and said the right thing. “Maggie, explain to Detective Capri about the envelope you were trying to return.” He squeezed my arm, applying gentle pressure, sending me a non verbal message. Too tired to read between the lines, I did as he suggested, leaving nothing out, except for my fib about the store and our heated exchange before we’d noticed the fire.

  Capri could have been a master poker player, since her expression rarely changed from stone-cold sober. She did wince when I admitted I’d climbed in the car with Valentino, but didn’t interrupt the telling. My voice petered out, but I’d gone over the essentials.

  “So Valentino gave you money to keep you out of his business,” she mused, then glanced toward the house. “I wonder where the feds are, I’m pretty sure that’s a detail they’d be interested in.”

  I grimaced, imaging the two stalwart FBI special agents in my homey little kitchen, but didn’t protest. I needed to help Candie in any way I could, especially now that Valentino would be in no position to do the job.

  “Do you know how the fire started?” Neil asked in a mild tone. My gaze cut to him, but I schooled my features almost immediately. So that’s what he’d meant. Give Capri the low-down and then ferret out a few details of our own. Basic I’ll scratch your back and you scratch mine technique. The man was a master manipulator, just like his mother.

  Capri appeared lost in thought, probably mulling over my deluge of information, seeking the common thread to tie this dung heap up. “An overload in the kitchen. The circuit breaker didn’t trip like it should have.” She mumbled the words as if on automatic pilot.

  “What about Markus?” I asked, remembering how Neil said he was already unconscious. “Has he come to yet?”

  While Neil’s probing question made it through her lowered defenses, mine must have triggere
d red alert. Her gaze snapped to mine and her lips compressed in a grim line. “He’ll be all right. I wouldn’t recommend visiting him in the hospital though, I’m sure the feds will post a guard. You two should go home.” Crap, I guess goodwill chat time was over.

  Neil nodded in a succinct message received motion and turned the key to the truck’s ignition. “Detective, would you have someone drive Maggie’s car home? I think she’s a little too shaken up to drive right now. Whenever you get the chance will be fine, we’ll be home all day tomorrow.”

  What a rat-fink! In one blow, he’d ingratiated himself to Capri by subtly promising to keep me off her radar for awhile and managed to limit my means of transportation for the foreseeable future. The high handedness made my stomach twitch, but I couldn’t muster the will to fight his sense. Tomorrow was another day.

  Capri nodded and smiled at my self-appointed handler. “Not a problem. Keys are in it?”

  “Yes,” I ground out, unwilling to thank her for aiding Neil in imprisoning me. Since I had no plans, no cleaning jobs, or social commitments, it wasn’t really such a bad thing and I was a little shaky, though I refused to admit it. But the principle of the matter…, Grrrrr.

  Neil, the bloody Boy Scout, thanked her again and shifted into reverse.

  “Happy?” I asked him as we turned out of the development.

  He didn’t answer but his satisfied smile practically blinded me as we passed under a streetlight.

  * * *

  Chapter Sixteen

  I felt no desire to get out of bed Sunday morning. Sleep came in fits and starts since we’d hit the sheets around three A.M. So I listened as Penny trundled down the hall from my bedroom and took her early morning soak in the tub. Water gurgled through our ancient pipes as she emptied the bathwater and I closed my eyes when she fired up my hairdryer. The next time I regained consciousness, the spot on the air mattress next to me was empty and someone had started coffee. Judging from the industrial strength fumes, Marty had heavy-handed the Folgers into a dinky paper filter. My brother should have been the cop, the way he ruined coffee, yet drank it by the gallon.

  “What time did ya’ll come in last night?” Penny’s drawl drifted along with the smell of browning sausages.

  “Sometime after midnight.” Neil responded and I heard Marty’s raspy chuckle.

  “Must have been one helluva date. The way you two go at it, I’m surprised you don’t have half a dozen kids by now.”

  I covered my head with a pillow and groaned. I loved my brother, but I wished someone would staple his lips together. Lord, the last thing this dysfunctional household needed was another baby on final approach.

  My ever tactful husband refrained from recommending birth control to my brother, the jackass. With the pillow over my face, I didn’t catch his response, but then, if I wanted to be part of the conversation, I’d get my rear in gear and join them.

  Staying where I was seemed simpler, even if I couldn’t stop the mental slideshow of the last few days. Sadistic marriage counselors, cheating husbands, secrete lesbian lovers, oh my! Never mind the fine concoction of bribery and arson I’d choked down yesterday.

  “Come on, Uncle Scrooge, up and at ‘em!” Neil yanked the pillow off my face and knelt on the floor next to me. He’d showered when we’d arrived home and still smelled of Irish Spring soap.

  “What’s on the schedule for the day, warden?” I asked, struggling to sit upright. He handed over a steaming mug, light and sweet, just the way I liked my morning brew. I took a sip and the bitchiness abated somewhat.

  “Serious R&R. I promised to take the boys skiing. My mom still has my old equipment and Leo should be by soon to drop it off.”

  Oh the horror. My face must have reflected my opinion because Neil chuckled. “You can rent whatever you need.” He shook his head at what must have been a terrified look. “Or spend the day in the lodge in front of the fire if you prefer. Bring a book and take it easy.”

  Hmmm. Slide down a mountain on my ass in the freezing cold or curl up with a novel and a cup of hot chocolate. Was there really a choice here? “What about my car?” I pushed my hair back from my face and took another hit of caffeine.

  “The good detective already had someone bring it by.” Neil snatched my coffee mug and took a sip. I watched him for a beat and a light bulb went off over my head.

  “Ah so that explains the sudden urge to go skiing.”

  “What?” He lowered the mug and blinked at me innocently. Too innocently.

  “Can’t keep Maggie in the house, so you’ll take her out of town?”

  He scowled. “Can’t a guy just want to spend a day doing something with his family?” If I didn’t know better, I might have thought he was sincere.

  “I’m sure that’s part of it, but ….”

  He blew out a breath, the veins on his neck bulging visibly. “Fine, I want to get you away from this craziness for a bit, sue me.”

  “Not likely, I do your books, remember pal?” And those books backed up his story about the overtime. Since Neil’s paycheck was deposited electronically, I didn’t have an actual hardcopy of the hours he’d logged, but from my estimate the day before, the money was all there. Maybe Neil hadn’t been lying to me—maybe I was just paranoid because of Sylvie and Eric’s situation and Dr. Bob’s innuendos. Wouldn’t be the first time my imagination backfired on me.

  He kissed my nose. “I’m going to get the boys up. Can you be ready to go in an hour?”

  “Not a problem.” I said, fully relaxing for the first time in days. We’d do our family day and tomorrow, I’d confess my shamefully suspicious thoughts in front of Neil and Dr. Bob as penance. Finishing my coffee, I literally rolled out of bed and trundled down the hall to the miraculously unoccupied bathroom. Several fists pounded on the door while I worked shampoo into my hair, but I ignored them.

  Humming, I toweled off and flipped on the vent fan to abate the steam. Brushing my teeth, drying my hair and braiding it so it wouldn’t get in my way if I did attempt to ski, only took a few minutes and I swathed myself in a super thick bathrobe before vacating the room.

  The pounder turned out to be Marty. “Jeeze, hag, take all day why don’t you?” He griped as he pushed me into the hallway, slamming the bathroom door in my face.

  I dressed in a turtleneck that I seldom wore because it made my head look gigantic and a bulky cable knit sweater layered on top. Fleece jeans and heavy knee-high socks completed the ensemble. I might par boil in the outfit, but I refused to spend another second underdressed in the bone-cracking cold.

  Leo had appeared and helped himself to coffee. He sat, dishing with Penny who was wolfing down about half a loaf’s worth of French toast. Josh and Kenny were physically present, but their eyes held the distant look of preteens who hadn’t gotten the requisite fourteen hours of sleep.

  “Hungry?” Neil asked as he flipped sausage patties onto a plate.

  “You’re cooking?” I stared dubiously at the spread. I thought for sure it’d been Penny’s doing. “What’s the occasion?”

  Neil shrugged good-naturedly and turned back to the electric griddle. I caught Leo’s stare, but said nothing as I took the sausage to the table.

  “So the Dragon Lady is on her way to torture the city of New York. She’ll be gone for a couple of days.” Leo informed me as he slid a steaming mug of—bless him—fresh, non toxic coffee in front of me.

  “Hmm,” I said, reaching to fork up a slice of French toast, but Kenny snatched it first. “Work or pleasure?”

  Leo rolled his eyes. “You know Laura takes no pleasure in anything unless it involves breaking someone’s spirit. But I think this would fall under the category of relaxation. She went with a friend. Ralph is ecstatic; he gave me the day off. I’m sure he’s going to use the empty house as an excuse to order all sorts of fatty takeout and watch CNN all day.”

  “So, do you have any plans?” I asked as Neil set down a fresh batch of French toast. He cast me an indecipherable glance
but turned away before I could question him.

  “I’m keeping the day open for Richard. Unfortunately, he’s a night owl and I’m a Lark so I probably won’t hear from him until about noon.”

  “Hey, do you want to come skiing with us? You can keep me company in the lodge while the guys are busy being physical.” I asked, enjoying the image.

  There was a loud clatter, followed by a curse from the kitchen and I turned to see Neil, his hand shoved under the running faucet. “Oh, sweetie, did you burn yourself?” I jumped up scurrying to his side. “Here, let me look.”

  I reached for his hand, but he drew back, scowling. “It’s fine.”

  “Let me just run and get the burn ointment. Kenny is the first aid kit in your room?” I was halfway down the hall when Neil caught my arm.

  “I said I’m fine. Just forget about it.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” I asked. He opened his mouth to reply, but his words were cut off by the ringing doorbell.

  “Let me see who that is, then we’ll finish this.” I marched to the front door, pulling it open.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked Detective Capri. “Someone’s already returned my car.”

  Capri proffered her gloved hand and a thrice folded sheet of white paper. Her face gave away nothing. “Mrs. Phillips, we have a warrant to search your house.”

  * * * *

  My family, plus Leo, clustered in the living room while one of the uniformed officers under Capri’s command kept an eye on us. Kenny bounced on the air mattress, excited because his house was being searched and sacked. “I can’t wait to tell the guys at school about this!” he kept saying. Josh sprawled on the floor and commanded his brother to shut it every thirty seconds like clockwork.