by Brenda Ford
“So, why can’t you be the girl strong enough to keep her virginity for someone special?”
I hope that by changing her perspective, she will start to see herself in a different light. It really wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world not to have sex before college. And what sort of person would judge her for that anyway? For caring about herself and respecting her body enough to wait? Not the sort of person that I would want to know anyway. Sure, I had a brief moment to consider it as well, but now I know that waiting for the real deal is the right way to go. I shouldn’t take lesson from all the adults who have made a mistake with who they have had sex with for the first time, I should use it to make the right choices.
“I don’t know if it will work like that, will it?” Luna muses. “Plus, what if I meet the right person and I’m no good at it because I don’t know what to do and I end up ruining everything?”
Oh, fucking hell, does she have to give me a million and one new things to worry about? It’s making it very difficult for me to be supportive for her. But right now, she needs me to be strong, not lost in my head.
“If it is the right one, then there won’t be a damn thing that you can do wrong. It will just be perfect. Even if it doesn’t go as planned, you will share enough love to overcome anything.”
“There it is, the writer in you,” she giggles, I’m sure sarcastically since that was just a bunch of words. Nothing profound at all. “I guess I will have to get back alone then. Have some fun by myself instead.”
“I will walk you back.” This time I hold out my arm for her to link through it. “Get you home safe.”
“You aren’t like the others, are you, Nelson? There is something different about you.”
“I know… and I think that might be my problem.”
“Maybe… or it might turn out to be the best thing about you.”
Her words churn away inside of me as we walk. I don’t know what to think about anything anymore. Only that I really want the next couple of weeks to go by quickly because I am ready now, it’s time to take action, to see where this thing between me and Amelia is going to go. I can’t wait forever. I want her in my arms, I want all of my fantasies to come true at last.
I need my real life to begin now, I need to move out of the high school bubble that is absolutely full of bullshit, I need it fast.
Chapter 6- Amelia
“What’s going on?” Rosie demands as soon as I step through the door. It’s like she’s been waiting for me and I’m a naughty teenager and she’s the parent who’s about to ground me. “You look all weird.”
“Er.” I glance at my reflection in the mirror and gasp. She’s right. I look like utter shit. Like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. “Oh, I don’t know. It must have been the wind or something.”
I try to smooth down my hair and try to let out a laugh, but it doesn’t work. She continues to stare at me like I have lost my mind. I can’t help but fear that she somehow knows what’s going on.
“It isn’t your hair.” Her hands fling on to her hips. “It’s your face. Your expression.”
I could just be honest with her. I mean, she is twenty-two, old enough to handle it… but I also know how much resentment she has for her father and I don’t want to just land it on her before she’s fully ready for it. It’s a subject that needs to be handled carefully. Not right now while I’m all emotional.
“I had a date,” I blurt out, using the best excuse that I can think of. “And it went wrong.”
“A date?” She cocks an eyebrow at me, but I can tell from the smirk playing on her lips that she has completely bought it. At least she didn’t know anything about Lux. God, that’s going to be a nightmare that I could really do without. Even thinking about it sends a shudder down my spine. “With who?”
“Oh, a guy from the app. Tommy, was his name. He seemed nice online. But was a jerk in real life.”
I hope this is going to be enough for her, but as I try to back away by even the slightest amount, I can already sense that she won’t give it up so easily. “Why was he a jerk? Did he hurt you or something? Let me have his number…”
“You don’t need to be so protective. It’s fine, I can take care of myself.”
Her face softens and she looks at me with concern in her eyes. “I do have to protect you, Mom. I didn’t protect you when I was younger. I don’t want any asshole guy hurting you again. Not a chance.”
I nod, knowing that she’s right. I can completely understand her point of view. I feel protective over her for a similar reason. Her father might not have ever beaten her, but I still was not able to protect her. I wasn’t able to keep her childhood hidden from everything. She saw far too much, and I feel bad for it. I can’t make up for that, but I can make sure that she has only happiness from now. Well, as much as I can at any rate.
“He wasn’t so much a jerk; he was just boring. He only wanted to talk about himself. He didn’t ask me any questions about myself. He just wasn’t the one for me, so I needed to cut it off early.”
“I see…” She gives me a bit of a suspicious look, still trying to figure me out. “So, you’re back on the dating apps then? I thought you hated online dating. Last time you said never again…”
“I might have said that, but I guess it’s time again, isn’t it? I can’t be alone forever.’
Rosie nods, and as she processes this I move back slightly. I need to make an escape before she asks me anything else. I don’t have any answers for her. I don’t like telling lies to her, but it’s only to protect her.
“Oh, before you go, you had a visitor before.” My heart stops beating. I did take the longer way around home to try and calm myself down which gave Lux time to come here if he wanted to. Has Rosie been winding me up all along? Does she know? I want to explain myself away before she can verbally murder me. “Nelson.”
“Nelson?” I splutter out, shock radiating through me. “You mean the guy next door?”
“Yes, he came around at about… I don’t know, sometime after half nine, looking all weird. He’s sick, I think. I don’t know. Anyway, he wanted to talk to you about some assignment, he wants more time or something.”
“Assignment?” There isn’t an assignment. Not this late in the day. What the hell is Nelson on about? There has to be more to this, but I can’t press Rosie on it or she will suspect that as well. God, I have too many secrets.
“Yeah, I don’t know. He didn’t give much away. Anyway, he said that he would talk to you on Monday.”
I can’t take any more of this, it’s too much for me. I need to get out of here quickly. Lux dragging me down, pulling me into a pit of despair, Nelson sending my head spinning. It’s making me dizzy. The flutters of excitement in the pit of my stomach when I think about Nelson being here, looking for me, potentially missing me must be showing on his face. I need to run before Rosie senses anything else.
“Right okay well anyway… I need to get to bed. I’m shattered. After tonight…”
“Of course, yes, you go.” Rosie waves me off. “You get some rest. Sorry for waiting up for you like a psycho. I just worry about you and you know that I do. I can’t help myself.”
I smile gratefully at her. “It’s okay. I understand. I get it. Goodnight, sweet heart.”
My daughter is such a wonderful person. After everything that she experienced as a child, all that she saw, she has somehow managed to grow up as well-balanced human being with what seems to be a successful relationship of her own. Not that she tells me much about it and I don’t ask. I don’t suppose I am much of a role model when it comes to relationships, so I can’t blame her.
This is exactly why I can’t tell her about Lux. Not yet. I’m so terrified that it will send her into a tail spin and that’s the last thing I want to happen. I can’t let her life be derailed. I need to work out what he is now. From the one meeting that we’ve had, he doesn’t seem much better, but time might change that.
By the time I reach th
e top of the stairs, Lux is far from my mind and Nelson is deep in it. What the hell was he thinking coming around here? The school work thing must have been an excuse because Rosie answered the door… but what would he have done if it was me who answered? What would have happened? Everything flutters when I picture him just taking control and kissing me, refusing to bow to social convention and the fact that me and him are all kinds of wrong, taking me and claiming me… making me his own.
“Stop it,’ I hiss at myself. “You are supposed to be the adult here. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Even if he did come here, I wouldn’t be able to react by kissing him. I would have to hold back however much I want him because of everything I have to lose. I couldn’t cave into that feeling.
But as I get into my room and I peer through my bedroom window, my link to him, I see him there. He’s pacing his room, running his fingers through his thick dark hair, looking stressed as hell. I press my palm against the window, wishing that I could reach him, to find out what’s going on with him. Seeing him like this makes me forget about my own issues for a moment which is a welcome relief.
This can’t be about school, can it? It can’t be. That’s too weird for words. He doesn’t need to worry about it, he’s one of the people who actually stands a chance. Even though he’s often glazed over in my English class, he’s still the best student there. His writing is amazing, which I know he wants to pursue. He will go far.
Too far… he won’t be at home anymore then, will he? Once he goes to college, isn’t it? I know that he’ll be back for the vacations and things like that, but it won’t be the same. My little fantasy will vanish.
I cock my head to one side and watch him for a while, my chest aching for him. It makes me want to break all of the rules and to just take him already. Without taking my eyes off of him, I find the clothing peeling off of me as if stripping by the window is the most natural thing in the world. Luckily, he’s the only one who can see me from here so if he looks it will only be him that knows what’s going on…
As my bra pings off, I gasp loudly, my nipples rock hard and standing to attention, screaming out for him just as much as the rest of my body is. I brush my fingers over my nipples a little, loving the sensations that crash through me as I do. My breasts have always been an incredible erogenous zone for me, but I haven’t ever found anyone who knows how to touch them as well as I do… I guess that’s just because I know my body the best.
Nelson lies back on his bed, stretching his gorgeous body out, and I enjoy the view of his naked muscular chest. If I know him as well as I think I do, then he will be working out soon. When he can’t sleep for whatever reason, he likes to work out all of his aggression which of course is beautiful for me.
“Come on,” I practically growl as I slide my panties off. “Get that body of yours working.”
I bite down on my bottom lip as my fingers brush through my thin strip of pubic hair. I don’t even need to get between my legs to know how soaking wet I am. Everything is pulsing and throbbing like crazy. I get that intense crazy passion I always experience when I imagine I’m with this man. This young gorgeous guy.
As predicted, Nelson flings himself off the bed and he grabs some of the weights in the corner of the room. Sweat slicks down his body, I can see it from here, as he pumps those sexy biceps of his. I feel perspiration licking over my skin in exactly the same way. I graze my fingers over the top of my thighs first, shivering and gasping as that area of my skin tingles with glee. I’m hungry though, eager for pleasure, so I drag my fingers upwards until they gentle graze my clit… a sensation so powerful it nearly knocks me off my feet.
“Oh shit.” I lean forwards as my knees buckle, my palm slapping against the window, this time leaving a mark. “Oh, fucking hell, Nelson. You are so gorgeous. Do you even know that?”
He lunges with the weights still in his hands and my imagination spins into over drive. I feel him deep, plunging inside of me with what I’m sure is a thick throbbing cock, giving me everything that my life has been missing. My fingers thrust into me causing more of my weight to lean against the window. I have never been so out of control in my entire life and weirdly, I absolutely love it. The moans and pants flying out of my throat are loud and filled with desire, the shuddering is deep seated and wonderful, the heat spreading through my body is something else entirely. Right now, it feels like I can’t lose this crazy little thing that I have with Nelson. He can’t go off to college to live his life and leave me. I need him, I need this man, he’s everything…
Chapter 7 - Nelson
“Argh!” I cry out as I dump my weights back on the floor. That wasn’t enough, it didn’t get all of my frustration out. After everything that has happened tonight, from not being able to watch Amelia undress, to the party and that whole mess with Luna… well, right now it all feels utterly messy. Raw, muddy, hard to wade through. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about all of this. “Fuck!”
Luckily, we all live in such a big house that I know even if I make a racket in the middle of the night, still no one will hear me. In a way, it would be nice if someone could come and see how I am, but then I wouldn’t be able to explain my situation anyway. How could I let anyone know what’s going on? Oh, I just turned down a really nice girl my own age who wanted just one no strings attached fun for an older woman who doesn’t even want me? Fucking hell, I really am just the worst, aren’t I? Nothing more than a fool.
My eyes drag across the room to the pile of college stuff that I really need to go through, but even with the motivation I’ve had from Luna, it doesn’t make me want to do it right now. For now, I’m missing something, and I need to find it. I don’t even know what it is but I want it. I need it back right now.
What the…? All of a sudden, something catches my eye, something from across the road out the window. A light in Amelia’s bedroom, one that wasn’t there before. She must be in at last. Back from her date. I can’t stop myself from running across the room to see what’s going on in her room. It doesn’t even occur to me that she might be with someone, that I might be about to see her with another man which will drive me totally insane.
Not until I get to the window and my heart absolutely stops beating. She’s there, naked, pressed up against the window looking steamy as all hell, like she’s being fucked. My blood rushes ice cold before burning right back up again, making me all dizzy and sick. I feel jealous and ill, knowing that there’s a reason she wants me to see it to let me know that she doesn’t want me and she isn’t ever going to. I want to pull away, to stop putting myself through this terrible torture but I can’t stop myself from looking like I am enjoying this pain.
“There’s no guy…” After a few moments, I realize what’s going on. “She’s alone.”
She’s naked, steamy, by the window and touching herself. She wants me to see as well and now her eyes are locked with mine and I’m going crazy. Absolutely insane. Sure, Miss Clark has let me watch her undress enough times, and sometimes I’m sure she puts those sexy undies on for me to see, but it hasn’t ever gone this far before.
I guess that her date didn’t go well and now she realizes just how much she wants me. It’s getting closer to the time when me and her can be together and she’s giving me a glimpse of what’s to come.
I suck in a breath and hold it, panic like crazy, and wonder what the hell I’m supposed to do. Should I shut the curtains and run? Leave them open and just watch? Or do I give my body exactly what it needs and take my throbbing cock in my hand. It’s so hard, painful, and needs me so bad I could cry.
“Fuck, Miss Clark,” I whisper. “You are too much for me. You will destroy me.”
She tosses her head back, her hair tickling down her back, her nipples practically breaking the glass. She might be an older woman, but that body of hers is absolutely incredible. Like nothing I have ever seen before. This is a world where taut young women’s bodies are on display everywhere, and sure, they are nice t
o look at, but they don’t do anything for me in the way that Amelia’s does. She just looks utterly amazing. I want to run over there and to just take her already. Especially watching her turn herself on. She really knows what she wants. I know that she would just command me around like she does the students in the classroom and I would be able to please her. I would do whatever she would want me to just to watch her like this, all contorted with hot bliss.
Amelia drags her tongue along her bottom lip while watching me. I get the impression that she wants me to give into the sensations rocketing through my body. It is driving me insane. She wants me to get some of the same relief that she’s having and holy fuck I want that too. It’s like a live porn show she is doing just for me.
I fiddle with my zipper and my trousers slide down. Since I took my top off earlier when I got in, it leaves me with just my boxers on. It’s a bit intimidating to take them off and just be bare in front of her, and since she’s doing it for me, I feel compelled to allow her to see me as well. So, I bend forward and slip them off.
“Shit,” I whisper as her knees buckle, her body struggling to remain upright as she looks at me. The fact that she’s enjoying my body makes me want to do the same thing. So, I boldly position myself firmly in the window just like she’s doing for me, and I wrap my hand gently around my cock. It’s easier to imagine that it’s her holding on to me when I have a view like this. “Oh God, Amelia. Miss Clark. I want you so bad.”
She takes her free hand off the window to massage her breast as she fucks herself with her hand. She takes her nipple between her finger, basically begging me to take it in my lips, which is all I want to do. Instead, the only thing I can do is stroke my hands up and down, making myself absolutely insane.