The doors opened and they got in the car. Holt stood close, putting his arm on her shoulder. She wanted to pull away, but didn’t. She needed to ground herself in reality. Holt was her reality. If Owen Stark still cared, why didn’t he come to see me? Why isn’t he here with me day in and day out. Perhaps he was an ex that I just never really got over. Whatever the case, Liam Holt is here. He risked his life to save mine and has been by my side every step of the way. That she couldn’t ignore. She reached up and put her hand on his.
“Thanks, Liam. Thanks for being here for me. For everything.” She was still holding his hand when they reached the ground floor and the doors opened.
He leaned down and kissed her hair. “Baby steps, princess. I’m not going anywhere.” He stood up and wheeled her down the hall toward the corridor that would take them to building nineteen.
Owen Stark sat in his new wheelchair at The Wedge Café drinking black coffee and waited. The café’s location in the Arrowhead Zone of building nine gave him the perfect vantage point for the brightest part of his day. Any minute now, the doors would open and for a brief shining moment he would see her.
He wondered how she liked her bag of goodies. He had painstakingly made sure each item was exactly as she liked it. He hoped Holt had time to put the letter in it. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to contact her, but he had to at least send her something, some message to tell her that he would always love her. God, what he wouldn’t give to be close enough to tell her himself, to smell the jasmine in her hair, to touch her.
He knew better. He knew this was for the best. Why is it so damn hard to leave her alone?
The body wash, he had overnighted from Aspen. That shit was hard to find on short notice. He remembered her soft moans when he massaged it into her skin. Did she remember that too? Did she think of me? The major had told him she was dealing with some significant amnesia and that her memory may return in time, but it may not. The major had also advised him that it would be best to leave her alone, but he was already failing miserably at that.
Pathetically, he sat there each morning just to catch a glimpse of her as she went by. From this vantage point, he had a perfect view of her as she left the elevator, and the 8.6 minutes it took for them to walk the main hall across building nine. She and Holt never noticed the guy in the hoodie sitting in a wheelchair as they passed the café. He was beginning to learn that even here, most people didn’t see you when you were broken. Those who did averted their eyes to avoid the awkward pity and ugliness of a discarded toy.
Did I used to be like that too? Tall and strong, blessed with legs that let me go anywhere I wanted. Had I overlooked the fallen? Now that he had crossed through the looking glass he saw the world in a whole new light.
The elevator doors opened. This was it. Excitement gave way to shock as the floor opened up beneath him and he felt the ground give way. In the elevator, he saw Kira holding Holt’s hand. Not like you would hold on to a friend, but tender like a lover. His heart sunk and the room began to spin. Just then, Holt bent down and kissed her perfect jasmine hair. She smiled up at Holt as they started down the corridor.
Stark shook his head. NO! No. No. Fucking No! Memories came rushing like waves into his mind. He could still see her lying naked in his arms. He could smell the honey jasmine in her hair, feel her skin on his. No, God damn it! She was supposed to be looking at me like that, not Holt. Not the little fucking shit Holt, who would have left her to die in the jungle.
He watched helpless as they drew closer. She was laughing at something he said. Her eyes were beaming for the first time in days. He felt like he was going to vomit or scream. He wanted to jump out of the damn chair and tell the little shit to get his hands off her. He wanted to grab the little puke by the throat and choke the mortal shit right out of him. His hands balled up gripping the wheels of his chair.
His chair.
He wouldn’t be jumping up to do anything, but fall onto the damn floor. Some show of valiant chivalry. He wanted her, but she looked happy.
She looked really happy, without him.
Stark slumped back in his chair and watched her roll past. Despite the pain, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Soon, she would graduate physical therapy and be back to her normal activities. She would take off for Colorado, with Holt, and she would be gone.
The brightest part of his day turned into the darkest hour. Stark could barely stomach the idea of her starting a new life with Holt. Were they always supposed to be together? Had I just gotten in the way? If I had never run into her, would she and Holt have gotten together sooner? If I had just left her alone in the beginning, would she have even been sent to Peru in the first place? Would Colin still be alive …
Demons of doubt and fear ran through his head. Stark broke out into a sweat. His heart pounded in his ears. He was back in the water trying desperately to get Kira and Colin free from the debris. He fought and fought but he wasn’t strong enough.
“Mister … Mister …” a child’s voice called to him.
Stark’s vision came into focus. He was on the ground and had fallen from his chair. A little girl in a red and white dress stood over him. She patted him on the head like a puppy before her horrified parents snatched her up. She smiled bright blue eyes at him over her mother’s shoulders, her curls bounced with each step as she called out, “I’m sorry you fell down mister.” Kira was gone. She was nowhere in sight. All of that hell, and she was going to end up with Holt anyway.
“Hey there, soldier. Let’s get you up.” A couple of men in uniform helped him get back into his chair.
“Thanks,” he answered in the cold and broken voice of a man who had lost his dignity.
“No. Thank you for your service and your sacrifice. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” the young soldier offered.
Stark glanced down at the hallway, void of any sign of Kira. “Yeah, why the hell not. I don’t guess I’m going anywhere anyway.”
The young soldier held out his hand, “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Brian. I work with a group called VETSports.”
KIRA SAT ON the edge of the exam table while they affixed her with electrodes for the stress test. She wondered if Holt knew about her past with Stark. He had tried to be so thoughtful with the bag of toiletries, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that Stark was the first person to buy those for her.
She could see Holt through the blinds, sitting in the therapy area waiting patiently for her to get suited up. Does he love me? He must to be doing all this. Did I love him before all this? How could I still think of Stark so much if I did? Did Holt know? She desperately wished she could fill in the blanks of her memory.
“You’re all set,” Lindsay, the technician said. “Let’s get out here and see what you can do.”
Kira was ready. They walked to the treadmill and Lindsay got her all hooked up. “Ok, you’re ready. Let’s start off slow, shall we?”
“Ok.” Kira was ready to take off but she wanted to do this right. She wanted to run. As soon as her feet began to move on the conveyor, Kira felt it. I am a runner. She started slow with just a walk.
“Good. That’s it,” Lindsay encouraged, and documented Kira’s vitals.
Kira tolerated walking for about five minutes, but she longed to go faster. When Lindsay stepped away, Kira upped the speed until she got to a comfortable jog. There we go. Kira closed her eyes and began to really move. All she needed was her iPod. Hell yes, I am a runner.
“Woah! Slow down!” Lindsay exclaimed. “You’re going to get us both in trouble.”
“I’m just jogging. How are my vitals?” Kira asked, feeling alive for the first time in days.
“They’re … um … they’re great, actually. Ok, you can jog for a little bit, but not any faster, ok? You were on a ventilator just two weeks ago. Just take it easy,” Lindsay warned.
Suddenly, Kira remembered jogging on the trails near base. She ran up and down the mountains chasing Owen Stark. Damn, that man could move. No matt
er how she tried, she could never keep up with him. He was a perfect fucking specimen of a man.
Where was he? Did he even know she was here? Did he care? They must have broken up at some point, but when, and why? Her memory tortured her with breathless glimpses of a perfect life together. What the hell happened?
Stark sat listening to the two well-meaning soldiers. They genuinely seemed like they wanted to help. They couldn’t possibly know that he didn’t deserve their help. They had no idea that he had caused his best friend to lose his life. He listened, but he knew the help they offered wasn’t for him. It couldn’t be. They sounded like the major talking about a new start and getting involved. How the hell could they know what I am going through? What I had done.
“Do you have time to come with us to the sports center? There are some guys I would like you to meet,” Brian asked.
“Sure.” Stark wanted to crawl in a hole and die. He had just watched the love of his life move on without him. His best friend was gone. He didn’t want to go play some fucking games. Fuck, he couldn’t play if he wanted to. Am I really going to sit there and watch other people play sports? Fuck, this is going to be a waste of time. He started to change his mind, but where was he going to go? Back to his hospital room. Stare out the window and watch people who still had lives to live coming and going. Fuck, at least these guys were nice and meant well.
Stark pushed his own chair as they moved through the maze of hallways toward building nineteen. Brian and Jason were sharing stories about one of their softball teams and some of the shenanigans they got into. The way they talked to each other reminded Stark of his guys. They were like brothers. Man, I miss Colin. He thought of the messages the guys had left on his phone. He just couldn’t call them back yet. What would I say? He wasn’t one of them anymore. He was alone in this, and he knew it.
They reached the America Zone that housed multiple physical therapy areas. “We can cut through here to reach the locker room. We just need to change into some PT clothes and we’ll be ready,” Jason instructed and held a door open.
“Ok,” Stark answered. Whatever. He respected what they were trying to do. How could a couple of active duty guys know what I’m going through? He thought of Cyrus in the desert. Would that be my fate? Broken and forgotten by the system he gave his life to. Maybe that’s what I deserve.
Just before they reached the locker room, he caught sight of her. She was jogging like a gazelle on the treadmill, causing her trainer to have a fit. Stark chuckled. That’s my girl. “Hold on a minute.” How could he explain he just needed to watch her run? Damn. He could watch her move all day. “I’m just gonna wait here while you guys change.”
“Ok, sounds good. We have to head out the other side to the field though, so I’ll come get you when we are changed.” Brian patted him on the shoulder and disappeared into the locker room.
Sitting here less than fifty feet from her, he knew as long as he lived and breathed he would not have the strength to leave her alone. They were all trying to save him. The major, these guys, but what did they know about the monsters in his head? He had his chance at a perfect life and he blew it. He would never be himself again. The nightmares, the voices that played over every time he closed his eyes. Fuck this. He needed to get out of there and get a drink. He started backing up and made it almost to the door when he caught the edge of a small free weight stand with his chair. He got caught up and tried to break free. Fuck. He couldn’t get the fucking thing loose. Stark got pissed and threw his weight into it, knocking the stand over and sending weights rolling across the floor.
The commotion caused Kira to look up. For a split second their eyes met. His heart stopped in his chest. Embarrassment, fear, and self-loathing took over. Stark turned and saw the automatic doors to his left. He pushed the stupid chair as fast as it would go out into the hallway, and didn’t look back.
Kira was starting to get her groove back. Running was her drug. How could I have forgotten this? Her lungs were starting to burn, but she didn’t want to stop yet. The endorphins were taking her to a place she didn’t even know she missed. She was floating, each step lighter than the one before. She found her stride and wanted to crank it up. Blissfully, she let herself be taken into the rhythm of her heartbeat and her feet meeting the ground.
Just as she reached for the speed control, a crash on the other side of the gym caught her attention. A man in a wheelchair had gotten caught up in a stand of some kind. Poor guy turned it over trying to get loose. She watched him struggle. Why wasn’t anyone helping this poor guy?
In that moment, he looked up and his eyes met hers, and stole her heart. She felt like she had been living in the dark and now she hovered over a great divide. There was no mistaking Owen Stark. Memories rushed in and overwhelmed her. She felt like she was in a dream. Her whole life came crashing back in one terrible, beautiful moment when the darkness met the light. Her heart began to race, her palms were sweating, and she struggled to catch her breath.
“Woah, slow down. I think you have worn yourself out,” a faraway voice said.
Kira didn’t have time to listen. She saw him leaving. Why in God’s name was he leaving? She tried jumping off the treadmill and got tangled up in all the stupid wires.
“Wait!” she screamed across the gym as she fell, but he was already gone. Tears streamed down her face as she ripped at the leads. She had to go after him. Holt was at her side in seconds trying to pick her up.
“Get off me!” she yelled, and tried to fight her way free. Kira lost her breath and the room spun. “Owen!” she called, and the world went dark.
Kira awoke with her head in Holt’s lap and someone holding her legs up. Lindsey was fixing a nasal cannula on her face and administering oxygen. Slowly, the world came into focus. Kira squinted and looked from Holt to Lindsay. What the hell just happened?
“Hey beautiful, you passed out,” Holt said, wiping a strand of hair out of her face. “Just relax take some deep breaths. How are you feeling?”
“I … I saw Owen Stark … He was just here … I know I saw him,” Kira blurted. “Didn’t you see him?”
“Hon, I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m sorry. I was looking at my phone, and the next thing I knew, you fell off the treadmill.” He turned and gave Lindsay a dirty look. “I thought you were being monitored. I should have known better. You are trying to do too much. You need to take it easy.”
“Who is Owen Stark?” Lindsay asked, looking confused.
“He is a friend of hers. A sergeant from our base in Colorado,” he shook his head and looked around.
“Are you kidding me?” She was beyond frustrated. Kira sat up and looked around the gym. He was gone. She turned to Lindsay, “Did you see the man in the wheelchair?”
“Um, Captain Riley this is the physical therapy center at Walter Reed hospital. There are at least twenty guys in here in wheelchairs right now,” Lindsay offered, meekly.
“The one who got tangled in the weights and fell,” Kira almost yelled, as she pulled the oxygen tubing off her face.
“Yes, I guess I did hear the commotion, but then you fell and I was just worried about taking care of you,” Lindsay offered. “I guess I didn’t really pay attention to him.”
“Let’s go. Maybe he is still in the hallway. Come on. Please,” she begged Holt.
He looked like he had been hit by a bus. “Ok, hon. Let’s get you in a wheelchair and we’ll go look,” he sighed, and helped her up.
Lindsay grabbed her a wheelchair and brought it over. Why was everyone moving so slowly? She sat quickly and felt like a kid trying to get a pony to go. If she wasn’t so damn dizzy, she would have just ran.
They crossed the gym and moved into the hallway. Kira looked up and down the hall. No sign of him.
“Which way?”
“Let’s head back toward the main hospital and central buildings,” Holt offered, and started steering her in that direction. They moved from building nineteen to building three an
d into building five. They searched up and down the Heroes Zone, the Liberty Zone and the President’s Zone. Finally, they were almost back to the inpatient building. They hadn’t found a trace of him.
“It’s almost lunchtime. Let’s go back to your room.” He patted her shoulder, “I know you’re disappointed, hon. Tell you what, while you eat, I’ll check every nurse’s station to see if there are any patients by that name.”
“They aren’t going to tell you. That would be a HIPAA violation,” she said, dejected.
“Don’t worry. I have my ways. Nurses stations are filled with nurses,” he said, winking at her. “I’ll turn on the smolder.”
“Oh, you are full of shit,” she said, rolling her eyes. They reached the elevator and he carefully helped her back in. “Why would you do that?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, pushing the button for the fifth floor.
“Why would you go to the trouble to find him?” she asked, looking him dead in the eyes.
“Because it would make you happy. I would do anything to see you happy.” He squeezed her shoulder and winked at her again.
I am a shit. She looked up at Liam Holt. All this time he knew how she felt about Stark but he stayed anyway. He cared about her and loved her regardless. Here she was chasing ghosts and dragging him with her. She hated herself for treating Holt this way but she just couldn’t let go of the thought that Stark was there. If that was him why did he bolt? Didn’t he want to see me? Does he hate me that much? Had something happened between us that I don’t remember yet?
Stark Resolution (Stark Trilogy Book 3) Page 12