by Brenda Ford
He’s graduating soon, my brain cheekily reminds me. Then things might change…
But would anything change? It can never become more than what it is now. He’s younger than my daughter, Rosie, for crying out loud. No, Nelson Smith will just have to remain in my imagination.
I cross the room quickly and take a seat behind my desk, my body still throbbing and puling with need. I flick my laptop on to find some emails to answer or documents to mark, anything to take my mind off what’s threatening to consume me right now, but I can hardly see the screen. The words are blurry and confusing, my brain refusing to think about anything other than him. With a deep sigh, I slump back in my chair and just allow the thoughts to swim through me. I can almost feel his rough lips crashing against mine, his fingers grazing over my skin, his thick throbbing bulge pressing hard against my core, screaming for me.
“Oh wow,” I whisper to myself, my fingers slowly dropping downwards, going to where I know that they shouldn’t. I can’t even think about this at work, never mind touch myself. Yet the pulsing within me is too much. I know that I won’t be able to focus on any more classes if I don’t calm myself down. I don’t see that happening on its own, so I need to cool myself off, by first setting myself on fire.
“Holy shit.” Every part of my body that my fingers brush over tingles wildly. It’s like flames licking all over me, electrical shocks running through my veins. My brain spins and cascades into the clouds. The fact that I am in my work place, in a high school where anyone could walk in at any moment melts into nothingness. It doesn’t even matter. As my fingers edge their way in through the waist band of my panties, I don’t even think that it would matter if the whole damn school bursts in right now, I wouldn’t be able to stop. “Oh my God, Nelson.”
His subtle, hot, young body presses against me. I can feel his pecs burning against my skin, the slick sweat soaking me, his cock angry for me. As my fingers stroke my soaking wet slit, it’s him. In my mind, his fingers are taking full control of my body, tracing delicious patterns over my clit, driving me inside.
Oh, Miss Clark, I picture him saying. You really are the best teacher in the world.
The naughtiness of a teacher fucking a student makes it that much more exciting. It shouldn’t because it’s so wrong, yet it does. It wouldn’t with any other student. I don’t even normally look at them, I don’t see anything in them at all, barely even their faces. But Nelson is special. Too fucking special.
I plunge my fingers into me, my wetness soaking my hand as I do. I thrust my hand over and over again, shoving me into the clouds. The fantasy has been circling my mind for over an hour, ever since Nelson first walked into my class room, so it doesn’t take me long at all until the hot pleasure of pressure begins to build. It starts in my toes, curling them over inside my shoes, and creeps up my legs until it hits my core hard. My heart pounds against my burning hot, swollen chest, tipping me closer towards the edge before I’m ready for it.
“Oh my God.” My free hand curls around the chair underneath me, holding me in place as I lose all control of myself. I slip towards the edge of my seat, almost falling off as Nelson sends me crazy. “Oh, fuck.”
Miss Clark, I have always wanted you. I hope you know how beautiful you are to me…
His chocolatey smooth voice, combined with those incredible words he’s sending my way, tip me over the edge and make me fall hard into the abyss of pleasure. I might bite down on my bottom lip to quieten myself, but it’s damn near impossible. The screams and cries of bliss are uncontrollable, just as is the way that my body bucks and writhes with the pleasure. Nelson has me spiraling, feeling too much all at once, and it shows with the intensity of the orgasm. The orgasm hits me hard like a tsunami, then continues to roll over me in lustful waves.
“Oh wow.” I practically melt in the chair as the post orgasmic joy swallows me up for a moment. My heart continues to pound and it’s still impossible to get any air into my lungs without sounding like a steam train chugging towards the station, but I do feel much better. Much calmer, like I can focus once more…
Although the only problem with being able to concentrate, without having the warmth of comforting lust to make me care much less about how wrong my thoughts are… well, is that it makes me have to accept how wrong my thoughts are! Nelson might be good looking, but he’s young. Barely even an adult. Even if he is interested in me, it’s only a fantasy thing. He certainly won’t want me for long term. Having some fun is fine, I’m not against that at all, but if I’m going to have fun with anyone, I can do it with the men off the apps. I have a lot of messages from the dating sites that Rosie convinced me to sign for, but I haven’t yet worked up the confidence to message any of them back. Or perhaps I just don’t want to…
I shouldn’t focus on the bad dates that I have had in the past. Men who aren’t interested in me as much as they are in themselves, guys who turn out to be married and scum bags, boring people who I just don’t connect with on any level… much as it won’t always be bad, it’s hard for me to not focus on them.
“Just stop it,” I tell myself quietly as I rise to my feet and smooth my hair down, trying to look normal. I mean, I have another class coming in at a moment and I want to appear okay. “No more.”
I pull a mirror out of my bag and take a glance at myself. A critical one where I examine everything. Aside from the flush in my red cheeks, I look pretty normal. Especially for a woman who has just touched herself over one of her students. God, I hate thinking of myself like that. That isn’t me.
Bleep, bleep.
I almost leap in the air as my cell phone blasts out, the feeling of intense guilt crushing me as I realize how wrong everything that just happened is. If the dean of this school found out I would lose my job. I don’t know why but I have a feeling that this message is going to be bad news. A threat from someone who has seen me…
“Oh my God,” I clap my hand to my mouth in shock as I see the name on my cell phone screen. One that I haven’t seen in a very long time and that I only keep stored in my contacts so I know who it is. His name is there on the screen.
Lux: Long time no see. But I guess that makes sense because I’ve been locked up for the last decade or so… I don’t know how long. Time moves at a different pace in jail. Now, we have a lot to talk about…
His message is enough to send me back a decade or so… twelve years to be exact, which of course he knows. Back to being the woman who was so scared that she didn’t even go to the police even when four bones in her body were broken. All that simply to keep her daughter safe and keeping her away from Lux.
I gasp loudly and drop my cell phone to a clatter on the floor. I didn’t even know this time was coming, I’m not prepared at all. Now, Lux is out of jail at last and probably going to come for me…
Lux: Don’t think that you can get away with not talking to me because it doesn’t work like that. You can’t avoid me. Not when we share a child. You might not even have anything to worry about. I could be a changed man…
My first instinct is to scoff at the idea of him changing because I can’t ever see that happening, but it has been a long time and people do change in jail. They wouldn’t have let him out if he hadn’t proven himself okay. Much as it scares the living shit out of me, I owe it to Rosie to at least meet with him to check it out. To see…
Amelia: Fine, I will meet with you but I’m making no promises.
Lux: You don’t need to promise me anything, baby girl. At least not yet.
Chapter 3 - Nelson
Come on, come on, come on! I think impatiently as my feet tap angrily on the floor. Where are you?
Amelia is late. Sure, we don’t have a date or anything, we never do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have an unspoken agreement where we meet at our bedroom windows every day at half past eight so that I can watch her get changed. It started happening earlier in the year, a few months after my eighteenth birthday when I noticed her getting dressed for the first time, w
hen that sexy as fuck body of hers first affected me deeply. The girls in my class had been asking me out for ages, but they just didn’t have that… spark. I wasn’t even sure what I was looking out for. Until that day when I saw her. My whole body set alight, every part of me burst into flames, and as I perched on the edge of my bed, slack-jawed and hard as a rock, I knew that I had found it. What I wanted.
After that I couldn’t resist watching her again. Then another time, and I know that she knew it. So, every single day at exactly the same time when she began getting changed, I just had to watch. I needed to.
And since then nothing has changed. Not until today, when the time is half past nine and still she isn’t there. It’s odd.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I roll my eyes already knowing who’s going to be on the other end of the phone before I pick up. It doesn’t take a genius. After all, it’s the night of the party and cheer leader Tami wants me there.
“Yes?” I snap, unable to keep the irritation from my tone. I honestly wish that my class wasn’t so friendly that we all have one another’s cell phone numbers. It’s so annoying.
“Nelson?” I can barely hear Tami over the roar of the party behind her. Wherever they got that keg from – and they always get a keg of beer from somewhere – it’s almost done and doing its damage. I have been to enough high school parties to be able to picture the scene and it isn’t one that appeals to me. “Where are you?”
“Out,” I bark back. She knows where I live, and I don’t want her coming to my house.
“Out where?” she whines. “You aren’t at the party. We are missing you a lot. I thought you said that you were coming. We’re all missing you. Someone is playing spin the bottle and I want to kiss you.”
Urgh, spin the fucking bottle. What the hell is that about? “Sounds good but I’m busy.”
“Nelson, why are you always playing so hard to get? You know that I want you. It was all cute at first, it made me want you more, but now I’m getting frustrated. Just give it up, will you?”
“Okay, look, Tami, I have something more important going on at the moment. If I come to the party later on, then so be it. But if not, I don’t want to be dealing with phone calls from you all night long.”
“You’re teetering on being an asshole now. Just come, Nelson. This is your last chance.”
I hang up the phone without listening to the rest of her sentence and stare at the window once more. Not even one percent I want to go to that party. Girls my age just don’t appeal to me in the same way. I don’t think they ever will do. Now, I just need to work out why Amelia isn’t at her window already…
I guess she could be freaking out about me and her. I mean, she must know that the closer I get to the graduation, the nearer it will get when me and her can hook up at last. She has to know this chemistry between us isn’t a game and that it will explode into something exciting and new. I suppose the fantasy becoming a reality might be a bit much for her. I don’t want her to freak out though, she doesn’t need to be scared. It will be the most natural and beautiful thing in the world. Maybe I should reassure her of that…
“Oh my God, are you for real?” I scold myself. “You’re turning this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. So, Amelia isn’t in tonight. So you don’t get to watch her change, that doesn’t mean it’s time to make any crazy irrational decisions like going over there and talking to her.”
We don’t have that kind of relationship at home. I might watch her change, but we don’t go for tea at one another’s houses. We don’t talk over the garden fence, aside from saying ‘hi’. Sure, Oliver and Rosie are great friends, but that doesn’t spill over into the rest of us. We’re neighbors, nothing more.
“Go to the party,” I tell myself, trying to distract from the craziness in my mind. “You don’t have to have sex with anyone. You don’t even have to talk to anyone. Just drink and have a good time.”
I could. I definitely should, yet I don’t. I don’t move from where I am. I continue frozen to the spot and just staring at the window like I’m a fucking stalker or something. What the hell is my problem? Is that what I have become? A stalker so obsessed with my English teacher that I don’t have a life of my own anymore. Oh God, I’m only eighteen years of age. Is this just fucking tragic? I rake my fingers angrily through my hair as I consider this.
“I need to get out.” I grab the nearest pair of jeans and tug them on my body. “Now.”
My head is all over the place, my mind racing, all with thoughts of Amelia. Much as I want her to be mine at the very first opportunity, if she isn’t as interested in me as I think she is, if it’s something that I have made up in my mind, then I need to consider what I will do. There for sure aren’t any girls here that I’m interested in, but maybe when I go to college… oh, college. Just another issue that I haven’t sorted out yet!
Admittedly, when it comes to my future, I have been burying my head in the sand. But not for all the same reasons as other kids my age. A lot are freaked out because they aren’t going to be able to do what their parents want for them. They haven’t been provisionally accepted – dependent on the grades they get in their finals – into anywhere good. A lot of them are being forced to make other plans before their mom and dad find out.
Others are annoyed that they are being pushed in a direction that they don’t want. Their grades in certain subjects are very good, but it isn’t where their passion lies, so they are in a head verses heart dilemma.
Well, not me. I have been provisionally been accepted into all of my choices, and my grades are already on the right track for everything to go my way. I have been lucky enough to get what I want… but I don’t know which one to choose. I don’t know where in the country I will be happiest. Do I want to be near so I can come and visit my brothers – and Amelia, if everything goes to plan – whenever I want. Or do I go far and have some new experiences. See a different side of life. I just can’t decide and it’s killing me.
“You need to make your mind up soon,” I remind myself for what feels like the hundredth time. “Or all the spots on the best writing courses will be gone and you’ll be left with absolutely nothing.”
But even that thought isn’t enough to keep me inside to make some choices. Right now, I’m going out to the party which doesn’t interest me at all. What fucking fun. Of all the choices that I have, this is the worst.
I stroll down the path outside our home, my hands shoved in my pocket, trying to maintain an air of cool, but it doesn’t really work because my eyes keep darting over to her house. I keep wanting Amelia to just pop out already so I can check to see how she’s doing. I just need to know that she’s okay.
What’s that? All of a sudden a flash of light from the kitchen catches my eyes. So, she is in but not coming to see me. I desperately need to know why. I don’t even realize what direction my legs are headed until it’s too late and I’m right outside of Amelia’s door, banging on it like there’s no tomorrow.
Shit, what am I even going to say? What excuse can I give for being here? I can’t exactly ask why she isn’t giving me a little strip show, can I? Do I ask for a pot of sugar like the old cliché? No, she knows my brother Brad well enough to know that he’s anal about things. Just a short meeting is enough for that! So, it will have to be something school related. I need to figure out what I could ask about class. If only I spent more time actually listening to what is being said rather than focusing on watching her…
My heart leaps up into my throat as the door opens just a crack. I freak the fuck out, panic all but consuming me as I wonder if I have lost my damn mind. I’m so impatient, I can’t wait until I graduate…
“Oh, Nelson.” It’s Rosie, which makes everything sink and deflate. “Everything okay?”
“Er, is Am… Miss Clark in?” My eyes hit the floor as I feel my face flame. “I just need to ask her something.”
“She isn’t in right now.” Rosie’s eyes dart behind
her. “I don’t know where she is actually. It’s weird. She always tells me where she is, but not today.” She shrugs and smiles. “Maybe a date or something.”
A date? A fucking date? Is this for real? There is no way in hell that she can be on a date right now. I will lose my damn mind. She wants me, she’s supposed to be mine. She can’t be out on a damn date so close to the time that me and her might actually have a chance. It doesn’t work that way.
“Are you okay?” As soon as Rosie asks me this, I realize that I’m clinging on to my chest like a freaking nutter. If I don’t straighten myself up soon, she’s going to realize what is going on and I wouldn’t put it passed Rosie to rip my fucking head off. “You look a little weird. Should I get Oliver or something?”
“Oh, I’m just going to head back home.” I point behind myself and back away. “I don’t feel great. That was er, actually why I wanted to see Miss Clark. For a home work extension.”
“I will pass on the message for you…”
“No, don’t!” We don’t have any home work at the moment. She will know that something is up. “It’s fine, I will just see her in school about it. I probably shouldn’t discuss school work out of class anyway, so…”
“Sure, sure whatever.” Rosie rolls her eyes. “See you later, Nelson, you crazy fool.”
“Yeah, see you, Rosie. I will… and tell Oliver that you said hi.”
As she shuts the door behind her, I find myself at a cross roads, but it isn’t hard to pick a direction at all. Home, obviously. There’s no way in hell that I will be able to go to the party now. Luckily, I didn’t want to anyway.
Chapter 4 - Amelia