“Let’s go inside and get you something to eat,” she instructed.
The transport soldier helped Stark up the steps and into the living room. He looked down at rust colored carpet that was probably the same fibers Colin played on as a child. Pictures lined the brick mantle. A variety of frames displayed her only son as he grew from a chubby-faced infant with strawberry hair, to a freckle faced ball player. The awkward adolescent with bright red hair who stood a foot taller than his date, smiled at Stark with a goofy grin he knew all too well. There at the end of the mantle past all the memories of youth, was a strong, brave young man in his dress uniform. Freshly graduated from boot camp, he stood ready to defend his country. Stark stared back into the determined eyes. He remembered all the times he had looked into that face, knowing when his brother had his back he could face anything.
A triangular shaped glass case behind the picture caused a lump to form in his throat. The brass plate read: This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.
At the edge of the fireplace was a corner made of solid cherry. Stark knew it well. He and Colin had purchased it from a wood worker at a little shop outside of Denver. They had been on one of their epic road trips. Shit, that was almost eight years ago. They didn’t have a way to get it back to their hotel so they rode the bikes the ten clicks to the hotel and ran back on foot. They had carried that damn thing between them all the way back to the hotel, then paid to have it shipped to Laura. Every shelf contained pictures and mementos of he and Colin. There they were, outside of Kandahar. There was a picture he had taken of Colin as he secured the landing zone for a chinook helicopter outside of Taloquan. He looked like a damn cowboy, bushy red beard and all. Oh God, that one was in Gardez. Sergeant Miller had taken a picture of them side by side weapons out. They stood with all the bravado and shit eating grins of men who had been to hell and back, and came out alive. I miss you buddy.
Laura Colin came in carrying a tray with some tea and sugar. She offered some to David, the transport soldier, and then set the tray on the coffee table.
“I remember you like sugar, no cream,” she said doing her best to smile. Frail hands trembled, as she remembered out loud. “Chip liked it that way too. He never was much of a tea drinker though,” she said with a chuckle.
“Laura, I had to come see you.” Stark began. How was he going to be able to do this?
“Of course you did, my boy. You have always been my boy too,” she said, offering him the cup.
He took it, letting the warmth seep into his rough hands. “I needed to come to tell you I am sorry. I failed him. This mission was my call. I took him into harm’s way, and I couldn’t bring him out again.” Tears began to fall again as he spoke and he set the cup back onto the tray.
Laura reached out and took his hand in hers. “My Chip was no coward. I know that he willingly went where he was needed. I have no doubt that you all put yourselves at risk. He knew what he was doing. This is not your fault. You did what you had to do.”
“But I couldn’t save him. God knows I tried. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t strong enough. I failed him, and you. He should be here, not me. If I could have just …” He struggled for words.
“No.” Tears fell softly down her wrinkled cheeks. “All the if only’s in the world won’t bring him back. You are here. You did come home. That is a precious gift. You owe it to him and yourself to make the most of every opportunity. For Colin, you need to keep his memory and spirit alive. If you sink into regret and feeling sorry for yourself, you are wasting your chance. You are wasting his memory. I love you. I believe in you.” She hugged him tightly.
Stark hugged her back, letting go of every ounce of pain and regret. If she could forgive him, then maybe, just maybe, one day he could forgive himself.
“You need to drink your tea. I have some potato soup on the stove too. Look at you, you’re wasting away to nothing. Don’t they feed you in that army hospital?” She sat up and handed him the tea cup again.
Stark wiped his face and took the cup. “I brought you some of his things. Some things were from our base, but the watch he was wearing … he loved that stinking thing.” He opened the box and handed it to her.
She laughed, and picked up the watch. “I think he would rather you have it,” she said smiling.
Stark laughed. He had given Colin hell over that watch. Through hell and high water that damn thing still worked. Right now, there was nothing on earth he would rather have. Stark knew he would wear it every day. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Very sure,” she said, smiling through her tears, and helped him put it on. Then she reached back into the box and took out the letter. She held it, and looked up at Stark.
“He asked me to give this to you personally, if he ever …” Stark couldn’t finish.
She held it for a moment and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and began to open the seal. The outside was addressed simply, “Mama.” Her hand trembled and she held it out to Stark. “Could you read it to me? I seem to have misplaced my glasses.”
“Yes ma’am,” he said, and opened the parchment.
Dear Mama,
Well, if you are reading this, then I must have gotten myself into a mess. This is gonna be hard for you to read, but I need you to know how much you mean to me, even if I don’t always show it.
My whole life you’ve always been there for me. Guiding, loving, and whipping my ass when needed. (Sorry for cursing. Blame Stark he rubbed off on me. I swear I tried to drag his sorry ass to church every Sunday.) You have always been the best example of strength and humor. I know raising me alone wasn’t easy. You made sacrifices every day to provide for me. Please don’t think it went unnoticed. I hope that despite all my shenanigans, in the end I made you proud. I have always tried to be the kind of man that you would want me to be.
Please, Mama, dry your tears and put on a brave face. Know your son gave his all doing what he loved for a country he loved more than anything. I have a favor to ask you. Look after Stark for me. I gave him this letter to bring to you in the event of my death because I know without you it will destroy him. We are as close as any two brothers could be. If I have gone, I pray that my life would save his. Help him to live on and be strong. Look after each other.
I love you both.
Chip
Stark could barely breathe as he finished reading. Even in death Colin was looking out for him. He folded the letter carefully and handed it back to Laura. Look after each other. The words rang out in Stark’s mind. He wouldn’t let Colin down.
“I have something for you,” she said, jumping up as if she had left a pot on the stove. She returned with an envelope and turned to the transport soldier, “David, could you excuse us for just a moment? Would you mind to wait outside?”
“Yes ma’am.” David turned and went outside. She watched him descend the steps and walk toward the car.
“I found something in Chip’s things that I think maybe you should have. I didn’t open it or try to see what was on it because I wasn’t sure if it was something I should see. I am hoping you will know what to do with it.” She sat back down on the couch opposite Stark. Carefully, she handed him the envelope.
Stark noted it was one of the plain manila envelopes like his possessions had been in as well. “Was this from the things he had on him?” Stark asked, a glimmer of hope starting to build.
“Yes. As I said I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but I had a feeling you would.” Her eyes flashed a hint of excitement through the sadness.
Stark opened the envelope and poured the contents out into his hand. “Laura Colin, you are an angel!”
KIRA PICKED AT soggy hospital eggs. Gross. Just Gross. She decided that there was nothing worse than the bland flavorless eggs that graced her tray each morning. She was going to eat up though. Cameron had told her that if she worked hard and got stronger she would be
able to go home soon.
“Good news!” Cameron came into her room, cheerful as usual. “You are going to a regular room today. You have graduated out of ICU.”
“You seem awful happy to get rid of me,” Kira said with a smirk.
“I’m just glad to see you doing better. You had us all really worried there for a while. Finish your breakfast and I will get your things together. I have already called report. We can move you to the fifth floor as soon as you are ready.” Cameron bustled around the room gathering the few items that Holt had brought her.
In no time at all, Cameron had her packed up and ready to move to her new room.
“Let’s get you into this wheel chair and head up to 5C. You will have a private room, like here, but a little more privacy and your own bathroom. Are you excited to actually get a shower?” Cameron asked as they started to roll down the hall.
“A real shower? Oh, hell yes!” Kira exclaimed. This day is starting to look up already. They approached the bank of elevators and she saw a group of people were already waiting.
“Oh, shoot,” Cameron said. I forgot some of your paperwork. Wait here for me, ok? I’ll be right back.”
“Ok. It’s not like I can go anywhere,” Kira responded, giving Cameron a look.
“True that. I swear I’ll be five minutes or less.” She hung Kira’s bag of belongings on the handle of the chair and took off back up the hall.
Kira sat back and decided to people watch. There were two elevators; one elevator was stopped on the fifth floor. Another was down on second. The lower elevator began to make its way up. When it reached the third, the doors opened and a group of medical residents filed out. Kira had a flashback of her surgery rotation. She liked surgery. Kira vividly remembered staying in the hospital for the whole eight weeks so that she could get in on as many surgeries as possible. She recalled sleeping in the on-call room and studying between procedures. These were real memories!
The other elevator door opened and caught her off guard. A few civilians and medical personnel filed out. In the moment between the group leaving and the group entering, Kira heard a voice that took her breath.
“What floor?” the familiar male voice asked the first woman who entered.
A simple question, but it sent a heat wave over her body. Who the hell was that? She strained to see who it belonged to but other people filed in and the doors closed. Damn it!
Cameron returned, but both elevators had gone. They would have to wait for the next round. Kira was still reeling from the near encounter. She had to be losing her mind. The first elevator returned, but it was going the wrong way, so they waited for the second one. Please let him still be on it. She begged the universe. But who am I waiting for? She had to laugh at herself. She was waiting for an imaginary man who visited in dreams and rode elevators.
The doors opened. A few women exited and Cameron pushed her toward the waiting door. When they entered, her heart stopped. The air was filled with the scent of bergamot, pepper, and lavender. Kira inhaled deeply. Her heart raced. Had he been here? That voice, his scent. She could feel him all around her. Suddenly she knew the name of the cologne. It was Burberry London. Why do I know that? She had seen it on the bathroom counter. Images flashed in her mind. His skin on hers. Steam filled the bathroom. They were in a marble and glass shower. She could see his hands running down her body. Her hand was on the foggy glass. He stood at the sink with his naked backside to her after he got out. He lifted the bottle and sprayed it. Her eyes flew wide open. It belonged to Owen Stark!
Her mind was still racing when they arrived at her new room. She had to regain focus. That’s it. Focus on the room. At least this one had a window. The sunlight was a welcome sight. The much larger room had a couple of visitor chairs and sweet Lord in heaven, a bathroom with a real shower! Kira beamed from ear to ear. She couldn’t get Stark’s shower out of her thoughts.
“Hello, Captain Riley. My name is Crystal. I’m going to be your nurse here on 5C. If you need anything, just let me know, ok? Wow, look at those cheeks! Did you run up here?” Crystal asked, with a mischievous smile.
“I think she got a little flustered waiting for the elevators. I had to run back to get some paperwork. Her memory is still fuzzy and that has to be scary. Kira I’m sorry for leaving you out there. Crystal is going to take good care of you, but if you need me just call, ok?” Cameron hugged her.
“Thanks Cam. I will.” Kira was incredibly thankful for how caring everyone had been since she woke up. She watched Cameron leave and regretted not asking her if anyone else had been to visit.
Crystal helped her get situated and brought fresh towels and a bag of toiletries. “Well, Captain Riley, it looks like you have the green light for a real shower. How does that sound?”
“Amazing. Beyond amazing. It sounds like freaking heaven. Please, call me Kira.” Kira beamed and took the bag of toiletries. She picked up the Hermés tote and looked it over, puzzled. “Wait, this can’t be mine.”
“Pricey, huh? It arrived for you at the nurses station about an hour ago. The girls have been so excited. It’s a Hermés bag!” Crystal squealed with excitement.
The brand didn’t ring a bell. In fact she was sure she had never seen the bag before. “Who brought it?” she asked, unsure if she should open it. “Maybe it was delivered by mistake.”
“Look. The tag has your name and room number on it. Open it up!” Crystal said, looking over her shoulder.
Kira opened the teal blue, leather tote and started removing teal tissue paper with gold embossing. Inside was a robe, loofah, slippers, Rahua shampoo and conditioner, and a bottle of Honey Meil and White Jasmine Bath and Shower Cream from Perlie. Her mouth dropped open. The memory of the first time she had seen that body wash in Aspen flooded her mind. Had he sent this? Did he bring it? Could he be here somewhere?
Just then, Holt walked in. He looked from the bag to Kira. At first, he looked surprised, but then said, “Hey you got your bag! I thought it would arrive later today. Surprise sweetheart. I had it filled with all your favorites.”
Kira felt guilty because she couldn’t stop thinking about Owen Stark. Just his name gave her shivers. Bits and pieces of her memory started to return. She knew they had been together. But what happened? Why wasn’t he here? For a moment, she could have sworn that he had been on that elevator. Four days had passed since their near encounter and no sign of him anywhere. Had I just imagined him? One day when they were alone, she asked Crystal if she or the nurses recognized his name. They didn’t.
Another day, another crappy breakfast. Soggy eggs, a cardboard muffin and decaf coffee. Grrr. Who had put her on a cardiac diet? Today, she had physical therapy at nine a.m.. If she could pass a stress test and walk the treadmill without getting too winded, she would be well on her way to getting out of there and getting real food. Crystal had come in early and helped her change into a sweat suit that Holt had brought her. She looked at the clock. 8:37 a.m. Holt would be there soon. True to his word, he had shown up each day conveniently after breakfast and stayed most of the day.
He told her he had taken some leave due to the minor injuries he received during the crash so that he could stay with her until she was ready to go back to Colorado with him. Kira wondered what would happen if she was unable to fulfill her commitment to the Army. Would they assign her a different job if she was unable to gain her memory back? She didn’t want to be dependent on Holt. If they were going to be together, it was going to be on her terms and in her time.
Right on time, eight forty-five. on the dot, Holt was standing at the door of her room. “Hey there, princess. How was breakfast?” He seemed awfully chipper this morning.
“I’m not sure you can call that breakfast,” she grumbled, and started to get up to get her shoes.
“Hey, what are you doing?” He sprang across the room and got the shoes for her.
“You realize I am not broken, right? I have to do things for myself if I want to get out of here.” Kira hated her
self for being so short with him. She felt guilty every time she snapped at him. She knew he deserved better. “I’m sorry, Liam. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“It’s ok. You are just stressed about your memory. Are you still having bad dreams? Maybe you aren’t getting enough sleep. We could talk to Dr. Roberts about getting you some medication to help,” he offered.
“No!” she blurted. “I don’t want to take anything I don’t have to. When I couldn’t sleep earlier this week, I read an article about the incidence of drug addiction after trauma. I stopped taking the pain medication two days ago. I asked for only ibuprofen.”
“Well, I can see the doctor in you is coming back. Let’s get you ready for therapy shall we,” he said, helping her with her shoes.
“Why are you always in such a hurry to get to the gym?” she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. “You have your eye on a morning therapist or something?”
Holt froze, and Kira giggled. “Caught you, huh,” she teased.
“I don’t care about anyone in that gym but you. It just gets really crowded in the afternoons. Better to get in, and get out. Like you said, the sooner you complete all your benchmarks, we can go home.” He finished tying her shoes and grabbed the wheel chair.
“Can’t I just walk?” she pleaded. “It makes no sense to ride all the way there in a wheelchair, then walk on the treadmill. Why can’t we just go for a walk?”
“You know they want you on a monitor at first. Once they see how you are doing and know that you are strong enough, then you can go anywhere you want to.” He reached out to help her into the chair.
She took his hand pouting like a child. “Ok, you win. Let’s go.” Kira sat in the wheelchair and began the ride down the hall toward the bank of elevators. Over the past week, she had learned that Walter Reed was more like a small city than a hospital. The sight of the elevators excited her. The feeling of hope made her laugh at herself. What? She might smell someone who had the same cologne as someone she used to know? Fuck. She had to get out of there before she lost her mind.
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