by Graeme Smith
That’s how it is. It’s not blood. It’s not hospital beds. It’s not the smell of burning. It’s you, or someone else. And sometimes, just sometimes, there’s that moment. The moment you bang the side of the pinball machine and rock the ball, without ringing tilt. A distraction, the flicker of a gnat’s wing, when everything holds its breath. So. Consider yourself distracted. But like I said. Don't take it personal. It's just a job, even if this time I’m working for me. I'll make it quick.
Oh, and don't worry. I won't feel a thing.
Chapter Seventeen
Haures-Ticked
When someone tells you something’s impossible, but it’s happening anyway, things are normally already in a bad place. Someone’s probably already in the brown and smelly. And most times someone’s in the brown and smelly, it’s generally safest to assume whoever’s going to suffer, it’s probably going to be you.
Things were brown. And smelly.
“But how can there be two futures?” Prowess had a point. Because according to everything the Dragon told gnats, there couldn’t. There weren’t. Because if there was….
“There can’t, P. Because if there was, there’d be an infinite number of them. It wouldn’t be the unicorns on every corner. It would be Prowess-1 trying to fix the past so she didn’t get in the wrong cab and miss the concert at Carnegie Hall. And Liz-239 going back to make sure she never got walled up in her castle, and Liz-856 stopping Liz-239 because otherwise she’d never get to meet Vlad. It would be—well, a mess.”
“So it’s a good thing things aren’t in a mess then, right Jack?” Prowess didn’t waste her time with sarcasm. She did sweet, understanding, compassionate, cut-your-throat-out-with-kindness sarcasm.
What I thought I knew, the Dragon had told me. So it was time to ask someone who wasn’t Dragon. “Blondie! Get your ass in here!”
“Don’t you have more important things to focus on than my ass, Jack?” Blondie wasn’t big on doors. Walls were more her thing, like the one she’d just walked through. She did an exaggerated six-check. “Though I can understand your distraction. Maybe we should discuss it somewhere?” I didn’t know a bump from a grind, but Blondie did. So she proved it.
“You want your necklace or not, Blondie?” I was pretty sure time was getting short. And whatever I had time for, it wasn’t being bumped.
“You’re damn right I do, Shadow. Or you and I are going somewhere more … more private. Whether you like it or not. A girl’s got her needs, you know.”
“You’re not a girl, dear.” Prowess was being sweet. Which probably wasn’t good. “I think Jack can do better than a—er, how old are you again? Than a lard-ass thousand year-old lizard, anyway.” Apparently sweet didn’t last long. Though I had no idea what Prowess was so pissed about. And even if I did, I was going to make damn sure I didn’t.
“Lard ass liz—”
350 was getting warm. And it wasn’t because there wasn’t any air-conditioning. “Damn it, P! And you, Blondie. There’s a time and a place, and I ain’t being in either of them. OK?”
“Your loss, Jack.” Blondie winked. Again.
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Jack.” Whatever Prowess didn’t know I was talking about, her tone told me she was damn sure it was my fault. Whatever it was. And that she’d discuss it with me later. Probably when I wasn’t there to interrupt, so she could use more Bad Words—without blushing.
I knew if I mentioned Vlad, Blondie would have to clam up. So I didn’t. “I was thinking, Blondie. How come it’s only unicorns?”
“Unicorns?” Blondie looked puzzled. Off balance. Which was a good start.
“On street corners. Like, I nudge things. So how come there’s not all sorts of people nudging back? How come some Jack from when I’ve kicked Vla—” Damn. “How come some Liz I didn’t drop off the Bendlerbrücke isn’t here making sure I didn’t drop her?”
“Don’t be more stupid than you have to be, Jack. Because she can’t, of course.”
“Why not?”
Blondie grimaced. “Because she can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you can ask the question.”
Blondie’s lips were tight, her throat trying to close up. But I figured so long as I could steer clear of anything that might be a threat to Vlad, I could push a bit. “So if I can remember it, it can’t be changed?”
“Of course it can. It just hasn’t been changed yet. You’re just in a Now where it didn’t happen.”
All the books say there’s supposed to be some sort of sign when someone who wasn’t there before decides to be there. Which just shows what books know. Because there wasn’t a noise, or a crash of lightning, but he was there. If he hadn’t been shaped like a man, he would have looked like a leopard.
“You know, it’s really rather fascinating. Of course, Jack can remember. Mostly because he, well because he can’t remember. But Mistress Prowess—she’s different. Or rather, she’s not. Jack’s different.” The leopard man stopped. He shook his head, his lips moving. I had a feeling he was repeating what he’d just said. He sighed. “Bugger. That doesn’t even make sense even to me, and I know everything.” The man-leopard drew a block of arcane symbols on the floor. He stared at them, then rubbed one out. He stared some more, then disappeared, reappearing with a huge book. He shook his head. “Bloody Modern Glyphs. Never could get my head round it. Now in my day—” He leafed through the book, then redrew the symbols, and two lines at an angle. “Oh. I’m sorry. Could you do me a favor, Jack? Just join these two together.” He handed me the chalk. I drew another line to join the others together. He took the chalk back. “Thanks. That makes it yours. We could do the whole ‘drawing in blood’ thing, but that wouldn’t be much good with you, would it? Oh. I’m Haures, Great Duke of Hell. Now do be a dear, and tell me to get in the damn triangle.”
* * * * *
An hour later
“…So that’s it, really. All rather simple.”
“That’s it? The future’s just what souls remember? Including the dead ones, and the ones that haven’t been born yet? And what the hell….” Prowess flushed. “What the heck is a soul that hasn’t been born yet?” Apparently Prowess and the leopard man didn’t share the same dictionary.
Haures, Great Duke of Hell darted a look at Blondie. “Ah. So you haven’t told them then.” He sighed. “At least that helps me know when I am. No, my dear Prowess. Outside of this triangle, I’d be delighted to lie to you. But since Jack ordered me into this mystic triangle—”
“One you drew! It might be fake!”
Haures sighed again. “Look. If it were fake, you’d all be dead. Yes. I know all things, past, present and future. I know them because I know what souls remember. All the souls. Ever. Because souls—you can’t destroy them. They can only….” Haures stared meaningfully at Blondie. It would have helped if I had any idea what the meaningfully actually meant. “You can only change them. So I knew Jack was going to order me into a triangle. I knew because you were here. Because Ashftghyersygthyz….” Haures nodded towards Blondie. I figured I’d stick with Blondie. “Never mind. Just saying all of it would take a week. I know because she was here. It just seemed pointless to waste time while Jack learned how to summon me and draw the Binding, was all.”
Prowess looked at Blondie. I watched her Shifter lips try to twist round the dragon’s name. Then she looked back at Haures. “But you can’t know the future. Because there isn’t just ‘a’ future. There’s two of them! So which one’s real?”
This time Haures wasn’t sighing. Leopard eyes burned, and leopard claws shot out from leopard paws. “My dear, stupid Shifter. There are a lot more than two. But only one of them can ever actually happen. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s the point. It’s why I’m here, un-summoned, in an amazingly powerful triangle I drew myself . A triangle I told Jack to command me into. Because Barbas’ bloody games are giving me a bloody headache!”
It was star
ting to make sense. Why I could nudge, be a spoon. Why Vlad stole Blondie’s necklace. Why Up-Ahead Vlad had no idea who I was. Because when something’s impossible, it never happened. So either Vlad was impossible, or I was. Which was fine by me. All I had to do was kill him. Kill someone who as far as I knew couldn’t die unless I killed a Fallen Angel. Maybe Vlad reached the same conclusion. Because that was when the room under 350 exploded.
That’s how it is sometimes. When it’s you or someone else. Like you. Like you, here.
Like me. Like me, now.
Chapter Eighteen
No Soul-A-Mio
It wasn’t just that it made sense. It should have made sense a long time ago. Which wasn’t good. This wasn’t a good time to start getting sloppy. Like being blown to pieces by an exploding thermite charge. It was either that, or hell-fire. Either would have done the job of killing us all just fine. Or they would have, if the triangle Haures was standing in hadn’t expanded to surround us all. “It’s a good job you noticed that hell-fire pocket going off, Jack. Oh, and ordered me to protect you all.”
It probably was. A good job, that is. Except I hadn’t done it. “I didn’t—”
Haures hand smacked over my mouth. I felt a sharp leopard claw pressing into somewhere Blondie might have been interested in. “I said—” the claw pressed a little deeper “It’s a good job you noticed the bomb, Shadow. And told me to protect you all. Right?” The claw retracted. An open bottle appeared in Haures’ hand. I could smell the Unicorn Horn. I grabbed the bottle from an enslaved Grand Duke of Hell who was clearly so much in my power he was going to do exactly what he wanted. I drank.
* * * * *
Two minutes ago
“Because Barbas’ bloody games are giving me a bloody headache!”
It was starting to make sense. But making sense would have to wait. “Haures?”
“Yes, Jack?”
“There’s a bomb. Make the bloody triangle bigger!”
* * * * *
The inferno outside the walls of the triangle raged. I didn’t think I’d have to worry about Twinkle being found. Or Jimmy. Or—I did a quick count. It’s amazing what you can fit behind a wall.
“That was close!” Prowess tried to touch the flames. People do that. I’ve never known why. “How did you know, Jack?”
Prowess. Prowess-now, who one day would be Prowess-Up-Ahead. Prowess, who one day would nudge me. Unless I had things totally wrong, she wasn’t going to be very happy. She’d probably find some way to blame me for it. So what else was new. I nodded at the Grand Duke of Hell. “That’s it, right, Haures?”
Haures nodded. “Right.” He waited.
Prowess stamped her foot. “Either someone tells me what’s going on, or….”
“Or what, P?” I grinned. I could see a little vein pulsing in Haures’ forehead.
“Well, or something! You just see if I don’t!” Apparently that was what passed for gaining a tactical advantage in Prowess world. I sighed.
“Stop playing silly buggers, Shadow. You have to bloody well say it. Or I’m going to get another migraine. ” The little vein in my maybe-not-captive Grand Duke of Hell’s forehead was getting bigger.
Prowess stamped her foot. Again. “Say what Jack? You know, that’s a really, really big vein, Mr Haures.”
I sighed. “Souls.”
“Phew. That’s better.” The vein in Haures’ forehead stopped pulsing. “Indeterminate temporal flux flows. Give me gas, they do.” He looked meaningfully at me. “And bloody migraines.”
If you could answer a question someone was going to ask you before they asked it, because you knew they were going to ask it, and then they didn’t ask, you’d probably get migraines too. But there it was. “Souls. It makes sense.”
“Shadow. If I have to stamp my foot again, it’s going to be on your damn … er, your bloo—” Prowess stopped. “Jack? What’s a Bad Word that isn’t really Bad?”
I shrugged. “Blasted?”
Prowess lips moved as she tried it out. Then she smiled. “Blasted. Thanks, Jack.” She straightened her back, and glared at me. “Shadow. If I have to stamp my—”
I patted her on her head. People don’t like that. Probably why I do it. “I get it, P.”
Prowess flushed. “Well?”
“See, it’s like this, P. Or I think it is.” And I told her. Told her how, if you’re going to go round nudging things, you have to be able to know not just what you’re changing, but what you’re changing it to. If the future is just the memory of all the souls there are, and if changing things just changes what souls remember, then it probably helps if you don’t have one to remember with. To be changed by. A soul, that is.
I’ve always been more a jazz man anyway.
“But that doesn’t make sense.” Prowess’ brow furrowed. She must have thought it needed help, because she made four more eyebrows and furrowed those too. She looked at Haures. “If it’s the soul that remembers, and Jack hasn’t got one, how does he…?”
Haures shrugged. “Remember? He doesn’t.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he remembers.” Blondie shook her head at Haures. “He’s the best there is, and he’d hardly be that if someone had to remind him how to dress himself every morning.”
“Trust me. He doesn’t. You can’t change things if you can remember them. If you have a soul. Otherwise you’d be changing yourself. Like lifting yourself up with your own bootstraps.” Haures looked down at bare leopard feet. “Well. If you wear boots, anyway. No. You need to stay the same. But you still need to keep track. So you need something to remember them for you.” Haures snickered at Blondie. “Something to keep you dressed, perhaps. Not that you’d know a lot about dressing men. Right, lizard?”
“Lizard? Lizard! I’ll….”
“Right. Of course you will. But you’ll what?” Haures walked over to Blondie. “Here I am, lizard. Show me what you’re going to do.” He waited. “Right. I thought not.” He turned back to me. “Look. We really don’t have time for this. If Barbas is lending Vlad hell-fire, he’s close to getting involved himself. And—”
Things were getting out of hand. Which is mostly about the time they get out-of-hand-er. This time was no different.
“And what, Duke Huaras?” The hell-fire was gone. The Lion that had taken its place was another matter.
“Haures?” Prowess’ voice was strained.
Haures grinned. “Are you certain, Shifter? The choice must be yours.”
Prowess scribbled on the ground. “It’s the thought that counts, right? Now get in the damn circle, Fallen.” Smiling, Haures stepped into Prowess’ Binding. The large one still round me and Blondie fell. As it did, Prowess screamed. A sheet of Shifter flew through the air and wrapped itself round the Lion. The Lion Shifted, twisted—and a bearded man fell to the ground. The man rolled, crouched, and raised a hand. I had an idea the sparks glittering at the tips of his fingers weren’t what he was expecting. “Oh.” He backed against a once again undamaged wall. “Crap.”
I recognized the voice. “Hey, Jack.” All it needed was a tapping cane.
See, some days you’re just not yourself. And some days, you’re not even sure who ‘yourself’ is supposed to be. But it doesn’t matter. Because whoever you are, you’ll be someone else soon enough. That’s just how it goes.
Or how it’s going to.
Chapter Nineteen
Angel Down
The thing about Fallen Angels is, they can’t be killed. Which is a real bitch if you have to off one so you can off someone else, so they don’t get to off you. It was time for Jack’s First Rule. If you can’t win? Change the victory conditions.
Maybe I should start again.
* * * * *
“Remember? He doesn’t.” Haures shook his head.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he remembers.” Blondie shook her head at Haures. “He’s the best there is, and he’d hardly be that if someone had to remind him how to dress himself every mornin
g.”
“Trust me. He doesn’t. You can’t change things if you can remember them. If you have a soul. You need something to remember them for you.” Haures snickered at Blondie. “Something to keep you dressed, perhaps. Not that you’d know a lot about dressing men. Right, lizard?”
If this was going to work, I’d have to move fast. I swallowed some more of the bottle Haures had given me, and grabbed Prowess. I had no idea when we were, but the walls of 350 were in one piece.
* * * * *
A month ago
“Jack! What—” Prowess looked round wildly. Not half as wild as I figured she was going to be though.
I hit her with my left, hard enough to make the skin split. Her blood soaked into my fist. Most women stop talking when you do that. “Not now, P. We have to talk.” Of course, Prowess wasn’t most women. There were teeth. There were tentacles. Mostly there was screaming, and a great deal of trying to kill me. It wasn’t the first time. I had no idea if it was going to be the last. Or if it was never going to happen at all. “P! Stop messing around!”
The tentacles relaxed. “Or what, Shadow?”
“Or Vlad won’t know who the hell I am.”
Prowess shifted back to being Prowess. “What?”
“I think I’ve got it.” I knew I had. I just didn’t know how. “Vlad-y-lad wants me waxed. Which means he can’t.” Prowess was looking confused. I knew how she felt. “Or rather, it means he won’t. Because the Vlad we saw? He didn’t know who I was. And if he’d put me down, he’d know, right? So the only way he could not remember me isn’t because he killed me.”