Men in Control: Special pack: The Smith Brothers Series

by Brenda Ford

  Oliver is silent for a couple of seconds, clearly trying to figure out what to say next. His next words better be good ones, or he is choosing the wrong side. I know that no one will want anything to come between our close-knit family, but Alex made his choice He chose to put his sexual needs before his family.

  “Alex could have anyone,” I remind Oliver. “He’s a fucking rock star with women throwing themselves at him all the time. He could have anyone in the world. Why Mandy? Why ruin everything for her?”

  “Don’t you want to find out?” Unfortunately, Oliver takes this the wrong way. He uses it as a way in. “Don’t you want to talk to Alex and find out why he risked everything for her? It isn’t like him, there must be a reason.”

  “I already did. He just told me that he ‘loves’ her. What sort of bullshit excuse is that?”

  Oliver nods and flickers his eyes downwards. “I thought as much. It has to be love, doesn’t it?”

  I snort. That has to be a joke. He can’t really think that love is a good excuse. Love for a woman should never over shadow love for your family. Especially when it’s something like this.

  “I’m going to Rachel’s house.” I shake my head at my brother. “You wait here for Alex and hear any excuses that you want. I don’t want to know anymore. I’m done with him. It’s over for me.”

  “No, Angelo, you can’t feel that way…” Oliver calls after me as I walk off. “Angelo, please.”

  But leaving him behind and walking away from Alex is the best thing I can do. I don’t want another fight; I don’t think that the police will leave it with a warning twice. I really don’t want to see him either. There is only one person that I want to be with right now, I just hope she wants to see me too.

  “Please don’t leave me as well, Rachel,” I plead to no one, just any deity who may or may not be listening to me. “I need you right now. More than anyone in the world.”

  “I just can’t figure it out, can you?” I demand while panting up and down in Rachel’s living room. “Not only Alex, I mean there is nothing that will ever make me understand him and what he did, but Oliver too. Why would he want to see Alex? Why wouldn’t he just turn his back on him? He should do.”

  Rachel doesn’t say much, but then she hasn’t said a lot since I first walked in to her home. I guess she doesn’t know what to say really, and it’s allowing me to just continue ranting which I do need. No one has listened to me without interrupting ever since I found out about Alex and Mandy, so I guess this is nice.

  “Do you think that the rest of my brothers will do the same? Take Alex’s side?”

  “I don’t think that Oliver was taking his side…” she offers. “Just trying to see a balanced point of view.”

  “There isn’t a balanced point of view. Not with this.” I shake my head so hard that my whole-body trembles. “There is right and wrong, and there isn’t a chance in hell that I can be seen in the wrong. This is a black and white issue and what Alex did deserve punishment. My brothers should block him out.”

  I already know that won’t happen. None of them are like that. Instead, they will try their best to draw us all together, to keep us as a family, no matter what I think about it. I suppose I can’t blame them for not wanting to fully hate Alex, but I’m never going to be okay with him again. I meant what I said, we’re through.

  “I just…” I toss my hands in the air, seriously irritated. “I’m just angry and… and sad.” That word hits me like a thump in the chest. “Really sad. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I can’t believe that Alex would go so far to hurt me. Even if that wasn’t his intention, that’s what he’s done. I don’t know if he gets it.”

  I stare at Rachel, all of a sudden realizing that this affects us too. In a way that I haven’t thought of before. Perhaps the reason that Rachel is so quiet is because I have been ranting for ages about my ex. And there is a reason for that. This does hurt because of what Alex did, but it’s also showed me what I already know. That I probably should have had some time before jumping from one relationship to the next, just to be fully ready for Rachel. To be the person that she deserves. I moved far too quickly to find my happiness with Rachel.

  Should I end things with her now to take a step back? Is this the time that me and Rachel need a breather? But I don’t want one. I know how I feel about her, and sure I have a little baggage, but who is to say that we can’t work through that together? She’s certainly been a rock for me recently through all of this. I need her now more than ever anyway. She’s all that I have. My family will need me to make things up with Alex to make our relationship work, which I’m not prepared to do, which makes Rachel the only person to really get me.

  My heart crushes agonizingly as I think about giving her up too. I have already lost so much. Do I really deserve to lose more? I have a glimpse of joy here. I don’t want to give it up.

  “I’m sorry,” I say while flopping on the couch next to Rachel. “I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

  “No, not at all.” She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. “I just wish that I could help.”

  “You’re helping just by being here. You have no idea how much you’re helping me.”

  I lean in to her, an exhaustion washing over me now. It has been a seriously long day after a horribly long night and I’m shattered. I just want to lie here with Rachel forever. I don’t even want to consider the rest of the world. No one else matters to me when I am in Rachel’s arms.

  “Do you want to go to bed?” she asks, her breath tickling over my skin in a wave.

  “Yes, I do, I really do. I want to go to bed and not have to move ever again. I don’t even want to think about work tomorrow. It’s times like this when I wish I didn’t have to work with my brothers. Brad and Oliver and going to be all over me tomorrow, trying to persuade me to talk to Alex and I don’t want to.”

  “You think you will ever want to?” Rachel holds out a hand to me which I take.

  “I don’t know,” I admit. “Right now, I don’t think so, but who the hell knows?”

  “Okay. Well, that’s understandable. It’s very raw right now, isn’t it? You have plenty of time to decide.”

  I just want to forget it, to forget him, to live in the present now. So, I continue walking towards Rachel’s bedroom and collapse on the bed. She climbs in next to me and holds me tight, just comforting me with her touch. We lie in silence, breathing in unison, both as lost in our thoughts as one another. I have lived with certain beliefs for my whole life, beliefs that I never thought would be shattered. The foundation of my existence has been stripped away from me and I don’t know where I’m going to land now. I knew that Alex’s issue was going to be huge, I suspected it before I went to talk to him, but I didn’t know that it was going to wreck my existence. I didn’t know that I would end up with nothing because of my brother’s actions.

  Chapter 27 – Rachel

  I watch Angelo walk away from my home, my heart pounding in my throat. Last night listening to him breaking his heart over what has been going on was so incredibly hard for me. It made it impossible not to reveal the truth, that I have known about the affair for a very long time and could have told him at any point. All that talk about betrayal and hard ship killed me from the inside out. I didn’t know what to do.

  Now, watching him walk away from me, I’m overwhelmed with the sensation that I have done all kinds of things wrong. I suppose it was the perfect time to confess and I bottled it again.

  “Coward,” I mutter with frustrated tears in my eyes. “You are a coward, Rachel Weston.”

  I step back inside and close the door behind me. It would almost be better if I had band practice today or a gig to get to, but Gary has meetings with music executives, and he wants to deal with it alone. I was okay with that when it was first mentioned, but now I would absolutely love the distraction.

  I grab my cell phone and call the only person I can speak to right now, even if everything she said would happen has
. If I can’t talk to my best friend in my hour of need, then, when can I?

  “Hey!” she answers the phone with that happy voice that comes from spending time with Luke. I’m a little jealous of their simple, easy relationship actually. I wish it could be a little more like that with me and Angelo.

  “Hi, Sheri.” In comparison, my voice is filled with a morose sadness. “Do you have lunch plans today?”

  “Other than a sandwich at my desk, I don’t have any plans at all. Why what are you thinking?”

  “I really need to talk. I need your wise advice. Do you think you could come here?”

  “Sure, I can. Is everything alright? You sound like you’re having a rough time.”

  I sigh loudly. “It’s too complicated to explain over the phone. I am okay, I just need your help.”

  “Right, well I will bring food to yours and we can discuss it then, okay?”

  “Sure, sounds good.” I breathe out with relief. Sheri will sort me out. “Thank you, Sheri. I’ll see you soon.”

  “See you soon, sweetie. It will go quickly so don’t you worry. I’ll be there before you know it. Goodbye!”

  As I hang up the phone, I decide to keep myself busy until my friend gets here. If I sit around and wait, even if I try to watch TV, I will end up losing my mind. I’ll just get seriously stressed and worked up. Instead of that, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to really sort my apartment out. Get it cleaned, tidied, and organized too. I have plenty to do in this department, so at least it will keep me busy.

  “Oh, thank God!” I cry out as there’s a knocking at the door. “Sheri, is that you?”

  All that keeping myself busy has just wound me up more. It turns out that it doesn’t matter how much I try to distract my mind; the thoughts keep on spinning through me. Angelo, Alex, Mandy, the police. It’s a damn mess.

  “Yeah, it is! Will you let me in already?” she calls back. “I’m about to drop everything.”

  I tug the door open and see Sheri with arms full of food. She has definitely got far too much, but that’s why I love her. She would rather bring too much and be excessive than too little.

  “Wow, you weren’t joking! Come in, Sheri. Sort me out. I’m a mess.”

  “I know, I thought as much. That’s why I’m sorting this out for you. Now, let’s get all this food out so we can eat and talk. I have always found that problems are dealt with better when food is involved.”

  I laugh and give her a hand, already feeling a little lighter now that I’m not on my own. Then we sit down and chew silently for a little while, both of us lost in our thoughts. Sheri won’t remain quiet for long though…

  “So, come on!” she bursts out, just as I expect. “Tell me all about it. You’re killing me here.”

  “Right, okay.” I suck in a breath, stealing myself for the onslaught that’s about to come. “So, you might have been right about a thing or two. I hate to admit it, but not everything. It isn’t everything!”

  “Okay,” she drawls, nodding slowly. I don’t miss the small smile playing on her lips.

  “Angelo found out about Alex and Mandy last night. He actually caught them at it backstage.”

  “No! Oh my God, that’s awful. I bet it exploded, didn’t it? I can’t even imagine.”

  “It was dreadful. They fought so badly they ended up getting arrested, and now Angelo is saying that he won’t ever speak to Alex again. He’s utterly fuming about the whole thing. It’s a real mess.”

  “I’m not surprised. I mean, Alex was always playing with fire, wasn’t he? It would always end badly.”

  “I know. Yes. Angelo wouldn’t just take that, would he? But at the same time, I didn’t think it’d be this bad.”

  Sheri narrows her eyes at me. “I take it you didn’t confess you know about the whole thing?”

  “No, I never said anything. I didn’t really get a chance to during the fight, and when he came here after being arrested, he was all broken. I didn’t want to make things worse for him! He was so angry at his brothers for not immediately taking his side – which of course, they can’t, they’re going to have to help Alex too – I didn’t want to be someone else to betray him. I don’t want him to feel completely alone.”

  “Is there any way that he can find out? Have you ever told anyone else that you know?”

  “The only way he could find out is if he ever discovers that I’m the one who sent him the picture. But he didn’t have my number at the time, and he hasn’t ever mentioned it since he has had my number, so I can only assume that he just deleted it. I don’t suppose he can get it back but it’s still a little worrying.”

  I gulp, feeling dreadful about the whole thing. It was a stupid thing to do at the time, but now it feels even more idiotic. Everything is resting upon it, my future happiness, my love, everything. It makes my heart race at the speed of light, a sickness swirl. I don’t think that I can eat a damn thing anymore. This is another thing that Sheri warned me against, but by the time she said it I’d already done it. I might actually have to start listening to my friend. Asking her before I do anything wild and crazy again. She’s so much smarter than me. Clearly.

  “I don’t suppose he can. And you don’t have the picture anymore, do you?”

  “I do.” I grab my phone to show her. “But he doesn’t look at my phone. So, that isn’t an issue.”

  She takes the phone from me and stares at the screen, a wariness in her face. Her eyes flicker over the image a few times and all I can do is silently watch her, knowing that she must be judging me for my idiocy.

  “I don’t know if this is something that you should ever confess to doing.” She puts my phone down on the couch beside her and stares right at me. “I think that you should just treat it as a mistake, something you did in the heat of the moment, not something you need to hurt Angelo with right now. He’s been betrayed by everyone in his life – at least in is mind – and you’re the only person he can’t trust right now.”

  “You think?” Much as that’s the easiest option, it seems like the coward’s way out as well. To just remain silent and hope that it doesn’t come out. I’m really on edge about it right now, but I suppose that will change. Things will get better as time passes and this becomes a thing of the past. I would much prefer to focus on me and Angelo anyway, rather than a person that he used to be with before me. “But won’t that be a bad start?”

  “What do you mean? Haven’t you and Angelo already started?”

  “But we’re at the beginning and we will be starting on a lie. Surely, that isn’t a good plan.”

  I can tell from Sheri’s face that she doesn’t know what to say. I don’t need that; I need her to give me all the answers. I need her to tell me step by step what to do for the best.

  “It’s fucked up, isn’t it?” I slump my head backwards, caving to the hopelessness. “What do I do?”

  “I think you just need to take it moment by moment, day by day. I don’t think you can push things right now. Angelo just needs someone he can talk to and you’re the only person. Just keep it inside.”

  “I feel like I’m hiding so much from him. Why am I hiding so much from him?”

  “What else are you hiding?” Sheri pokes me in the side playfully. “Do you have more secrets?”

  Shit, I wasn’t prepared to say this too, but since I’m on a roll with telling the truth, I might as well confess all. I can’t tell Angelo, so I might as well tell my friend how I feel about it all.

  “I am definitely in love with Angelo. Seriously. Like, full on love. I know I used to say love before me and him were together, but this is different. This is full on. I have fallen head over heels.”

  Sheri is silent for so long it actually starts to freak me out. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and wait for her to say something. Anything. I know that this is a lot, but it’s the truth of it.

  “This is what I’m afraid of,” she finally replies quietly. “You getting in too deep. Because you have liked him for suc
h a long time, you’re falling fast. The situation is messy as it is, and you can’t have your head on straight.”

  “So, what do you think I should do then? Because I can’t exactly help how I feel.”

  “I know. And I’m not saying you should. If it were me, then I would take a step back and just be there for Angelo as a friend for the time being until all of this resolves itself, but I don’t think you can do that.”

  “I can’t.” I might as well be honest. “I love him too much for that.”

  “Does he know that you love him? Does he feel the same way about you?”

  “We haven’t talked about it.” I do feel silly saying this because again, I know that Sheri is right and I’m a fool, but I can’t stop myself from being a fool for Angelo. “It just hasn’t come up yet with everything going on.”

  “I see. Well, I just need you to be careful,” Sheri tells me gravely. “I just think you need to remember to protect yourself through all of this. Look after Angelo, sure, but take care of you. I don’t want you to lose yourself through all of this. I don’t want you to lose what makes you so damn special. Please, Rachel this is important.”

  I nod sadly, agreeing with her in theory, but I don’t know if that’s something I can keep up in practice. If things carry on the way they are, I don’t know how much of myself will be left at the end of it.

  Chapter 28 – Angelo

  “Angelo,” Brad says while knocking quietly and unsurely on my office door. “Can I come in?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m too busy working. I have a lot to get done and I don’t have the time for this.”

  “Come on, Angelo. Remember I’m the boss. If I say you can have time off, then it’s fine…”