“Captain Holt?” Kira asked, puzzled. Is he the man visiting my dreams? The name seemed familiar. Yes, she knew a Captain Holt, at least it seemed like she did. The full effect of the nurse’s words slowly sunk in and began to make sense to Kira’s foggy brain. Understanding gave way to panic.
“I was shot?” she blurted out. Kira’s monitor began to alarm at the sudden jump in heart rate. “How? What happened to me?” She desperately tried to search her memory, but it was like fishing in a polluted lake. She only caught tires and tin cans, fragments of memories that didn’t make sense.
“Yes, you were shot on a mission,” Cameron said, as she began to clean Kira with the pan of warm soapy water.
“Wait. What? On a mission? What does that even mean?” Kira gripped the blankets up around her.
“Try to calm down. You are a captain in the Army, a doctor. You were on an assignment and got shot. They will be here soon to debrief you and hopefully that will help you remember some of what happened. Don’t be alarmed if you have trouble remembering right now. After a trauma, sometimes it takes a while for everything to come back. Just be patient.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not laying in a hospital bed with a hole in your chest.” Kira hated the vulnerable feeling of not knowing what was going on. She scanned the room for clues to who she was. Sadly, the beige walls and linoleum floor held no answers for her. She stared at the IV poles and bags of antibiotics hung suspended, delivering Zosyn and Vancomycin. I know those antibiotics. My infection must be severe.
“Is my wound infected?” Kira asked, nodding at the bags of medication.
“The wound doesn’t look too bad. But you had a severe pneumonia and became septic. You were on the ventilator for a few weeks.” Cameron started to say something else, but bit her lip and continued trying to give Kira a bath.
Kira retreated to the quiet of her thoughts. What had I been working on? Who was the man who had been visiting me? Was he even real, or something I imagined to cope with this? She knew that patients in the ICU often woke with tales of events and people that never really came. How can I know that, and not remember what happened to me?
A knock at the door interrupted the silence.
“Just a moment,” Cameron called toward the wood door. The captain is just getting cleaned up. She helped Kira into a fresh gown and covered her with a clean sheet and blankets. “How do you feel about a meal tray? If I order one, do you think you could try to eat?”
“I guess so. I’ll try,” Kira answered, but she wasn’t thinking of food. All she cared about was wondering who was on the other side of that door and what answers they might have.
Cameron smiled, seeing the eagerness on her face and finished tidying up. “Ok, you can come in now,” she called.
The door swung open. In walked a tall blond man wearing designer jeans and a Loden Crew cashmere sweater. “Kira! You’re awake! How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?” He beamed big blue eyes at her as he spoke.
She stared at him puzzled. There was no doubt that he was beautiful, but something was off. Was this really the man who had been visiting me? Why had I pictured him so differently?
“Kira, honey, are you ok?” he asked, looking concerned and stepped closer to her bed.
Instinctively, Kira withdrew.
“Captain Riley is having a little difficulty with her memory right now. She just woke up a few moments ago. I know that you are excited to talk with her, Captain Holt, but she may need a little time,” Cameron interjected, stepping between Kira and Holt. “Why don’t you have a seat, Captain, and you guys can catch up. I think that Major Stephens is on his way for her debriefing. I called him as soon as she woke up. Captain Riley, I am right out here if you need me. I’m just going to order you some breakfast.”
They watched in silence as Cameron walked out of the room. Kira wrung her hands in her lap, unsure of what to say to this handsome stranger that she was supposed to know. After a few moments, she glanced over at him. He was studying her quietly. How well do I know this man? Are we together? Are we friends? Kira felt hot tears begin to well up in her eyes and she swallowed hard.
“Kira. It’s going to be ok. The important thing is that you are waking up. I’ve been here every day since you got here and I’m not going anywhere. We can get through this together. I’m not going to let you down.” He reached out and took her hand, flashing his Captain America smile. His soft, almost manicured hand held hers. Then he leaned in closer. “Do you remember me at all?” he asked softly, staring at her with those bright blue eyes.
Kira couldn’t be sure, but he seemed almost full of himself. She immediately felt guilty for thinking that. Here he was at her bedside, where he had been for weeks it seemed, saying all the right things, and she was judging him. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.
“I’m sorry, Captain Holt, I can’t seem to remember much of anything. Your name is familiar. I feel like I know you or I should know you.” Kira squeezed his hand back. How would I feel if the situation was reversed? If she had sat by his beside for weeks, praying for him to be ok, then when he did wake up, he had no clue who she was … she knew she would be crushed. “Maybe things will start to come back in time. I understand the medical terms that Cameron has been spouting all morning, and she said I am a doctor, so that makes sense, right?”
“Don’t worry about anything. You have had a tremendous trauma. Sweetheart, I am here for you. I’m not going anywhere. The important thing is that you are ok.” He paused and stroked her hand.
Kira couldn’t explain why it felt more patronizing than endearing.
“You don’t have to worry about medicine or the army anymore. As soon as you are well enough I’ll take you home and you can just focus on getting stronger.” His voice was soft and tender, but his words sent a chill down Kira’s spine.
“Are we?” Kira swallowed. How can I ask this? What kind of bitch am I, anyway? “Are we a couple? Do we live together?”
His face fell. He rubbed her hand for a minute and then looked her in the eyes. “Our relationship has grown over the last year from friends to …” he paused, and smiled up at her. “You know what? I don’t want you to feel rushed. Let’s just take it one day at a time. I will be here, my love, when you are ready. We can fix up a guest bedroom any way you want. That way you won’t feel pressured, but I can still take care of you until you are ready.”
Kira didn’t know what to say. How do you tell your boyfriend that the whole time you were in a coma you were dreaming of someone else? She had to get a grip on herself. That was just a dream … a stupid fantasy. She heard him say it. Captain Holt was the one here with her this whole time. The other man must have been her imagination. Maybe he was someone from my past? Kira racked her brain, but nothing came.
She was relieved when Cameron reentered the room followed by an entourage of uniformed officers. Holt moved away to the side of the room.
“Captain Riley, this is Major Stephens. He is here to do your debriefing. I’ll be out here if you need anything. Breakfast is on the way, and Dr. Roberts will be in to check on you as soon as you guys get finished.”
“Captain Riley. It’s nice to be able to talk with you. Let me start by saying, thank you for your service. We are going to do a debriefing; do you understand what that is?”
“No, sir,” Kira answered instinctively. “I guess I should know. I’m sorry, sir. My memory is all jumbled since I woke up. Cameron, the nurse, told me that I am a military doctor.” Kira felt vulnerable and useless.
“It’s ok. Your memories may return in time. For now, we are going to walk you through what happened and that may help your memory some.” He paused and looked over his clipboard. The uniformed woman in the back was jotting notes.
The major smiled at her. “Captain Riley, this is Dr. Meadows. She is a psychiatrist with JSOC. She will be working with you while you are here at Walter Reed.”
Dr. Meadows looked up and offered a genuine smil
e.
“Nice to meet you,” Kira said, searching the woman for a sign of hope.
“Likewise. I am here for anything you need,” she answered quietly, and offered a genuine smile before she returned to her notebook.
“Captain Riley, you and Captain Holt were deployed almost four months ago, with a team from Fort Carson to Iquitos, Peru, to study the Zika virus. Does any of this sound familiar to you?”
The Zika virus. Alarm bells were going off in Kira’s mind. Did I work on that? Something didn’t sound right. “It sounds familiar … I just can’t,” Kira stammered, half thinking aloud. She turned to the major. “I just can’t … I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok. That’s what we are here for,” the major offered.
Kira sat wrapped in her blankets while the major and Holt filled her in on the details of the mission. They informed her that her team had successfully collected all the needed specimens and they were preparing to return home. As she listened to the ins and outs she kept thinking there was something more. Something isn’t right. Something is missing from the story. But what? She snapped back into the present in time to hear Holt describe how they had gone out to a bar when they were kidnapped.
“Kidnapped!” Kira exclaimed, alarmed. Someone I knew had been kidnapped. Recently. Someone had been kidnapped. Someone else, not me. This doesn’t make any sense.
Holt described how they had been thrown in a van and how he resisted, but he was beaten and a hood thrown over his head. The sudden smell of vomit and blood lurched forward from Kira’s darkest memories and filled her nose.
“The hood,” she said, putting her hand up over her mouth, “the smell of that hood … was fear and anguish and death all rolled into one.”
“That’s right. Can you remember anything else?” the major asked, sounding hopeful.
Kira searched but there was only darkness. Then sudden pain, and someone speaking Spanish. She closed her eyes and tried so hard to remember more. “Just the darkness and pain, and someone yelling at me in Spanish, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.” She stifled back tears. Of all the things to remember, why this?
The major seemed to sense her frustration and took over, “You and Captain Holt were kidnapped by drug lord Gerson Galvez. While you were captive, his compound came under attack from a rival group called The Shining Path. Captain Holt used the ensuing chaos to escape and find you. When he did, you had been shot and were unconscious. Captain Holt managed to get you out of harm’s way. You were badly wounded, so he had to perform life saving measures using equipment he found in a veterinary clinic on the compound.”
Kira sat stunned. Tears filled her eyes and she turned to Holt, “You … you saved my life? You risked yours to save me and get me out alive?”
“I would do anything for you, Kira. I would never leave you behind.” Holt moved closer to her and took her hand once again.
Reflexively, Kira started to pull away. What the fuck is wrong with me? He could have died saving my life. I owe him everything. Kira softened, and squeezed his hand back. She didn’t know why her heart and mind dreamt of someone else when this real man stood here loving her.
The major cleared his throat and shot Holt a stern look. Kira was surprised by how upset he looked. The creases on his forehead deepened into canyons as his brows knitted together. The knuckles on the hand holding his pen whitened with his grip. He cleared his throat again, and Holt took a step back from Kira.
The major continued, “The beacon Captain Holt was wearing allowed us to track you two and send in a special operator team to pull you out. They helped Captain Holt stabilize you and bring you to the extraction zone. The enemy enforcers shot your vehicle as it reached the river, and there was an explosion. You suffered additional injuries in the crash. They had to perform CPR when you were brought onto the boat, and they stabilized you in flight. You were brought here.”
“Was anyone else hurt in the crash?” Kira blurted out. “Was anyone hurt trying to rescue me?” She sat eyes wide, searching the faces in the room.
“Yes ma’am. One soldier was killed and another injured,” the major answered.
“Oh … oh, God. I’m … I’m so sorry.” Kira began to cry. She felt completely responsible for their fate. Kira knew this was her fault. “What are their names?” she asked between sobs.
Holt and Dr. Meadows came to her side.
“I think we have covered more than enough for today,” Dr. Meadows interjected. “Captain Riley, we can talk more when you are ready. I will come to see you every day while you are here. We can work on those memories and dealing with them as you are ready.”
“But what about the soldiers?” Kira bellowed at them. “What are their names? Please, I need to know.”
“The fallen soldier was Sergeant Chip Colin but the injured soldier’s identity is classified,” the major answered, and stared at her as if he was gauging her reaction.
Sergeant Chip Colin. Kira knew that name. She was sure of it. “I … I think I know that name,” she replied. “Do I … Did I know him?” She turned from the major to Holt, searching for an answer.
“I’m not sure how you would,” Holt spoke up. Our group didn’t have any interaction with special forces.
“Oh … it just seems like … I don’t know. I’m just so sorry for him and his family.” Kira was crying again. She had caused this young man to lose his life. Holt came back to her side and put his arm around her.
The major and the other officers stood to leave. The major paused at the door and shot a disapproving look at Holt. “I would be very cautious with how you proceed, Captain Holt.” He then turned and strode out the door. Kira caught a glimpse of his balled-up fist as he left.
“What was that about?” Kira asked, genuinely confused by the major’s behavior.
“He just worries about us being too close. He’s right though. With your memory loss we need to take it slow. I don’t want you to ever feel like you were taken advantage of,” he said stroking her hair.
Kira leaned her head into his chest. Waves of lemon, verbena, and peppermint overpowered her nostrils. What kind of cologne is that? Kira blinked a couple times and coughed. Maybe if less was applied it wouldn’t be so overwhelming. She was grateful for everything he had done for her, but she couldn’t shake the thoughts of the mystery man in her dreams.
STARK SAT IN the back of the Lincoln Town Car and held the wooden box in his lap. He had worked tirelessly over the last three weeks to be strong enough to make this trip. He was still a couple months away from being able to use the prosthetic but he was healing well. The town car rolled through the wet streets of Akron, Ohio. Stark looked out at rows of saltbox houses. Built in the '20s, the area had definitely seen better days. It was a town that had given it’s best to factories that were now closed. Their sons were given to war. How many mothers would get the same call?
The weekend retreat from the hospital would not be one of R & R. He had missed the funeral. By the time, he had come around after surgery and the postoperative drugs, Colin had already been laid to rest. Still, Stark had to make this journey. He needed to look into the eyes of his best friend’s mother and tell her he was sorry. He needed to hold her in her grief, and let her know the hero her son was. He looked down at the wooden box. It held everything that remained, including his watch, some items from base that he had Paige send, and a letter that Colin had asked him to give his mother if ever he didn’t make it home. His heart lurched. Today would undoubtedly be the hardest day of his life.
The town car pulled to a stop in front of the gray and white two story house. The soldier that drove got out and retrieved Stark’s wheelchair from the trunk. Stark waited. He could hear the man opening it and rolling it over the wet street to his side of the vehicle. This was his new normal. Waiting, at the mercy of those who would have time to help him. The car door opened and the soldier reached in to retrieve Sergeant Stark and placed him in the chair on the sidewalk.
“Thank you. I
can get it from here,” Stark said, and began wheeling himself up the sidewalk toward the house. Stark had been in the gym every day in the last two weeks working his upper body and back. He fought the pain and depression with every muscle he had left. The soldier quietly followed him up the sidewalk. Stark started to tell him to wait, then realized there was no way for him to make it up the steps alone. He swallowed hard. He was going to need help. Three steps. Two months ago he would have never given them a second thought. Three steps … one, two, three … up and over them like nothing. It was nothing when you had two legs. He looked down at the pinned pants leg of his dress uniform, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.
The transport soldier went up the small concrete steps and knocked on the door. In just a few moments, movement could be heard in the house. How will she react? Will she hate me for living when her boy had died? Will she cry, curse, and slap my face for taking her baby away? Stark sat ready for whatever she needed to unleash. He knew he deserved it.
The inner door opened and a stout woman with silver hair appeared behind the screen. She looked puzzled when she saw the transport soldier, but then her eye caught Stark and she froze.
“Ma’am, my name is David. I am a transporter with the United States …” David began, but she didn’t let him finish.
Tears filled her eyes and her hands flew up to her mouth. She kissed the rosary around her neck and made the sign of the cross. Then, like a shot she came bursting out of the house nearly knocking David off the porch, and flew down the steps to Stark. She threw her arms around him and held him tight. “Welcome home, my sweet boy.” Tears streamed down the old woman’s face and spilled onto Stark.
Weeks of trying to be strong and brave gave way in this Irish mother’s arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry,” he sobbed. “He was my brother. I loved him. I’m so sorry I let you down.” Stark held nothing back. They held each other there on the cold sidewalk forever, bonded by a love for a man, a son, a brother that would never come home …
Stark Resolution (Stark Trilogy Book 3) Page 10